Re: Dealing with Pain and Relationships

[Guest guest]

> wrote:

Previous work he has done on a contract basis showed that outside demands into

his weekend time increased his irritability and meanness. Plus, anything only

he can do around the house will go undone for months.

,

Try to budget some money to get help doing the work you cannot do. This is what

I have done. But I have a great husband and when the housekeeper comes, it gives

my husband a break.

Pain puts such stress on us and if we do something we are not supposed to, it

sets us back worse than we were. As I said before my previous Doctor whom I

loved stated, " Why would you over exert yourself when I get you pain under

control? " He also said he can always know the true pain patients versus drug

seekers as pain patients are always wanting to be " normal " again and over doing

it.

This make sense. We use prepared foods and there is a lot of choice out there

and a good price. We love the Chinese foods and our cooking style is very

simple. On really bad days, Bob puts salami and cheese a crackers in the small

fridge (cost sixty dollars) upstairs and I have something to eat, the TV, a

bathroom, the dogs, the phone, and food.

I do not want Bob to miss work because I have to stay off my feet sometimes. We

have to come up with creative ways and actually we eat really healthy now and

things do not overwhelm me as much as I do not have to have a four course meal

with dessert and clean up afterwards. We do not eat at the table at 6:30 etc

because my son is 23 and comes and goes and takes care of himself.

It is amazing what happens when we are Thanking each other as I thank Bob every

day for working and providing for us and it makes it so much easier for him to

go to work.

I hope you husband gets the job he likes and I will be praying for that. My son

finally got a job while waiting for his classes to start in Jan testing computer

games for fifteen dollars an hour and loves it.

I was really getting stressed about supporting him so much. So hang in there

and good thoughts your way. Bennie

[Guest guest]

> Try to budget some money to get help doing the work you cannot do. This is

what I have done.

When I discuss my limitations with my husband, his response is " You are putting

energy into being sick. " Asking him about having someone come in to do this

would reinforce his response. Believe me, I considered asking getting someone

to help me with the cooking, cleaning and shopping. I still consider getting

help at times. I have control over both our finances. He did not even have the

account passwords until recently, and that is only because I insisted he have

them.

I gave him a list of everything he normally does on the weekends and asked him

to make a time management budget before accepting contract work. My list

included things like sleep, brushing teeth, eating, etc. The only response I

received so far was that some time management website said you can dry yourself

faster after a shower if you use 2 towels. My response was that I would spend

his saved time doing extra laundry.

[Guest guest]

At least he's talking about it.

Why two towels?

Carolyn Eddy

" Sweet Goat Mama "