Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 She's never been very affectionate with me. The only times I can ever remember her hugging & kissing me were after abusive episodes. Even to this day giving her a hug feels wierd and wrong. *shudder* > > > did your BPD parent ever hug and or kiss you ? My nada never did. She'd > make US kiss HER on the cheek before bed time, but she never kissed us > back, > and never hugged us...so when I met my husband, and his kissy/huggy family, > > it was really awkward as I was so uncomfortable being hugged and kissed by > anyone...I have learned to like it ( a lot LOL) but it took years to get > over that uncomfortable feeling > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 Jackie, Your brought back memories of having to do the bedtime kisses on the cheek...to whomever was in the house at the time...grandmothers, great aunts etc...uugh! My parents ceased all affection towards me when I entered kindergarten. Nada showered the dogs with hugs and kisses and baby talk...once when I was 8 years old, I even got down on my hands and knees and pretended to be a dog...just so she'd pet me too. How incredibly sad. I have conversations now about nada with her sister. She said she noticed way back then that nada treated the dogs better than she treated me...but back in the 1950's and early 1960's reporting things like that was not done. In the past 15 years I started giving my parents hugs and trying to tell them I love them. Fada stood statue-like for the first few years, but later would give me a hug in return. Nada's hugs were pathetic, as if she were trying to burp me with her little pats on the back. THey've both come a long way since then, but never ever have either of them said " I love you. " Doubt they ever will. 2 > > did your BPD parent ever hug and or kiss you ? My nada never did. She'd > make US kiss HER on the cheek before bed time, but she never kissed us back, > and never hugged us...so when I met my husband, and his kissy/huggy family, > it was really awkward as I was so uncomfortable being hugged and kissed by > anyone...I have learned to like it ( a lot LOL) but it took years to get > over that uncomfortable feeling > > Jackie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 26, 2009 Report Share Posted April 26, 2009 much like me, how sad :-( and we never lived near any relatives ( out of state) so I didn't get the benefit of extended family Jackie No hugs. No kisses. Once when I was around 4 or 5 years old, my nada decided to hug me. I was in the kitchen, getting ready to go outside and play. She squatted down, took me on her knee, and started to gently touch my skin, telling me how soft it was. I tried to get away as fast as I could because it felt so wrong. Nonetheless that moment stayed with me. That's a sad way to grow up.... hugless. I was an emotional orphan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 my nada wouldn't hug or kiss me after an abusive episode, she'd be more made because I " made " her do it!! but you're right, hugging her now, really feels wrong !! and the last several visits,neither she nor I tried to hug..although she did hug my husband Jackie She's never been very affectionate with me. The only times I can ever remember her hugging & kissing me were after abusive episodes. Even to this day giving her a hug feels wierd and wrong. *shudder* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 My nada is an over hugger and kisser to the point where it feels uncomfortable. She always has been I still feel like I'm being smothered every time she hugs me. She holds on and I have to pull away every single time cause she won't let go. She is so touchy feely it makes me uncomfortable. > >did your BPD parent ever hug and or kiss you ? My nada never > >did. > > I think this is probably another one of those things that nadas > either don't do at all or do excessively and inappropriately. My > nada likes kissing babies and children. I can remember her > chasing my younger brother around trying to get him to let her > kiss him well past the age at which boys stop wanting mommy to > kiss them. He must have been 8 or 9 by the time she stopped > that. I don't remember her hugging much, at least not in the > comforting affectionate way that children need. > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 I don't remember being hugged, kissed or told " I love you " by either of my parents. Nada once said " I love you, but... " then proceded to lay into me. She hugs me now sometimes when she sees me and it makes my skin crawl. She throws her arms around me and clings to me. I stand there like a statue, trying to break free, arms at my side, fists clenched, looking away. She obviously doesn't sense my discomfort or maybe she does and doesn't care. I don't know. Abby > > > > > > > did your BPD parent ever hug and or kiss you ? My nada never did. She'd > > make US kiss HER on the cheek before bed time, but she never kissed us > > back, > > and never hugged us...so when I met my husband, and his kissy/huggy family, > > > > it was really awkward as I was so uncomfortable being hugged and kissed by > > anyone...I have learned to like it ( a lot LOL) but it took years to get > > over that uncomfortable feeling > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 My nada is also like this - overly affectionate. She also says I love you all of the time, but I think it is more to hear I love you back more than anything else. She fishes for compliments all of the time - like " Oh I put too much salt in this dish " - cue for everyone to respond with " Oh no it is wonderful " . I think she fishes for love and affection in similar ways. And in all situations unless you have said it (whether it is I love you, thanks for the present, or this food is good) unless you say it many, many, many times with lots of enthusiasm it's as if you did not say it at all or said the opposite and you get responses like " It didn't seem like you or your daughter or whoever liked my present " or " No one liked my dinner they didn't even say anything " (when there were in reality lots of compliments), or " Do you really love me? I don't feel it... " my On Mon, Apr 27, 2009 at 10:28 AM, lilmissduckie81 wrote: > > > My nada is an over hugger and kisser to the point where it feels > uncomfortable. She always has been I still feel like I'm being smothered > every time she hugs me. She holds on and I have to pull away every single > time cause she won't let go. > She is so touchy feely it makes me uncomfortable. > > > > >did your BPD parent ever hug and or kiss you ? My nada never > > >did. > > > > I think this is probably another one of those things that nadas > > either don't do at all or do excessively and inappropriately. My > > nada likes kissing babies and children. I can remember her > > chasing my younger brother around trying to get him to let her > > kiss him well past the age at which boys stop wanting mommy to > > kiss them. He must have been 8 or 9 by the time she stopped > > that. I don't remember her hugging much, at least not in the > > comforting affectionate way that children need. > > > > -- > > Katrina > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Mine only ever gave hugs & kisses after abusive episodes... but not always. Even to this day when she says " love you " it comes out of her mouth in such a tone that you can't help but think she only says it because she thinks it's mandatory. Justi > My nada is also like this - overly affectionate. She also says I love you > all of the time, but I think it is more to hear I love you back more than > anything else. She fishes for compliments all of the time - like " Oh I put > too much salt in this dish " - cue for everyone to respond with " Oh no it is > wonderful " . I think she fishes for love and affection in similar ways. > > And in all situations unless you have said it (whether it is I love you, > thanks for the present, or this food is good) unless you say it many, many, > many times with lots of enthusiasm it's as if you did not say it at all or > said the opposite and you get responses like " It didn't seem like you or > your daughter or whoever liked my present " or " No one liked my dinner they > didn't even say anything " (when there were in reality lots of compliments), > or " Do you really love me? I don't feel it... " > > my > > On Mon, Apr 27, 2009 at 10:28 AM, lilmissduckie81 > wrote: > >> >> >> My nada is an over hugger and kisser to the point where it feels >> uncomfortable. She always has been I still feel like I'm being smothered >> every time she hugs me. She holds on and I have to pull away every single >> time cause she won't let go. >> She is so touchy feely it makes me uncomfortable. >> >> >> > >did your BPD parent ever hug and or kiss you ? My nada never >> > >did. >> > >> > I think this is probably another one of those things that nadas >> > either don't do at all or do excessively and inappropriately. My >> > nada likes kissing babies and children. I can remember her >> > chasing my younger brother around trying to get him to let her >> > kiss him well past the age at which boys stop wanting mommy to >> > kiss them. He must have been 8 or 9 by the time she stopped >> > that. I don't remember her hugging much, at least not in the >> > comforting affectionate way that children need. >> > >> > -- >> > Katrina >> > >> >> >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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