Re: PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Penny, I am so sorry. The only thing I know of to try is a homeopathic

remedy. That's what I would do at this point. I'm sure you will

receive many good tips from others in this forum.

If you do want to try a homeopathic remedy, I would go to the local

health food store and get one that is for anxiety or fear or something

of that sort. There is one called Calms that may help. These usually

cost about $5.00 to $10.00 a bottle (at the most) and do not interfere

with any other medications. I have used homeopathic remedies for

emotional issues (like stage fright) with good results. It sounds like

she does want to interact with the family but has an extreme anxiety or

panic attack concerning the situation.

Oh I so wish you all the very best and hope you can figure this out so

that the family visit can be enjoyed.

~ Karin

Penny wrote:

> Things ARE NOT getting better here.

> I CAN NOT get Jacqui to come out of our bedroom if people are in the house.

<snip>

[Guest guest]

Penny,

If she would tolerate two people last night, even if they were

brought to her seperately. Maybe if you only take a couple people a

day up by her. Maybe after the two people it was too much for her to

deal with anymore people.

Or even though this would be a tough one on you and her. What would

happen if you carried her downstairs by all the people and made her

sit down there? I'm sure she would scream, but would she eventually

stop????

Or is there anything you can get from your doctor for the anxiety?

Just to use temporarly until the family leaves?

Ummm.....that's all I can think of right now. Hope something helps.

(((((((((Penny))))))))))

Tina W.

[Guest guest]

HELP! What can I do...I truly am desparate!! Nothing's working!!!

oh penny--

that really sucks...

jenna can't handle people here,

also..its like its her territory..

how about if you all go out somewhere,

like to dinner, or some place that

SHE really likes..so she can interact

with them there for awhile?

i don't know what else to mention,

but i really hope something changes

for you quick~~~hang in there~~

((hugs))

nancy

[Guest guest]

Penny,

Maybe you could try taking people upstairs to her again, but start with

Grandma and only do her that time? Then maybe later, try just Grandpa? I

don't know what else to offer other than if her anxiety is this bad, maybe

it's time to think about a med so she can have more of a social life

(especially if she likes these people and can't bring herself to visit).

Poor Jacqui and poor you for having to live like this right now.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Maybe if you had one or two people at a time engage in a quiet activity with

her. Does she like puzzles? Videos? board games? Maybe having her focus on

something would help with the anxiety.

Tuna

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[Guest guest]

> how about if you all go out somewhere,

> like to dinner, or some place that

> SHE really likes..so she can interact

> with them there for awhile?

I think that is an *excellent* idea.

I would also have her come home and have them NOT be there. Then while

she's in the living room engaged with something she really enjoys, have them

come in one at a time. Maybe that would help her transition to having them

there.

Is there any way they can get a hotel room? Maybe just for a few days?

Maybe have her go there so she's meeting them on neutral territory? Maybe

after a few days of seeing them not in her space she'll be able to tolerate

it better...

Bach's Rescue Remedy is one of those homeopathic anxiety remedies. Put 4

drops in a little water or right in her mouth. This does absolutely nothing

for Mikey, but I used it for Gabe when his reflux was bad and it helped

break the crying-pain-crying-pain cycle. Hmm, maybe it's time to break that

out again...

Mikey used to not deal with people being here too. He would " check out "

like that too - just curl up and go into a deep sleep. You could not wake

him up for anything. Shortly after the person left he'd wake up and be

fine. If we forced him to stay in the room (some of the people coming in

were therapists) he would just do it faster. Some people he just couldn't

deal with for whatever reason. The last time it was his new speech

therapist, and she was very patient and got her toys out and just waited for

him to come check her out but that didn't work. Finally she brought out

some candy and met him halfway and showed it to him. He would run up to

her, snatch some candy, and run away again to eat it. But eventually he

started interacting with her. I think it took like 6 sessions before he

would approach her in the living room.

Lots of prayers going up here.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> Things ARE NOT getting better here.

> I CAN NOT get Jacqui to come out of our bedroom if people are in

the house. >>

Penny,

Do you think it's because of the closeness of the visits from your

family and your husband's? Seems to me that I remember Jacqui having

trouble with who was who...saying things like " your mom " instead

of " Grandma " (that was Jacqui, wasn't it? I know that other kids on

the list do that, too)...perhaps she doesn't have a solid handle on

exactly how all these folks are related to her. Could be that it's

just too much for her to try to figure all this out while coping with

yet another invasion of her space...we already know that she has

issues with needing her visual territory to remain constant.

I know that when we visit with family, there is always a lot of

laughing and story telling...that can be a lot to deal with if you

have visual and auditory garbage going on. It concerns me that she

is going to sleep...that is certainly an avoidance strategy, but some

therapists say that it is a warning sign that the child is under

severe stress, and that you should back away *immediately* from

whatever is causing the stress...not very practical advice, just

sharing information.

In the " Tools " book that you got, look at the information on " sensory

safe " spaces...I am thinking that if you can send the company out for

a few hours, and take that time to talk with Jacqui about setting up

a womb or mother space for her that would be close enough to the room

where everyone chats that she can go there anytime, but would give

her a chance to approach the group as she is ready. You and she can

set the space up right then, using her ideas about what would make

her feel okay there...perhaps a large box " house " or one of those

plastic kid tents that will physically separate her from everyone and

everything...something you can initially set up just outside the

bedroom door (or even in the room at first, so that she can allow

people to come in to see her in the space she has defined as her

current safe space). I think it is a matter of small steps, lots of

support (do you have a " Bear Hug " vest she can wear to help her calm

down...maybe even just getting a lycra dance outfit---snug pants and

shirt...another option is to just go to the fabric store and buy a

section of lycra that she can wrap herself up in--- likes to do

that). The idea is to respect her space, provide tons of sensory

support, and move her and the visitors slowly into the same part of

the universe at *her* speed.

Any thing you can think of that she uses for support and

comfort...foods that she asks for when she is sick (stop laughing,

Penny, I do remember she's had food issues...just tossing things

out), special toys or objects she clings to, music or TV shows she

especially likes...I would pull it all in, and make the space of your

room a truly supportive environment that she can work out of it.

Once you have things set up the way she wants them, call your hubby

and tell him you are ready for everyone to come home. Talk to

Jacqui...even making a book of photos with a social story about who

everyone is and why they are here, how long, what will be going on,

etc., that she can have in the room with her to look through over and

over...go through that book as they are returning, and see if once

she has a handle on who everyone is and what they are going to do

while they are there, she may feel calmer?

Possibly a long waste of bandwidth, but those are my ideas. You have

another week of this, right? I would take this weekend, where she

isn't going to have to go out each day, to get her to a better place

with the whole thing...that way maybe next week won't be as dramatic.

Raena

[Guest guest]

Somebody on the sju list (sometimes they have good advice) once suggested

that I talk to Boone about something that was upsetting to him by turning my

back to him while I talked.

This was when he was so upset about burning me with the coffee cup.

I tried it. Really.

I went into his bedroom and turned my back to the door so I wasn't facing

him. I told him that I knew he didn't mean to hurt me and that I loved him

very much.

He ran up to me from behind, and hugged my legs. Them he turned me around

and hugged me. He'd NEVER hugged me before -- at least not willingly.

You never know what's going to work.

Sissi

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

> Things ARE NOT getting better here.

> I CAN NOT get Jacqui to come out of our bedroom if people are in the

house.

>

> Last night it was so bad, that when we came home from swimming lessons,

she

> stood in the garage and SCREAMED until dh opened the door and physically

> carried her inside. And she fought that about as hard as she could

> too...but she still high-tailed it upstairs and into our room.

>

> I think she WANTS to come down and talk and see everyone, but the anxiety

> builds up so bad for her that by the time it's time for her to do it, she

> just can't.

>

> I worked on a plan last night of having dh's sis go up with dh first, then

> had sis's friend go up, and that worked out ok..She still wouldn't come

> down, but at least she let them in.

>

> Then we tried with Grandma. No way! She just yelled at her through the

door

> to go away.

>

> Now understand that these people are wonderful people and they love Jacqui

> and they would never force the issue on her. Nothing " bad " has ever

> happened to her around these people, and that's not 'unknowing', that is

the

> God's honest truth.

>

> I believe the big " A " kicked in around the same time we started visiting

and

> that's pretty much what she relates to, but putting that all aside, WHAT

THE

> HELL AM I GOING TO DO? I can't have my child locked in a room for two

weeks.

> *I* can't spend two weeks up there, and I can't deal with the emotional

> pressure. HELP! What can I do...I truly am desparate!! Nothing's

working!!!

>

> (bribes don't work either) :-(

>

> COL, <crying out loud>

>

> Penny

> " Reality is always controlled by the people who are most insane "

Dogbert -

> 6/14/98

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Tina -

> Jacqui is doing marginally better. We're not tantruming, but she

still frustrates easily and will not be in the same room as my in-

laws.

>

> At this point I'm just trying to enjoy my days while she's at

school, and hope that they all go out at night.

>

Just keep telling yourself... it's Wednesday, it's Wednesday...

Are they leaving this weekend?

Tina

[Guest guest]

> > Just keep telling yourself... it's Wednesday, it's Wednesday...

> Are they leaving this weekend?

>

> Tina <

>

>

> nope...NEXT wednesday

OUCH! Sorry.

Okay then, ONE week down, only one to go.

Tina