Was I being too easy on him?

[Guest guest]

I really wonder this because I used to have so many problems with

Mark as far as his trantrums, and him getting his way. I think part

of that was because I was working so many hours I was too tired to

argue with him. I pushed him to the point that I thought he could

do. What I wonder is if he could do more than I was asking of him

and I didn't know it?

What makes me wonder this is because since has moved in he is

more strict than I am. Examples: if you throw a trantrum you go to

your room, if you don't eat what your given for lunch you can't eat

something else or have any snacks, and there are more I just can't

think of them right now. I would never send Mark to his room before

if he threw a trantrum I just lived with it because I understood

why. With the more strict rules, Mark is a lot better behaved.

Especially the last few weeks.

Now this could be my imagination or it might be that he is

progressing and we will get a regression soon. I'm not sure. It does

seem to go in phases with him.

Or I wonder if because hasn't done the amount of research I

have that he exspected out of Mark what you would exspect out of a

almost 3 year old NT. I'm not sure that made sense......Okay what I

mean is if by giving Mark higher exspectations, that helped him get

better behaved.

Oh I don't know how to word what I'm thinking. I guess I just wonder

if I was being way too easy on Mark before or if I was doing to right

things? I'm not making much sense so I think I should just give up

on trying to spit it out.

Tina W.

[Guest guest]

I think is on the right track. The book The

World of the Autistic Child says that autistic/PDD

kids do better with stricter environments. And

ny is much better behaved after he's been

discpined ( such as being sent to the other room

if he's tantruming) there's no reason you have to

listen to that. Just because a child is autistic

doesn't mean he's incapable of being manipulative.

I agree it is easier to let things go because they

wear you down. One thing I wish I was stricter on

is that johnny sit down for the entire meal

instead of eating a few bites, running off to

watch TV then coming back and finishing the meal.

jen

>because since has moved in he is

>more strict than I am.

[Guest guest]

I am working on this one too right now. We eat in the living room

and Mark has his own little miniture table. He has to stay sitting

there and finish his food. If he throws a fit because he doesn't

like what we are eating he goes to his room for a few minutes, and

when we let him out he will usually eat.

Tina w.

>

> I agree it is easier to let things go because they

> wear you down. One thing I wish I was stricter on

> is that johnny sit down for the entire meal

> instead of eating a few bites, running off to

> watch TV then coming back and finishing the meal.

>

>

> jen

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >because since has moved in he is

> >more strict than I am.

[Guest guest]

I understand what you are saying Tina. I am struggling with this too

because ever since we have found out about Jake's problems, we have been

much easier on him than we used to be. Trying to be more understanding,

find new ways of dealing with him and also correcting ourselves where we

were trying to force him to behave in amore " NT " way. Coincidentally,

or maybe not, his behavior has worsened since then. I'm not sure if

maybe it's because he is going through a difficult time - I've heard

three years of age can be a hard time; or if he is reacting because of

all of the appointments we have been going on. (This is probably the

major reason I suspect). But it's hard to find the balance. I'm sure

we will learn a lot more as soon as we can get him to school and I can

start into the books on parenting and discipline for Autism. My husband

is pretty strict, and I am too for that matter so we had him under

fairly good control in most situations. Of course, it may be that he is

just oriented that way and had nothing to do with us. WHO KNOWS??? I

sure don't. :-)

Anyway, I commiserate with you. :-)

~ Karin

P.S. sounds like he is sooooo good for you two - I'm so happy for

you!!!

Tina wrote:

> I really wonder this because I used to have so many problems with

> Mark as far as his trantrums, and him getting his way. I think part

> of that was because I was working so many hours I was too tired to

> argue with him. I pushed him to the point that I thought he could

> do. What I wonder is if he could do more than I was asking of him

> and I didn't know it?

>

> What makes me wonder this is because since has moved in he is

> more strict than I am. Examples: if you throw a trantrum you go to

> your room, if you don't eat what your given for lunch you can't eat

> something else or have any snacks, and there are more I just can't

> think of them right now. I would never send Mark to his room before

> if he threw a trantrum I just lived with it because I understood

> why. With the more strict rules, Mark is a lot better behaved.

> Especially the last few weeks.

>

> Now this could be my imagination or it might be that he is

> progressing and we will get a regression soon. I'm not sure. It does

> seem to go in phases with him.

>

> Or I wonder if because hasn't done the amount of research I

> have that he exspected out of Mark what you would exspect out of a

> almost 3 year old NT. I'm not sure that made sense......Okay what I

> mean is if by giving Mark higher exspectations, that helped him get

> better behaved.

>

> Oh I don't know how to word what I'm thinking. I guess I just wonder

> if I was being way too easy on Mark before or if I was doing to right

> things? I'm not making much sense so I think I should just give up

> on trying to spit it out.

>

> Tina W.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

emerld wrote:

> Just because a child is autistic doesn't mean he's incapable of being

manipulative.

Now see, that's something I wasn't sure about. Thanks for letting me in

on that one Jen!! :-)

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

> do. What I wonder is if he could do more than I was asking of him

> and I didn't know it?

I have fallen into that trap before. could dress himself while I was

still dressing him -- but I didn't know it because I never expected him to,

and never impelled him to!

I think you're probably right that you were too easy on him and that

is much sterner -- but I think the best result will come when the two of you

can blend your expections into a commmon middle area. Higher expectations,

but tempered by the knowledge that if he can't do something, he can't do it.

So glad Mark's behaviour is improving!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

ny is horrible on 'appointments' and

evaluations. But is an angel when we go anywhere

else. So I think they stress him out, even though

I can't imagine that he knows what they are. It's

weird.

jen

>f he is reacting because of

>all of the appointments we have been going on.

[Guest guest]

Yes, but we also have to remember that what we might interpret as

manipulating may be an attempt at communication. Remember that there is a

reason for behaviors... I say this just so we don't all go thinking that

every behavior is a manipulation.

I do agree that they need firm rules and expectations, and I would certainly

expect behavior that is as close to 'normal and acceptable' as possible.

Sue

[Guest guest]

> Excellent idea! ny didn't like his booster

> chair so he eats at the kitchen table on his

> knees. Not condusive to feeding himself or being

> comfortable.

>

>

> jen

Maybe give the miniture table and chair a try. I have no idea what

they cost because someone gave this to me as a hand me down. But it

also doubles as a great table to play with his toys on and to color

or play with play dough, etc.

Tina w.

[Guest guest]

> ~ Karin

>

> P.S. sounds like he is sooooo good for you two - I'm so

happy for

> you!!!

Thanks Karin, I agree. He respects me and makes me feel good about

myself. He helps around the house, and most important he helps with

Mark. The part I get a kick out of is that he said he would never

ever change a diaper because he couldn't stand it. Guess what....I

have him changing diapers!!!!!!!! I love it. LOL

Tina W.