Re: Cleaning house

[Guest guest]

My husband is gone 11 hours a day at his job, five days a week. I know he is

tired when he comes home. His thinking is that he works at a job all day that

he does not like, he wants to come home and relax and not have to help his sick

wife. I believe he has been depressed for the last few years, and like a

typical man refuses to get help. He will cook several meals for the following

week on weekends. He goes to the store to buy the ingredients he needs for that

cooking. Other than that I am on my own for everything. No help from anyone.

As a typical man, he wants to fix everything. His solutions to fix me have not

worked and he blames me for that. This causes tension which just makes me

sicker. For the record, my husband has no medical education.

[Guest guest]

I mean my hubby isn't too bad. But when I have super bad days nothing gets done.

If I don't push through the pain and fatique it doesn't get done. He does try I

should give him credit. But not as much as I would like, especially since I just

had surgery and the weather change. But I manage.

[Guest guest]

My husband is a winner also. I fear for the day when he can't do things for me

as he is 7 years older which makes him almost 70.

Carolyn Eddy

" Sweet Goat Mama "

[Guest guest]

My husband works full time outside our home and inside he cares for me and the

kids, does cooking, cleaning and laundry; does home and car maintenance and

repair; cares for our law; sews; shuttles the kids back and forth; takes me to

countless doctor appointments; and does so much more. It makes me feel guilty

and lazy and leaves him tired and miserable.

>Shell wrote:

>I consider myself very lucky and I have told hubby some of the horror stories

about husbands on my support groups and he cannot believe it. He said he wished

you all had good men to take care of you. I have always done the same for him

though and we have stood beside each other through the good and the bad. I do

not know what I would do without him.

[Guest guest]

My hubby just had surgery to fix his severe sleep apnea. He has been recovering

for two weeks and still trying to do everything and I am out of my mind with

fatigue, pain and brain fog. I get so darn confused.

I am sorry you all have these horrible conditions. I hope we can all find

reassurance in knowing we aren't lazy or crazy by hearing others share.

> Carolyn wrote:

My husband is a winner also. I fear for the day when he can't do things for me

as he is 7 years older which makes him almost 70.

[Guest guest]

I am really sorry that your husband is not coping well and I know it does not

help you for him to feel things are out of his control. Men have a need to

feel in control but we all know that is a false sense, none of us are in control

of everything. It would be nice for him to be more understanding. I do not

know how to make that happen.

My husband is dealing with a lot of stressful things and cannot seem to pick and

choose which things he can change. I have a hard enough time dealing with my

own health and worrying about his health makes me feel worse. I have to let go

and accept that he does not make his health a priority.

Right now we are dealing with a furnace that decided not to work for whatever

reason. I have a wood burning stove in use and some oil filled electric heaters

to keep warm with till we figure out how to solve this problem. In the meantime

there is plenty of other important things to attend to.

I have tried very hard to learn how to " ignore " certain complaints coming from

my husband. He rants about stuff that he should keep to himself.

Problem is that I feel he does not listen to me or does not grasp my limitations

I have to accept as my " normal " . It is true, there are things I used to do that

I simply can not do now. The doctor told him as a matter of fact, she's not to

lift more than 10 pounds. He even has the nerve to tell me not to do things

that cause my back to spasm, then expects me to be the cook and his maid too.

You are not alone . We have to be the ones to learn how to cope with our

pain and our husband's immature ways.

Jennette

> wrote:

he wants to fix everything. His solutions to fix me have not worked and he

blames me for that. This causes tension which just makes me sicker.

[Guest guest]

I really saw how bad it can be when I went to my brother's last weekend. He does

not treat his wife very well and blames her for not being able to do things. I

jumped in a couple of times on stuff I could do and she was so grateful. Almost

made me cry. I did bawl my brother out pretty good in private for it.

She weighs 400 pounds and as a result cannot walk very well so of course he

blames her for gaining all that weight. She would like to have a bypass but he

will not give her the money.

I came home and kissed my husband an extra longtime.

Carolyn Eddy

" Sweet Goat Mama "

[Guest guest]

ALL,

I went up kissed my husband and told him how much I loved him and how important

he was to me. We have this thing of dancing and I sing the song, " Can you

Imaging how much I love you "

Pain will take the love out of your life if you let it. Love, not sex. I do

not even remember the last time I had sex but I love my family and I need them

and they need to know they are important.

If you turn the guilt into gratefulness, it makes everyone feel better. Bennie

[Guest guest]

I cannot even imagine going through this DD alone. My hubby feels the same way

about his illnesses. He definitely keeps me sane because he has believed me all

along and has seen what I go through first hand. He has stood up to doctors for

me, stood up to family for me, etc. Now my mom has FM and congestive heart

failure so she is very understanding. My grandma who is 82 has arthritis really

bad so she understands too. I cherish each and every one of them because I have

come across too many that are left alone and stranded with this illness.

Hugs,

SHELL

> Lori wrote:

My hubby just had surgery to fix his severe sleep apnea. He has been recovering

for two weeks and still trying to do everything and I am out of my mind with

fatigue, pain and brain fog. I get so darn confused.

[Guest guest]

> Problem is that I feel he does not listen to me or does not grasp my

limitations I have to accept as my " normal " . It is true, there are things I

used to do that I simply can not do now. The doctor told him as a matter of

fact, she's not to lift more than 10 pounds. He even has the nerve to tell me

not to do things that cause my back to spasm, then expects me to be the cook and

his maid too.

A couple people sent my husband an email this morning asking him to do contract

work. So, he will be too busy to cook. I am expected to take up that slack.

He does not need contract work for the money. He uses it to network with others

in hopes of landing a permanent job he likes.

He has not done any contract work for a year. He is gone 11 hours 5 days a week

for his regular job.

Previous work he has done on a contract basis showed that outside demands into

his weekend time increased his irritability and meanness. Plus, anything only

he can do around the house will go undone for months.

[Guest guest]

I agree totally.

Hugs,

SHELL

> MsKaturah wrote:

I feel like queen of the house compared to some others around I have heard. I

also feel really lucky that my husband is a big support so is my family. There

are also wives who do not give support and other types who do not give support

such as all the kids, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I have seen cases were

everyone blamed the father's side or the mother's side. We need to stop the

blaming and go with just helping

[Guest guest]

There are some real jerks out there, male and female. It is sad for the ones

who are sick to have to stay in a situation that they are miserable in because

they cannot provide for themselves.

Hugs,

SHELL

> Carolyn wrote:

I really saw how bad it can be when I went to my brother's last weekend.

[Guest guest]

Carolyn wrote:

> She weighs 400 pounds and as a result cannot walk very well so of course he

blames her for gaining all that weight. She would like to have a bypass but he

will not give her the money.

Carolyn,

If they have insurance, she can probably qualify for the surgery being paid for

as if you are 100 pounds overweight they do. Otherwise, she could try to apply

for Medicaid.

Good for you for being a good Sister. Bennie

[Guest guest]

I think that is what makes my pain unbearable some days is because I have no

one. I lost my husband 3 years ago and my dad this summer. I do have my dog

but sometimes you do want a human, especially during the holidays when it is the

hardest. Still I count my blessings because I do have a roof over my head and

others do not. I do have a good doctor who tries to somewhat help me with pain

relief even if it falls short most days. Becky

[Guest guest]

They make way too much money to get Medicaid. There is no reason he can pay

that, he is just being stinky about it. It is all her fault she weighs too much,

according to him.

I am hoping her insurance will pay for at least part of it. She is looking into

it. She works full time despite her problems and has good insurance.

Carolyn Eddy

" Sweet Goat Mama "

[Guest guest]

Becky,

I am so sorry. Have you asked your doctor to give you a list of groups that meet

up in your area? They do help, but the pain will always be there. If you would

like to chat feel free to email me off group if you like.

j

> Becky wrote:

I think that is what makes my pain unbearable some days is because I have no

one. I lost my husband 3 years ago and my dad this summer. I do have my dog

but sometimes you do want a human, especially during the holidays when it is the

hardest. Still I count my blessings because I do have a roof over my head and

others do not. I do have a good doctor who tries to somewhat help me with pain

relief even if it falls short most days.

[Guest guest]

Being alone has got to be hard. I think that is what I fear the most, partly

because I have got it so good that I worry what will happen when he is not here

anymore to take care of me. I lean on him a lot and he is always there.

My dogs are a big help but still, people are better. My family is useless but

fortunately I have good friends.

Carolyn Eddy

" Sweet Goat Mama "

[Guest guest]

You are a very brave, strong person Becky.

Hugs,

SHELL

> Becky wrote:

I think that is what makes my pain unbearable some days is because I have no

one. I lost my husband 3 years ago and my dad this summer. I do have my dog

but sometimes you do want a human, especially during the holidays when it is the

hardest. Still I count my blessings because I do have a roof over my head and

others do not. I do have a good doctor who tries to somewhat help me with pain

relief even if it falls short most days.

[Guest guest]

Becky,

Sweetie,I know what it is like to be alone after losing our hubby

and I also lost my youngest son, 29yrs old shortly after. It has been rough but

I go ........one day at a time.....if you want to have an email friend off the

list............email me anytime.

Hugs

Rosie

PS. lakeportrose@...

>Becky heldings@... wrote:

>I think that is what makes my pain unbearable some days is because I have no

one. I lost my husband 3 years ago and my dad this summer. I do have my dog but

sometimes you do want a human, especially during the holidays when it is the

hardest.