Re: Positive Cheering Squad

[Guest guest]

Go for it, sounds good to me!

-Annie

>

> So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit send I

thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I also

thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism. And...we

also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

>

> Soooo...

>

> I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about some

successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or simply

engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

>

> Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

>

> Wadda ya'all think?

>

[Guest guest]

That is wonderful, Lynnette! Wow, that is a lot of success in one week! You

should feel very proud of yourself!

Go Lynnette!

-Annie

> >

> > So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit send I

thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I also

thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism. And...we

also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

> >

> > Soooo...

> >

> > I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about some

successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or simply

engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

> >

> > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> >

> > Wadda ya'all think?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks! Now for the KO reaction to your words: " Well it really wasn't much. "

After I posted my response, I considered deleting it 3x....

I'm learning to just let things be... even though that goes against every fiber

in my body.

Lynnette

> > >

> > > So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit send

I thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I also

thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism. And...we

also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

> > >

> > > Soooo...

> > >

> > > I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about some

successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or simply

engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

> > >

> > > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> > >

> > > Wadda ya'all think?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

Yeah yeah yeah I know...the KO reaction. Big deal...its not like Im ghandi or

Mother or something....I'll let you know when I cure cancer...

Dude...KUDOS!!!! This is huge and awesome and you deserve a bit pat on the back

not only for accomplishing these things but for articulating them!!!!!

XXOO to YOU!

> > > >

> > > > So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit

send I thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I

also thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism.

And...we also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

> > > >

> > > > Soooo...

> > > >

> > > > I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about some

successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or simply

engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

> > > >

> > > > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> > > >

> > > > Wadda ya'all think?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

How'd you know I was working on a cure for cancer? Wow!

(stay present, stay present, stay present.... sheesh!)

Lynnette

> > > > >

> > > > > So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit

send I thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I

also thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism.

And...we also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

> > > > >

> > > > > Soooo...

> > > > >

> > > > > I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about some

successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or simply

engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

> > > > >

> > > > > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> > > > >

> > > > > Wadda ya'all think?

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ooops. My bad... I think I was projecting

There is no cure for cancer...unless you're like...God or something.

Baby steps...

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit

send I thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I

also thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism.

And...we also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Soooo...

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about

some successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or

simply engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Wadda ya'all think?

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I love this, love this, love this.  It occurred to me that I really never had

anyone who was proud of me for those normal developmental things most parents

think are a big deal--like making your own bed and brushing your teeth every

night--and the result is that I don't spend any time dwelling on my successes in

life.  I mean, just getting through the day and being a normal adult who can

pay my bills and keep my home kind of clean is an accomplishment in and of

itself--since I was basically raised by wolves with hands and no social

structure.

Somehow, in all of the flurry, I did not even see the original post, but I think

it's a great idea.  The thing is, after a while, I get scared of doing this. 

Are we allowed to proud of ourselves?  I have to remind myself I missed out on

that whole developmental stage where my parents thought every time I scratched

myself it was the most exciting thing that had every happened.

I think the major accomplishment for the week was that at work I asked for what

I needed and got a day off from teaching to get an important project finished

(it is still not done--it is due tomorrow).  It is not easy for me to admit I

can't do it all and that maybe I need to eat and sleep in addition to working,

so it is a big deal for me that I asked.

Way to go Lynnette--and Jen, I have no idea what you did since I missed your

post, but it's a great idea.

Best,

Ashana

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sunday, 26 April, 2009 4:08:43 PM

Subject: Re: Positive Cheering Squad

I'll play (primarily because my therapist has me doing " one sucess a week " in

therapy... it's helped me realize that it's OK to be PROUD of my achievements.

... who knew?)

Professionally - I hit 3 big " balls over the fence " this week. These resulted in

international recognition within my field which will serve me very well in the

next 6 months.

Emotionally - I'm learning to work through my anger and depressive moments

without following Nada's pre-programming of burning bridges and making a run for

greener pastures.

Still that little girl who shakes but actively working on keeping my eyes, and

heart, open ~ Lynnette

>

> So, I just posted about a little success of mine and the after I hit send I

thought " Well...that was a little narcissitic. " And it was. But then I also

thought that as KO's we tend to not have enough healthy narcissism. And...we

also tend to focus on our failures (real or perceived).

>

> Soooo...

>

> I was thinking maybe we need a thread dedicated to posting about some

successes we've achieved. Wether its deflecting a nada/fada attack or simply

engaging in a little self-care. No matter how small.

>

> Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

>

> Wadda ya'all think?

>

Now surf faster and smarter ! Check out the new Firefox 3 - Yahoo! Edition

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/firefox/?fr=om_email_firefox

[Guest guest]

I

> Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

>

> Wadda ya'all think?

Ye Other KOs,

Otay, I'll play on this one. I'm an old-timer and have been around since

'98. Welcome on board newbies, sorry you qualify but this is the place to

be. Howdee, to the other old-timers.

Here's my contribution:

From '84 to '88 I worked with City Council, State Representative, State

Senator, mayors of two cities, to get traffic signals installed at a very

busy and dangerous intersection. City had to put in on the budget because it

cost over $600,000.00 which includes curbing, timing of the lights, etc.

On October 5, 1988 seven traffic signals were installed. The lights were

maintained on blinking yellow until people got used to the intersection

having lights, then changed over after two weeks. Whoooopie me! Actually, it

isn't 'my' intersection, it belongs to the community but I did get the

squeaky wheel greased.

Nada said I should have put them down the same highway about a mile away.

Parade rainer! Hruummmph.

Rita

" And she'll have fun, fun, fun 'till her daddy takes the keyboard away " .

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

steps!

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1220572846x1201387511/aol?redir=http://\

[Guest guest]

Wow, Rita!! That is such a wonderful and caring accomplishment!

That took a lot of dogged dedication and effort over that 4-year period, my

goodness, and I'm sure your efforts paid off tremendously in

accident-prevention. What an achievement, you should be *very* proud of

yourself!

Go Rita!!

-Annie

>

>

>

> I

>

> > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> >

> > Wadda ya'all think?

>

>

> Ye Other KOs,

>

> Otay, I'll play on this one. I'm an old-timer and have been around since

> '98. Welcome on board newbies, sorry you qualify but this is the place to

> be. Howdee, to the other old-timers.

>

> Here's my contribution:

>

> From '84 to '88 I worked with City Council, State Representative, State

> Senator, mayors of two cities, to get traffic signals installed at a very

> busy and dangerous intersection. City had to put in on the budget because it

> cost over $600,000.00 which includes curbing, timing of the lights, etc.

>

> On October 5, 1988 seven traffic signals were installed. The lights were

> maintained on blinking yellow until people got used to the intersection

> having lights, then changed over after two weeks. Whoooopie me! Actually,

it

> isn't 'my' intersection, it belongs to the community but I did get the

> squeaky wheel greased.

>

> Nada said I should have put them down the same highway about a mile away.

> Parade rainer! Hruummmph.

>

> Rita

>

>

> " And she'll have fun, fun, fun 'till her daddy takes the keyboard away " .

> **************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

> steps!

>

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1220572846x1201387511/aol?redir=http://\

[Guest guest]

Jenn - what victory? The one about avoiding a " user " on the project? I thought

that was brilliant, and it sounded very familiar - in the workplace there are

LOTS of people who will use legitimate (or perceived) power to dump on

co-workers or those on a lower rung of the office ladder. I thought you did

GREAT. Being able to define your role on a project and maintain boundaries so

you can actually get your work done is a real-life work skill.

As far as setting up a " victories " discussion, that could be very supportive,

and especially worthwhile if we can pass along ideas for what works when we're

in the throes of Nada-manipulation or FOG.

Heck, we could do a whole section on " what I thought about saying to Nada after

the phone conversation was over.. "

[Guest guest]

Rita - So you worked with a very large number of elected officials, got the

money budgeted, and got traffic signals installed - which have saved who knows

how many lives over the years?

But Nada knows you SHOULD HAVE had them installed a mile away?

That is SO NADA. You could walk on water, and she'd criticize your swimming

skills. Congratulations on the signals - pushing through a public works project

like that is a very, very big deal. Nada's reaction is ludicrous and laughable.

-

[Guest guest]

Wow! Virtual high-five to you, lil!! That is so encouraging to hear of your

many successes in spite of having been raised by a waify, needy, childish nada.

That really rocks!

Go lilmissduckie81!!

> >

> >

> >

> > I

> >

> > > Just a thread celebrating our fabulous selves

> > >

> > > Wadda ya'all think?

> >

> >

> > Ye Other KOs,

> >

> > Otay, I'll play on this one. I'm an old-timer and have been around since

> > '98. Welcome on board newbies, sorry you qualify but this is the place to

> > be. Howdee, to the other old-timers.

> >

> > Here's my contribution:

> >

> > From '84 to '88 I worked with City Council, State Representative, State

> > Senator, mayors of two cities, to get traffic signals installed at a very

> > busy and dangerous intersection. City had to put in on the budget because

it

> > cost over $600,000.00 which includes curbing, timing of the lights, etc.

> >

> > On October 5, 1988 seven traffic signals were installed. The lights were

> > maintained on blinking yellow until people got used to the intersection

> > having lights, then changed over after two weeks. Whoooopie me! Actually,

it

> > isn't 'my' intersection, it belongs to the community but I did get the

> > squeaky wheel greased.

> >

> > Nada said I should have put them down the same highway about a mile away.

> > Parade rainer! Hruummmph.

> >

> > Rita

> >

> >

> > " And she'll have fun, fun, fun 'till her daddy takes the keyboard away " .

> > **************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

> > steps!

> >

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1220572846x1201387511/aol?redir=http://\

[Guest guest]

oh, thats how I got to where I am :-) I looked at nadas behavior and her

life, and made sure I didn't do that :-) Congrats on becomeing a dr !! and

special field ?? nada and fada hated my choice in career...but I only had 3

years of college, so never finished..

Jackie

Also, when my therapist asked me how I survived, I said (without forethought

and unaware, initially, of the irony of the following statement), " I just

looked at HER life and figured out young - if I do what she does I'll be

" Here " ... I guess I just have to do everything in DIRECT OPPOSITION if I

don't want to live this mess forever. " I realized that at age 6.

Lynnette ( Who will be Dr. Lynnette around Christmas time this year...)

[Guest guest]

Excellent idea! I love the idea of setting up a file(s) somewhere on

the board with " things that worked " or something like that. As for the

thoughts on what I should have said - after the phone call, my brother

and I always laugh about the " alternate dialogue " going on in our heads

while the conversation is still taking place! " )

Suzy

>

>

> As far as setting up a " victories " discussion, that could be very

> supportive, and especially worthwhile if we can pass along ideas for

> what works when we're in the throes of Nada-manipulation or FOG.

>

> Heck, we could do a whole section on " what I thought about saying to

> Nada after the phone conversation was over.. "

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Excellent idea! I love the idea of setting up a file(s) somewhere on

the board with " things that worked " or something like that. As for the

thoughts on what I should have said - after the phone call, my brother

and I always laugh about the " alternate dialogue " going on in our heads

while the conversation is still taking place! " )

Suzy

>

>

> As far as setting up a " victories " discussion, that could be very

> supportive, and especially worthwhile if we can pass along ideas for

> what works when we're in the throes of Nada-manipulation or FOG.

>

> Heck, we could do a whole section on " what I thought about saying to

> Nada after the phone conversation was over.. "

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lynnette - that's awesome! Big High Five! Smack! We'll throw an

internet party when it becomes official.

Suzy

yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

>

>

> I think those that survive this KO thing have a touch of " WWND " in

> reverse ;o)

>

> Ed.D. - Educational Leadership and Change/ Media Psychology

>

> I'm excited!

>

[Guest guest]

Careful - we don't want you ending up on YouTube! LOL

Suzy

yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

>

>

> Thank you!

>

> I'll be dancing naked in the surf when this is final!!!!

>

> Lynnette

>

> .

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good job, Rita.  Nada can work on her own freaking lights.

Best,

Ashana

Now surf faster and smarter ! Check out the new Firefox 3 - Yahoo! Edition

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/firefox/?fr=om_email_firefox

[Guest guest]

Good job, Rita.  Nada can work on her own freaking lights.

Best,

Ashana

Now surf faster and smarter ! Check out the new Firefox 3 - Yahoo! Edition

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/firefox/?fr=om_email_firefox

[Guest guest]

Lynette - Well Done! Dancing in the surf (or anywhere you like) is appropriate.

I love the reverse WWND theory - it sure is how I've been raising my son, except

for the occasional flea-induced lapse (and subsequent moment of horror at that

realization).

[Guest guest]

Jenn- your friend has a faster way to " get there " - YOU - if it comes up, and

you can explain how you identified and circumvented the guy's manipulation, you

give her a valuable life lesson as well. Call it " career coaching " - it can be

very useful when you are a manager, training younger/less-experienced employees.

You figured out workplace politics and recognized a power play, then stopped it

without making an unprofessional scene - it's a skill.

>

> Yeah...it was the avoiding a user thing, and thanks. I was definately proud

of myself for that one as Im ususally the one in the room that they target. I

feel bad for my friend that allowed it, but...well...she'll get there

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I have discussed ad naseum my take on this guy with my friend. From the

beginning. It wasn't actually a work thing. More of a creative venture that

sounded like a reeal fun idea and a way to fulfill my creative side...until I

actually met IRL the guy with the idea.

I think my first statements to her were something like " this is a guy that likes

to talk about how great it will be to have this project succeed without actually

doing any of the work. I will work with you on this because I think together we

can get it done and it will be great, but if we let him be the point-man we are

just going to be running around in circles, and I dont have time for that kind

of nonsense "

When what I first suspected of him started playing out (ie. he was writing his

award acceptance speech without having actually kept any of his commitments to

getting the project off the ground, blaming my friend for it, and being a

general ass) I was her sounding board and when he started denying and

invalidating her feelings I was her shoulder. She too is a victim of abuse and

has been in therapy. In light of how she managed this and how she

ignored/rationalized the glaring red flags she is thinking about maybe going

back in. There is a fine line between helping and dictating/trying to control a

friend...even if I think my approach is the more healthy one. Its a line Im

still trying to figure out. I pointed out what I saw without judging her for

deciding to ignore it figuring she's responsible for her decisions.

Additionally, I have my own issues and boundaries and things going on so I

cannot get super involved with her problems (this guy is only one of her strifes

at the moment).

So, I guess what Im trying to say is...I've pretty much done what I can for her

and will continue to be a shoulder should she need it. She has decided that she

will continue to be " casual friends " with him even though the project is

scrapped. This is her choice, same as I've made the choice not to deal with

this individual.

Jen

> >

> > Yeah...it was the avoiding a user thing, and thanks. I was definately proud

of myself for that one as Im ususally the one in the room that they target. I

feel bad for my friend that allowed it, but...well...she'll get there

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well done, Jen. Great success at seeing the red flags - and supporting

but not enabling your friend. These successes do add up!

Suzy

>

>

> So, I guess what Im trying to say is...I've pretty much done what I

> can for her and will continue to be a shoulder should she need it. She

> has decided that she will continue to be " casual friends " with him

> even though the project is scrapped. This is her choice, same as I've

> made the choice not to deal with this individual.

>

[Guest guest]

Suzy - Whether or not Nada could understand and commend you for it, as an

active PTSA (PTO) member I can say this type of district-wide resource

sounds great. It's a challenge to disseminate info to parents and students

- the easier it is for those users to access the information, the easier it

is for us to do out (volunteer) jobs. -

Re: Re: Positive Cheering Squad

I love the idea of this thread, but still have a hard time with it - for

reasons somewhat opposite than many have shared. My situation was not

that nada didn't praise me for accomplishments. I graduated with honors

from schoola and college and did very well professionally. I have

always been independent and capable of taking care of myself (probably

from my training as a mini-adult). I never knew what it meant to be

dependent on anyone.

Oh nada " bragged " on me plenty - but for herself. It's more that she

has taken my accomplishments for her own -and in so doing, away from

me. She loves to gloat as in " Look what I did! " It has always sucked

all the joy out of it for me. She takes credit for just about

everything I have ever done - and she never helped me with school or

anything once in my life! She loves to say well " you got that honest! "

i.e. from her. Well, no, I didn't.

I'll try this out.

I did have a recent accomplishment - not earthshaking, but one I feel

good about. My professional career was in management and technology,

so after stopping work (to raise my son), I've put my skills into

volunteer service for my son's school district. About a year ago, our

district revamped it's web site for the district, and the seven schools

within it. When my son was in elementary and then middle school, I

had created and managed a PTO web site for both. None of the other 5

schools (4 elem, one high school) in the district had PTO web sites. I

saw a valuable tool and opportunity going to waste, and wanted the PTOs

across the district to be more connected and have a uniform " face "

within the district. So I worked with the technology department to

provide the necessary links and support, and then negotiated a greatly

reduced license fee (with the software co) for the web-based educational

design software (also used by the district) that makes it easy for

anyone to create a website from a home computer. I basically went out

and presented the idea to the other PTOs and encouraged them to try.

I'm happy to say that ALL of the PTOs in the district now have active

web sites, are able to post all kinds of helpful info on them, and are

saving a ton of money in mailing costs.

I have no desire to share this with nada.

Suzy

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[Guest guest]

Woo hoo! Way to go Ashana! My 16 yo dtr is bpd and really struggled in some of

her (large public school) classes before she went to RTC. She hooked up with a

pretty dark crowd becs of her dark struggles. She will be back home this summer

or fall and I am trying hard to find the right school fit for her. I'd be

thrilled if she had a teacher like you! = ) Thanks for sharing.

Sincerely,