Re: Mother's Day Madness & Mortality

[Guest guest]

Wow. What wisdom and exp. here! I have been NC (despite her attempts) since Oct

'08. Best thing I ever did-even including the legal action she is taking. My

husband asked me how I will feel when she passes away some day-and the HORRIBLE

thing is-all I could think of was " relief " . My extended family has been implying

that she is (physically) sick-but will not answer my questions outright. I have

thought about what I would do, since it seems as if I may be faced with this in

the somewhat near future, but never came up with anything I was comfortable

with. I think I would go to the wake-just to make sure her death is for real and

not a ploy of some sort (BTDT) but I think I would have to agree not to attend

the funeral. Your right-I COULD NOT stand there and hear all these people talk

about how wonderful she was. I have been her target since birth. People have NO

IDEA-not even her siblings-about how SICK she is and how CRAZY it was to grow up

in that house. There was verbal and emotional abuse, and some pretty nasty

physical abuse too.

> >

> > I have just decided to go NC and the parents are 84 and 86...I will go to

> > the wake, to see the rest of the relatives ( until they start in on me, if

> > they do) but I will NOT go to the service, I will NOT sit there and listen

> > to people eulogizing ( is that a word ?) them as wonderful sweet, generous

> > people!! I have informed both my sisters that I will not go to the

> > mass/service...depending on which died first will dictate if I resume

> > contact with the remaining parent...if it's BPD nada who dies, I may, may

> > not with fada, if it's fada who dies, and nada left behind, NO..I only

> > endured her wrath/nastiness to continue a relationship with fada ( of course

> > it was only one way, I made all the effort) but now that he's turned on me

> > as well..I don't need either of them

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> > This mother's day my sister invited my parents to her home for brunch. At

> > first they said, " NO " . A few days later, they called my sister in a panic,

> > having changed their minds. (I'm sure there was A LOT of drama leading up to

> > this crazy YES/NO response.) So my sister prepared a lovely meal. Sunday

> > morning she gets a call from my nada - " fada is in the hospital with a blood

> > clot in his leg. " So of course, complete panic ensues. My nada spent the

> > next day sobbing, not answering the phone. My fada tells my sister that he

> > could have died. (The truth...it was caught early & he's basically in good

> > health & needs to take a blood thinner & was in the hospital for just one

> > day.) Nada/fada live in a very HIGH maintenance home and are approaching

> > eighty. They have no intention of moving but will also NEVER hire any help.

> > I'm NC so my formerly split all-bad sister is now their " savior " . Yet she's

> > already reporting back to me that nothing she does is ever good enough.

> > Nada/fada have few friends at this point, having burnt most bridges. I'm NC,

> > so I am now the hated all-bad one. All this craziness does bring up the

> > issue of death though. Has anyone out there experienced the death of a

> > parent while NC? What was it like? Did you go to the funeral? What was it

> > like dealing with the remaining parent? I feel like I'm on the edge of a

> > volcano looking down into the caldera. It's scary as hell but I don't want

> > to make the wrong move. Being NC has been bliss.

> >

>