Un-Mother's Day/What are your nada anti-lessons?

[Guest guest]

I need to get my book back from my therapist because I'd love to be able to

look up and describe the mothers for you guys. I can't remember if it's

the hermit or the waif that is the mother who sees danger all around her

and instills fear into her children.

In a message dated 5/4/2009 7:41:14 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

adriennedelatorre@... writes:

This is such a great idea. Having an un-Mother's Day is something that I

will definitely try as the dreaded day approaches.

My whole entire life even up to recently, I have always heard this from my

nada:

-

1- " Be careful of people. You never know who to trust so don't trust anyone

but yourself. "

2- " always remember that you are a lady. "

3- " all we have is each other. "

4- " Life isn't about having fun. Life is hard. "

In response:

1-I have always been told and taught to never let anyone in because they

will hurt you. That is why I carry a lot of resentment towards my nada

because its this type of thinking that kept me isolated and alone as a child.

2- my nada NEVER acted like a lady. She was always putting on this tough

exterior, yelling and screaming and acting like nothing bothered her and

never wanted to be feminine because to her, feminity = vulnerablity=2- my nada

3-I see it clearly now as an adult that this was a ploy to get control

over me. If I rely ONLY on her and not have any friends, family or spouses,

then I will do anything she wants because without her I am alone. This is

what she has done with my fada. He now has no family, no friends, and she has

total control over him. This used to be me.

4- Everything my nada does, she has to pick the hardest and toughest way

to do it. Its unbelievable to me that my nada has NEVER taken a vacation and

probably never will because vacations are for people who want to find the

joy in life and enjoy the fruits of their labor. My nada just enjoys the

labor.

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

-----Original Message-----

From: " christine.depizan " <_christine.depizan@christine_

(mailto:christine.depizan@...) >

Date: Mon, 04 May 2009 11:20:15

To: <_WTOAdultChildren1@WTOAdultChilWTO_

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ) >

Subject: Un-Mother's Day/What are your nada

anti-lessons?

Would any of you fellow KOs like to share some of the lessons you learned

from nada about how NOT to be--or how TO BE better than the example she

showed to you? As Mother's Day approaches,it might be good to have our own

Un-Mother's Day as a way to honor ourselves and our survival and our

strength--for although our experiences of being raised by a nada (and/or a

fada)

caused us to suffer terribly we have certainly also had to develop certain

strengths of character that I think we should all be proud of and should

celebrate.

What are the anti-lessons you learned from your nada?

Mine are:

--You can't take it with you: not your beauty or your wealth,your charisma

or your power...the only thing that goes with you to the grave and beyond

are the ethics you lived by and the legacy of love you left behind.Someone

might remember during their lifetime that you entranced and seduced them or

recall with envy that you surpassed the es or that everyone in your

social circle thought you were the bomb or that your social circle kowtowed

to your power...but these people and these recollections pass away into

nothingness.--You can't take it with you: not your beauty or your wealth,your

charisma or your power...the only thing that goes with you to the grave and

beyond are the ethics you lived by and the legacy of love you left

behind.Someone might remember during their lifetime that you entranced and

seduced

them o

Nada's core motivation was promotion of a false image she wanted others to

believe and the preservation of a false self at the expense of others

people's rights,including mine.I watched her blatantly lie and manipulate,act

her way through life and never pass on a single genuine act of kindness.In

her wake she leaves an emptiness,her own ego and endless needs and

nothing,nothing that ever truly benefited anyone aside from herself and even

there,not even that.

I learned from her as an anti-lesson that the only thing any of us really

own is our own values and that these are worth struggling for because

without them we have neither a self nor a soul.

Anyone else?

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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[Guest guest]

This list you made reminds me of my grandmother. She had that tough as

nails, hard exterior. She reminds me of the mother off of Mommy Dearest

(even looked a little like her).

My mother was the opposite -- victim-ish, whiney, emotionally weak,

depressed, and phobic. She was afraid of everything. Wanted everyone to treat

her like she was 2 and didn't have the emotional maturity much past that.

In a message dated 5/4/2009 7:41:14 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

adriennedelatorre@... writes:

This is such a great idea. Having an un-Mother's Day is something that I

will definitely try as the dreaded day approaches.

My whole entire life even up to recently, I have always heard this from my

nada:

-

1- " Be careful of people. You never know who to trust so don't trust anyone

but yourself. "

2- " always remember that you are a lady. "

3- " all we have is each other. "

4- " Life isn't about having fun. Life is hard. "

In response:

1-I have always been told and taught to never let anyone in because they

will hurt you. That is why I carry a lot of resentment towards my nada

because its this type of thinking that kept me isolated and alone as a child.

2- my nada NEVER acted like a lady. She was always putting on this tough

exterior, yelling and screaming and acting like nothing bothered her and

never wanted to be feminine because to her, feminity = vulnerablity=2- my nada

3-I see it clearly now as an adult that this was a ploy to get control

over me. If I rely ONLY on her and not have any friends, family or spouses,

then I will do anything she wants because without her I am alone. This is

what she has done with my fada. He now has no family, no friends, and she has

total control over him. This used to be me.

4- Everything my nada does, she has to pick the hardest and toughest way

to do it. Its unbelievable to me that my nada has NEVER taken a vacation and

probably never will because vacations are for people who want to find the

joy in life and enjoy the fruits of their labor. My nada just enjoys the

labor.

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

-----Original Message-----

From: " christine.depizan " <_christine.depizan@christine_

(mailto:christine.depizan@...) >

Date: Mon, 04 May 2009 11:20:15

To: <_WTOAdultChildren1@WTOAdultChilWTO_

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ) >

Subject: Un-Mother's Day/What are your nada

anti-lessons?

Would any of you fellow KOs like to share some of the lessons you learned

from nada about how NOT to be--or how TO BE better than the example she

showed to you? As Mother's Day approaches,it might be good to have our own

Un-Mother's Day as a way to honor ourselves and our survival and our

strength--for although our experiences of being raised by a nada (and/or a

fada)

caused us to suffer terribly we have certainly also had to develop certain

strengths of character that I think we should all be proud of and should

celebrate.

What are the anti-lessons you learned from your nada?

Mine are:

--You can't take it with you: not your beauty or your wealth,your charisma

or your power...the only thing that goes with you to the grave and beyond

are the ethics you lived by and the legacy of love you left behind.Someone

might remember during their lifetime that you entranced and seduced them or

recall with envy that you surpassed the es or that everyone in your

social circle thought you were the bomb or that your social circle kowtowed

to your power...but these people and these recollections pass away into

nothingness.--You can't take it with you: not your beauty or your wealth,your

charisma or your power...the only thing that goes with you to the grave and

beyond are the ethics you lived by and the legacy of love you left

behind.Someone might remember during their lifetime that you entranced and

seduced

them o

Nada's core motivation was promotion of a false image she wanted others to

believe and the preservation of a false self at the expense of others

people's rights,including mine.I watched her blatantly lie and manipulate,act

her way through life and never pass on a single genuine act of kindness.In

her wake she leaves an emptiness,her own ego and endless needs and

nothing,nothing that ever truly benefited anyone aside from herself and even

there,not even that.

I learned from her as an anti-lesson that the only thing any of us really

own is our own values and that these are worth struggling for because

without them we have neither a self nor a soul.

Anyone else?

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

**************2009 3 Free CREDIT SCORES: See Your 3 Credit Scores from All

3 Bureaus FREE!

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1221797372x1201397989/aol?redir=https:%\

2F%2Fwww.freescore.com%2FOffers%2FStart%2FFreeCreditRepor

tAndScore.aspx%3FID%3D91831F371F138345B53A153F49D4D872%26siteid%3De927580bf7

)

[Guest guest]

Would any of you fellow KOs like to share some of the lessons you learned from

nada about how NOT to be--or how TO BE better than the example she showed to

you? As Mother's Day approaches,it might be good to have our own Un-Mother's Day

as a way to honor ourselves and our survival and our strength--for although our

experiences of being raised by a nada (and/or a fada) caused us to suffer

terribly we have certainly also had to develop certain strengths of character

that I think we should all be proud of and should celebrate.

What are the anti-lessons you learned from your nada?

Mine are:

--You can't take it with you: not your beauty or your wealth,your charisma or

your power...the only thing that goes with you to the grave and beyond are the

ethics you lived by and the legacy of love you left behind.Someone might

remember during their lifetime that you entranced and seduced them or recall

with envy that you surpassed the es or that everyone in your social circle

thought you were the bomb or that your social circle kowtowed to your

power...but these people and these recollections pass away into

nothingness...the only thing that will endure is the positive energy you gave to

others who in turn gave it to others,passing along a cause and effect of love

and good will...that is the only true legacy that any of us can leave,no matter

how humble or how great the scale of our Earthly life might have been.

Nada's core motivation was promotion of a false image she wanted others to

believe and the preservation of a false self at the expense of others people's

rights,including mine.I watched her blatantly lie and manipulate,act her way

through life and never pass on a single genuine act of kindness.In her wake she

leaves an emptiness,her own ego and endless needs and nothing,nothing that ever

truly benefited anyone aside from herself and even there,not even that.

I learned from her as an anti-lesson that the only thing any of us really

own is our own values and that these are worth struggling for because without

them we have neither a self nor a soul.

Anyone else?

[Guest guest]

This is such a great idea. Having an un-Mother's Day is something that I will

definitely try as the dreaded day approaches.

My whole entire life even up to recently, I have always heard this from my nada:

-

1- " Be careful of people. You never know who to trust so don't trust anyone but

yourself. "

2- " always remember that you are a lady. "

3- " all we have is each other. "

4- " Life isn't about having fun. Life is hard. "

In response:

1-I have always been told and taught to never let anyone in because they will

hurt you. That is why I carry a lot of resentment towards my nada because its

this type of thinking that kept me isolated and alone as a child.

2- my nada NEVER acted like a lady. She was always putting on this tough

exterior, yelling and screaming and acting like nothing bothered her and never

wanted to be feminine because to her, feminity = vulnerablity=heartache.

3-I see it clearly now as an adult that this was a ploy to get control over me.

If I rely ONLY on her and not have any friends, family or spouses, then I will

do anything she wants because without her I am alone. This is what she has done

with my fada. He now has no family, no friends, and she has total control over

him. This used to be me.

4- Everything my nada does, she has to pick the hardest and toughest way to do

it. Its unbelievable to me that my nada has NEVER taken a vacation and probably

never will because vacations are for people who want to find the joy in life and

enjoy the fruits of their labor. My nada just enjoys the labor.

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Un-Mother's Day/What are your nada anti-lessons?

Would any of you fellow KOs like to share some of the lessons you learned from

nada about how NOT to be--or how TO BE better than the example she showed to

you? As Mother's Day approaches,it might be good to have our own Un-Mother's Day

as a way to honor ourselves and our survival and our strength--for although our

experiences of being raised by a nada (and/or a fada) caused us to suffer

terribly we have certainly also had to develop certain strengths of character

that I think we should all be proud of and should celebrate.

What are the anti-lessons you learned from your nada?

Mine are:

--You can't take it with you: not your beauty or your wealth,your charisma or

your power...the only thing that goes with you to the grave and beyond are the

ethics you lived by and the legacy of love you left behind.Someone might

remember during their lifetime that you entranced and seduced them or recall

with envy that you surpassed the es or that everyone in your social circle

thought you were the bomb or that your social circle kowtowed to your

power...but these people and these recollections pass away into

nothingness...the only thing that will endure is the positive energy you gave to

others who in turn gave it to others,passing along a cause and effect of love

and good will...that is the only true legacy that any of us can leave,no matter

how humble or how great the scale of our Earthly life might have been.

Nada's core motivation was promotion of a false image she wanted others to

believe and the preservation of a false self at the expense of others people's

rights,including mine.I watched her blatantly lie and manipulate,act her way

through life and never pass on a single genuine act of kindness.In her wake she

leaves an emptiness,her own ego and endless needs and nothing,nothing that ever

truly benefited anyone aside from herself and even there,not even that.

I learned from her as an anti-lesson that the only thing any of us really

own is our own values and that these are worth struggling for because without

them we have neither a self nor a soul.

Anyone else?