Re: Dealing with Pain and Relationships

[Guest guest]

> wrote:

> Believe me, I considered asking getting someone to help me with the cooking,

cleaning and shopping. I still consider getting help at times.

:

I just went ahead and did it and my husband saw how it helped so if you have

control over the finances, do it for your sake. I would not put energy into the

bantering, it gets to become a habit. I have done that. You have to stay away

from the toxic relationships and becoming part of it. Have you heard the

expression " Don't get caught up in the small stuff " Time management also says

to prioritize and some of that gets petty.

Yes, using one towel because it is already clean makes the laundry makes sense

but using two towels to save time is kinda funny because then you spend extra

time washing two towels, you see what I mean.

Do not hurt your relationship with your husband because of this, just get the

help and you and him both can see the difference. Then use the extra time to

love one another and Thank him for getting the new job because I am sure he is

worried about doing a good job and making a good impression.

Sometimes in our pain, we forget to encourage others but no matter how much in

pain we are, we can still be kind and encouraging and it gets more done than the

other way. I have had to apologize many time for my frustration when I have

been in pain and been that " other woman " . That is what I say, " It was that

other woman " , the one in pain and cranky.

Much love to you , I can tell you are better as you are trying to

coordinate this and be in control of your environment Give him a break and give

yourself one also. I am thinking of you.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

> I just went ahead and did it and my husband saw how it helped so if you have

control over the finances, do it for your sake.

From time to time, I consider this, but eventually he would find out that I did

this without speaking with him. Then he loses the trust he has in me for

finances. I want to avoid this.

>in the small stuff " Time management also says to prioritize and some of that

gets petty.

I did not go into detail here, but because of his detail oriented job (and how

his mind works) it is more effective to include that small stuff. His weekends

are already full of time consuming activities that he puts off until the weekend

because he is to tired after his regular job.

When he did contracting work a couple years ago, I did not think I needed to

give him a list of his usual weekend activities, I thought he considered the

time those activities took when speaking with the customer. It became apparent

after it was too late, that he thought he could do everything had had been doing

plus the contract work.

>Thank him for getting the new job because I am sure he is worried about doing a

good job and making a good impression.

He would not be giving up his regular job. This is in addition to his regular

job. Between the jobs, he would be working 7 days a week for months. He cannot

handle working like this. He tried a few years ago. He suffers burnout but

those symptoms are all my fault.

[Guest guest]

,

Lord, you do not need to be worrying about this. Hope he sees it is not worth

it and he does not get sick from it. I am thinking of you. I understand

needing structure, my husband and son have ADHD and it drives me nuts repeating

what I say and what to do and I cannot believe I went in that career field. So

here I am giving everyone instruction over, my family, my dogs, and the students

I had. My career training helps, I use the same techniques. Bennie

> wrote:

> He would not be giving up his regular job. This is in addition to his regular

job. Between the jobs, he would be working 7 days a week for months. He cannot

handle working like this. He tried a few years ago. He suffers burnout but

those symptoms are all my fault.