Fw: Shan - re many posts (too many to count!)

[Guest guest]

-----Oorspronkelijk bericht-----

Van: Marie Rieuwers

Aan: weightlossbuddies2 <weightlossbuddies2 >

Datum: woensdag 5 februari 2003 11:08

Onderwerp: Shan - re many posts (too many to count!)

Shan wrote >>>>You being here with us brings such a light and joy to this place

and

I gotta tell ya...You are truly an inspiration to us all!!! SOooo hows the

plans for the dinnerguests coming?!!<<<

Hi Shan,

Trust me girl, I receive so much inspiration and support from this group so if I

can give some in return it's my privilege to do so.

The Maltese dinner was WONDERFUL. Such true friends are a sheer delight after

the back-stabbing of last week. I'm actually surprised you didn't hear us

laughing!!

>>>>Do tell tho what in the world is veggie ham? Does it

come from a pig made of plants? And hey if Im coming all that way for

dinner I SURE DO want the cream <<<<

Vegetarian ham is made from pigs shaped like grass!!! No, seriously, it is a

soy based product which has the appearance and texture of ham. I haven't eaten

'real' ham for so many years so I can't really remember what it tastes like but

the veg. version tastes quite nice. We don't use a lot of meat substitutes but

this is one we like from time to time.

Your dessert, complete with the cream, is in the fridge. I've saved one for you

too Miki. You'll have to be quick though before Hans eats them !!

>>>Ahhhh like most people...all other forms of discrimination are intolerable

but its always ok to pick on the fat chick. I saw many downcast eyes and

shocked reactions at our first exchange but of course nobody else called him

on it. <<<<

Shan, I can't say I'm surprised but I'm certainly disappointed. I feel 'let

down' on your behalf. I guess we have both learned recently who we can rely on

for support when it's needed and who we can't. A good lesson to learn even if

it is painful at the time.

>>>>I am just feeling....uggggh. I dunno what the word for it even is.

Melancholy? I had a

bit of conflict with this weekend but that was mostly resolved by

yesterday so thats something to be thankful for. Im just feeling...kinda

funky monkey. That whole 'what am I doing..where will I end up..where is this

life taking me' kinda thing going on and I hate loathe and despise it. I am

cognitively aware that almost everything I am doing now is for some greater

good down the road but I think sometimes the length of that road is

overwhelming when considered all at once. I try to not ever think 'too far'

into the future for this very reason and instead think short term to avoid

this very pitfall. <<<<

Shan, my heart bleeds for you. Can this be the Shan who supports everyone else

with JUST the right words when we need them?? Of course conflict with loved

ones can be a real strain and I can understand that it upset you.

>>>but I think sometimes the length of that road is overwhelming when considered

all at once<<<

I know it's old and we have all heard it so often but - " A journey of 1000

miles begins with a single step " . Shan, you have taken the first step and many

more. When you set off on a long journey you know you aren't going to get there

without stopping along the way. A long plane trip involves stopovers, if you

are going by car you have to stop to buy petrol, a train trip involves many

intermediate stations. None of the stops are at your destination but, without

them, you'll never get there. Sometimes the stops may be longer than you

planned or expected but they ARE only temporary. Provided you have got on the

right plane, driven down the right road, caught the right train you WILL reach

your destination. You KNOW that you are headed in the right direction and for

the right reasons - just rejoice in the opportunity to sit back and reflect on

your progress so far and the pleasure which awaits you at each extra step you

take.

>>>and instead think short term to avoid this very pitfall. <<<<

Great, short term intermediate goals planned into your long term aim to achieve

a wonderful new healthy lifestyle. That is a fantastic way to look at a long

journey - a series of short, achievable stages each with it's own rewards but

eventually arriving at your final destination.

>>>They really set the watermark high for my sister and I both as far as

replicating the environment we grew up in for our own families/children.

Maybe that last statement is it in a nutshell. I just suddenly allowed myself to

forget the great and wonderful things their love and example have allowed me to

do.<<<<

Far from 'forgetting' you have reflected on other things and realised what is

REALLY important. How happy I am for you to know that you come from such a

supportive and loving family.

>>>>Put all that aside and got sucked into the 'christ Im almost 30 and what the

hell am I doing with my life' kinda thing. I know there is NO credence to that.

I KNOW IT. But...insert heavy sigh here....sometimes....its really hard to feel

'good enough' even when nobody else is questioning your value and its all self

inflicted doubt.<<<<

Shan, if ONLY I could be there to give you one of your own superb 'bear hugs'.

As you said, your parents and family aren't perfect and they only want the

'best' for you NOT perfection so don't you go knocking yourself for not being

what you see as perfect. Perfection leaves no room for improvement, nothing to

strive for and no-one will ever achieve 'perfection'. What may seem to you as

perfection in someone else is not likely to seem that way to them. Instead of

setting yourself destructive 'impossible' to achieve' goals be realistic. Your

family love you so much and want the best for you and for you to be HAPPY not

PERFECT. Set your own goal to this achievable level, plan lots of wayside stops

and you can get there. YOU WILL GET THERE.

I know for certain that I'm not the only member who will have read your post

and thought 'I have got so much support and encouragement from Shan. I only

wish I could support her in the same way she has so lovingly done for us'.

>>>>Ahhhhhh ok. I actually feel somewhat better now just having expressed what I

was feeling to a concerned (and somewhat captive hehe) audience<<<<

And isn't that the truth? Share your problems and doubts with someone you

trust. They aren't going to tell you that it is 'all right' and turn their

backs on you. They listen, support, offer help and, most of all, accept that

your feelings are real and not to be dismissed with platitudes.

>>> For those of you unfamiliar with depression one of the hardest things to do

is relate or express the feelings that bring you down.<<<<

And YOU Shan, have done just that in a very beautiful way. When I read what you

wrote I immediately understood your situation even though I'm not there myself.

Being able to do that is a real achievement even when describing something

'concrete' like scenery - you have achieved it about feelings. Well done on

getting it all down on 'paper' so eloquently.

>>>In my case that has always been my gateway into sliding deeper and deeper

into a severely 'muted' depression that allows me to function but just barely. I

cannot go there again and Im not embarrassed to say that while I wrote this last

paragraph tears are

streaming down my face<<<<

No need for embarrassment and congratulations for allowing yourself the luxury

of tears. We all know that a good cry is therapeutic. You were crying tears of

relief not self pity and that is so uplifting to hear.

>>> both because I am again so thankful to have found this group and also

because I KNOW with every guarantee I am NOT allowing this 'funk' to develop

further or rather allowing it to envelope me and stifle me from enjoying life to

the fullest. <<<

This group is truly a remarkable place with the best friends I could ever hope

to find anywhere. It is certainly the most positive group I have ever been

associated with. I LOVE the last sentence - with affirmations like that the

road ahead will still seem long but MUCH more manageable.

>>>>its now 1230 and I have an appointment to pull myself up by the bootstraps

and get on with this day.<<<<

I love it. I love it. Can I use it? SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO positive.

>>>> Im sorry if my blathering brought anyone else down <<<<

Only because we feel for YOU and we want to be there for you.

>>>>I thank all who read it b/c again just having this outlet has in all reality

helped keep me on the straight and narrow road for another day. <<<<<

That's EXACTLY what we are here for - to help each other, to support each other,

to learn from each other, to share with each other, to laugh with each other AND

to shed the occasional tear with each other.

>>>THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! <<<<

And THANK YOU too for trusting us with such personal thoughts. We are

so privileged to be able to share our lives with you.

>>>Ahhhhhh.....look out world...here I come Yall have a great day and

....bekind to yourself....k?<<<<

And that goes trillion times for you too Shan.

Super big hugs from Marie