Re: bereavement advice please

[Guest guest]

--- Donna M R Griffiths wrote:

>

> Hi all, I need some advice and possible emotional support. I recently lost my

baby sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year. I went to the UHW

today for a remembrance service and lasted about less then five minutes before I

became too distressed and upset. I ended up going back to the car and sitting

there for the remainder of the service. Is there anything I can do that will

make it easier upon myself in future?

Donna Marie -

I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of your sister.

Your grief is certainly understandable, and everyone recovers from loss in their

own way and in their own time. But if feel like you're having trouble dealing

with it such that it is affecting your health and ability to function, you may

need to seek some professional help. Do you have a counselor, therapist or

psychologist you can talk to about it? They can help you work through the

process of grieving and give you tools for dealing with the trauma of loss. If

you're suffering from clinical depression as a result of this situation, you

might need medical intervention.

Please seek out some local professional guidance to help you through this tough

time.

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator

[Guest guest]

Hello!

I am so glad that you reached out to us!! Are there any support groups in your

neighborhood that you might be able to attend? This must be a terribly difficult

time for you. I cannot even imagine. Hopefully there may be others close by who

have experienced a loss of this magnitude and you can talk with them

face-to-face. You have my deepest condolences on your loss!!

Hugs and prayers coming your way!

Carol

> Donna wrote:

I need some advice and possible emotional support. I recently lost my baby

sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year.

[Guest guest]

Your in my thoughts n prayers hun. My grandmother passed 3 years ago and I'm

still grieving. If you would like to talk anytime off group please feel free to

do so. Your in my prayers. Its a long road but slowly talking about it helps.

> Donna wrote:

I need some advice and possible emotional support. I recently lost my baby

sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year.

[Guest guest]

---Donna M R Griffiths wrote:

>

> I recently lost my baby sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year.

Is there anything I can do that will make it easier upon myself in future? Is

it a case of wait and see? Could this be a reason why I am not sleeping as no

medical condition or explanation can be found other then the stomach and chest

pain? Any advice welcomed.

Dear Donna,

Please accept my condolences on your sisters passing. Losing any family member

is hard, but when they are that young, it makes it much harder.

I lost a child in December almost 30 years ago and it still hurts now. Some

years, I can sail through November and December without any issues, but others

my depression gets worse, I withdraw more and limit my contact with other people

because my attitude isn't always the best at times and it doesn't take very much

to set me off.

Your stomach and chest pain could very well be from your grieving if there is no

other medical explanation for it. I would have severe panic attacks, my

migraines would come back with a vengeance and I had other issues that couldn't

be explained other than caused by stress. One year, I had a migraine for the

entire year that just wouldn't go away no matter what medication I took or did.

The pain never goes away, but it does lessen with time. The first year was the

hardest for me because my husband refused to talk to me about what had happened.

My sanity saver was a friend who would listen to what I had to say and always

made time for me no matter what else was going on in her life at the time.

Finding someone who is willing to listen will help a lot. Keeping a journal may

also help as it gets your thoughts and feelings down on paper.

Bobbie

[Guest guest]

Thank you lisa

From Miss Donna-marie rachel Griffiths UK south wales

> wrote:

>Your in my thoughts n prayers hun. My grandmother passed 3 years ago and I'm

still grieving. If you would like to talk anytime off group please feel free to

do so. Your in my prayers. Its a long road but slowly talking about it helps.

[Guest guest]

hi, Where I live in the United Kingdom we are a very small community and lack in

a lot of support groups

From Miss Donna-marie rachel Griffiths UK south wales

>Carol wrote:

I am so glad that you reached out to us!! Are there any support groups in your

neighborhood that you might be able to attend?

[Guest guest]

>

> From Miss Donna-marie rachel Griffiths UK south wales wrote:

> Hi all, I need some advice and possible emotional support. I recently lost my

baby sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year. I Is there anything I

can do that will make it easier upon myself in future? Is it a case of wait and

see? Could this be a reason why I am not sleeping as no medical condition or

explanation can be found other then the stomach and chest pain?

Donna,

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a family member is

especially hard, and does seem to impact a person more than some other

losses might. The physical symptoms that you described - having trouble

sleeping, stomach problems and chest pain can all be brought on by your grief.

I would suggest seeing your medical doctor just to be checked out to make sure

nothing else is going on. Your doctor can also help you manage those symptoms,

and might be able to suggest techniques to

help you with your grief. Your doctor should also be able to refer you

to other medical professionals like counselors or support groups.

I lost my husband quite suddenly two years ago and experienced similar

problems. I couldn't sleep and my stomach was a mess. My doctor was

very helpful, as well as a good person to be able to talk to about some of my

symptoms.

I also attended a bereavement class that was offered by my local hospital. It

was helpful in explaining what several of the people have already mentioned:

that everyone experiences grief in their

own way, at their own time, and at their own pace.

I have also joined a Widow Support Group that is made up of people who

have experienced a similar loss. You might look for something similar

in your area for people who are grieving the loss of a family member.

Being able to talk openly with people who have experienced the same loss and

extreme grief can be very helpful. While my friends have been quite supportive,

they just don't know what it is like to lose a spouse, so having other widows to

talk to has been really good for me.

As some have already stated, the holidays can be a very difficult time. I still

have problems getting very excited about the holidays and find that I don't want

to participate like I used to. I had to allow myself to feel that it was okay

to be this way until I feel ready to resume my " normal " activities....whatever

is now normal. I am trying to find my " new normal " as I trudge through life as a

changed person.

I wish you success in your journey through bereavement and grief. I

does take time, and it will get better, so don't let anyone make you

feel like you should be " fine " by now.

[Guest guest]

Unfortunately grief can put is in a bad flare. My FM started to get bad after

we lost my dad right before Christmas in 2000. Support is the most important

thing of all though, and faith if you have it.

The pain won't go away. It gets

easier as time goes by but thoughts creep up on you when you least expect it and

it will take your breath away. Hopefully you have family that you can lean on

and if you don't try to find a support group even if it's an online one that you

can let your feelings out on.

Don't be afraid to talk about it with other family members either because they

probably need to talk to. I am here if you need to talk and I am sure there are

others who have lost someone close. I will say a prayer for you.

Hugs,

SHELL

> Donna wrote:

I need some advice and possible emotional support. I recently lost my baby

sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year.

[Guest guest]

There are all kinds of online support groups for grieving people and of course

there is still us. Do you have access to a mental health provider? I had to

have one of those to get through it too. They can also give you something to

settle your nerves down if you need it.

Hugs,

SHELL

[Guest guest]

Donna: cry. And cry some more. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to

stop. My husband was killed by a drunk driver, I was 3 months pregnant with our

first child. It seems like I cried for years!

You are the only one who will know when you can stop, or slow down. Everyone is

different. I shipped most of my husband's clothes off to a thrift store right

away. But I kept every love letter and note he wrote and made them soggy with my

tears.

People can say real bizzare stuff, meant to console you. Forgive them, as they

do mean well.

It's been 30 years and if still hurts. But it does get easier. Right now you

can't fathom that. It's ok. Take the time you need. Try to share with someone

else if you can.

I believe I had a guardian angel with me. Yours is there too.

Biggest advice? Hang on. Hugs.

Candy

> Donna wrote:

> I need some advice and possible emotional support. I recently lost my baby

> sister who was five and pasted away in Feb this year.