Re: Intimacy and chronic pain

[Guest guest]

Dear Kaylene:

It's so important that you mentioned how medications can affect libido.  Also

the fact that so many of us are also so limited in movement that it makes things

difficult or even next to impossible.  I guess in some ways we revert back to

teenagers and need to think of creative ways to be intimate. 

In addressing what medications can do for libido, I think it's important to

mention that there are medications to help with that, too.  Talk to your doc. 

Thanks for the great link, Kaylene

- PA

>We both take medications with the side affect decrease desire.

This is an area with need to work on. I'm so glad the subject

came up because I haven't thought about it in awhile.

[Guest guest]

Kaylene,

Thanks for the link to the Mayo article. It has a number of helpful

suggestions.

> Dear Kaylene:

>

> It's so important that you mentioned how medications can affect libido.

> Also the fact that so many of us are also so limited in movement that it

> makes things difficult or even next to impossible. I guess in some ways we

> revert back to teenagers and need to think of creative ways to be intimate.

>

> In addressing what medications can do for libido, I think it's important to

> mention that there are medications to help with that, too. Talk to your

> doc.

>

> Thanks for the great link, Kaylene

>

> - PA

>

>

>

>

>

> >We both take medications with the side affect decrease desire.

> This is an area with need to work on. I'm so glad the subject

> came up because I haven't thought about it in awhile.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kaylene

Thanks for the link to the Mayo article. It has a number of helpful

suggestions.

I really like your analogy about reverting " back to teenagers and need

to think of creative ways to be intimate. "

My husband and I used to be very sexually active. Now almost nothing. I am

sure he is afraid that he will hurt me, so the initiative has to be mine. I

have no libido and so I do not think about it. I guess I need to get back

into the habit of thinking about it. I like the idea of just having " us "

time. To just snuggle and letting it grow from there if it seems right. I

have some hope about a way of implementing something that might work.

[Guest guest]

I too saw my intimacy levels drop dramatically. My pain is non-stop with few

breaks in between, plus my multiple meds contribute to that.

I am fortunate to have a husband who is so understanding,and refuses to enjoy a

sexual encounter if he knows I receive no pleasure from it.

We too share many nights talking, just as we did when dating. That's the reason

we got married, right? Remember that romance includes touching, hugging,

snuggling and simply cuddling on the couch.

Be sure to address this issue with your mate, you may be surprised how

understanding they can be. Many sexually active couples don't take the time to

do this, and are missing out on a special connection that keeps our marriage

ever stronger.

[Guest guest]

This is an important topic and I'm so grateful it has been raised here. Kaylene,

your situation sounds so much like mine. My hubby has pudental nerve damage and

colitis. He takes methadone...the severity of his condition and the meds have

caused impotence.

My CRPS and meds greatly reduce my interest as well. We're in our mid 50's, have

been very happily married for 33 years and our intimacy is important to us even

if it isn't traditional! We have always been very " touchy " with one another. In

spite of the fact that I now limp and walk quite slowly, we still hold hands

wherever we go and he matches his pace to mine. We remain intimate in every way

we can and find a great deal of satisfaction as a result. But this has been

difficult for my hubby.

There have been many times I've wondered about whether or not we can ever return

to anything close to normal intimacy. Both of our neuropathies are progressive

and not curable (although I do continue to keep hope alive for remission).

It sounds like many people dealing with severe chronic pain are in a similar

situation when it comes to intimacy. It's so helpful knowing that we are not

alone in our pain and struggles to have some semblance of a normal life.

Everything in life has slowed down so much. I'm so glad I've found this group.

Thank you all.

~Carol

[Guest guest]

I am happy but envious too, for those who have a significant other in their

lives who can still share intimacy. Albeit, in different ways than were possible

when we didn't have chronic pain. For me that hasn't been possible, because I

was married to someone who was/is a Narcissisit. So, when I began to be in pain

it was all about him and never about me.

I was supposed to service him no matter what pain I felt, if I loved him and you

get the general idea. The marriage basicly ended for me when I wasn't able to

perform up to standards in so many ways and forget " in sickness " vows.

I learned then what I was married to and how I had fooled myself for so long.

The blinders came off and now I have been trying to divorce the SOB for 7

years. The year before I filed for divorce, he took an

extravagant vacation to the south of France with my son and his friend, all

exoenses paid for both, as well as a tour of the Scandinavian countries on his

own.

After I filed for divorce this same man, who was a milionaire, claimed poverty

and filed documents making me support him. I guess I am venting again, but its

been a challenge for me each day when I have to cope with the pain I can't

control from a never ending divorce and from the physical pain of Fibromyalgia,

Osteoarthritis, and spinal Stenosis, to name a few of the physical ills.

a

Carol wrote:

This is an important topic and I'm so grateful it has been raised here. Kaylene,

your situation sounds so much like mine. My hubby has pudental nerve damage and

colitis. He takes methadone. The severity of his condition and the meds have

caused impotence.

[Guest guest]

a, I totally know what you mean about the narcissist partner. His needs

are our problem, but your pain is your problem. And no matter how calmly and

rationally you try to explain the situation to him, it falls on deaf ears.

No concept of " equal partnership " or " mutual aid " . When they are no longer

willing to meet us halfway - much less realize how much harder we have to work

to even get halfway - then the relationship is doomed.

And the double betrayal comes later, once we are alone and suffering, knowing

that he OUGHT to have been here, he OUGHT to have been offering comfort, but he

isn't.

It is heartening to hear about the guys who DO stay, the ones who DO make it

work. Those are the heroes.

>

> I am happy but envious too, for those who have a significant other in their

lives who can still share intimacy. Albeit, in different ways than were possible

when we didn't have chronic pain. For me that hasn't been possible, because I

was married to someone who was/is a Narcissist. So, when I began to be in pain

it was all about him and never about me.

[Guest guest]

I know the feeling a. I also had a A**h*** for a husband. Always about

him.

I too have been trying to get my divorce for 2 years that he has been with

another woman. Pastors ex-daughter-in-law and had to leave my church because

they treated me and my daughter like it was my fault he was cheating!

He knew when we got married that I was disabled. I believe he married me for the

insurance settlement that I had coming.

He started letting his daughters run over me almost immediately after we were

married and told me he would take care of it. Never happened! He started making

me feel stupid. My IQ is 160.

For a smart person I was stupid to trust him. He got me to redo our house loan

(my house he never made one payment) borrowing enough to pay off his new truck

and left me the next month for an ugly over-weight manly looking woman!

He spent or hid over $150,000 and filed for a divorce on grounds of cruel and

inhuman treatment (which he couldn't prove). He said I gave up on the marriage

because I was in bed sick all the time.

The judge told him I was the only one who had grounds and that we should settle

this between us. I refused to give him a divorce because he needed to find out

he couldn't just get everything he wants when he snaps his fingers!

He stole my youngest's college fund and our new 4-wheelers and a whole lot of

other stuff then said he was almost bankrupt, refused to help make house

payments.

When I lost the house he and the banker had it set up for him to redo the note

taking me off of it. I just don't know how legal that was.

I am on my 3rd lawyer now and am sick of his lies to everyone we know. He has

ruined his reputation telling on himself about everything.

I hope you get everything he owns a! Gentle hugs and only good wishes to

you hun.

[Guest guest]

My mother does the same thing to my father. It makes me sick. I am so sorry you

have to deal with that crap.

-Steve M in PA

> a wrote:

> I was supposed to service him no matter what pain I felt, if I loved him and

you get the general idea. The marriage basicly ended for me when I wasn't able

to perform up to standards in so many ways and forget " in sickness " vows.