ADDRESSING MULTIPLE POSTS IN ONE - EVERYONE (warning: profanity)

[Guest guest]

Aloha everyone! OK..... i admit it: i deleted almost all posts because (using DJ's gracefull words) my life has turned to shit - which i'll discuss briefly at the end of this post. Of those posts which i did not delete: i'm going to address them all here in one post because i don't have much time:

Tigger: My dear friend, hang in there and i sure do hope u feel better soon. Your last post brought to mind a quote: "I have a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." (i forget who i need to attribute this quote to) -- i really do worry about you... PLEASE dont hesitate to call me if u want to talk - in fact, i was going to call u last night @ 4am (which would have been about 10:00am your time)... but was in a very distressed mood and would only have brought u down.

: I am so glad u took the time to vent and talk to us about how u r feeling - i was tempted to just say; "Ditto" to other people's responses to you - but ofcourse i don't want to be so generic and impersonal.... please do get out of the house (FORCE yourself to) - just go to the shop and browse or something... talk to an elderly person.... take the dogs for a walk... getting OUT of the house always seems to help alittle. in the meantime; know i'm sending u big HUGS!

DJ: I'm really sorry you are having a hard time... and how about sharing the "long story" with us? when you said; "my life has been shit" <--- BOY, that caught my eye and i sat here nodding... Please hang in there, stick close to us, and write more if u can. i know u have a whole lot more going on than what you have shared (or maybe i am wrong!) -- (((hugs!!!!)))

Kathy: No pain meds?? I don't know u too well or what ur living situation is like.... do u work? fulltime? married? kids? .....regardless: if u are living in chronic pain, u deserve relief. it's your right, actually. please print out the "Patient's Rights" form that's in the database here on this site and bring it in to all your doctors. my heart goes out to you.... i've been in your shoes too for quite a while until i finally found a doctor willing to prescribe me pain medicine.

I'm so sorry for missing anyone else (i'm sure i have, because as i said; i had to delete almost all of them because there is just no way in hell i will be able to keep up) -- my days have turned indescribably hectic.

The following vent is long - i don't expect anyone to read it or respond... i just need to get it off my chest:

my primary complaint is this: I HAVE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF FOR THE PAST WEEK AND YET: HAVE NOT MADE A SINGLE DIME. NOT A DIME!!!!! ((OK: i DID do ONE cleaning job - i'll be receiving a check for a big whopping $50 any day now))

My business phone has been ringing CONSISTENTLY from early in the morning and deep into the night- and ordinarily; this would bring one to the fairly good assumption that business is hopping and that i'm out here raking in the money. but NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo.......

the calls i am getting are either dead-end streets, or a bunch of BOZOS:

i've got one gal who continues to call me from the psychiatric hospital demanding i bail her out (for free, ofcourse)

i have been getting a steadily increasing amount of calls from bone-head "DOG" fans from around the country wanting to talk to DOG (i am having visions of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" having a terrible accident and his show going permanently OFF THE AIR.)

i've had to make NUMEROUS runs all the way into town (80 miles round-trip) for STUPID crap (i.e.; I forgot to stamp my seal on some paperwork i filed w/ the court, or dead-end situations like i will describe here later)

a handfull of knuckle-heads who just call me to give me their life story.

i could go on and on, but i'm sure u get the picture.

being that i never know if it's going to be a "real" call or not: i have no choice but to answer the damned phone with hopes that the NEXT call will be a legitimate client and i will make some INCOME.

I am CONSTANTLY kept in the mode of being prepared to hit the road & work. Can't just "relax". No such thing. it could be at ANY MOMENT that i will be running out the door for that hopeful REAL bail bond.

last night; i finally got a supposed "legitimate" call just as i climbed into bed. i quickly got OUT of bed and hit the road. upon arrival at the police station (at 1:00am), and going thru all the paperwork, etc: it was time to collect my FEES. ....They didn't have cash, but had credit cards. SO.... i tried running a gamut of credit cards through: ALL OF WHICH CAME BACK "DECLINED" -- and then was forced to sit there and watch these people get into an enormous fight among oneanother.

as i finally escaped that circus and made my way back to my car with my head hanging low; the final blow came when one of the officers stopped me and said (jokingly); "Oh! You're still in business?" (referring to that recent incident of myself getting arrested due to that long saga of my client's forfeiture - which has become a widespread joke amongst all the officers now)

.....the entire situation might have been bordering on FUNNY AS HELL, but right now i can't bring myself to laugh about it because there is nothing funny about dragging my sore ass all the way into town, burning more precious gasoline, in the middle of the night: FOR NOTHING.

i finally started driving home at 3:00am - running down to less than a 1/4 tank of gas now - STILL not having earned a single DIME - exhausted beyond words - hurting like HELL - hadn't had a single bite to eat all day - and crying my eyes out like a blubbering baby.

and after only a couple hours of sleep, someone comes banging on my door. i just laid there in bed and waited for the mystery person to GO AWAY.... they finally went away... and i couldn't go back to sleep.

i'm so damned tired that i'm delirious... i'm hurting so bad and my arms feel like i spent the entire day yesterday bench-pressing 300lbs... i'm depressed to the point of feeling completely paralyzed...

.......and i'm going broke really fast out here. i'm scared to death.

but there's so much more:

i have a friend (old man) going in for open-heart surgery and the doctor's say the likelihood of him surviving is only 20%.

my BOSS has been calling me and questioning why my phone activity is so high, and yet; they are not seeing any profit coming from me.

the friend who "dumped" me a while back has now taken me back in - and apparently only because she needs someone to vent to (and has a shit-load of venting to do).

i've got 3 days worth of chickie poop all over my studio and i haven't got an ounce of energy/time to clean it.

Oh, could go on and on and ON.... i could write a NOVEL about how much CRAP i've been taking over the past few days ...and i'm spread SO THIN that i feel like i'm just not "me" anymore (does that make sense?) -- and on top of it all: i'm terribly worried about some of you here in our little family, and yet; i just can't keep up well enough or be there for anyone 100%

I'm really sorry to ramble and unload - i just thank God i have a place to do it and know that anyone who DOES read this lengthy non-sense might completely understand.

better get moving... havent taken a shower in 2 days and you just never know: that blessed REAL bail call could come at any given minute. i don't usually ask for prayers... but, would really like it if some of u would pray for me.

OH, and i just now got an ANGRY phone call from my landlord - apparently the resident manager had just emailed him a PICTURE of my CAR & how I had apparently managed to park it partially in the flower bed at 3am this morning in my comatosed & distressed state of mind & he's screaming at me; "WHY did you park it like that???" Get your ASS out there and move it NOW!!!!!"

i'm HATING MY LIFE right now. i'm really really HATING it.

wishing everyone a MUCH better days and PEACE!

Aloooooooooha!-Jaana Moderator / Member De-Bouncerator / humble Group servant