(LONG)

[Guest guest]

, Okay... I have a question for you... It involves the decision you made earlier in the year to accept that you have one child and not focus on ttc each month (well, until you recently found out you are pg anyway)... I'm just wondering how you arrived at the decision... how did you know you were ready for it? Here is what is going on with me... I've bee thinking alot about my angels lately... But not how you might think... and about and my relationship with ... and my depression that I am sure my losses triggered and is affecting my relationships. This is all very confusing for me... Okay... Let me see if I can get this all out so that it makes sense... I don't really feel like I grieve my angels anymore. I acknowledge that they were real. My signature that goes out to this and the ep group goes out in all of my email. I wish I could have known them. Basically all of the things that I believe I will always do. But, I also have other feelings. I feel like the groups and the signature just bring me into dwelling on something that I can't change as much as I would like to. I am no longer excited about ttc... is completely excited and hopeful about me becoming pg when he comes home in February, and I just really don't even care to think about it... I think if I were able to leave this behind me (not completely, but just the extremity that I'm at now) and don't concentrate on past pg and future pg then maybe I can get over this depression that sucks me down on a weekly basis... And, my depression affects my relationship with and . I just realized tonight that I have spent the last 2.5 years focusing on my angels, but not the beautiful family I have in front of me (well, half in front of me and the other half currently in Korea...) I really feel like it is time for me to move on... Not go on bc or anything, just not concentrate on the past and when i'm ovulating and all of that obsessive stuff... As someone who has been there, do you think it sounds like that is what is going on? Or just some kind of mind warp I've done on myself? I know this is long, so thank you for reading if you got this far... I'm just confused about these feelings. They are all very new to me... And seeing as I think anyone who had made the decision to make peace with it left the group, you are the only person I knew to ask... If you have the time (since I'm sure this novel took up alot of it), I'd really like to hear (read) your input on this... *****Amy*****married to my army man, -2/14/97-mommy to... -6/18/97-~Samara~ (ep) -6/30/98-~Noah~ (ep) -7/16/99-Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com