Re: Dear GG

[Guest guest]

, thanks for your words of support and advice.

Yes, over the years we've had our son in several

agencies/programs and had a child SW worker working

with us. It was very helpful ... hopefully the court

will appoint another one next week. We've hired

attorney's, special Ed advocates, etc ... over the

years to obtain services and support for him ...it's

sad now that we're having to do the same for

protection! I could write much more ... at the

moment it's too difficult to put into words! Our son

is 17 --- 5 months away from his 18th birthday!

Thanks again. gg

--- reshaneau wrote:

> I just read your post and my heart goes out to you.

> I will keep you

> and your husband and son in my prayers today. For

> what it's worth I

> think that you are doing exactly the right thing by

> getting the police

> involved every time you feel threatened by your son.

> Do you have a

> mental health social worker involved? When my

> daughter was

> hospitalized for the second time in a month our

> school psychologist

> suggested getting a mental health social worker

> involved because as he

> said " We know that you are excellent parents but you

> don't know what

> kind of a ride you may be in for with this child

> (she was 13 1/2).

> This may seem strange to you but you may find it

> beneficial to have a

> childrens mental health social worker involved to

> advocate for your

> and for your child " This turned out to be very good

> advice. I am a

> nurse and as a health care professional myself I

> knew enough not to be

> threatened by this suggestion. Just a thought. I

> forgot from previous

> posts how old your son is? cindy

>

>

>

____________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

You're right - bp-ism is a terrible strain on a marital

relationship. I know with my husband and I, our bp's antics almost

destroyed what was a very strong marriage.

A lot of it was because my bp would manipulate my husband (who, like

yours, is very laid back) and get him to " see " things from her point

of view. Then he would come to me and tell me, R doesn't feel like

you love her, blah, blah, blah.

I KNEW what she was doing, but couldn't get my husband to see until

AFTER my bp moved out. Then it was revelation time. It took quite

a bit of revelation for my husband to see all that my daughter was

doing.

The hardest thing for me was that my husband believed my daughter

over me. That's tough. And, I think part of it was that I was

always in an adversarial role with my daughter because she refused

to cooperate with the house rules; thus was always being grounded or

having additional chores as a result of her actions.

And, too, when we went to our church's assoc. pastor, he too, told

ME that I needed to be more loving, and that if she didn't obey the

house rules, my husband should be the one to talk with her as he

could do it without confrontation. Yeah, right. I stopped going to

that church right there.

I mean, who NEEDS not only your bp and husband blaming you, but your

church as well?

But, like I say, when our non-bp started telling us what our bp had

done behind our back, it was horrifying and destroyed our trust in

her so completely that I don't know how it will ever return. Now,

our default mode is, " she's lying. "

Dot

-- In WTOParentsOfBPs , " reshaneau " <reshaneau@y...>

wrote:

> thanks for responding and again I am so sorry that your 17 year

old

> son has put you through so much. I am relieved to hear that you

are

> getting some support through your county. There are a lot of

public

> servants out there who truely do their job and we should not

> hesitate to use their services. It must be hard for you to deal

> with an only child that is having so much dysfunction in his life.

> When we first had problems with our daughter I wanted to strike

out

> and blame my dear husband. We had a really lousy family therapist

> at the hospital that wanted to blame Anika's problems on two

> different styles of parenting (my husband is laid back and leads

by

> example and I am more precise and controlling). I was so upset

and

> derailed that I thought our 25 year marriage was headed for

divorce.

> I finally worked through some of my grief and anger and realized

> that my husband was not the bad guy. I have now come to the

> conclusion that I really love my husband and my concern and

loyalty

> is to him. My kids are on loan but when they are grown we will be

> back to just the two of us and that is a really, really good

thing.

> I would encourage you to be extra kind and loving to your husband

as

> he is your family. Just a thought but I do think that these BPD

> kids can really tax a marriage. cindy