Victim!!!!!! Ugh!!!

[Guest guest]

I've always tried to understand the hurt my mother must have felt. I'll

admit, it's hard for me. My new therapist told me yesterday that BPD's also

often have narcisstic personality disorder and histrionic personality

disorder. I haven't looked the latter one up yet.

But she described to me that they feel things more intensely than you or I

would. If they are hurt, they hurt more, if they are victimized, they are

the biggest victim there possibly is. Are these real feelings or is it

acting?

My mother had the victim thing going on her entire life.

She once tripped on a rug and broke her elbow (about 2 years before she

died, so she was somewhat sick at this time). She called me and she

was....HYSTERICAL. " I think I broke my arm! " I said, " Okay, so go to the ER

and

have it x-rayed. "

Is this not the next logical step? I mean, I'm sorry you broke your arm,

but go to the damn doctor. You're 60, not 6.

She kept saying, " I can't go to the doctor. You don't understand. I can't "

-- this in the midst of hysterically crying like I would expect my child to

do, not an adult.

I repeatedly asked her WHY and she kept telling me, " you don't understand. "

My dad is a police officer. He is 6'5 and weight about 265 pounds. He took

her to the ER (finally convinced her). According to my mother, the people

in the ER thought my dad broke her arm. Here is this sick, meel woman,

standing next to this big strong police officer. She was gloating in this.

Smiling.

My dad said she said nothing to tell them my dad didn't do it and played

little miss waif when they asked her how it happened. Whining, barely

speaking.

He was so embarrassed.

My mother said, " they treated your daddy like he was a wife abuser. " She

said this in her usual meek, waify, whiney, victimish voice.

I was so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I said, " mother, are you kidding me? Did you not tell them how it

happened? "

And she looks down at her hands with this pitiful look. Almost as if to try

to convince me my dad had done it and make me doubt HIM.

I witnessed another occasion of this when my mother got sicker and was

unable to walk in the store. My dad got her a push wheelchair (and I think she

was play acting a good bit but couldn't prove it). I paid for my items and

was standing at the end of the counter. My dad pushed my mom to the end and

let go. I was kind of looking another direction and her wheelchair kept

rolling and she BARELY hit the side of the other counter. She got this real

pitiful look on her face as if he did it on purpose. The cashier looked a

little mortified. My mother was no paralyzed nor was she helpless. All she

had to do was put her feet down and stop it -- or put her hands out. It

wasn't like she was barreling down the aisle at 50 mph. It was barely moving.

I swear....I HATE the victim mentality. I hate it hate it hate it!!!!!! I

hate being around someone who is victimish and waif-like!!