I know I'm probably driving y'all nuts with this

March 7, 2010

My therapist called me on Friday and didn't feel I was doing as well as I

was on Monday. She called the trauma hospital back and they said the hold up

was now my insurance and they're waiting on some sort of pre-certification

or something. I should know something more definite on Monday. Then again,

with the way it has been going, I might not!

I'm sure y'all are tired of hearing me go on and on about this, but NOW I

DON'T WANT TO GO. I know, slap me.

It has been almost 3 weeks and I'm just....over it. My dad said he'd drive

me but it was a very reluctant, " well, I have to work and realllly need the

money, but I did say I'd take you. " Very pathetic and ....just ugh.

And my husband is not real happy about it now either. Kinda sealing the

deal of me not being supported.

I also made an appointment with an actual trauma therapist last week. I

went to her twice and I LOVED HER. I may be switching therapists just because

mine is not a trauma therapist I personally feel like I'm having entirely

too many bad moments lately -- since summer I've gone up and down a lot and

I'm thinking maybe I just need someone who specializes in DID.

So....In my heart, I know I should probably go to New Orleans, but....it's

so freaking far and 3 weeks ago I was all for it and now, I'm just not so

sure. The new potential therapist said it was between my current therapist

and me but she'd be here when I got back if I chose to go and then still

wanted to see her when I got back. She wants me to tell my therapist I'm

seeing her and I haven't done that yet. Kinda waiting till she gets back from

medical leave.

I quit school for now.

I'm not going back till fall. It was too much for me to handle right now.

I suck all the way around about now and can't make a decision on what's

best for me. My therapist said I need to trust her and go inpatient for this

trauma program.

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