Guest guest Posted April 6, 2010 Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 LOLOLOL " I hope it's not a stroke. " Okay, that made me laugh. That is soooo dramatic. My mother was once mad because my father and I were yelling at each other and she starts gasping for air as if she coudln't breathe. Her eyes get wide and she gets this look of terror. I started laughing and told her she was a drama queen and she actually stopped. OMG...Borderlines make me shake my head. In a message dated 4/6/2010 12:02:31 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, sleddog@... writes: I know exactly what you mean, ..my nada has always been obese...she fell, and fada couldn't get her up...so she tells him to call me...well, OK, but I'm 425 miles away...why in the world would they bother me with this ??? what do they expect me to do ??? " um, OK mother, lay there, I'll be there in 8+ hours! " my nada is the witch/queen.there in 8+ hours! " my nada is th sure can act the victim when it suits her !! We were all up at their house for fadas 70th birthday party. Nada felt she wasn't getting enough attention, so she puts a neck brace on ( like one you use if you were in an auto accident) sits in the chair in the family room, away from everyone, and lets out there HUGE sighs every so often...until finally someone asked her what was wrong " oh, nothing, I just have a really bad headache and stiff neck, I hope it's not a stroke, I'll be fine..I think " OMG ... Jackie I've always tried to understand the hurt my mother must have felt. I'll admit, it's hard for me. My new therapist told me yesterday that BPD's also often have narcisstic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. I haven't looked the latter one up yet. But she described to me that they feel things more intensely than you or I would. If they are hurt, they hurt more, if they are victimized, they are the biggest victim there possibly is. Are these real feelings or is it acting? My mother had the victim thing going on her entire life. She once tripped on a rug and broke her elbow (about 2 years before she died, so she was somewhat sick at this time). She called me and she was....HYSTERICAL. " I think I broke my arm! " I said, " Okay, so go to the ER and have it x-rayed. " Is this not the next logical step? I mean, I'm sorry you broke your arm, but go to the damn doctor. You're 60, not 6. She kept saying, " I can't go to the doctor. You don't understand. I can't " -- this in the midst of hysterically crying like I would expect my child to do, not an adult. I repeatedly asked her WHY and she kept telling me, " you don't understand. " My dad is a police officer. He is 6'5 and weight about 265 pounds. He took her to the ER (finally convinced her). According to my mother, the people in the ER thought my dad broke her arm. Here is this sick, meel woman, standing next to this big strong police officer. She was gloating in this. Smiling. My dad said she said nothing to tell them my dad didn't do it and played little miss waif when they asked her how it happened. Whining, barely speaking. He was so embarrassed. My mother said, " they treated your daddy like he was a wife abuser. " She said this in her usual meek, waify, whiney, victimish voice. I was so angry!!!!!!!I was so I was so I was so I was so I was I said, " mother, are you kidding me? Did you not tell them how it happened? " And she looks down at her hands with this pitiful look. Almost as if to try to convince me my dad had done it and make me doubt HIM. I witnessed another occasion of this when my mother got sicker and was unable to walk in the store. My dad got her a push wheelchair (and I think she was play acting a good bit but couldn't prove it). I paid for my items and was standing at the end of the counter. My dad pushed my mom to the end and let go. I was kind of looking another direction and her wheelchair kept rolling and she BARELY hit the side of the other counter. She got this real pitiful look on her face as if he did it on purpose. The cashier looked a little mortified. My mother was no paralyzed nor was she helpless. All she had to do was put her feet down and stop it -- or put her hands out. It wasn't like she was barreling down the aisle at 50 mph. It was barely moving. I swear....I HATE the victim mentality. I hate it hate it hate it!!!!!! I hate being around someone who is victimish and waif-like!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2010 Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 My mother was the same way in exaggerating her physical ailments. The day she died took me by surprise because no one ever knew when she was telling the truth. In a message dated 4/6/2010 12:05:50 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, kk1raven@... writes: , I think their emotions really are more intense than is normal. I think that many of them also exagerate things as well though. In my opnion, having emotions that are outside the norm is a large part of what is wrong with them. They see attacks where none are intended because they feel emotions that don't match what is being said and done by others. Molehills turn into mountains because their emotions are so extreme. They lash out at others because their negative emotions are so intense. I think they really do feel that way. It also seems like they learn that they can gain sympathy from and or control over others by exagerating how they feel even more or by playing the victim. I can't decide whether my nada's excessive complaints about her health are caused by feeling physical pain more intensely or are the result of her attempts to manipulate people or both. She's one of those people who acts like she's dying every time she has a cold. She calls me up to ask me to buy cold medicine for her rather than driving a mile to the drug store and things like that. The last time I checked, colds don't prevent you from going out to the store for a few minutes. I think the victim mentality that you describe is manipulative rather than caused by exagerated emotions. Letting the people at the hospital think that your father broke her arm when she had to have known that wasn't true isn't simply feeling things more strongly than the rest of us. At 11:22 AM 04/06/2010 _Hummingbird1298@Humming_ (mailto:Hummingbird1298@...) wrote: >I've always tried to understand the hurt my mother must have >felt. I'll >admit, it's hard for me. My new therapist told me yesterday >that BPD's also >often have narcisstic personality disorder and histrionic >personality >disorder. I haven't looked the latter one up yet. > >But she described to me that they feel things more intensely >than you or I >would. If they are hurt, they hurt more, if they are >victimized, they are >the biggest victim there possibly is. Are these real feelings >or is it >acting? > >My mother had the victim thing going on her entire life. >She once tripped on a rug and broke her elbow (about 2 years >before she >died, so she was somewhat sick at this time). She called me and >she >was....HYSTERICAL. " I think I broke my arm! " I said, " Okay, so >go to the ER and >have it x-rayed. " > >Is this not the next logical step? I mean, I'm sorry you broke >your arm, >but go to the damn doctor. You're 60, not 6. > >She kept saying, " I can't go to the doctor. You don't >understand. I can't " >-- this in the midst of hysterically crying like I would expect >my child to >do, not an adult. > >I repeatedly asked her WHY and she kept telling me, " you >don't understand. " > >My dad is a police officer. He is 6'5 and weight about 265 >pounds. He took >her to the ER (finally convinced her). According to my mother, >the people >in the ER thought my dad broke her arm. Here is this sick, meel >woman, >standing next to this big strong police officer. She was >gloating in this. >Smiling. >My dad said she said nothing to tell them my dad didn't do it >and played >little miss waif when they asked her how it happened. Whining, >barely >speaking. >He was so embarrassed. >My mother said, " they treated your daddy like he was a wife >abuser. " She >said this in her usual meek, waify, whiney, victimish voice. >I was so angry!!!!!!!I was so I was so I was so I was so I was >I said, " mother, are you kidding me? Did you not tell them how >it >happened? " > >And she looks down at her hands with this pitiful look. Almost >as if to try > to convince me my dad had done it and make me doubt HIM. > >I witnessed another occasion of this when my mother got sicker >and was >unable to walk in the store. My dad got her a push wheelchair >(and I think she >was play acting a good bit but couldn't prove it). I paid for >my items and >was standing at the end of the counter. My dad pushed my mom >to the end and >let go. I was kind of looking another direction and her >wheelchair kept >rolling and she BARELY hit the side of the other counter. She >got this real >pitiful look on her face as if he did it on purpose. The >cashier looked a >little mortified. My mother was no paralyzed nor was she >helpless. All she >had to do was put her feet down and stop it -- or put her >hands out. It >wasn't like she was barreling down the aisle at 50 mph. It was >barely moving. > >I swear....I HATE the victim mentality. I hate it hate it hate >it!!!!!! I >hate being around someone who is victimish and waif-like!! > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2010 Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 I know exactly what you mean, ..my nada has always been obese...she fell, and fada couldn't get her up...so she tells him to call me...well, OK, but I'm 425 miles away...why in the world would they bother me with this ??? what do they expect me to do ??? " um, OK mother, lay there, I'll be there in 8+ hours! " my nada is the witch/queen...she is not a waif, but she sure can act the victim when it suits her !! We were all up at their house for fadas 70th birthday party. Nada felt she wasn't getting enough attention, so she puts a neck brace on ( like one you use if you were in an auto accident) sits in the chair in the family room, away from everyone, and lets out there HUGE sighs every so often...until finally someone asked her what was wrong " oh, nothing, I just have a really bad headache and stiff neck, I hope it's not a stroke, I'll be fine..I think " OMG ... Jackie I've always tried to understand the hurt my mother must have felt. I'll admit, it's hard for me. My new therapist told me yesterday that BPD's also often have narcisstic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. I haven't looked the latter one up yet. But she described to me that they feel things more intensely than you or I would. If they are hurt, they hurt more, if they are victimized, they are the biggest victim there possibly is. Are these real feelings or is it acting? My mother had the victim thing going on her entire life. She once tripped on a rug and broke her elbow (about 2 years before she died, so she was somewhat sick at this time). She called me and she was....HYSTERICAL. " I think I broke my arm! " I said, " Okay, so go to the ER and have it x-rayed. " Is this not the next logical step? I mean, I'm sorry you broke your arm, but go to the damn doctor. You're 60, not 6. She kept saying, " I can't go to the doctor. You don't understand. I can't " -- this in the midst of hysterically crying like I would expect my child to do, not an adult. I repeatedly asked her WHY and she kept telling me, " you don't understand. " My dad is a police officer. He is 6'5 and weight about 265 pounds. He took her to the ER (finally convinced her). According to my mother, the people in the ER thought my dad broke her arm. Here is this sick, meel woman, standing next to this big strong police officer. She was gloating in this. Smiling. My dad said she said nothing to tell them my dad didn't do it and played little miss waif when they asked her how it happened. Whining, barely speaking. He was so embarrassed. My mother said, " they treated your daddy like he was a wife abuser. " She said this in her usual meek, waify, whiney, victimish voice. I was so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said, " mother, are you kidding me? Did you not tell them how it happened? " And she looks down at her hands with this pitiful look. Almost as if to try to convince me my dad had done it and make me doubt HIM. I witnessed another occasion of this when my mother got sicker and was unable to walk in the store. My dad got her a push wheelchair (and I think she was play acting a good bit but couldn't prove it). I paid for my items and was standing at the end of the counter. My dad pushed my mom to the end and let go. I was kind of looking another direction and her wheelchair kept rolling and she BARELY hit the side of the other counter. She got this real pitiful look on her face as if he did it on purpose. The cashier looked a little mortified. My mother was no paralyzed nor was she helpless. All she had to do was put her feet down and stop it -- or put her hands out. It wasn't like she was barreling down the aisle at 50 mph. It was barely moving. I swear....I HATE the victim mentality. I hate it hate it hate it!!!!!! I hate being around someone who is victimish and waif-like!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2010 Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 , I think their emotions really are more intense than is normal. I think that many of them also exagerate things as well though. In my opnion, having emotions that are outside the norm is a large part of what is wrong with them. They see attacks where none are intended because they feel emotions that don't match what is being said and done by others. Molehills turn into mountains because their emotions are so extreme. They lash out at others because their negative emotions are so intense. I think they really do feel that way. It also seems like they learn that they can gain sympathy from and or control over others by exagerating how they feel even more or by playing the victim. I can't decide whether my nada's excessive complaints about her health are caused by feeling physical pain more intensely or are the result of her attempts to manipulate people or both. She's one of those people who acts like she's dying every time she has a cold. She calls me up to ask me to buy cold medicine for her rather than driving a mile to the drug store and things like that. The last time I checked, colds don't prevent you from going out to the store for a few minutes. I think the victim mentality that you describe is manipulative rather than caused by exagerated emotions. Letting the people at the hospital think that your father broke her arm when she had to have known that wasn't true isn't simply feeling things more strongly than the rest of us. At 11:22 AM 04/06/2010 Hummingbird1298@... wrote: >I've always tried to understand the hurt my mother must have >felt. I'll >admit, it's hard for me. My new therapist told me yesterday >that BPD's also >often have narcisstic personality disorder and histrionic >personality >disorder. I haven't looked the latter one up yet. > >But she described to me that they feel things more intensely >than you or I >would. If they are hurt, they hurt more, if they are >victimized, they are >the biggest victim there possibly is. Are these real feelings >or is it >acting? > >My mother had the victim thing going on her entire life. >She once tripped on a rug and broke her elbow (about 2 years >before she >died, so she was somewhat sick at this time). She called me and >she >was....HYSTERICAL. " I think I broke my arm! " I said, " Okay, so >go to the ER and >have it x-rayed. " > >Is this not the next logical step? I mean, I'm sorry you broke >your arm, >but go to the damn doctor. You're 60, not 6. > >She kept saying, " I can't go to the doctor. You don't >understand. I can't " >-- this in the midst of hysterically crying like I would expect >my child to >do, not an adult. > >I repeatedly asked her WHY and she kept telling me, " you >don't understand. " > >My dad is a police officer. He is 6'5 and weight about 265 >pounds. He took >her to the ER (finally convinced her). According to my mother, >the people >in the ER thought my dad broke her arm. Here is this sick, meel >woman, >standing next to this big strong police officer. She was >gloating in this. >Smiling. >My dad said she said nothing to tell them my dad didn't do it >and played >little miss waif when they asked her how it happened. Whining, >barely >speaking. >He was so embarrassed. >My mother said, " they treated your daddy like he was a wife >abuser. " She >said this in her usual meek, waify, whiney, victimish voice. >I was so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >I said, " mother, are you kidding me? Did you not tell them how >it >happened? " > >And she looks down at her hands with this pitiful look. Almost >as if to try > to convince me my dad had done it and make me doubt HIM. > >I witnessed another occasion of this when my mother got sicker >and was >unable to walk in the store. My dad got her a push wheelchair >(and I think she >was play acting a good bit but couldn't prove it). I paid for >my items and >was standing at the end of the counter. My dad pushed my mom >to the end and >let go. I was kind of looking another direction and her >wheelchair kept >rolling and she BARELY hit the side of the other counter. She >got this real >pitiful look on her face as if he did it on purpose. The >cashier looked a >little mortified. My mother was no paralyzed nor was she >helpless. All she >had to do was put her feet down and stop it -- or put her >hands out. It >wasn't like she was barreling down the aisle at 50 mph. It was >barely moving. > >I swear....I HATE the victim mentality. I hate it hate it hate >it!!!!!! I >hate being around someone who is victimish and waif-like!! > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2010 Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 LOL yup, that's what we call nada, the drama queen...she'd have won the academy award every year for her performances...NO ONE was worried it was a stroke..nada was an RN when she worked, and if she really thought it was a stroke, she would have done something about it..not just sit there.... Jackie LOLOLOL " I hope it's not a stroke. " Okay, that made me laugh. That is soooo dramatic. My mother was once mad because my father and I were yelling at each other and she starts gasping for air as if she coudln't breathe. Her eyes get wide and she gets this look of terror. I started laughing and told her she was a drama queen and she actually stopped. OMG...Borderlines make me shake my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2010 Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 , Me, too. I hate the waif, victim, martyr act. It has the opposite effect on me; instead of feeling compassion for my nada, I feel contempt when she plays Miss Helpless. Like when she could take a town bus to go 20 blocks... " I can't, I just can't get on a bus. " She becomes utterly paralyzed with fear. She won't even attempt to do it on her own. Instead, she wants one of us to drive her or take her. I do not fall for this and just say, 'ok, then don't take the bus.' One time this " forced " her to do her grocery shopping on her own. Omigosh, the way she went on and on and on.... You'd think she'd conquered Everest. And I guess in her own way, she had. But after that she wouldn't take any more " risks " like that. But if the dr says she needs to see a specialist for say, her hearing, she simply won't do it. Why, I'll ask. Because you and your brother haven't taken me. UNbelievable. What if I lived on another continent?? , what your mother did to your father is just crazy. How awful and embarrassing for him, esp since he's a police officer. Oy! > > I've always tried to understand the hurt my mother must have felt. I'll > admit, it's hard for me. My new therapist told me yesterday that BPD's also > often have narcisstic personality disorder and histrionic personality > disorder. I haven't looked the latter one up yet. > > But she described to me that they feel things more intensely than you or I > would. If they are hurt, they hurt more, if they are victimized, they are > the biggest victim there possibly is. Are these real feelings or is it > acting? > > My mother had the victim thing going on her entire life. > She once tripped on a rug and broke her elbow (about 2 years before she > died, so she was somewhat sick at this time). She called me and she > was....HYSTERICAL. " I think I broke my arm! " I said, " Okay, so go to the ER and > have it x-rayed. " > > Is this not the next logical step? I mean, I'm sorry you broke your arm, > but go to the damn doctor. You're 60, not 6. > > She kept saying, " I can't go to the doctor. You don't understand. I can't " > -- this in the midst of hysterically crying like I would expect my child to > do, not an adult. > > I repeatedly asked her WHY and she kept telling me, " you don't understand. " > > My dad is a police officer. He is 6'5 and weight about 265 pounds. He took > her to the ER (finally convinced her). According to my mother, the people > in the ER thought my dad broke her arm. Here is this sick, meel woman, > standing next to this big strong police officer. She was gloating in this. > Smiling. > My dad said she said nothing to tell them my dad didn't do it and played > little miss waif when they asked her how it happened. Whining, barely > speaking. > He was so embarrassed. > My mother said, " they treated your daddy like he was a wife abuser. " She > said this in her usual meek, waify, whiney, victimish voice. > I was so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > I said, " mother, are you kidding me? Did you not tell them how it > happened? " > > And she looks down at her hands with this pitiful look. Almost as if to try > to convince me my dad had done it and make me doubt HIM. > > I witnessed another occasion of this when my mother got sicker and was > unable to walk in the store. My dad got her a push wheelchair (and I think she > was play acting a good bit but couldn't prove it). I paid for my items and > was standing at the end of the counter. My dad pushed my mom to the end and > let go. I was kind of looking another direction and her wheelchair kept > rolling and she BARELY hit the side of the other counter. She got this real > pitiful look on her face as if he did it on purpose. The cashier looked a > little mortified. My mother was no paralyzed nor was she helpless. All she > had to do was put her feet down and stop it -- or put her hands out. It > wasn't like she was barreling down the aisle at 50 mph. It was barely moving. > > I swear....I HATE the victim mentality. I hate it hate it hate it!!!!!! I > hate being around someone who is victimish and waif-like!! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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