Husband's of BPD women

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone, Sorry this is long....tried to get it all in one post.

First, I wanted to say I finally found a new therapist and I like her a

lot. It has been hard to break away from my old one, but made a little easier

with the fact that she was on medical leave for 5 weeks and then went on

vacation to Florida directly after, lol. I didn't have to do a whole lot to

break away and the timing seemed good for me to find someone else. I miss

her, but in time, I know this therapist is more experienced and seems very

nice.

Anyhoo. That really has nothing to do with this post....on topic of BPD...

I was wondering what the personalities of your father's was/is like?

My father was the 'don't make mom mad' type. He never wanted my mother

upset and did everything, including getting me to the side and begging me to

not make waves because it made it harder on HIM and yet did little to NOTHING

to protect me from her. Once in a blue moon he might defend me verbally,

but once she turned around and leveled HIM verbally for defending me, he

always backed off and his defense of me never lasted.

My mom died in 2007 and my dad remarried to a woman completely opposite of

my mother just a few short weeks later.

My mother was extremely intelligent (which was sometimes to my detriment as

it also allowed her to be soooo manipulative).

She knew a lot about pretty much everything -- legal issues, medical

issues, etc...

My dad used to say he was intimindated by my mother's intelligence and he

was very jealous of men who spoke to her. My mother had been a model at one

time and was really beautiful. Like, she turned heads when she walked in a

room.

My dad's new wife is passive, timid, a little homely (I tried to think of a

way to word that where it wouldn't seem nasty, but whatever), She is very

....umm...not smart. I wouldn't say she's an idiot or anything, but she's

just not well versed in much.

What kills me is that my dad thinks she is so perfect and he has informed

me that he really doesn't want anything to do with me, my sister, or our

kids because " he deserves a life. " I don't know what that means exactly. I

don't think she is BPD and she doesn't seem controlling or phobic like my

mother was, but she has just as many issues on another scale in my opinion. She

is bipolar (which is not my issue with her at all..believe me, I get

mental health probs.), her son committed suicide 2 years ago (which was not her

fault, but someone cannot possibly come out of that unscathed), she was

horribly abused as a child (as was I and NOPE, didn't come out unscathed), and

she has 2 daughters and a son that didn't turn out too well.

My father is now supporting one of his wife's GROWN daughters and her

grandson (who lives with them). Yet he is 'living his life' and I am not to be a

part of it apparently. He is constantly disappointing me. Anytime I talk

to him, I walk away feeling like I am orphaned and dont really have any

parents at all. His new wife makes NO effort to get to know me or my sister and

frankly, although I don't find her to be very book smart, I feel like she

is manipulative in her own way.

My dad has made comments about her children (who are my age, my sister's

age, and in between). Snide remarks about how " is so smart and

loves her mother so much and is this and is that. "

It

makes me want to throw up.

Am I jealous?

Well, maybe. But he didn't do anything to protect me as a child and he

completely abandons me as an adult too. He doesn't spend any time with my kids

and he has no interest in my sister's kids.

We got into an argument yesterday and I told him he was half responsible

for me having DID because he did nothing to stop it. He told me my mother

was responsible and he couldn't have ever gotten custody of me because she

would have fought him and 'you know how manipulative she was'...'she would

have beaten me in any court.'

And you know, he may be right, but he could have TRIED. Had he fought for

me, gone to court, gotten a lawyer, tried to get me out of that house and

LOST, I wouldn't have near the anomosity for him now that I do. I would at

least know he tried and he cared.

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