Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Carolyn I really could detach from my daughter with no problem. I don't know how to detach from my grandsons. I am sooo worried about them Thanks Jean PS Thanks fot the book title. I will get it today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Carolyn I read your post again very carefully. After so little sleep, I have NO mind left. Yes, I do indeed feel that I am losing myself. But, again if this were just I really really could let go. She has done things like this too many times dduring the past 13 years that I CAN detach from HER. It's the boys I am obsessed about. When she went to Las Vegas last year and left the boys with me for close tp a month when I thought I had them only for a Saturday night, I prayed she would not come back. I prayed that she would disappear and then I would have gotten custody of the boys. I really wasn't worried at all about her. I have come to the realization that this is what she does and I don't care anymore about her. I supported her mortgage for the 6 months prior to dirt bag coming back, NOT for her but for the boys. This morning it actually feels and smells like spring here in Rhode Island and I noticed that a bunch of crocuses are coming up. I broke into uncontrollable tears becauue (my older grandson) and I planted them this past falland I had told him then that when they came up, we would watch them together. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 I'm sorry, - I think you may have misunderstood what I mean by detaching. I am referring to detaching from the situation and being able to get back to some kind of normalcy in your life. Allow things to be. Not that you like what is going on - it is horrific. However when we are overinvolved in every detail, and it becomes magnified and distorted in our minds - that is not healthy. I myself would imagine how things " might be " (and I think you are doing this type of thing). I would overanalyze and overreact to the situation -- and I was driving myself crazy. Of course you love your grandsons very much. I just wonder if you are doing yourself a disservice by becoming overinvolved. I don't think it is good for you to be out all night watching her house. There is no detachment in that. Your life is totally disrupted. I urge you to get some psychological help for this, as others have done. This type of thing isn't uncommon, actually it's understandable. People tend to fall into co-dependence precisely because they WANT the best and are trying to " control " the situation to come out well. But honestly, we do not control life, not even our own (only God does). I would imagine that if you go before a judge or CPS or the school, you would like them to think you are a caring, rational grandparent. If they think that you are doing irrational things (even out of love), that could harm your credibility. Ultimately your grandsons need a grandmother who can calmly make decisions in their best interest. I think it's natural that you are upset and frantic. A good counselor or therapist will be of great help in dealing with this. Carolyn > Carolyn > > I really could detach from my daughter with no problem. I don't know how to > detach from my grandsons. I am sooo worried about them > > Thanks > Jean > > PS Thanks fot the book title. I will get it today. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 I broke into uncontrollable tears becauue (my older grandson) and I planted them this past falland I had told him then that when they came up, we would watch them together. Jean take the time to take some pictures to share with him when you do see him. It will give you something else to think about such as wont just love these and he can have pictures of them forever! Hugs Kelley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Does anyone know of a group for grandparents of children of borderlines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Deb Thank you so much. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 How long is my daughter going to keep up this running from the law? Do they crash after a while?. My son thinks she gets off on it. He thinks she likes the " excitement " of being on the run with the " bad boy " . I can't see how this would make her happy and what she is doing to my grandsons, has she no guilt, no shame? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Check this link out. It has lots of group options; maybe something for you: http://www.bpdresources.com/supportnons.html Re: Jean Does anyone know of a group for grandparents of children of borderlines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Jean- I went to BPDCentral and found this group: For Non-BP grandparents whose grandchildren have a parent with BPD Subscribe: WTOgrandparents Shortcut URL to this page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WTOgrandparents Good luck to you! Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2005 Report Share Posted May 28, 2005 I think it has been a very insiduous thing with . When it first started with , she was just entering, had been such a perfect kid up till then and I thought it was jsut a late rebellion. And it wasn't constant and she kept getting good drades and worked 30 hrs a week waitressing. I thought she was just being a spoiled brat. When she had been out of college a yr and then took up with the ghetto gang, that's when I knew we had REAL problems. I think that is when the illness kicked into full gear, because everything about her changed. She was 23 then. So, the real problems have been going on for 9 years. But, remember she went back to a very normal behavior pattern and completely cleaned up her act, straightening out her credit, getting the house, taking good care of the kids, etc. This went on for over 4 years until last a yr ago this past March when all hell broke loose again. Sometimes I think she may be bi polar. And now with my grandsons, and especially after seeing them today. I don't know if I can go and abandon them Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2005 Report Share Posted May 28, 2005 Re last post----first sentence meant she had just entered college and was waitressing 30 hrs week and getting good grades too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2005 Report Share Posted May 28, 2005 I feel the same as you; I won't be around either. I can't imagine how has managed to stay sane with all her daughter has put her through these past however many years. It's only been four years for us--four way-too-long years. I look at myself (she doesn't live at home) and even thought she's been gone for almost a year and we have infrequent interaction (only when she wants something), I find myself to be significantly more jaded and cynical now than I was say, even two months ago. Dot > You wrote about the possibility of moving to California and your son > perhaps moving to CA also. That sounds like a fabulous idea. Maybe a > fresh start is just what you need. I always have to remind myself > that it is not good for me to be more invested in my daughters life > than she is. (And my daughter is only 14.) At the very least, maybe an > extended vacation to someplace that you would possibly want to re- > locate to would be helpful to you. I am not one to run from my > problems but I can't help but think that if I had had to deal with > what your daughter has been dishing out for the last 10 years(?) I > would need a rest from it. I have found Ediths posts very > interesting. (the ones that talk about what happens to the BP when > the non is present and supportive, present but not supportive and > absent.) If my daughter keeps up with this crazy BPD behavior well > into adulthood I intend to be absent from her life. I will continue > to give her to God but I will not stay around to be abused. cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2005 Report Share Posted May 28, 2005 It sort of sounds like the ultimate hoover. You were allowed to co- parent and fall in love with these precious children because it benefited their mother. Then, in a fit of rage, she tears them away with no regard to your contribution to their well being. The proverbial cutting off her nose to spite her face. Lets face it, she is not a good mother. The thing that really sucks is that, as their mother, she is legally in charge of them. You do not have the power and input that you deserve. It really sucks. I still think that you need to take good care of yourself and focus on what you need and what would give you joy. Spending time with your son and a vacation are good places to start. That trip to CA sounds wonderful. Your daughter sounds like she is very intelligent. She will figure it out with out you and if she doesn't, that is why we have social workers and DCFS. cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2005 Report Share Posted June 3, 2005 > You asked how exactly I have given my daughter to God? When I am > praying for Anika I go through a little exercise called CATS. I do a short-form repeatedly throughout the day, too. " Father, into Thy hands I commit my kids! " That is my all-inclusive term for my BP daughter, my apparently-soon-to-be-ex-son-in-law, and my two grandkids. I had never " let go " of my daughter before and entrusted her to God. Now there's nothing left for me to do EXCEPT let go and commit her to God. So I keep repeating, " Father, into Thy hands... " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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