Re: Re: why do i constantly question myself???

[Guest guest]

Thanks, .

To answer your questions:

Are you concerned about losing your therapist's friendship? I am concerned

that I will hurt her feelings somewhat. Like she has put all this effort

into treating me and now I repay her by ditching her. I'm also going to miss

her as a person. I have spent a lot of time with her in 17 months and I

like her as a person. I just don't like her therapy.

Is the relationship you have with her worth more than getting the help you

need? Maybe. I dunno. That's a good question. My husband looks at it as

getting a new mechanic but I really feel like I NEED her in my life for some

reason. I mean, I hate saying goodbye to people. I HATE it and saying

goodbye to someone I have shared my heart with feels weighty and hard. Plus, I

have DID, so I have others that are attached to her too and it is hard for

them as well.

In the end, I know it's best I see someone who specializes in my disorder.

I need someone that can truly help me and I think K can. I don't think my

therapist can.

( I guess I am just really disappointed in that fact. I really wanted

her to be the one who helped me and saw me through my therapy to the end.

In a message dated 3/29/2010 7:05:44 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

climberkayak@... writes:

It sounds like you have already made the convincing case to yourself to

switch to K. It truly sounds like you do see it clearly. I don't know if this

is something you'll relate to, but one flea my nada left me with that I

have to fight with is that I *have the right* to quit, to walk away, to say

this is not for me even if it hurts someone. I have in my life walked away

but felt tremendous guilt because of this or trouble acknowledging that

taking care of my well-being at the expense of a relationship is okay. There

are

also ideas of unhealthy loyalty in there. Does any of that speak to you?

Are you concerned about losing your therapist's friendship? her positive

regard of you? Is the relationship you have with her worth more than getting

the help you need? Just some ideas to work with.

--- In _WTOAdultChildren1@WTOAdultChilWTO_

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ) , Hummingbird1298@, Humm

>

> I'm just going to try to vent and sort things out in my head a little.

Hope

> it makes some sense through my muddled thoughts.

>

> I have just made the decision to stop seeing my therapist and go to

> someone else. She has been on medical leave for 5 weeks and while she

has been

> gone, I took the opportunity to look for and see someone new because for

a

> long time I have not felt like my issues are being resolved. I have

really

> been on a downward spiral for entirely too long. It's not her fault. I

like

> her very much, but I just don't feel she has the expertise to treat DID

and

> OCD, which are my diagnoses.

>

> So I found someone online who specializes in DID. I've gone to her a few

> times. I'll call her K. I made a pro and con lost to go with K or stay

with

> my current therapist.

>

> Pros to go with K:

> She is closer

> cheaper because she was willing to lower her fee for me

> has expertise in DID

> closer to my age (not that yucky mother age I tend to get too attached

to)

>

> Cons in going with K:

> I'm going to miss my therapist so much.

>

> Pros in staying with present therapist:

> I know her, she knows me.

> we have a good relationship.

> She has been a great supporter of me

> She's a very nice, good hearted person

> no abandonment issues surrounding her

>

> Cons in staying with present therapist:

> It's bankrupting my family ($1500-2000 per month)

> She is an hour and a half away

> she is CONSTANTLY gone on vacation or time off

> Very inconsistent -- has good ideas but rarely follows through.

> has little experience with DID and is not helping me

>

> I'm sure it seems obvious what I need to do. I see it. My husband sees

it.

> I know what it is that I need, but it doesn't make this any easier. I'm

> sure we can add 'attachment disorder' to my list of things wrong with

me,

> but....I really, really like my present therapist and I am disappointed

she

> isn't the one who can help me.

>

> I know I'll survive it. I know it'll be hard. In some weird way I feel

> relief that it's going to be over and the cost isn't hanging over my

head. In

> other ways, I am just overwhelmed by the thought of not seeing her

anymore.

>

> I have told my present therapist I want a break. I'm just taking a break

to

> see if I like K enough to never go back to her again, but I am on again

> off again with questioning whether I am making the right choice. I mean,

I

> have stuck with my therapist through thick and thin...I've been with her

for

> 17 months. I like her and in another life, I think we would have been

> awesome friends. But therapist and client, we are not.

>

> I wish this was easier.

>

>

>

>

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