And Happy Easter To Me

[Guest guest]

I had to go grocery shopping today and little did I know that my supermarket was

having their annual Easter Egg Hunt for children up to 10 years old then. I

would have avoided going then if I had known. Why would I avoid this you might

ask?

It brings back memories of having been sexually abused by my nada starting at

the age of 2 every morning until I was old enough to get away from her in her

bathroom ritual of pulling my panties down, putting me on the toilet, cutting an

Ivory soap soap sliver from the bar on the sink with the kitchen knife she

brought in with her, asking me if I did #2 and sticking her big fat fingers up

both my vagina and my anus to 'force me to do #2 " . She would proceed to wash me

while she stuck her fingers up my vagina hurting me.

AT the age of 12 I menustrated for the first time so heavily that my nada

thought I was going to hemorrage to death so she rushed me to the emergency room

in her car. The doctor there had me put my feet up on the silver stirrups after

I had disrobed and probed me with his gloved fingers and a light to see in.

After doing this he asked if he could speak to my nada right outside the

curtain. I heard him say " I have never seen a young virginal girl as scarred

inside as she is and have no idea how that happened, but as a result she will

have very painful periods and she will never be able to conceive'. Back then

they didn't take children away from their parents for abuse so nothing was ever

done of course.

He was right. I had very painful periods, hemorraged very heavily for the

entire time I menstruated and I never was able to conceive although my now ex

and I tried and tried.

I love children, but as I saw all these cute kids Easter Egg hunting I started

to cry even now. She stole from me the ability to have a family. I would now

have adult children and perhaps grandchildren to share the holiday with. To me

she stole something more precious to me than gold. Per usual I will be sitting

home all alone tomorrow sharing the holiday with my two cats who are my

children. I know I shouldn't let this bother me and it only does when something

like this happens.

To those who have children and grandchildren, count your blessings.

Happy Easter!