Suspected Sexual Abuse of a Child

[Guest guest]

Dear All, I hope you can help me arrive at a decision about this very sensitive

situation. This is not exactly a BPD issue, but a potential abuse issue, and

unfortunately most of us here have first-hand experience with more than our fair

share of abuse.

My older son has told me that a boy in his class is behaving in an inappropriate

sexual manner. He is very focused on his genitals and is approaching other boys

wanting to touch penises " together " , etc. These are 12-year-old boys and while

many of them are starting to have an interest in " romance " , their conversations

and behaviors are not really very sexualized. I have " peeked " into some of their

conversations (through my son) and have discovered that they are really at a

fairly innocent stage. They discuss girls and who " likes " whom, and whether or

not someone should invite a girl to see a movie (with parents). (My son is

currently in competition with half the boys in his class for 1 girl and wants to

be the first to invite her to something!

My son has told me that this one particular boy is not at the same level as

everyone else. We have had a discussion about homosexuality and heterosexuality,

and my son is very comfortable with the knowledge that attraction and love are

about the individual (and gender specificity is not always the main point). So,

this is not about the fact that the other boy may " like boys " . In fact, my son

is not sure if the other boy really likes boys. I asked my son if he thought

that maybe this boy was learning or picking up this behavior from someone else,

possibly an adult. We have talked to our son about child abuse (sexual and

other) previously, and we had a small discussion about it again today. He said

that he thinks maybe someone is abusing this boy, which is why he acts and talks

the way he does.

I trust my son. He is an empathetic, honest, principled and decent boy. I know

that he would not be put off by another child, if there was not a serious

problem. He is friendly and knows about the damage that excluding people and

playing popularity games can do to children. He is and always has been popular

and well-liked at school, but he never shuns the company of less popular kids.

Last year, he stood up for a new boy in his class who was being ostracized by

others and successfully integrated the new boy into the class (I was told by him

and by his teachers). So, I know that his concerns mean something, but I don't

know what to do at this point.

Should I approach someone at the school? Should I talk to an independent child

psychologist/psychiatrist and/or child advocate, without any specifics, before

approaching anyone at the school? Should I just wait and see how things develop?

Thanks for your advice.

Arianna