Re: Anyone endured the pain of a degenerating fibroid?

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy,

yes, I did, so you are certainly not alone, although I was lucky

enough to know half-way through my pregnancy where the pain came from.

I had what I now think of as a weekend of reasonable pain just before

going for my first 12 week scan. I did not know then that I had

fibroids, but the radiologist at the teaching hospital where I was

told me and also mentioned in passing that they could cause pain if

they degenerated. So at least I knew where the pain came from.

I was ok though until about the 20th week when I spent just 2 days and

a night in serious pain (thinking of your months of that pain makes me

want to cry....) - I spent the time rocking forwards and backwards and

trying not to cry. My husband then took me to hospital mainly because

I did not know what type of painkiller would be safe for the baby, I

had taken some paracetamol but that made no difference. They gave me

paracetamol and codein and told me if that did not help the only thing

they could do was keep me in hospital and put me on a morphine drip.

And again I guess I was lucky because the pain killers helped and I

was ok for the rest of the pregnancy. The fibroids grew to a final

number of 7, 2 large and 5 small and although I could have tried a

natural birth, I decided to go for the safe option of a caesarian. My

daughter was delivered in May 99, the birth was not so good, I

haemorrhaged, lost a lot of blood and the recovery was slow.

For me, the whole period was quite traumatic, I had never been

seriously ill, and there I was after the birth, tired from anaemia, in

pain and expected to look after a newborn. I sometimes feel that for 2

years, the pregnancy and the year after, I was not really me, I have

never known such tiredness, such lack of energy and such pain as well,

I guess. Like you, I do not think that I could cope with another

pregnancy, but for me that's fine on the whole because for other

reasons (my age, money etc and that my husband is fine with one child

too) I probably would not want another child anyway.

I am not surprised that you do still think a lot about that period, I

do too, although for me it is the way I was treated in hospital (that

is another story) and this complete feeling on dependency that comes

with disease that causes it. I cannot pass a hospital without thinking

of my misery in one of them.

But on the upside, I have a beautiful, smart daughter, and I also

remember being amazingly happy while I was pregnant. I had waited for

a child for a long time and already thought that I might not have

children, so whatever happened was fine by me.

I hope that this account has helped you a bit, for me certainly you

are first person who has had similar experiences to mine. I am amazed

that none of the people that treated you had any idea of what was

wrong or got you some reasonable painkillers. Maybe I was lucky that I

was in a teaching hospital, certainly my GP and midwife never thought

that the fibroids should cause any problem, no mention of pain there

or a caesaeren or haemorrhaging.....

All the best

Sabine

[Guest guest]

WOW!

I had and have had nothing like that so I can't

specifically address your questions. But I would say

it may be like that of any other horrific event or

painful event and involving relationships as to how

one goes about forgiving others and letting go of the

situation. Okay, considering I hold things FOREVER...I

am by no means an expert of even come close. I am just

learning, after studying forgiveness for years, how to

get closer to it! I think/believe that holding unto

unforgiveness is bad for us, ESPECIALLY if we have

fibroids. Stress, anger, negative emotions are a

physical energy created in our bodies and if we don't

rid ourselves in a healthy positive manner, it stays

locked into our bodies eventually creating disease.

(DIS-ease, not at ease). I am coming to realize that I

can not keep holding stress that I need to do

something different in my life. I think I have

contributed mentally to my fibroids because of my

attitudes etc. Lately, I have been paying attention to

how my body feels when I get stressed, what I do with

that energy. I am coming to realize how negative and

harmful it is for my body! I encourage you to seek out

and find ways you can make peace with your past and

move forward. Your pregnancy was terrible, I do not to

invalidate your pain, I hope you can look ahead and

let yesterday go. The last thing you want is for this

to make you sick again or worse! Enjoy these days with

your young son, the time goes so quickly!!! Consider

that he may be able to pick up on some of these

painful vibes and that could affect him negatively.

I'm not suggesting you look at him resentful because I

don't get that feeling from your email...but I would

just cautin that kids pick up stuff. Keep praying for

that forgiveness and for God to show you the way. I

will pray for you as well. I think its hard for all of

us with Fibroids because its such an intimate untalked

about problem! Its not like, at least I'm not

comfortable with this, you could be in a room of men

and women and say, " Oh man, I just gushed clots! " I

can barely describe my pain to other women! If it were

our legs we could talk about it more, and people would

understand more. But its inside and its personal! I

have always been discreet about my periods etc. so

this is difficult for me. To keep it all bottled up.

It screws with you mentally-fibroids do! That is one

of my biggest problems!!!! The mental/psychological

part. Its like I want to tell people, but I'm grossed

out! So I'll just say it now-last week I had my period

and I had some of the biggest, grossest clots come

out! it was shocking!!! But I held it all to myself.

I'm starting to share a bit with my husband more

specifics, and others...anyhow don't want to beat a

dead horse. This is a very difficult problem to go

through, people don't understand and it is perceived,

I think, close to what is already natural-having

periods-versus something like cancer. Its not right, I

don't like that, but that's what I think are people's

attitudes. Its hard to get a lot of sympathy! I'm

really blabbing on and on. I hope you find something

in here, or someone else does. I am sorry that you

went through such a terrible experience. I hope you

can find your way to let it go and look ahead. The

only thing about degenerating fibroids is I thought it

was " only " a few days long, but what do I know! I

think I wrote so long because I just came home from

the bookstore and was looking at books on forgiveness

thinking that is going to be my focus for awhile. My

other focus is thinking and treating my body like

God's holy temple, 1 Corn.6-19 " Don't you know that

your body is the tmeple of the Holy Spirit, who lives

in you and was given to you hy God " so with fibroids I

ask how do I take care of this and maintain God's

temple? Originally planning a hysterectomy, unless

absolutely necessary for life, I decided God does not

want us yanking out His body parts!

Philippians 3;13 " I am not all I should be, but I

foucus on one thing, Forgetting the past and looking

forward to what lies ahead. "

Take care, Philese

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Philese et al,

I appreciate your thoughts. It is very healing to break the silence,

to admit that there is something wrong. There is a lot of double

identity, double speak that goes on with this condition. Fibroids on

the inside, happy seeming well adjusted women on the outside.

Chairing an important meeting one moment, sleeping with a tampon, a

pad, and a towel the next moment. Active soccer mom one moment,

crouching double over the bowl passing clots the next moment. It is

so very important just to bear witness to the different types of pain

that we all go through because of this condition.

Robyn

> WOW!

> I had and have had nothing like that so I can't

> specifically address your questions. But I would say

> it may be like that of any other horrific event or

> painful event and involving relationships as to how

> one goes about forgiving others and letting go of the

> situation. Okay, considering I hold things FOREVER...I

> am by no means an expert of even come close. I am just

> learning, after studying forgiveness for years, how to

> get closer to it! I think/believe that holding unto

> unforgiveness is bad for us, ESPECIALLY if we have

> fibroids. Stress, anger, negative emotions are a

> physical energy created in our bodies and if we don't

> rid ourselves in a healthy positive manner, it stays

> locked into our bodies eventually creating disease.

> (DIS-ease, not at ease). I am coming to realize that I

> can not keep holding stress that I need to do

> something different in my life. I think I have

> contributed mentally to my fibroids because of my

> attitudes etc. Lately, I have been paying attention to

> how my body feels when I get stressed, what I do with

> that energy. I am coming to realize how negative and

> harmful it is for my body! I encourage you to seek out

> and find ways you can make peace with your past and

> move forward. Your pregnancy was terrible, I do not to

> invalidate your pain, I hope you can look ahead and

> let yesterday go. The last thing you want is for this

> to make you sick again or worse! Enjoy these days with

> your young son, the time goes so quickly!!! Consider

> that he may be able to pick up on some of these

> painful vibes and that could affect him negatively.

> I'm not suggesting you look at him resentful because I

> don't get that feeling from your email...but I would

> just cautin that kids pick up stuff. Keep praying for

> that forgiveness and for God to show you the way. I

> will pray for you as well. I think its hard for all of

> us with Fibroids because its such an intimate untalked

> about problem! Its not like, at least I'm not

> comfortable with this, you could be in a room of men

> and women and say, " Oh man, I just gushed clots! " I

> can barely describe my pain to other women! If it were

> our legs we could talk about it more, and people would

> understand more. But its inside and its personal! I

> have always been discreet about my periods etc. so

> this is difficult for me. To keep it all bottled up.

> It screws with you mentally-fibroids do! That is one

> of my biggest problems!!!! The mental/psychological

> part. Its like I want to tell people, but I'm grossed

> out! So I'll just say it now-last week I had my period

> and I had some of the biggest, grossest clots come

> out! it was shocking!!! But I held it all to myself.

> I'm starting to share a bit with my husband more

> specifics, and others...anyhow don't want to beat a

> dead horse. This is a very difficult problem to go

> through, people don't understand and it is perceived,

> I think, close to what is already natural-having

> periods-versus something like cancer. Its not right, I

> don't like that, but that's what I think are people's

> attitudes. Its hard to get a lot of sympathy! I'm

> really blabbing on and on. I hope you find something

> in here, or someone else does. I am sorry that you

> went through such a terrible experience. I hope you

> can find your way to let it go and look ahead. The

> only thing about degenerating fibroids is I thought it

> was " only " a few days long, but what do I know! I

> think I wrote so long because I just came home from

> the bookstore and was looking at books on forgiveness

> thinking that is going to be my focus for awhile. My

> other focus is thinking and treating my body like

> God's holy temple, 1 Corn.6-19 " Don't you know that

> your body is the tmeple of the Holy Spirit, who lives

> in you and was given to you hy God " so with fibroids I

> ask how do I take care of this and maintain God's

> temple? Originally planning a hysterectomy, unless

> absolutely necessary for life, I decided God does not

> want us yanking out His body parts!

> Philippians 3;13 " I am not all I should be, but I

> foucus on one thing, Forgetting the past and looking

> forward to what lies ahead. "

> Take care, Philese

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Sandy, Philese & Robyn,

I'm new to the board, but I just want to say that I am so sorry to

hear about the pain each of you have suffered and I

feel outraged.

Sandy, I really feel for you. It sounds like a lot of people really

let you down and you felt completely alone. I can

relate. It really stinks when the people closest to you let you down

and it feels outrageous when doctors let you

down. I've been there too.

Philese makes an excellent point when she talks about forgiveness. I

know what she means and I'm working through

that too. Like Robyn, I also feel that it's very important for

someone to tell their story and express how people, who

should have cared and should have helped, just did not step up to the

plate.

One of the things that made me so angry was feeling so alone, like no

one understood or cared. When I eventually

told some of the people (family members) who let me down that they

disappointed me, they denied it, or didn't

understand what I was talking about, or became angry at me for

" accusing " them. No one said " I'm sorry, I didn't mean

to hurt you " and that's what I wanted to hear.

But, eventually, these negative feelings started eating me up and it

became self defeating. Since none of the people

who disappointed me asked for my forgiveness, I had no closure and I

was carrying a lot of anger and hurt and that

just made me feel worse and more alone.

I realized that the people who disappointed me were incapable of

acknowledging that they hurt me and I would never

hear them apologize. Eventually, I realized that I needed to forgive

myself for feeling so hurt and angry at the people

who disappointed me. I realized that by harboring anger and hurt

within me, I was damaging myself. So, I forgave me

for hurting me and it made me feel better.

I came to this board because I need a myomectomy. My mother

complains that I spend " too much time " on the

internet. She does not understand that I'm trying to obtain info

I need in order to find a doctor, find out about Lupron,

hear about other people's experiences with fibroids and

myomectomies, etc. My mother never had fibroids and she

thinks I'm making too big a deal over them. When I explain to

her that I'm trying to avoid a hysterectomy and am

investigating myomectomies, she says stuff like " you're lucky, in

my day, they would just have done a hysterectomy " .

Regarding my nervousness over the upcoming myomectomy, she implies

that I'm making too big a deal over it

because " women have these operations every day, you're not the

only one who has to have it " . Do you think I'm being overly

sensitive? Please tell me.

Anyway, I love this board because we share our stories and

information. I have learned so much here and I thank all of

you for that.

Greta

[Guest guest]

Dear Philese,

" Trust the Process " ! I love that. I guess we all have to walk our

path, go with the flow and try not fight who we are

and face what we must face. I guess fibroids and philosophy go hand

in hand.

Did you have a myo? I'm glad you were dissuaded from having a

hysterectomy. How are you feeling?

I've got to try to diminish my anxiety. I've got one fibroid

sitting on my bladder and another one squeezing my

rectum. Yuck. The thought of it really makes me anxious. But, it

does make me feel better to talk about it and that's

why I really like this board. This board de-stresses me.

Greta

[Guest guest]

Sandy don't feel bad for thinking about miscarriage at week 14.

While I was going through the degenerating fibroid, that

eventually ended in my miscarriage at week 14, I actually

considered an abortion. I wonder sometimes if God isn't

punishing me for having such a wicked thought, but I don't

believe that God would be so cruel as to punish me for having

such a thought in the midst of so much pain. At least I knew what

was going on, but I didn't know I had fibroids until shortly before I

got pregnant and was told that they'd probably be no problem. I

spent almost two months lying on the sofa, taking Darvocet like it

was Pez. Darvocet only eased the pain slightly, but anything

stronger was dangerous for the baby.

But yes, I know the pain you went through, I only wish I was

blessed enough to still be pregnant.

[Guest guest]

Hi Greta,

No, I haven't had my procedure yet. I'm scheduled July

18th for a hysterscopy resection (probably not

spelling anything correctly and too lazy to go lookup

right now) and an endormetrial ablation. I have a 3

cm. submucusal and two 2cm intra...inthe wall. The doc

says they will just take out the sub, thinking its the

main problem and do the ablation.This will be done

vaginally. THey will put me under a general, which is

the scariest to me, but lots of people have reassured

me its okay and I have finally come to peace wiht it.

However, I'm sure I will be nervous right before )

(scared face) ....

If anyone has had these procedures done and wants has

any words of wisdom or other words they want to share!

Philese

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for responding. I am so very sorry for your loss and for the

suffering that you endured and continue to endure. I do feel guilty for my

prayer to God in the midst of my suffering --When I look at my son now I

think how could I have prayed for such a thing and I feel very guilty.

What a bad person I must be. I guess that is one of the reasons I am stuck

in my turmoil and unable to fully heal from this trauma even though it's

been over 3 years now. When I was in this unspeakable pain--pain so

severe --a depth of pain that I did not know was even in the realm of human

possibility. I thought migraines was as bad as it gets. Boy was I wrong.

Do you have flashbacks of what you went through? For about a year after I

delivered I would have flashbacks. I read this was common with PTSD (post

traumatic stress disorder)?-- maybe I had that. Did the pain make you have

nausea and vomiting too? What did you do to cope? I worked crossword / and

related puzzles ( not something I normally do) to try to distract myself

from the pain. I could not stand to be touched for months. Even the water

in the shower hurt me. If I had just had someone out there who had said yes

I know this pain, and I know the source of this pain-- you will survive.

You won't die or go mad from it. I too felt like I was being punished by

God. But what a mean view of God. A God who tortures us for hours on end

all the while we are crying out in desparation to be saved.from it I must

say that at some point during the pregnancy I lost faith that there was even

a God. And this view continued after I delivered while I was having

flashbacks and the depression/anger about what I had been through. You are

so very, very brave to consider another pregnancy. I cannot. It 's like

there is a barrier/wall in my soul now blocking me from that thought. In

fact it is like my soul is almost unreachable through the walls I have

erected to protect it. How are you reconciling all this? Pregnancy is

supposed to be such a happy joyous time not one of intense pain and

suffering. And as much of a burden as I carry your loss is even greater, so

much greater I cannot even bear thinking of it. I hope if there is a God,

that he/she will provide you some hope, meaning, love, answers to your

questions, and healing as you go through this sad time in your life. Are

you close to KY ? Are you in the US? Is there anything I can do to help

you?

With healing thoughts,

Sandy

PS what is Pez??

Re: Anyone endured the pain of a degenerating

fibroid?

> Sandy don't feel bad for thinking about miscarriage at week 14.

> While I was going through the degenerating fibroid, that

> eventually ended in my miscarriage at week 14, I actually

> considered an abortion. I wonder sometimes if God isn't

> punishing me for having such a wicked thought, but I don't

> believe that God would be so cruel as to punish me for having

> such a thought in the midst of so much pain. At least I knew what

> was going on, but I didn't know I had fibroids until shortly before I

> got pregnant and was told that they'd probably be no problem. I

> spent almost two months lying on the sofa, taking Darvocet like it

> was Pez. Darvocet only eased the pain slightly, but anything

> stronger was dangerous for the baby.

>

> But yes, I know the pain you went through, I only wish I was

> blessed enough to still be pregnant.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>