Re: Digest Number 1076

[Guest guest]

Don't all children (adult or not) want their parents' to be proud of them?

To be able to have respect for them as adults as to the type of adult they

became? I honestly think you still have resentment toward your mother. I know I

always felt good when my mother priased my accomplishments even as an adult.

It's good to be able to not be affected by what your adult children do with

their lives, but I think most parents would like their adult children to like

them as people as well as love them.

Jean

[Guest guest]

It was me who asked about whether or not you gave her the gas money. Glad

you did not.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Just my two cents worth. You are right, most children do want the

praise from their mothers, as my daughter does. But with me, I could care less

what my mother thinks or says at this point in my life, and remembering back

now, I don't think I cared much when I was growing up what she thought. You

see, after dealing with the issues with my BPD daughter the last five years,

I've come to the realization that the Jekyll/Hyde Drama Queen of drama queens

that I was raised by is bipolar. Who knew. I am the eldest of 7 children,

and none of us knew what the heck was going on with her all our lives. I

disengaged myself from her years ago, not knowing. It was just healthy for me.

And I did the right thing. Now I know, can put a name to it, and really

know I did the right thing. Only wish I had done it ages ago. It's a sad

thing, not having a relationship w/your mother or her with I, but that's life.

I

have one with my daughter, or at least now seeing that I am getting it back

w/her, and I am happy. Last night was OUR night.

We played cards, we went to the ice cream parlor, then came home and watched

a movie together. Parts of the movie had a young girl, on drugs, running

her parents ragged. At one point I just grabbed and held her hands, and she

must have sensed my emotions and rested her head on my shoulder. I missed her

so much these past few years. Also, for all, she is still doing well, we are

working on week three now. Still doing her chores,

home on time at curfew. School is out this week, so she goes back on

Monday, but has still not missed any days. Keeping my fingers crossed with

cautious optimism.

Hugs to all,

Debbie

[Guest guest]

To all, global response from : I hope everyone has a good day.

To whoever asked (I accidentally deleted all the emails), I did NOT give her

the money. Let the moocher beg for it from his mom or grandmother.

How brave of you to even ask if you might have a touch of bp! And, yes, I

think it very possible that you might. But of course, you have to look at

the DSM criteria, and evaluate that for yourself.

I think you're confusing bp with attachment disorder. Bps have trouble with

relationships, but part of the trouble is that they attach TOO much!!! I

remember the incredible problems I had when I was around 18, and this man

who worked in a different building than me, and that I only saw

occasionally, changed jobs. I was totally devastated, and cried for days.

Why? I liked him.

It sounds like doesn't want the people contact, which would happen in

a place like Applebee's or Chili's. Long Silver's is a fast food fish

and chip place. Not only would she have the pressure of serving the tables,

but there would be the added pressure of dealing with people, which it

doesn't seem she's ready to do yet.

--

I believe you will get to the point where you don't feel like a five year

old around your mom. I used to feel that way. But, I'm an adult now, I

have my own life, my own beliefs, and frankly, what she does or doesn't

think about what I do doesn't overly concern me. And, I'm sure she feels

the same about me.

I accept her as she is, with good points and bad points, and she does the

same with me. A truly adult relationship with your parent is definitely

possible and looms on the horizon!

Gotta disagree with you: how is it you think MOST females have bp

traits!!!! Bp is a truly debilitating disease. Just because you get angry

and rant at someone, doesn't mean it is a bp trait! Remember, Jesus was so

angry at the moneychangers he overturned tables, and indulged in some real

ranting and raging. Does that make him bp as well? Of course not.

You mentioned you think your coworkers keep folks at arm's length. I'm

wondering if you yet have a grasp on what a healthy relationship is? MOST

people have a few good friends, and maintain a personal boundary space. Bps

are always trying to invade that personal boundary and get closer to folks

than what is healthy. I used to think people didn't want me close, either,

until I recovered a bit more, and realized that simply wasn't true. It was

just that what I thought was " close " and what thought was " close " was very

different!

You said you didn't understand why the DM was scared of you. But, look at

your behavior yesterday or the day before, the ranting you did. Can you not

see that that sort of behavior scares people?