about the issue of anger...

[Guest guest]

Hey All,

I am responding about the posts on anger at our Bp kids. It has been my

experience that when we TRUELY feel equally in our hearts and minds that we can

no longer take anymore of the bp behaviours that did NOT work for both our BP

kids and ourselves, then we go through a type of mourning. Not like the mourning

that we have experienced when we came to realize all our hopes and dreams for

our kids would never be realized but a different kind of mourning. I went

through the stages that someone would go through if they had lost someone dear

to them in death. It was like I had to accept this so-called death in case my

relationship would never be again. At first I was terribly angry. I then felt

incredible hurt and then finally I felt intense sadness. The whole gambit of

emotions lasted almost 2 years ( with the help of a therapist, who I will

probably see ( infrequently now) for the rest of my life until a peace was

discovered. I can't explain this peace but I think from an intellectual

level, I had to come to a place where I was no longer hoping and praying for

it/her to change. I needed to let myself and my husband off the hook and accept

wholeheartedly that we could NOT do any more or any better for our daughter .

That she would eventually ruin all of us if the dance with her continued. It has

been almost 3 years since we saw her and 5 years since she left home. She is 23

years old, has a 3 year old and her life of turmoil and craziness continues.

The truth be told, she is very angry and HATES us because we are the sick ones.

She believes that we DID NOT love her unconditionally. TODAY,all that to me is

okay. She still is stuck in her reality of hateful unreality. I am not!! I wish

her well but do not miss the craziness, the anger, the vindictiveness, nor the

manipulation.It took me a while to get here but I am happy that I have let the

rest go.Although I have never been divorced, I think divorce must feel like this

after you've gotten over the anger and pain.

---------------------------------

Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals

[Guest guest]

That was me saying I now see my daughter as if she were someone

else's--it is more a matter of survival than anything else.

I am glad, , that you have found peace with the situation with

your daguther. Do you not find that it greatly helps that you have

NOT had contact with her for such a long period of time?

When my daughter mentioned to me on Saturday the possibility of

moving to a nearby state, I tried not to pin my hopes on her doing

that, but despite my best efforts, I find myself hoping exactly that-

-that she will finish removing herself from our lives and be gone

once and for all.

Dot

> > Hey All,

> >

> > I am responding about the posts on anger at our Bp kids. It has

> been my experience that when we TRUELY feel equally in our hearts

> and minds that we can no longer take anymore of the bp behaviours

> that did NOT work for both our BP kids and ourselves, then we go

> through a type of mourning. Not like the mourning that we have

> experienced when we came to realize all our hopes and dreams for

our

> kids would never be realized but a different kind of mourning. I

> went through the stages that someone would go through if they had

> lost someone dear to them in death. It was like I had to accept

this

> so-called death in case my relationship would never be again. At

> first I was terribly angry. I then felt incredible hurt and then

> finally I felt intense sadness. The whole gambit of emotions

lasted

> almost 2 years ( with the help of a therapist, who I will probably

> see ( infrequently now) for the rest of my life until a peace was

> discovered. I can't explain this peace but I think from an

> intellectual

> > level, I had to come to a place where I was no longer hoping

and

> praying for it/her to change. I needed to let myself and my

husband

> off the hook and accept wholeheartedly that we could NOT do any

more

> or any better for our daughter . That she would eventually ruin

all

> of us if the dance with her continued. It has been almost 3 years

> since we saw her and 5 years since she left home. She is 23 years

> old, has a 3 year old and her life of turmoil and craziness

> continues.

> > The truth be told, she is very angry and HATES us because we are

> the sick ones. She believes that we DID NOT love her

> unconditionally. TODAY,all that to me is okay. She still is stuck

in

> her reality of hateful unreality. I am not!! I wish her well but

do

> not miss the craziness, the anger, the vindictiveness, nor the

> manipulation.It took me a while to get here but I am happy that I

> have let the rest go.Although I have never been divorced, I think

> divorce must feel like this after you've gotten over the anger and

> pain.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Shoot! I don't even know that my desire for my daughter to move out

of state is particularly secret!!! Certainly, my husband and other

children agree with the idea, and are as thrilled about the

possibility as I am. LOL

But it is good to hear you talk about your " remaining " family and

that things are going well there. It gives a glimmer of light in

the night.

Dot

> > > Hey All,

> > >

> > > I am responding about the posts on anger at our Bp kids. It

has

> > been my experience that when we TRUELY feel equally in our

hearts

> > and minds that we can no longer take anymore of the bp

behaviours

> > that did NOT work for both our BP kids and ourselves, then we go

> > through a type of mourning. Not like the mourning that we have

> > experienced when we came to realize all our hopes and dreams for

> our

> > kids would never be realized but a different kind of mourning. I

> > went through the stages that someone would go through if they

had

> > lost someone dear to them in death. It was like I had to accept

> this

> > so-called death in case my relationship would never be again. At

> > first I was terribly angry. I then felt incredible hurt and then

> > finally I felt intense sadness. The whole gambit of emotions

> lasted

> > almost 2 years ( with the help of a therapist, who I will

probably

> > see ( infrequently now) for the rest of my life until a peace

was

> > discovered. I can't explain this peace but I think from an

> > intellectual

> > > level, I had to come to a place where I was no longer hoping

> and

> > praying for it/her to change. I needed to let myself and my

> husband

> > off the hook and accept wholeheartedly that we could NOT do any

> more

> > or any better for our daughter . That she would eventually ruin

> all

> > of us if the dance with her continued. It has been almost 3

years

> > since we saw her and 5 years since she left home. She is 23

years

> > old, has a 3 year old and her life of turmoil and craziness

> > continues.

> > > The truth be told, she is very angry and HATES us because we

are

> > the sick ones. She believes that we DID NOT love her

> > unconditionally. TODAY,all that to me is okay. She still is

stuck

> in

> > her reality of hateful unreality. I am not!! I wish her well but

> do

> > not miss the craziness, the anger, the vindictiveness, nor the

> > manipulation.It took me a while to get here but I am happy that

I

> > have let the rest go.Although I have never been divorced, I

think

> > divorce must feel like this after you've gotten over the anger

and

> > pain.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

>rest assured that many of the bpd's I've

>met are the most survival oriented individuals that

there are.They can

>manipulate most of the people most of the time to get

what they >want!!

>PandS

I haven't posted for awhile and our experience with

our daughter certainly matches the above. We have no

contact either, by daughter's choice. We have heard

she isn't doing well and we're not even sure where she

is anymore. My feeling is that her life has gone

downhill since leaving our home. I would like for her

to hit rock bottom, however I can't imagine that ever

happening as long as there is even one person out

there who will give her what she wants and there is

always someone out there who will, which makes the

future look rather dim as far as her getting help.

Bijou

__________________________________________________