Re: Having an am I the crazy one? moment

[Guest guest]

Wow. That is so creepy.

(sorry, but it really does feel creepy to me!)

-Annie

>

> Ew.

>

> Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago, before I went NC. Nada had a

tree up in her house that had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments. She

said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the special ones on

there. " Every single ornament on that tree was made by either my brother or her

husband's grandchildren. Not one was made by me. The only thing on that tree

from me?

>

> A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head when I was seven.

>

> Yup. My hair. On the tree.

>

> Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

Ninera,I have to say,that feels really creepy to me too.It's like your nada was

using your hair as some bizarre talisman.Ew is right!!!

> >

> > Ew.

> >

> > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago, before I went NC. Nada had

a tree up in her house that had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments.

She said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the special ones on

there. " Every single ornament on that tree was made by either my brother or her

husband's grandchildren. Not one was made by me. The only thing on that tree

from me?

> >

> > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head when I was seven.

> >

> > Yup. My hair. On the tree.

> >

> > Ninera

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thanks Annie, your nada is a lot like mine !!

Jackie

I hate Jackie's nada too, what she did is just off-the-Richter-scale of

sadistic.

Wow.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

Good Lord. A Hair Tree. So I guess she won't be participating in the Holiday

Decorating Contest in her neighborhood?

>

> ew...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Ew.

>

> Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago, before I went NC. Nada had

> a tree up in her house that had all handmade ornaments on it...kid

> ornaments. She said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> special ones on there. " Every single ornament on that tree was made by

> either my brother or her husband's grandchildren. Not one was made by me.

> The only thing on that tree from me?

>

> A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head when I was seven.

>

> Yup. My hair. On the tree.

>

> Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

Yup, it's creepy!

It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition. Which,

technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks of hair

to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed thing of

flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when they

passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if nada

had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does not.

Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which she

hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how my

hair should be done.

Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a charming,

loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That body isn't

yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: Having an " am I the crazy one? " moment

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Tuesday, March 16, 2010, 5:00 AM

> Ninera,I have to say,that feels

> really creepy to me too.It's like your nada was using your

> hair as some bizarre talisman.Ew is right!!!

>

>    

>

>

> > >

> > > Ew. 

> > >

> > > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago,

> before I went NC.  Nada had a tree up in her house that

> had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments.  She

> said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> special ones on there. "   Every single ornament on that

> tree was made by either my brother or her husband's

> grandchildren.  Not one was made by me.  The only

> thing on that tree from me?

> > >

> > > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head

> when I was seven. 

> > >

> > > Yup.  My hair.  On the tree.

> > >

> > > Ninera

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

> SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Ninera, I wouldn't be so sure that your nada thinks that is a " charming, loving

gesture " . She might very well know what it symbolizes to you. That's pretty

messed up.

Deanna

> > > >

> > > > Ew.Â

> > > >

> > > > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago,

> > before I went NC. Nada had a tree up in her house that

> > had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments. She

> > said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> > special ones on there. " Â Every single ornament on that

> > tree was made by either my brother or her husband's

> > grandchildren. Not one was made by me. The only

> > thing on that tree from me?

> > > >

> > > > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head

> > when I was seven.Â

> > > >

> > > > Yup. My hair. On the tree.

> > > >

> > > > Ninera

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

> > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> > GROUP.

> >

> > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> > “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >

> > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

I think you have nailed it; your nada's creepy tradition is all about reminding

her of a time when she had total, absolute control of you, body and soul. I'm

betting she knows that seeing the thing upsets you and that's why she displays

it year after year, deliberately.

Mine has used memorabilia to hurt me, too. Several years ago I had to break up

with a childhood friend, and it was painful for me. Every year since then my

nada made a point of displaying a Christmas table ornament this ex-friend had

made for her many years ago. It was as though she wanted to remind me that this

person isn't in my life anymore, or something. I know that was deliberate,

because when I didn't mention the thing (the first time she dragged it out and

sat it on the dining room table) she made a point of reminding me who had given

it to her.

PS: n people had what seems to me like a bizarre fascination with death.

They would even prop the recently deceased up in chairs as though they were

alive, and take photos of them, alone or in family group shots that included the

dead and the living. They were really into " death portraits. "

-Annie

>

> Yup, it's creepy!

>

> It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

>

> Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if

nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

>

> Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a charming,

loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That body isn't

yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

>

> Ninera

[Guest guest]

Good grief !! This makes my soul weary.

May we all heal

>

> Ew.

>

> Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago, before I went NC. Nada had a

tree up in her house that had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments. She

said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the special ones on

there. " Every single ornament on that tree was made by either my brother or her

husband's grandchildren. Not one was made by me. The only thing on that tree

from me?

>

> A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head when I was seven.

>

> Yup. My hair. On the tree.

>

> Ninera

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ninera,

When your nada's not looking take the ponytail back and play dumb when she asks

you about it...........

Tit for tat

*winks*

> > > >

> > > > Ew. 

> > > >

> > > > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago,

> > before I went NC.  Nada had a tree up in her house that

> > had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments.  She

> > said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> > special ones on there. "   Every single ornament on that

> > tree was made by either my brother or her husband's

> > grandchildren.  Not one was made by me.  The only

> > thing on that tree from me?

> > > >

> > > > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head

> > when I was seven. 

> > > >

> > > > Yup.  My hair.  On the tree.

> > > >

> > > > Ninera

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

> > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> > GROUP.

> >

> > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> > “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >

> > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

The thing about the n mourning jewelry (bracelets and lockets with hair

in them) - is - I'm pretty sure - the locks of hair were displayed when the

original owners were DEAD - ew, ew, ew, the symbolism is way over the top...

Or maybe keeping a lock of a baby's hair when they get their first haircut -

that's something a doting mom might do. But to hang a full ponytail on the

Christmas Tree is SO not festive - I get this image of an ornament that looks

like " Cousin Itt " from the Addams Family.

And the n practice put the locks of hair under glass or in a locket. Not

just hanging out on a tree, decomposing all over the tinsel. Yuck. What's

next, an Easter egg full of toenail clippings?

Come to think of it, another group that collects hair and other body parts is

" root workers " who make charms and gris-gris bags down in the bayous. Oh, and

there were the warriors who took scalps as trophies (I think the French taught

them that) - again, the symbolism is striking.

The upside of all this is that, unlike many of us who have to make an effort to

convince friends that our moms are crazy, you have visible proof. NOBODY would

think this is normal.

> > > > >

> > > > > Ew. 

> > > > >

> > > > > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago,

> > > before I went NC.  Nada had a tree up in her house that

> > > had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments.  She

> > > said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> > > special ones on there. "   Every single ornament on that

> > > tree was made by either my brother or her husband's

> > > grandchildren.  Not one was made by me.  The only

> > > thing on that tree from me?

> > > > >

> > > > > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head

> > > when I was seven. 

> > > > >

> > > > > Yup.  My hair.  On the tree.

> > > > >

> > > > > Ninera

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ------------------------------------

> > >

> > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @

> > > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> > > GROUP.

> > >

> > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> > > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> > > “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> > > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> > > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> > >

> > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> > > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Nobody would think this normal, no. Perhaps a voodoo high priestess, maybe, but

even that's a stretch.

Your nada is clearly using this as an agressive jab. I'd be claiming the

ponytail back, it's yours afterall! She took it by force.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Ew. 

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago,

> > > > before I went NC.  Nada had a tree up in her house that

> > > > had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments.  She

> > > > said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> > > > special ones on there. "   Every single ornament on that

> > > > tree was made by either my brother or her husband's

> > > > grandchildren.  Not one was made by me.  The only

> > > > thing on that tree from me?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head

> > > > when I was seven. 

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Yup.  My hair.  On the tree.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Ninera

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > ------------------------------------

> > > >

> > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @

> > > > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> > > > GROUP.

> > > >

> > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> > > > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> > > > “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> > > > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> > > > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> > > >

> > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> > > > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

LIKE THIS !!!!

> >

> > Yup, it's creepy!

> >

> > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> >

> > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if

nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> >

> > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> >

> > Ninera

[Guest guest]

Annie,

When you're nada's not looking, snatch the gift from your former friend and play

dumb when your nada asks you about it.

Tit for tat is the theme today. *winks*

> >

> > Yup, it's creepy!

> >

> > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> >

> > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if

nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> >

> > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> >

> > Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

LOVE THIS!!!

> > >

> > > Yup, it's creepy!

> > >

> > > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> > >

> > > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way)

if nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> > >

> > > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> > >

> > > Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, we really think alike! I also had a " break-up " with a childhood

friend...after he sexually assaulted me at 36. I told my nada what happened

because I told her I didn't want her to bring his name up to me again. And

guess what she did the next time we talked? HOW'S KEVIN?? Grrrrr.

What is SO FUNNY about this, is that we are all finally aware enough to

understand that our nadas are being intentionally, passive-aggressively

spiteful. BUT if you told someone from a " normal " family that your nada was

leaving that out to spite you, they would think YOU are the crazy one.

People simply cannot fathom that some mothers get off on hurting their children

(and grandchildren).

Deanna

> >

> > Yup, it's creepy!

> >

> > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> >

> > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if

nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> >

> > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> >

> > Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ninera,

I know lots have commented on this ponytail thing. But it is so strange and

awful I just can't imagine it.

Really...I can't imagine it. I am sorry this was your experience; it's like the

witch in Rapunzel cutting off her hair.

~patricia

Re: Having an " am I the crazy one? " moment

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, March 15, 2010, 8:27 PM

> Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's

> this for a crazy nada...

>

> My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen

> walls virtually wall papered in her kid's school projects,

> papers, and paintings. You know, the kind that sit on the

> fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later, if

> they're special enough..... her walls have been like that

> for 25 years! The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling

> yet there they sit, as if she's permanently stuck in a

> blissful time, when she perceived her children as perfect

> and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

>

>

> >

> > Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written

> to her when I was a freshman in college. She wanted me to

> read them out loud to her. They were dated Nov-Jan so I had

> just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In

> these letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best

> friends. In one of them I even said how much I appreciated

> that nada was always there for me and that I could always

> talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c

> that's absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it

> up. I know I didn't just say that when I wrote those

> letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

> really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close.

> I remember the guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home

> if I had gained weight. Nada mad at me for stupid things.

> And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

> even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her

> cancer, I almost ignore her. I blow off every complaint she

> has. I am sharp with her when I talk. When did I become this

> person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate the

> way I have become around her. I know it's a defense

> mechanism but it's so horrible. But it's like I can't help

> it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is that I feel like I

> am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

> another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her

> eyes makes me ill. I need help. I need to start seeing my T

> more regularly.

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

@....

> SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Ninera,

I actually think it may symbolize exactly the same thing to her as it does to

you--and that that is why she likes it.

Best,

Ashana

Your Mail works best with the New Yahoo Optimized IE8. Get it NOW!

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/internetexplorer/

[Guest guest]

I love that idea!! If I ever do visit the nada at Christmas again, I'll do it.

I'll have to be clever, though. The thing is huge.

I will consider it a kind of " Mission: Impossible " project and see if Sister can

come up with ideas to help me smuggle the thing outside, and replace it with

something similar. Fun!

-Annie

> > >

> > > Yup, it's creepy!

> > >

> > > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> > >

> > > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way)

if nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> > >

> > > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> > >

> > > Ninera

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Maybe your nada displays that as a sign of " look your friend liked me " , so I

must be ok. Seems so thoughtless and emotionally like a little girl. It's

always about her right?

> >

> > Yup, it's creepy!

> >

> > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> >

> > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if

nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> >

> > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> >

> > Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

HaHa love this. You know we were all thinking this!

> > > > >

> > > > > Ew. 

> > > > >

> > > > > Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago,

> > > before I went NC.  Nada had a tree up in her house that

> > > had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments.  She

> > > said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the

> > > special ones on there. "   Every single ornament on that

> > > tree was made by either my brother or her husband's

> > > grandchildren.  Not one was made by me.  The only

> > > thing on that tree from me?

> > > > >

> > > > > A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head

> > > when I was seven. 

> > > > >

> > > > > Yup.  My hair.  On the tree.

> > > > >

> > > > > Ninera

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ------------------------------------

> > >

> > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @

> > > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> > > GROUP.

> > >

> > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> > > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> > > “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> > > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> > > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> > >

> > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> > > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

the comments help, though. :-)

I'm so used to it...the ponytail thing...that I almost need people to remind me

" that is seriously messed up! " you know? Like...I know in my head that I think

it's messed up, but the validation is needed too.

If I were not NC, I'd definitely be plotting to take that ponytail back. I have

to admit...my hair grows really fast, so I wear it long. And when I get it

properly cut (about once a year) there is usually enough of it to donate. And

every time they ponytail that hair to cut it off for donation I have to bite my

tongue to keep from saying " Hey, can I just have that? My mother would love it

for her tree... " Because how passive-aggressively vindictive would it be to

just keep sending her ponytails of my hair for her tree every year? :-P

Ninera

>

>   >

>   > Subject: Re: Having an " am

> I the crazy one? " moment

>   > To: WTOAdultChildren1

>   > Date: Monday, March 15, 2010, 8:27 PM

>   > Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's

>   > this for a crazy nada...

>   >

>   > My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her

> kitchen

>   > walls virtually wall papered in her kid's

> school projects,

>   > papers, and paintings. You know, the kind that

> sit on the

>   > fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook

> later, if

>   > they're special enough..... her walls have been

> like that

>   > for 25 years! The pictures are all yellowed and

> crumbling

>   > yet there they sit, as if she's permanently

> stuck in a

>   > blissful time, when she perceived her children

> as perfect

>   > and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

>   >

>   >

>   > >

>   > > Today nada pulled out some old letters I

> had written

>   > to her when I was a freshman in college. She

> wanted me to

>   > read them out loud to her. They were dated

> Nov-Jan so I had

>   > just left home b/c school started at the end of

> Sep. In

>   > these letters I sounded like I was writing to

> one of my best

>   > friends. In one of them I even said how much I

> appreciated

>   > that nada was always there for me and that I

> could always

>   > talk to her. It made me sick to read them out

> loud b/c

>   > that's absolutely NOT the case and she was just

> eating it

>   > up. I know I didn't just say that when I wrote

> those

>   > letters- I had to have meant it at the time.

> WTF? Was I

>   > really that brain washed? I don't remember

> being that close.

>   > I remember the guilt, pressure. Being

> embarassed to go home

>   > if I had gained weight. Nada mad at me for

> stupid things.

>   > And now, now our relationhsip is beyond

> horrible. I don't

>   > even look at her when she talks. She wants to

> talk about her

>   > cancer, I almost ignore her. I blow off every

> complaint she

>   > has. I am sharp with her when I talk. When did

> I become this

>   > person? I know I am not really that person, but

> I hate the

>   > way I have become around her. I know it's a

> defense

>   > mechanism but it's so horrible. But it's like I

> can't help

>   > it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is that

> I feel like I

>   > am about to snap. Even just hearing her

> shuffling walk from

>   > another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's

> behind her

>   > eyes makes me ill. I need help. I need to start

> seeing my T

>   > more regularly.

>   > >

>   >

>   >

>   >

>   >

>   > ------------------------------------

>   >

>   > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager

> for help at @....

>   > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT

> Respond ON THE

>   > GROUP.

>   >

>   > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on

> Eggshells, " call

>   > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We

> also refer to

>   > “Understanding the Borderline

> Mother� (Lawson) and

>   > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,â€�

> (Roth) which you can

>   > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO

> community!

>   >

>   > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> Community

>   > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo!

> Groups Links

>   >

>   >

>   > WTOAdultChildren1-fullfeatured

>   >

>   >

>   >

>

>

>        

>

>

>   ------------------------------------

>

>   Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for

> help at @....

> SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> GROUP.

>

>   To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, "

> call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also

> refer to �Understanding the Borderline Mother�

> (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,�

> (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the

> WTO community!

>

>   From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo!

> Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

>   No virus found in this incoming message.

>   Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

>   Version: 9.0.733 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2749 -

> Release Date: 03/15/10 15:33:00

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

omg...if you sent your mom a ponytail in a box every year with a card: for your

tree. That would definitely be a great passive agressive vindictive thing to

do; of course we are not supposed to be passive agressive and vindictive....

~patricia

Re: Having an " am

> I the crazy one? " moment

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Monday, March 15, 2010, 8:27 PM

> > Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's

> > this for a crazy nada...

> >

> > My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her

> kitchen

> > walls virtually wall papered in her kid's

> school projects,

> > papers, and paintings. You know, the kind that

> sit on the

> > fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook

> later, if

> > they're special enough..... her walls have been

> like that

> > for 25 years! The pictures are all yellowed and

> crumbling

> > yet there they sit, as if she's permanently

> stuck in a

> > blissful time, when she perceived her children

> as perfect

> > and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > Today nada pulled out some old letters I

> had written

> > to her when I was a freshman in college. She

> wanted me to

> > read them out loud to her. They were dated

> Nov-Jan so I had

> > just left home b/c school started at the end of

> Sep. In

> > these letters I sounded like I was writing to

> one of my best

> > friends. In one of them I even said how much I

> appreciated

> > that nada was always there for me and that I

> could always

> > talk to her. It made me sick to read them out

> loud b/c

> > that's absolutely NOT the case and she was just

> eating it

> > up. I know I didn't just say that when I wrote

> those

> > letters- I had to have meant it at the time.

> WTF? Was I

> > really that brain washed? I don't remember

> being that close.

> > I remember the guilt, pressure. Being

> embarassed to go home

> > if I had gained weight. Nada mad at me for

> stupid things.

> > And now, now our relationhsip is beyond

> horrible. I don't

> > even look at her when she talks. She wants to

> talk about her

> > cancer, I almost ignore her. I blow off every

> complaint she

> > has. I am sharp with her when I talk. When did

> I become this

> > person? I know I am not really that person, but

> I hate the

> > way I have become around her. I know it's a

> defense

> > mechanism but it's so horrible. But it's like I

> can't help

> > it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is that

> I feel like I

> > am about to snap. Even just hearing her

> shuffling walk from

> > another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's

> behind her

> > eyes makes me ill. I need help. I need to start

> seeing my T

> > more regularly.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager

> for help at @....

> > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT

> Respond ON THE

> > GROUP.

> >

> > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on

> Eggshells, " call

> > 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We

> also refer to

> > “Understanding the Borderline

> Mother� (Lawson) and

> > “Surviving the Borderline Parent,�

> (Roth) which you can

> > find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO

> community!

> >

> > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> Community

> > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo!

> Groups Links

> >

> >

> > WTOAdultChildren1-fullfeatured

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for

> help at @....

> SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, "

> call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also

> refer to �Understanding the Borderline Mother�

> (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,�

> (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the

> WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo!

> Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

>

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 9.0.733 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2749 -

> Release Date: 03/15/10 15:33:00

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I cringe every time I walk into my nada's house (for many reasons). She has a

bunch of photos framed and proudly on display from my first wedding (to my NPD

ex). I've begged her to take them down and she refuses saying " they are nice

family photos, and I like them. " My husband and kids don't particularly like

them - they have prompted all sorts of questions from my kids about " who is that

man you were married to before daddy " . Someone I would really, truly like to

forget about, but nada doesn't seem to want to let me.

I'm so sorry our nadas do this crap!!

Ninera - the ponytail thing is REALLY YUCKY and mean, mean, mean. If you ever

doubt that your nada is crazy, let that ponytail be a visual reminder. She is

SICK.

-

> >

> > Yup, it's creepy!

> >

> > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> >

> > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way) if

nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> >

> > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> >

> > Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

You're biggest challenge here will be keeping a straight face.

Annie, do share if you execute your mission one day!

> > > >

> > > > Yup, it's creepy!

> > > >

> > > > It's been on the tree for years. She claims it's a n tradition.

Which, technically, before photographs were common it wasn't unusual for locks

of hair to be given/taken as rememberances. In some homes you'd see a framed

thing of flowers...each flower made of locks of hair clipped from relatives when

they passed. Creepy to us, normal to people back then.

> > > >

> > > > Key words: Back Then. Now, it might make sense (in a weird, creepy way)

if nada had any other interest in n traditions or memorabilia. She does

not. Nothing. The only " victorian " thing in her world is that ponytail...which

she hacked off my head in a fit of rage because I disagreed with her about how

my hair should be done.

> > > >

> > > > Not surprisingly, she thinks the ponytail on the Christmas tree is a

charming, loving gesture whereas for me it's a panic trigger that says " That

body isn't yours, it's mine and I can do what I damn well please with it. "

> > > >

> > > > Ninera

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has BOXES of stuff I drew and wrote. It's overwhelming.

> >

> > Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

> >

>