Re: Having an am I the crazy one? moment

[Guest guest]

You. Are. Sane.

Again, Nada does these things to me constantly. She'll pull out things I wrote

to her " back when " and attach them to presents at holidays so I " remember " how

" we " once were before I became a B@%$%H.

Nothing says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY like a hostage trip down memory lane. Oh wait,

this last year I didn' get a gift from her. It was in her car. In the

garage/shop where my SD was having it fixed. Again. I never heard another word

about it. Gues Christmas will be EXTRA MEMORABLE this year ;o)

Really, Mozz... I get the whole " shuffling walk cringe " thing... when Nada

breathes and sighs and coughs for attention, I want her to stop breathing.

Permanently.

AND... as far as 'cancer'... btdt.... sorta... Stage Zero <1cm non-invasive...

no chemo, no radiation...but you'd think it was Stage 4 and doom to die within a

week. Good grief... give them any illness and they throw a party!

Lynnette

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, you may have been that brainwashed. There's also the possibility that you

were writing what you knew she wanted to hear. I didn't write letters to my

parents when I was in college but my phone conversations were entirely bogus--I

rarely told them anything of substance and called out of obligation, told them

random superficial things, and got off the phone. If they had transcripts of

those conversations I'm sure they would sound nothing like how I actually felt

at the time. And if they asked me to read those transcripts aloud--wait, do you

realize how messed up that is? Who asks a grown person to read aloud letters

that they wrote when they were barely old enough to vote as evidence of

anything? And even if that was the way you felt at the time, you have the right

to change your mind.

Total manipulation, if you ask me.

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the others--it is manipulative of your nada to make you read those

letters as " proof. " I think that is her way of pushing your boundaries again,

because she feels as if she's losing you, since you don't buy into her reality

anymore.

That's what happened when I tried to maintain my boundaries with my parents. (I

didn't have all these awesome advice or scripts everybody on here has shared,

but I just tried to go with what felt right). They felt like they were losing

me, so they tried all sort of things to get me to " apologize " to my fada. here's

what my mom said, " You have a heart full of love, why don't you share some of

that with your dad? "

That sentence made me go " FFFFFFUUUUUUUU........ " I had always tried to show my

fada that I loved him, gave him nice presents for birthdays and Christmases (he

hated those holidays) and randomly throughout the year...once I went to an

Eagles concert, bought cool memorabilia for fada and rest of family since I

promised, and my fada got VERY angry that he felt he had to pay me back for

everything (over $100). I got really upset, because I wanted it to be a gift, a

present, for them!! To make him happy with me! And he ruined my effort...my mom

of course sided with him and was upset with me, even as I tried to tell her my

side of the story.

Anyway, yeah, they're always fishing for compliments, proof of love, and never

taking any of them. On the surface it seems innocuous, which is what trips us up

and makes us wonder about our sanity. But when you look at the motive behind it,

and at the history of all the similar manipulations, then yes, that makes HER

crazy, not you!

~Holly

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

I grew up with the MYTH OF THE PERFECT FAMILY. While at home there were raging

fights and none of us were ever any good, in public we were perfect. People

came to my nada for parenting advice. I " M SERIOUS. They saw her well behaved

studious kids and wanted their kids to be like that. We were actually scared

sh..less all the time, and for me anyway the only positive reinforcement I ever

got was for good grades. Except then I would be berated for being " arrogant "

about them and nada would do her taking my accomplishments away and claiming

them for herself. Anyway, my best friend since 6th grade was shocked a couple

years ago when I started sharing nada stories with her. She believed me, but I

had always gone on and on about how close ndad and i were. In college

apparently I annoyed a lot of my friends going on about how close and wonderful

my family and especially me and my mom were. They only called their mom's once

a week, my mom called me and

talked with me at least an hour a day. (ugh, when I think about the stress that

caused trying to balance all my work in college, and the nasty bombs she would

drop on me onthe phone..) Yes, we were that brainwashed. When a child is

abused, the child must live with it. Either the parents who you depend on for

everything are dangerous, unpredictable, or you are the problem. Children

always accept that they were the problem. I thought I had a wonderful mother

and that I was a terribly selfish and flawed person. Now I know the truth, and

I see the truth in the past, it's really hard to imagine I ever thought that

way. But I know I really believed it at the time.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sat, March 6, 2010 11:16:08 PM

Subject: Having an " am I the crazy one? " moment

Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off

every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk. When did I become

this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate the way I have

become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so horrible. But

it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is that I feel

like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from another room

makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I need help. I

need to start seeing my T more regularly.

[Guest guest]

Mozz,

I don't know if this helps or not.

Without a doubt, the members of my nuclear family are mentally ill.  My sister

is bpd, my mom is bpd, my dad is a psychopath.

In looking back at myself in the past, the conclusion I've come to is that I was

traumatized almost to the point of psychosis.  There are a number of very

bizarre things that I did and very strange ways of reasoning that I had.  You

may never have honestly and authentically felt close to your nada, but you may

have felt that you needed to feel that you were close and you may have actually

believed that you really did feel close.  Feeling those things may have been

easier than believing the truth at that point--and telling your nada what she

wanted to hear may have been the only way to get any love or nurturing out of

her, and you still needed that.

My own insanity when I was younger, in my mind, does not make my FOO any less

crazy.  It does not mean their issues are all in my head or that they are, in

fact, fine.  All it means is that I *could not take it.*  I had no semblence of

a normal childhood, no nurturing, no real protection, no care, no safe place to

develop to develop an identity.  I could not help but have no way of growing up

normally.

The difference between me and that FOO is that my craziness was not a permanent

condition.  It was not so simple as just getting out--the craziness lasted for

me in various ways for some years after I left the FOO.  But, my issues were not

at the level of personality.  They were not permanent and not unfixable.

So, yes, you may have been a little crazy in your college days.  I wouldn't be

too hard on yourself about it.  Who wouldn't be a little crazy after what you

grew up with?  Have some compassion, I'd suggest.  That college kid was having a

pretty tough time of things.

And, I'm not so sure what you're describing about how you talk to your nada

these days is a defense.  It sounds like you're finally feeling good and angry

at her--which is probably an anger you suppressed for a number of years.

Best,

Ashana

The INTERNET now has a personality. YOURS! See your Yahoo! Homepage.

http://in.yahoo.com/

[Guest guest]

Mozz,

Just because you may have some crazy moments or traits, doesn t change

what nada was/is. Am I still paranoid if they really are out to get

me?

That having you read the letters, rings a bell. Nada would quote me to

me, moments when I tried to be loving and understanding, as if it were

the aegis of my existance. She never, I think, got just how totally she

F....d up my life and my emotions. I have fought depression,

addictions, non existant self esteem, all courtesy of her.

I m healing. I m growing. But what I chose to give her in terms of an

adult relationship was a gift, it was mercy and not justice. Justice for

BP s would be NC, forever, with any of us.

Yet strangely, we here, we band of brothers and sisters, ( apologies,

King Henry ) are among the most compassionate group of people I ve ever

been a part of. The fact that any of us even let them know where we are

or if we live is a major act of compassion.

But Mozz, dear, insisting you read those letters, was manipulation of

the highest order. It was humiliating and over the line. She had no

right. If she chose to keep them and read them for her own purpose,

that is her choice. If she wished to discuss them, she could make the

request. What she did was try to manipulate you back to a vulnerable

moment. I had such a moment in boot camp. I wanted desperately to get

away, and did so, in the Navy, yet the first time I called home I got a

bit choked up with homesickness. It passed, her grip on it never did.

No, you are not the crazy one. Nada s have a talent for making everyone

around them doubt who the problem truly is.

Lets say it all together kids. THE PROBLEM IS NADA, NOT MOZZ.

Trust us. We have your healing in our hearts, and no other motive. For

as you heal, we heal. As one of us grows stronger, we all grow stronger.

We are not nada, and we see it clearly. You are ok, sister. Nada,

sadly, is the same bitch she always was.

Feel better?

Doug

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was

a freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They

were dated Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end

of Sep. In these letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best

friends. In one of them I even said how much I appreciated that nada was

always there for me and that I could always talk to her. It made me sick

to read them out loud b/c that's absolutely NOT the case and she was

just eating it up. I know I didn't just say that when I wrote those

letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I really that

brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the guilt,

pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad

at me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond

horrible. I don't even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk

about her cancer, I almost ignore her. I blow off every complaint she

has. I am sharp with her when I talk. When did I become this person? I

know I am not really that person, but I hate the way I have become

around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so horrible. But

it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is that I

feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me

ill. I need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm wondering what she was hoping for . . .

Did she think you would read them, blink a few times and " realize " you've been

wrong-all-wrong to be angry and gleefully fall back in line with her former

enslavement?

What a horrible manipulation. That was sheer hateful on her part. And it was

brilliantly crafted, as the most nasty of BP tricks are, to trap you and make

you feel like the unreasonable b**** if you didn't comply.

I'm mad. She's nuts. And hateful to boot. There is no sane reason for a

mother to ask a daughter to do that. Period. A sane mother wouldn't even dream

of it, because there is no healthy purpose to it.

Sorry you went through that--I'm not sure anyone would have handled it better.

No way to see that coming, you know?

And, for what its worth, my mother and I were completely and absolutely enmeshed

until my LATE 30s. Now, I am completely NC. Looking at any evidence of my past

enmeshment would have really really thrown me. Bad. I was enslaved for most of

my life to her, and I don't like to look back at that reality.

I'm mad and kind of sick for you. And will confirm, along with everyone else:

You. Are. Not. Insane. Nada sure is, though!!!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow- I can't believe I didn't realize right away that was just another

manipulative ploy on nada's part. Man, she's sneaky! I'm mad and finding it

humorous at the same time, because it's so typical.

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, you are sane and nada is cruel. This is so something my nada would do. I

have received cards and notes from my nada with things I have written to her in

the past. It gives me the creeps just reading about you enduring that

situation. While it might look harmless to an outsider, we all see the

dysfunction right away.

You all have such wonderful insights as always. This kind of situation is what

keeps me NC. I have moments when I miss my dad and think about trying to see

them more frequently but then I think about getting blind-sided by nada with

something like this. It would be so typical of her high-functioning

manipulations. I think I could handle it better than previously but the feeling

of even being placed in that uncomfortable position still makes me sick to my

stomoch. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I wish you a speedy recovery from the nada hangover.

patinage

[Guest guest]

mozzarella27, oh you gotta read House Rules by Sontag! Her father, upon

the release of her book about his controlling ways, created his own website,

where he shows us letter after letter that she wrote to them, saying she loved

them. So if she said that, then she must be lying now, right? He also lists

every vacation the family ever took and every summer camp he sent her to, which

PROVES he was a good father, right?

The website is FASCINATING, and in my opinion, when you visit it, you will be

able to see how nutty this guy is. Who saves all those letters? The addy is:

http://sontaghouserules.com/

I really loved that book, and felt a real kinship to her when I read it.

Deanna

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

These letters are some sort of currency to her, and guilt & shame are what I

think she's after when she produces them. My nada has kept past angry emails

from my brother and me and replies to them a year or so later, with her new

email having nothing to do with the original angry email, but she just wants it

to be there for us to be reminded of how terribly she was treated. Why do BPD's

hang on to all this crap?

Bottom line, you are not the crazy one. She would have you feel that you are,

but don't you dare believe it! (I'm preaching to myself to here.... :-)

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow - that website is CREEPY! It sounds EXACTLY like something my nada and dad

would write under similar circumstances (not that I'm planning to write a book

or anything). The " logic " behind it and the layout and the way this guy writes

- all sound awfully familiar. The fact that this fada felt compelled to defend

himself like that is dead similar to my nada. I'll have to check out the book -

what a brave woman she is for writing it!

-

>

> mozzarella27, oh you gotta read House Rules by Sontag! Her father,

upon the release of her book about his controlling ways, created his own

website, where he shows us letter after letter that she wrote to them, saying

she loved them. So if she said that, then she must be lying now, right? He

also lists every vacation the family ever took and every summer camp he sent her

to, which PROVES he was a good father, right?

>

> The website is FASCINATING, and in my opinion, when you visit it, you will be

able to see how nutty this guy is. Who saves all those letters? The addy is:

http://sontaghouserules.com/

>

> I really loved that book, and felt a real kinship to her when I read it.

>

> Deanna

>

>

[Guest guest]

Currency is a GREAT way of putting it. My nada saves those types of emails too.

It's so bizarre.

> >

> > Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG. I am seriously creeped out by that website. I feel so bad for

Sontag! It REEKS of mental illness.

> >

> > Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Don't feel too bad for her. Her father gave her NC on a silver platter. She

hasn't spoken to him in 12 years. She is still in touch with her mother and her

sister. I'd say she is better off than most of us!

Deanna

> > >

> > > Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the kind

that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later, if they're

special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years! The pictures are

all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's permanently stuck in

a blissful time, when she perceived her children as perfect and she, a perfect

mother. PUKE.

>

> Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written to her when I was a

freshman in college. She wanted me to read them out loud to her. They were dated

Nov-Jan so I had just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In these

letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best friends. In one of them I

even said how much I appreciated that nada was always there for me and that I

could always talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c that's

absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it up. I know I didn't just say

that when I wrote those letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close. I remember the

guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home if I had gained weight. Nada mad at

me for stupid things. And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her cancer, I almost

ignore her. I blow off every complaint she has. I am sharp with her when I talk.

When did I become this person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate

the way I have become around her. I know it's a defense mechanism but it's so

horrible. But it's like I can't help it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is

that I feel like I am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her eyes makes me ill. I

need help. I need to start seeing my T more regularly.

>

[Guest guest]

my nada never ever put up any pictures/papers/tests we did, anywhere, not on

the wall, not on the fridge, everything was thrown out..unless it was a

failing grade on a test...THAT was displayed, and she pointed it out to

everyone, telling them how lazy I am ( I'm dyslexic, but she refused to

believe it)

Jackie

Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the

kind that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later,

if they're special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years!

The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's

permanently stuck in a blissful time, when she perceived her children as

perfect and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

[Guest guest]

I hate your nada. :0

>

> my nada never ever put up any pictures/papers/tests we did, anywhere, not on

> the wall, not on the fridge, everything was thrown out..unless it was a

> failing grade on a test...THAT was displayed, and she pointed it out to

> everyone, telling them how lazy I am ( I'm dyslexic, but she refused to

> believe it)

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

>

> My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

> papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the

> kind that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later,

> if they're special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years!

> The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's

> permanently stuck in a blissful time, when she perceived her children as

> perfect and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

>

[Guest guest]

thank you :-)

Jackie

I hate your nada. :0

[Guest guest]

I hate Jackie's nada too, what she did is just off-the-Richter-scale of

sadistic.

Wow.

-Annie

> >

> > my nada never ever put up any pictures/papers/tests we did, anywhere, not on

> > the wall, not on the fridge, everything was thrown out..unless it was a

> > failing grade on a test...THAT was displayed, and she pointed it out to

> > everyone, telling them how lazy I am ( I'm dyslexic, but she refused to

> > believe it)

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

> >

> > My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

> > papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the

> > kind that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later,

> > if they're special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years!

> > The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's

> > permanently stuck in a blissful time, when she perceived her children as

> > perfect and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

None of my stuff was put up either, or for that matter even looked at. The idea

that she had any interest in what I did in school at all just wasn't there.

One year in elementary school I chose not to do homework for most of the year

and the teacher finally figured it out. My nada didn't care. I was stuck

sitting outside the principle's office for weeks during recess as a punishment

by the teacher. In hindsight it seems kind of crazy - I mean shouldn't the

teacher have confronted my nada about me neglecting my work rather than some

stupid public shaming? And because my nada didn't care I didn't care either

and I don't remember even being bothered to have to sit out there! It's a

miracle I ever applied myself in school at all.

>

> my nada never ever put up any pictures/papers/tests we did, anywhere, not on

> the wall, not on the fridge, everything was thrown out..unless it was a

> failing grade on a test...THAT was displayed, and she pointed it out to

> everyone, telling them how lazy I am ( I'm dyslexic, but she refused to

> believe it)

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

>

> My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

> papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the

> kind that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later,

> if they're special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years!

> The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's

> permanently stuck in a blissful time, when she perceived her children as

> perfect and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

>

[Guest guest]

Add me in too, that's just awful Jackie. No kid deserves that type of

" encouragement "

> >

> > my nada never ever put up any pictures/papers/tests we did, anywhere, not on

> > the wall, not on the fridge, everything was thrown out..unless it was a

> > failing grade on a test...THAT was displayed, and she pointed it out to

> > everyone, telling them how lazy I am ( I'm dyslexic, but she refused to

> > believe it)

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

> >

> > My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

> > papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the

> > kind that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later,

> > if they're special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years!

> > The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's

> > permanently stuck in a blissful time, when she perceived her children as

> > perfect and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ew.

Kind of reminds me of several Christmasses ago, before I went NC. Nada had a

tree up in her house that had all handmade ornaments on it...kid ornaments. She

said " Oh, I have so many from you kids that I only put the special ones on

there. " Every single ornament on that tree was made by either my brother or her

husband's grandchildren. Not one was made by me. The only thing on that tree

from me?

A ponytail of mine that she'd cut off my head when I was seven.

Yup. My hair. On the tree.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: Having an " am I the crazy one? " moment

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, March 15, 2010, 8:27 PM

> Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's

> this for a crazy nada...

>

> My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen

> walls virtually wall papered in her kid's school projects,

> papers, and paintings. You know, the kind that sit on the

> fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later, if

> they're special enough..... her walls have been like that

> for 25 years! The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling

> yet there they sit, as if she's permanently stuck in a

> blissful time, when she perceived her children as perfect

> and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

>

>

> >

> > Today nada pulled out some old letters I had written

> to her when I was a freshman in college. She wanted me to

> read them out loud to her. They were dated Nov-Jan so I had

> just left home b/c school started at the end of Sep. In

> these letters I sounded like I was writing to one of my best

> friends. In one of them I even said how much I appreciated

> that nada was always there for me and that I could always

> talk to her. It made me sick to read them out loud b/c

> that's absolutely NOT the case and she was just eating it

> up. I know I didn't just say that when I wrote those

> letters- I had to have meant it at the time. WTF? Was I

> really that brain washed? I don't remember being that close.

> I remember the guilt, pressure. Being embarassed to go home

> if I had gained weight. Nada mad at me for stupid things.

> And now, now our relationhsip is beyond horrible. I don't

> even look at her when she talks. She wants to talk about her

> cancer, I almost ignore her. I blow off every complaint she

> has. I am sharp with her when I talk. When did I become this

> person? I know I am not really that person, but I hate the

> way I have become around her. I know it's a defense

> mechanism but it's so horrible. But it's like I can't help

> it. Survival mode, I guess. All I know is that I feel like I

> am about to snap. Even just hearing her shuffling walk from

> another room makes me cringe. And seeing what's behind her

> eyes makes me ill. I need help. I need to start seeing my T

> more regularly.

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

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>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Jackie,what your nada did is so vicious and so cruel.She didn't deserve to have

you for a daughter.

>

> my nada never ever put up any pictures/papers/tests we did, anywhere, not on

> the wall, not on the fridge, everything was thrown out..unless it was a

> failing grade on a test...THAT was displayed, and she pointed it out to

> everyone, telling them how lazy I am ( I'm dyslexic, but she refused to

> believe it)

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Ok your nada is totally crazy. How's this for a crazy nada...

>

> My friend's Queen/witch type nada has kept her kitchen walls virtually wall

> papered in her kid's school projects, papers, and paintings. You know, the

> kind that sit on the fridge for a week and then go into a scrapbook later,

> if they're special enough..... her walls have been like that for 25 years!

> The pictures are all yellowed and crumbling yet there they sit, as if she's

> permanently stuck in a blissful time, when she perceived her children as

> perfect and she, a perfect mother. PUKE.

>

[Guest guest]

What your mother did, , is definitely a form of negligence and child

abuse. I'm sorry you had to endure punishment for something you weren't in

control of: your mother's lack of caring. Yet, you applied yourself in school

anyway, eventually, and ended up doing well. Kudos to you!

-Annie

>

> None of my stuff was put up either, or for that matter even looked at. The

idea that she had any interest in what I did in school at all just wasn't there.

One year in elementary school I chose not to do homework for most of the year

and the teacher finally figured it out. My nada didn't care. I was stuck

sitting outside the principle's office for weeks during recess as a punishment

by the teacher. In hindsight it seems kind of crazy - I mean shouldn't the

teacher have confronted my nada about me neglecting my work rather than some

stupid public shaming? And because my nada didn't care I didn't care either

and I don't remember even being bothered to have to sit out there! It's a

miracle I ever applied myself in school at all.

>

>