You. Must. Take. Care. Of. ME.

[Guest guest]

It's tax season so that means, of course, nada's having a meltdown!!

My brother is in charge of doing her taxes every year since my father passed

away (which, btw, I would love insight from anyone here on WHY he, my brother,

has to tell us over and over and over that he is doing this and then, once he's

accomplished it, he tells us over and over and over that he did it. No amount of

praise, thanks, or gushing will stop his behavior. I feel bad for him, like he

wants to bask in the glory of what he's done, b/c he knows he won't get anymore

praise after this or something...??).

Anyway, I digress...as some of you may know, my mother doesn't do any change

well. Not any. Just before the holidays, her bathroom had a leak in the ceiling.

She was an absolute, total basket case, calling me and my brother nonstop about

the dripping, about how slow the plumber/contractor was, about her useless

neighbors...you get it. She insists on making us experience what she perceives

as hell with her, through her stories shared in a shrill, despondent voice. So

now, it's the same with the taxes. Just now, she told me she wished she could

just up and leave and go to live with someone who cares about her (I'm thinking,

" that would be awesome!! " ) b/c she can't take being alone and she's going to die

alone and now this, now the taxes... "

I felt both sadness for her and impatience. As I told her, " it's just the taxes.

It's not a disease, it's not homelessness. You will get through this. " It's not

even like she, herself, is doing them. She just can't tolerate the waiting part

or my brother's constant mentioning it.

He now needs her 2008 taxes to refer to them and she can't find them in her

files, so this is worthy of having a tantrum. She just wants it done. (This,

btw, is a flea I am challenging myself to deal with, too, I've realized. I had

to have my computer worked on a couple of weeks ago, and I wasn't able to relax

until I got it back. This was also b/c it's new and expensive and I left it with

someone who is always stepping away from his office, so I was so nervous it'd

be stolen. Again, I digress...)

Basically, what she articulated is what she has been " saying " through her

behavior: " I want someone to take care of me. I do not want to be responsible

for anything. I do not want to know the details surrounding anything that

requires a decision. I want someone else, namely YOU, to do it and just let me

sit here and watch cooking shows. " This is the monster my father created;

actually, her own father probably created it and my father nurtured it!

She just called me to say she found the 2008 taxes. Here we go. I felt like

praising her as I do my 5 year old, " that's wonderful, sweetie!!! Good for you!

I knew you could do it! " Sigh. WHY does she need to tell me this? Every little

detail, every fart, has to be shared. Please!!

DEEP BREATH. Again, thank you for e-listening and commiserating.

Fiona