Re: NADA'S DOCTOR

[Guest guest]

Marilyn this situation is so hard for you - I know you had hoped to be free by

this time. About the question of what to do about this possible dangerous drug

I would say again it comes down to what you can live with. I don't think it is

wrong to let your mother's doctor make these decisions - the doc is

professionally liable and sometimes doctors deliberately take risks with a drug

for certain benefits. Maybe that's what is happening here? I guess you could

just tell your mother what you discovered and leave it in her hands too.

The difficult question it seems to me from your post (and one I wrestle with

too) is how much are you willing to put up with to maintain the current status

quo? True, you could say " no more " and hang up when she becomes insulting but

that will change things - but maybe it is a needed change for you? Only you

know how much you can or should take of this and if it's worth it.

>

> I had an extremely awful phone call initiated by my nada this morning. She

started " look! " (I know i am in trouble when she says 'look') but anyway she

said the ONLY people I am interested in are my FRIENDS and not her (can we

spell jealousy here?!) She said I am not to go out and I have no friends. (I

live several states away on my own and this is absurd not to mention attempting

control). I laughed at that one to myself, but she went on to say she wished I

would end up in an 'old age home' (nursing home) with no one and nothing - a

poor people's home and 'die alone in my own arms'. What brought this on, you

might wonder?! She said because I am 'not the daughter SHE'D want' because 'if

I WERE I'd have moved down there MONTHS AGO to take care of her - like she

RAISED me for. Forget that her house is too small for me and two cats. She

told me that both would have to be 'put away' to live there and to 'never talk

about your cats to anyone - they will think you are crazy which you are'. She

THEN said she didn't WANT me down there to live but she was going to 'leave

everything but her house to her friends who take care of her' (they run errands

to the grocery store or pharmacy once a week for her when they're going there

anyway) because they are 'so good to her'. She PAYS them $20 each time they go

and they are going there anyway. She said she is 'going to go down to South

Carolina and live with Joanie' who I know has had a radical mastectomy - 4th

stage of cancer now which has spread past her lymph

> nodes to her liver and kidneys now the last I heard. The poor woman is DYING

so I doubt very much she has invited my mother down there to take care of her as

the woman is under hospice care!

>

> Nada also said that I am not 'as pretty as she would like HER daughter to be'

and 'you are fat and I want you to have all your teeth pulled out and get false

teeth NOW'. I didn't even answer that one except to say since she insists that

the father I knew all my life is NOT my father but that my godfather was that I

inherited HIS fat gene as well as her mother's because I knew that would get

her. I was right but then she replied, " Del wasn't fat " . I knew him as far

back as I can remember and he taught me how to swim so I saw him in swim trunks

and he had boobs and was built like Buddha and as round as an apple. Yes he was

VERY fat but not to nada because she sees what she wants to see. He died of

cirrhosis of the liver so we know why don't we! Too many martini lunches! I

have never been drunk once in my life.

>

> She has always been terrible about my weight as I wrote before and now her

doctor has put her on 15 medications (one of which is lethal for diabetics and

people with heart trouble and she has both). She was on only five medications

last time she went to see her. Some of these are for nausea; pain (Vicodin);

one is for coating her stomach so she doesn't vomit blood anymore; some are for

bladder incontinence; some of these are for heart trouble; one of these is for

diabetes (no not insulin but a pill); some are for controlling cholesterol and

one that is really telling is for blocking potassium which is only given to

anorexics I understand. She said the nurse was angry as was her doctor because

she lost another 8 pounds but she was glad and she wants to lose 'another 10 so

she is the weight she was when she was 12'. She said the doctor is trying to

kill her and she is only going to take the painkiller and the original pills she

was taking and the doctor can go to hell with the rest. She is sure the doctor

is getting paid off by the pharmaceutical companies to 'sell their shit'.

>

> She said she doesn't want a birthday gift from me or 'anything from YOU'.

(Her birthday is April 5th).

>

> I don't know why I let some of her words bother me but I did. I cried and

screamed for God to release her and let the bitch die NOW after I hung up the

phone of course.

>

> One of my closest friend's whose birthday is tomorrow called her five minutes

after I hung up on nada by saying sarcastically " I've got to go. I love you

too " . (God does nada hate that). My friend called me back a half hour later

telling me nada was crying hysterically to her telling her she 'knew she was

mean and bad to me badmouthing me a few minutes earlier' and why. My friend

seems to be able to handle nada much better than I can and calmed her down and

made her see reason so much that nada called me back while I was talking to my

friend (I have caller ID) and said she was 'so sorry' and nada just expected me

to forgive and forget all she had said. Pip made her see reason she said. Duh!

So the roller coaster of up and down nada continues but now no one even her

doctor who is fed up with her because she does as she pleases and just wants the

painkiller Vicodin (opium based) which is addictive from her thinks she has much

longer at all thank God. I had nada spell all the names of the prescription

drug names her doctor had prescribed for her and nada wanted me to find out what

they were for as I have a friend who is a mental health therapist by profession

and is licensed to give out meds here (just mental health meds but my nada

thinks for some reason she is a doctor which I never told her she was, so she

'trusts her') so 'ask her for me what these are for because I know Dr. Nina is

trying to kill me' since she can't get me in her nursing home to make money off

me.' I looked them up myself first on the internet and then called my friend

who said the one pill the doctor is giving nada is lethal for diabetics and

those with heart conditions (my nada has both) and a lot of these meds were

such strong pills that she was sure there had to be contraindications to her

taking one with another but they wouldn't be giving her the lethal one alone if

they didn't think her 'time was almost up or up'. So my question is do I call

her doctor about this new lethal pill or do I say nothing? Nada will do as she

pleases anyway and told me she is going to take that pill because 'she likes the

way it sounds' but is not going to take some of the others.

>

> No nada won't change doctors. I tried to convince her a long time ago to do

that, but she won't. She doesn't trust or like this doctor but she won't change

doctors either.

>

> Anyone else on here going through similar problems with their nada? The die

is cast but part of me wants to tell her doctor I know the one pill she is

giving nada is lethal for diabetics and those with heart trouble. Should I? I

think I should just let this go and play dumb.

>

[Guest guest]

lin

So sorry you went through that.

A few notes for you. Unless nada is declared incompetent and you are her

gaurdian, the dr will not talk to you about her care without her

permission.

If you note dangerous things about her meds and try to help, she will

not accept your help or thank you.

I ve read some books about BP s where they describe being so cruel to

loved ones, then regretting it and hating themselves immediatly after.

Part of the I hate you Dont leave me syndrome.

It s awful to be them. It can be equally bad to be a KO and deal with

thier crap.

She has no sense of bounderies, other people only exist in that they

fill her needs. So its ok for you to move, kill your cats, be verbally

abused, and still expect to wait on her hand and foot. My nada expected

me to support her financially when I was 19 and she was 38. She got the

idea that because I went to the Navy it would be like some book where I

sent my money home to my little grey haired mother.

The abuse us, and are awful to us, and then will brag about their

generous hearts to others. My nada traded cars once. She had on old

car, not much, but it ran. She sat in my house, in front of my 16 yo

daughter, and bragged how she gave it to the daughter of one of her

friends, in exchange for a promise from her alcoholic husband not to

drink anymore. My daughter was really hurt by it. Not that she owed her

a car, but if you are giving one away, then give it to the daughter of a

buddy, instead of your own granddaughter?

My nada was on a number of meds, including powerful psychotropics, and

had lots of interaction troubles, but wuold not listen to me, or permit

me to discuss her care with her Dr s. She would let any of them slide

except for Xanix and Lortab. Let, give me Mr feel good!

She probably died early because of refusing to follow Dr s orders, or

listen to me and go see him about her condition. But unless she is a

raving maniac and pees on the desk of the judge, they are NOT going to

declare her incompetent. Making horrible foolish decisions, as long as

you are not an IMMEDIATE danger to self or others is ok. You cant

change it.

You didnt cause this. You are not responsible. You can t change it. And

you are not obligated ( FOG remember, fear , obligation, Guilt? thats

how they manipulate us) to care for her despite her Wicked Witch of the

West routine with you AND

Are you listening? Pay attention, dont miss this. You . Do. Not . Have.

To . Accept. Her. Abuse.

Set bounderies. Mom, if you talk to me that way again, I will hang up

and not talk to you for a week/month/century, whatever you think is

fair.

Mom, I m not going to kill my cats and move down with you. Mom, Here is

what I think you should do to be healthy and well cared for ( let her

have it, quit using drugs, see a Therapist, ect, whatever). You dont

want to do those things? Ok, you are a grown woman. And so am I. You

are free to do it your way, but don t expect me to be responsible for

your decisions.

and if none of that works, and likely it wont

Good bye mom, I hate this but I am not going to let you be so mean to me

anymore .

Then change your damned phone number.

Doug

>

> I had an extremely awful phone call initiated by my nada this morning.

She started " look! " (I know i am in trouble when she says 'look') but

anyway she said the ONLY people I am interested in are my FRIENDS and

not her (can we spell jealousy here?!) She said I am not to go out and I

have no friends. (I live several states away on my own and this is

absurd not to mention attempting control). I laughed at that one to

myself, but she went on to say she wished I would end up in an 'old age

home' (nursing home) with no one and nothing - a poor people's home and

'die alone in my own arms'. What brought this on, you might wonder?! She

said because I am 'not the daughter SHE'D want' because 'if I WERE I'd

have moved down there MONTHS AGO to take care of her - like she RAISED

me for. Forget that her house is too small for me and two cats. She told

me that both would have to be 'put away' to live there and to 'never

talk about your cats to anyone - they will think you are crazy which you

are'. She THEN said she didn't WANT me down there to live but she was

going to 'leave everything but her house to her friends who take care of

her' (they run errands to the grocery store or pharmacy once a week for

her when they're going there anyway) because they are 'so good to her'.

She PAYS them $20 each time they go and they are going there anyway. She

said she is 'going to go down to South Carolina and live with Joanie'

who I know has had a radical mastectomy - 4th stage of cancer now which

has spread past her lymph

> nodes to her liver and kidneys now the last I heard. The poor woman is

DYING so I doubt very much she has invited my mother down there to take

care of her as the woman is under hospice care!

>

> Nada also said that I am not 'as pretty as she would like HER daughter

to be' and 'you are fat and I want you to have all your teeth pulled out

and get false teeth NOW'. I didn't even answer that one except to say

since she insists that the father I knew all my life is NOT my father

but that my godfather was that I inherited HIS fat gene as well as her

mother's because I knew that would get her. I was right but then she

replied, " Del wasn't fat " . I knew him as far back as I can remember and

he taught me how to swim so I saw him in swim trunks and he had boobs

and was built like Buddha and as round as an apple. Yes he was VERY fat

but not to nada because she sees what she wants to see. He died of

cirrhosis of the liver so we know why don't we! Too many martini

lunches! I have never been drunk once in my life.

>

> She has always been terrible about my weight as I wrote before and now

her doctor has put her on 15 medications (one of which is lethal for

diabetics and people with heart trouble and she has both). She was on

only five medications last time she went to see her. Some of these are

for nausea; pain (Vicodin); one is for coating her stomach so she

doesn't vomit blood anymore; some are for bladder incontinence; some of

these are for heart trouble; one of these is for diabetes (no not

insulin but a pill); some are for controlling cholesterol and one that

is really telling is for blocking potassium which is only given to

anorexics I understand. She said the nurse was angry as was her doctor

because she lost another 8 pounds but she was glad and she wants to lose

'another 10 so she is the weight she was when she was 12'. She said the

doctor is trying to kill her and she is only going to take the

painkiller and the original pills she was taking and the doctor can go

to hell with the rest. She is sure the doctor is getting paid off by the

pharmaceutical companies to 'sell their shit'.

>

> She said she doesn't want a birthday gift from me or 'anything from

YOU'. (Her birthday is April 5th).

>

> I don't know why I let some of her words bother me but I did. I cried

and screamed for God to release her and let the bitch die NOW after I

hung up the phone of course.

>

> One of my closest friend's whose birthday is tomorrow called her five

minutes after I hung up on nada by saying sarcastically " I've got to go.

I love you too " . (God does nada hate that). My friend called me back a

half hour later telling me nada was crying hysterically to her telling

her she 'knew she was mean and bad to me badmouthing me a few minutes

earlier' and why. My friend seems to be able to handle nada much better

than I can and calmed her down and made her see reason so much that nada

called me back while I was talking to my friend (I have caller ID) and

said she was 'so sorry' and nada just expected me to forgive and forget

all she had said. Pip made her see reason she said. Duh! So the roller

coaster of up and down nada continues but now no one even her doctor who

is fed up with her because she does as she pleases and just wants the

painkiller Vicodin (opium based) which is addictive from her thinks she

has much longer at all thank God. I had nada spell all the names of the

prescription drug names her doctor had prescribed for her and nada

wanted me to find out what they were for as I have a friend who is a

mental health therapist by profession and is licensed to give out meds

here (just mental health meds but my nada thinks for some reason she is

a doctor which I never told her she was, so she 'trusts her') so 'ask

her for me what these are for because I know Dr. Nina is trying to kill

me' since she can't get me in her nursing home to make money off me.' I

looked them up myself first on the internet and then called my friend

who said the one pill the doctor is giving nada is lethal for diabetics

and those with heart conditions (my nada has both) and a lot of these

meds were such strong pills that she was sure there had to be

contraindications to her taking one with another but they wouldn't be

giving her the lethal one alone if they didn't think her 'time was

almost up or up'. So my question is do I call her doctor about this new

lethal pill or do I say nothing? Nada will do as she pleases anyway and

told me she is going to take that pill because 'she likes the way it

sounds' but is not going to take some of the others.

>

> No nada won't change doctors. I tried to convince her a long time ago

to do that, but she won't. She doesn't trust or like this doctor but she

won't change doctors either.

>

> Anyone else on here going through similar problems with their nada?

The die is cast but part of me wants to tell her doctor I know the one

pill she is giving nada is lethal for diabetics and those with heart

trouble. Should I? I think I should just let this go and play dumb.

>