I need to vent

[Guest guest]

Hi one and all.......I need to vent.

Some of you may know from my past messages that things are not going

well for me but tonight?????ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG

Getting Adam back into the school routine has been tough. Grade 3 has

lots of homework!!!! Plus my 11 year old (who has been use to me helping

endlessly with my full attention) plus dinner, dishes, neighbours

dropping by!! But things seemed to be going well tonight. Adam ate an

amazingly large amount of dinner (he should I found his lunch bag almost

untouched!!), went outside to watch Adam ride the bike and just came in

to do the homework and dishes when........the phone.

It's the ex husband. I should have (how I wish I HAD) said " not a good

time " . But I am afraid of him.So he has called to inform me of a bunch

of " new " doctor appointments he has set up for Adam with his homeopath,

natural path etc. etc. etc.

Now when the issue of growth hormone came up in July, dad said no until

we try the " natural " way. For 3 months was the agreement. The agreement

was also that he foot the bills for this as my health plan does not

cover it.....I don't believe in it but I told him if he wanted to pursue

it, he must make the appointments, take Adam and pay the bills. Fine. He

showed for one appointment with each doctor and I did all the follow ups

alone the rest of the summer.

So now that I'm back at work he decides he now (actually demands) I pay

half the bills!!!!! I'm sure its close to 600.00!! Now this is the guy

that I remortgaged my house last fall to pay him 30,000 dollars for his

" half " of my pension!!!!! I have no money!!!!!!!!!!!

That's number one. He's demanding I pay.

Two....I said if you can't go to doctors neither do I, neither does

Adam. They do nothing....believe it or not no doctor has even measured

or weighed Adam...yet we are there for growth!!!!!

So he's furious. Yelled and screamed. Then I tried to pin him down to a

date to begin growth hormone. He said 3 months of this and then we could

go for it. Well now he's decided to " not " agree indefinitely!!!! Maybe

February he said and I quote " if I feel like agreeing!!!!!!!! "

OK NOW I HAVE LOST IT!!!!!! He got blasted with.... " you want to wait

longer?? go slow?? where have you been for 8 years while I take Adam to

doctor after doctor...?? I have been " slow " for 8 years....nothing works

and now the docs have a 6 month trial of growth hormone and how can you

deny your son that?? "

He says he doesn't care.....he will think about when he " wants " to give

me his permission. (total control freak). Then he says... " let's let Adam

adjust to his new diet " . I explained that was for the hypo-g and at the

very least behaviour issues NOT GROWTH!! Eating whole wheat bread

instead of white bread is NOT going to cure him. He is totally adamant.

Then he says Adam's eating habits need attention. Well this is news. In

what way I ask?? Well he picks at his meals at my place, he says. (Well

wouldn't you if your dad was forcing you to eat things you didn't like

and harping on you through dinner??)

I told him about Adam's amazing meal tonight and said it was because I

gave him time. He had no reason to " rush " . I didn't have the " if you

don't finish you don't get dessert " hanging over his head (I've never

done that...his dad ALWAYS does....now any kid is going to rush and

bargin...I can't finish this to get to the ice cream). I, very gently

explained this (aware of his ego) and he still started to yell again.

" Adam's eating habits are horrible....that's the problem "

I asked for clarification.. " are you saying he has no appetite? " Dad says

" well when he wants to eat he does " . OK dad....you give him meals 4 days

out of a typical month. Who knows his overall habits better?? Adam has

always, even at birth, been a small but frequent meal eater. As long as

he eats does it matter that its not at 9 am 12 noon and 5 pm???? This

man is so rigid I think he has a pole up his you know what!! (sorry if I

offend)

I can't take it anymore. I had such dread yesterday that something would

happen. He started a bit last night when he returned the kids (then

phoned much much later last night to say " oh I forgot to tell you Adam

vomited today_------like HELLO???????) But today beats the cake.

So how did the phone call end? He said if I was going to get emotional

(excuse me you are telling me I don't know my son!!) then he'd hang up,

which he promptly did and slammed it in my ear.

Now what???? Now I know, my chances at growth hormone have been moved to

probably never because he has something I want. His permission.

Why can't he see what he is doing to his son?? I, once, shortly after

the divorce contacted his sister to " intervene " for me when he was

demanding swimming lessons for the kids in the middle of winter (like

can we say " constant infections?? " which did happen last year when he

went a head with it anyway--idiot is asking again for that this winter

too!!!!) But I am reluctant to appeal to her now because 1) I found out

she is battling cancer and 2) we haven't kept in touch and 3) I have no

idea what " spins " my ex is putting on these stories to his " gang of

thinkers " . He only does what others tell him....no original thoughts.

Never commits to a decision on the spot....says he'll think about

it....which means he has to consult his " gaggle " of opinionated SOB'S

who have no real concept of the day to day dealings of my son's life.

Oh I 'm so sorry everyone to vent. There is absolutely NO ONE I can talk

to about it. I have tried and most just get angry and say " what a...###

(fill in your own word) " but that doesn't help me out.

Legally he must consent to treatment.....I may have to phone my lawyer

tomorrow (he's such a snake though) and ask him to define " treatment " .

Would a 6 month trial be " treatment " ? And what if it worked and at the 6

month part when we decide to commit to " years " his dad then continues to

say no.

Also, legally I have no more money to do these battles. If I went ahead

with it, without his permission, it would be his responsibility to take

me to court. Initially it would be his costs....I think even if I

represented myself....with all my letters and assessments from doctors

over the years I can't imagine a judge granting him the right to refuse.

But then I run the risk (a good risk) that if the judge found in favour

of him (and with my 30,000 he could get a good lawyer) I would have to

pay all court costs and then I would loose my house.

All I have ever wanted was to help my son. This is total power play for

him. It's a mess.

Now I suppose....I do have one slim option. His brother lives a couple

of hours drive from here. But I could take the weekend and go out and

face to face explain my dilemma and maybe he could talk some sense into

him.

Have any of you been " stuck in the middle " by a family member like this?

I wonder if I am asking too much of his brother? Basically I would be

asking him to take Adam's side--but it would be perceived as taking MY

side and I don't know if I have a right to put him in the middle. He is

Adam's godfather, by the way, and they did come to MY house for a

celebration this past May for Adam's first communion--which I thought

was very " big " of them because I didn't invite the father

(obviously--nor my ex mother in law who always hated me).

Oh I'm sorry to vent......but please......my life has been dangling from

a string now and I think this is the final straw for me.

Help anyone?????

Signed desperately seeking relief

Debby