mettling neighbor's email

[Guest guest]

Nada has a neighbor that has always been a good family friend. She's a really

good person and has been almost like family to us. But since nada has gotten

sick she has sent me a few really infuriating emails about what I should be

doing. One email basically slammed me for the way I treat nada. Basically she is

misinformed and doesn't even know what BPD is. I asked her politely to butt out

and she apologized. Now, about 2 months later I got another email telling me

that nada is really sick and I should visit more often and put our differences

aside and all this crap. I was just livid when I got the email and wrote this:

C,

I talk to my mom every day- I know how she feels, I know about the jury duty, I

know about her mouth, that she needs to get her taxes done, etc. On all accounts

I have tried to help and on all accounts she refuses. I know your heart is in

the right place, but I have asked you once to stop sending me these emails

telling me what I should do. I am asking you again to please stop. You are

misinformed. You chalk this up to every day mother- daughter issues, which I

assure you it is not. You ask me to imagine this or that. Imagine being

constantly misunderstood by a neighbor who assumes without asking. It hurts my

feelings, stresses me out and frankly makes me mad. I appreciate all you do for

my mother, but I do not expect anything from you. I wish you would extend me to

courtesy of knowing I am doing the best I can. If you want to talk about this in

person let me know and I will come over next time I am in town. Otherwise

please know I care very much about you and hope you are doing well.

Then she wrote back:

Okey dokey. Yes I continue to see one side possibly because she doesn't explain

(and she doesn't have to) what's going on between you both and so therefore for

example if I ask her about when you will visit next she sometimes cries and

tells me you can't make it up here to visit. I then make an assumption you

don't want to visit more often. Other than your mother I have always looked for

friendships with people that are more or less happy, cheerful, positive thinking

and upbeat people doing worthwhile things we have in common. But your mom is my

neighbor and became my friend anyway and someone has to do what I do to help her

and she doesn't want P to come back. I keep thinking if she sees you more often

her sadness will go away, but maybe it wouldn't matter anyway and I am truly not

seeing the situation correctly. So I'll back out of making suggestions to you

about your mother.

What really bothers me now is this line: " someone has to do what I do to help

her " . What should I say to this? It's true- she does need help and I feel bad

it's falling on the neighbor. But guess what- I never asked for her help. I

don't know what to say back. I am so annoyed, sad, mad, etc. Who does she think

she is, juding me like this? She has known me since 7th grade- I thought she

knew me better than this. I wish people would leave me alone!