Re: Holiday Blues/Vent/OT/Long

[Guest guest]

Im so sorry for everything you are going threw.I understand and trust me you

arent over reacting That jus sucks about your dads house.I know all your

memories are there.As far as Zack running around thats ridiculous.He is a kid

and its christmas!Of course hes gonna be excited.Would it be wrong to hope he

gets lots of sugar and runs around extra?hehe.I wish I lived near you id love to

come bake with you.i wish i could give you a big hug.We are all here for you no

matter what.

luv u!

cassy

[Guest guest]

Wow, Peggy. That is a lot. Not the length, don't worry, just the emotions.

I personally, wouldn't go. To have all those damn rules! No freedom for

Zack, nor gifties...she sounds like a major control freak to me, this Barb.

I don't think you are being a Scrooge at all. WE, with MS, don't need the

stress!! YOU don't need the stress. If you could let go of your emotions,

then hey, you could probably go. I know I couldn't hold my gut in. It would

hurt my heart to be in my mom's house with so many things different. And yes,

it probably IS harder this time round because of 's mom. Hey, you have

a cute answering machine song! Sorry I missed your call the other day. Tell

I'm ready for him to stop on my doorstep, now that the ice is gone!

AND I have gingerbread and sugar cookies (homemade) for you, him,

and Zack--for him to take home. And, does he like coffee or tea?

lol! I love you Peggy. You take care of YOU, ok. always, Kate

Holiday Blues/Vent/OT/Long

I'll try to make this quick, but you all know me when I say quick itmeans the opposite usually, but I WILL try.So, we go to my Dad's every year on Christmas Eve for dinner and havebeen for years. When my Mom was alive we went there on Christmas Dayand then to 's Mom's house. As most of you know my Mom has beengone for almost 13 yrs and we just lost 's Mom this past Aug.My Dad was remarried about 7 yrs after my Mom passed away(sorry,can't say the d word, never could) to a very nice woman named Barb.They had only known each other for 6 weeks. Ok, so the marriagelasted 2 years, then divorce. Then they got back together but notremarried which is where we are today. She lives with him, uses hislast name, wears her wedding ring, etc.Christmas has been a very hard time for me since losing my Mom(herangel date is 1/24/95). I know everything changes with time but itseems to be bothering me more and more this year, probably because ofthe loss of s Mom and the fact that we have not heard anythingfrom his sister at all. We did get a card from his niece though.We used to go to my Dad's with my sister Pat, her hubby and her 3kids, who are now all living elsewhere but will be back forChristmas. We had the traditional dinner, ham, cole slaw, potatoes,beans, rolls, and birthday cake. It changed a little when Barb camealong. the menu changed to bbq pork, chicken fingers, pick foods,stuff like that. OK. Plus her family, fine. No problem. Now for thepast 2 years, it's been changed to fish, pierogies, mac n cheese,peas & onions. This year I was also informed by when she camehome with the gift bags that we WEREN'T doing gifts this year therebecause SHE was having 24 people over to eat. OK, now I'm gettingupset.1st of all, this is the house I grew up in, still my MOTHER'S houseas far as I'm concerned. It was hard enough that when she moved inall pictures of my mother disappeared and things got rearranged. Youknow I can understand that, she wanted to make it her own, it had tobe hard for her. I got past that. But now we aren't ALLOWED toexchange gifts on Christmas with OUR family in our FAMILY home????They, her and my Dad go to her sons house with the rest of her familyso they can watch her grandkids open their gifts on Christmas Day.What about us???? Am I getting upset over nothing??Then tells me that she said that Zack isn't going to be ableto run around alot this year because of all the people she's havingthere. Now I'm ready to flip!!! OK, well, why don't I just leave himhome then??? Sit in a corner Zack, very still on Christmas Eve anddon't be excited with all these people around knowing that Santa iscoming and you are at a party. RIGHT, and what planet did you justcome from???? is upset about this too because everything has changed and nowshe only has one place to go for Christmas since Nanie has passed, weare staying home for Christmas and I'm cooking and then she is goingto work in the afternoon. I'm trying to be a grown up and put on myhappy face, my joyful, Christmas is great face, but it's reallygetting harder with each passing day.Barb has become increasingly mean towards my Dad. She does care forhim I know that, but she just makes mean comments about him to usright in front of him. He's 77 and she is in her early 60's I think.So now here is the other problem I have along with my sister. Myfather has decided that when he passes away that Barb will have useof the house until she passes or remarries whichever comes first.With all that is going on now, he is really not in good health, somany things wrong with him, we keep asking ourselves where will we gothen? I know it sounds stupid and petty to even be thinking that nowbut, that's the house we grew up in and then when he's gone it's notgoing to be, it will be hers. I'm 41 and have never spent a Christmasaway from that house, well ok one and only because I was in Germany,but not by choice!It's not about the monetary value of the house at all, I don't careabout that and neither does my sister. I just don't want anyone elseliving there. I've always told my father that I would live there. Healways thought I was joking, but I finally told him I'm serious, Iwouldn't want anyone else living here. Not that I had the greatestchildhood there but it's because it's where my memories of my Motherare the strongest. Am I just holding onto a piece of property to holdon to her? Should I just let it go? Am I just being a baby or aScrooge? It doesn't seem to matter where I am, from November to MarchI'm miserable. The holidays are hard, February 16th was her birthday,and March was their anniversary. I know about that seasonaldepression and I'm sure I suffer from that and no pill helps.This year my sister and I didn't even get together to do our annualtraditional cookie bake that we've been doing for about 10 years. Shemade pusties for the 1st time, which I thought we were going to dotogether but I guess not, so I'm making cookies by myself. I asked to help me but she didn't even want to. It just sucks canalwater all the way around. Plus we have no money, and I aren'texchanging gifts at all. We sunk all our $ into 's car andwe've just had to file for bankruptcy. My sister expects us to go ona cruise in April with her and my other sister and the nieces, justthe girls. I told her we didn't have the money that we had to file.She said we're going, we'll help you. I told her I felt like ascumbag and I didn't want to go. My father paid for mine and 'sairfare, but we still have to come up with over $900 for the cruise$200 for passports in case I get sick and need to fly home fromMexico plus money to spend. The $1100 by February and the spendingmoney by April. Yeah right, picture that with a Kodak!!!I'm 41 and feel like such a failure. We have no savings, every time Itry to tell that I don't think something is a good idea aboutmoney he doesn't listen and does it anyways and we end up in a mess.Then he says he's sorry and that he'll listen next time. Then I catchhim telling Zack that when you say you're sorry that means that youwon't do the thing that you're sorry about again. EXCUSE ME???? Takeyour own advice before you start preaching it. He makes me so mad.He's gone as far as forging my name to get a credit card when we weretrying to go through a debt consolidation company. That was one ofthe rules, that you couldn't open any new accts. God, it's like asickness with him. He had nothing when he was growing up and thecards make him like a kid in a candy store. SIGH!!!!SEE, I told you it wasn't going to be small. Pretty soon when you seea post from me that says small in it you're going to pass right by,lol. I feel better getting it off my chest though, so thank you. Idon't have anyone here to vent to. I tried to vent to my sister butshe just kind of told me not to worry about it now. I hate those 4words. Don't worry about it. Obviously they forget who they'retalking to.Thanks all.Hugs,Peggy