Re: looking for support and advice

[Guest guest]

It sounds as though you have been through an awful experience too.

My husband and I had a great relationship until 1998 when his twin

brother died suddenly. He slipped into a deep depression and he just

seemed to build a wall up around himself emotionally. About 6 mos.

before my bc diagnosis I started to suspect that he was having an

affair. I didn't want to accept it or believe it because I loved him

so much and I really believed that he loved me too. He would have

never left me if I hadn't made him move out and he says he still

loves me but he would not stop seeing her so..... I am trying to move

on and, like you, I have just started to do weight watchers. I think

if I can try to build my self-confidence up a little it will help.

Also I know that God will see me through this. I know that without

his help I wouldn't have gotten this far. I am so sorry for your

loss. It is also hard to bear the pain for your children. Are you

cancer-free now?? I am sure they probably worry about you too. The

people that I work with have been so wonderful to me. They are like

family to me. My daughter 1s 14 and she misses her dad so much. My

son is 19 and he is a very sensitive kid. He feels like his dad has

just totally abandoned him. My ex lives close by and could see them

every day if he wanted to but he hardly ever comes around. He calls

to tell them good night sometimes and takes them out to a movie maybe

once every couple of months. That is the extent of his involvement

with them. They don't want to visit him because they really resent

the woman he is living with. They feel like she took their dad away

and they know all the pain it has caused me and even them. I will

keep you and your children in my prayers.

breastcancer2 , Marco or Georgia Mannino

<georgia_marco@y...> wrote:

> I don't know what kind of relationship you and your husband had

before your cancer, but as you said the divorce was more traumatic

than the cancer. Continue to respect yourself and your decisions for

preventing recurrence. Realize that whatever problems he is having

are not a reflection of your worth. Take some time for your recovery

both physically and emotionally. My husband and I had cancer back to

back and simultaneosly. His was much harder to treat (multiple

myeloma) and he died this past June.

> I have a teaching job that I never left during the whole ordeal

because the people I work with are and have been so very supportive,

and since I teach music I get to enjoy the finished product of our

combined efforts. It serves as a great distraction. All of my

children are involved in music as well, and I think it is important

for their stability that I just keep on keeping on. I have three

children, one a freshman in college, one a junior in high school, and

one in 7th grade. I know that they need some time also to recover

from the trauma. I still get together sometimes with my friends, but

mainly I'm trying to make sure I'm there for my kids.

> At the beginning of this school year I did join weight watchers and

curves to work toward better health. Sometimes I make it to meetings

and workouts, and sometimes I don't. But I know I can go and meet

with people and take care of myself at the same time.

> I'm so sorry for your situation. It is a shame that people do what

they do without regard for how their actions affect others, but you

will get through this with the Lord's help. Fortunately He has

promised never to leave us or forsake us, and nothing can seperate us

from His love....georgia

>

>

> arry <tam_lar@h...> wrote:

>

>

> Hi

> I just discovered this group and I hope I will find the advice and

> support I desperately need. This past year has really been a tough

> one for me. Last April I had both of my breasts removed. I had

DCIS

> (a non-invasive cancer) but it required a mastectomy on my right

> breast and I had abnormal calcifications in my left breast so I

chose

> to have both breasts removed. I am still in the reconstruction

> process but it is almost complete. I did not have to have chemo or

> radiation and for that I am very thankful. In July my husband left

> me (and our 2 children) for a 28 year old woman. I am 44 and he is

> 46. We were married for 20 years and together for 26. Needless to

> say, I was devastated. In October on our 20th wedding anniversary

I

> had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I almost bled to death.

When

> I finally accepted the fact that my husband was not coming back to

> me, I filed for divorce. It was final Feb. 28, 2005. The cancer

was

> easy, the divorce has almost destroyed me. I am so scared of what

> the future holds for me. I wonder if another man will ever want to

> have a relationship with me because of what I have been through. I

> am so scared of being alone. I am so thankful that the cancer had

> not spread to any of my lymph nodes and that I did not have cancer

> when they did the hyst. God has blessed me in that way. Thanks

for

> listening.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

--It sounds like you have met a REAL man. My husband and I were

married for 20 years and together for 26. We got along great and I

felt like we would be together for life. His twin brother passed

away in 1998 and he changed after that. He was still good to me but

he was deeply depressed and started drinking and going out alot.

About 6 mos. before I found out that I had bc I was suspicious that

he was having an affair and he was. I know that I will be better off

once my heart heals or I meet someone who will love me for the person

I am and not for how i look. The woman he left me for is a beautiful

woman who is only 28 years old. She is evil in my opinion for

knowing that he was married with 2 kids and that I had breast cancer

and she was still willing to break up our home. It was his fault too

for getting involved with her. You are very blessed to have found

someone who accepts you just the way you are. Are you going to have

reconstruction? I had tissue expanders at the time of my

mastectomies, then for several months I had saline injections into

the expanders. I didn't go very big with them because it was painful

and I was just tired of going once a week for the expansions (I

travel to Charlottesville, VA for my appts and it is 4 hrs. away).

In Nov. I got my silicone implants. I thought that it would feel

like having real breasts again but it doesn't and that has been a

little disappointing. My last procedure was March 2 for nipple

reconstruction then the final step will be to have the nipple

tattoos. Good luck to you.

- In breastcancer2 , rendurall@w... wrote:

> I was diagnosed last August and had both breast removed, had a

boyfriend and

> as I progressed into treatment he seemed to change, and I noticed

it and

> decided that I did not need that so I told him I did not want to

see him anymore.

> Then in January of this year as I rounded my last four chemo

treatments God

> brought a wonderful man into my life. I could not believe it, this

man loves

> me and I don't have my own hair, no breasts. I still can't realize

that

> someone would want to build a relationship with me with all I am

going through. I

> start rads Monday and the funny thing is his ex-wife is my rad

nurse, Ha! God

> will bring you through that is for sure, he has me and his is

merciful and

> will lift you up higher than you ever imagined you would be able to

soar. Just

> put all your faith in him to bring you the right things in your

life. You are

> so precious hang in there.

>

> Ren

[Guest guest]

Yes, I am cancer free at this time and research all that I can to stay that way. There is much nutritional research that has prooven that we can be aggressive preventers in the same way we were aggressive treaters. I follow the advice of those who study health when I want health. Dr.'s are useful when I think medicine is the answer, but I know for a fact medicine does not have the answer for everything. We need to be informed as to what makes our bodies run their best, just like you would for your car. When the body is in a run down state, whether from the processed foods or chemical additives to our food, or even from the chemicals used to fight the cancer it leaves us more susceptible for continued health problems.

My daughter is probably most affected by the loss of her dad. Her boyfriend reminds us both of him to a great degree. In a way that worries me, because I don't want him just to be a substitute. I know that is not the only reason they are still together, because they were dating even before he died. I don't relate to her as well as her dad did. I want her to be more responsible and to think things through completely. I think she has become more careless. Her school work reflects it. She used to be so conscientious. It is as though life and death have become the standard to measure things by instead of effort and quality workmanship.

All the best to you and your children. I hope they will realize that their dad is the one missing out when he does not call or come by and that it is not their fault that he doesn't. I don't know if it would be a good thing for them to call him when they would like to have a moment of his time...only you could be the judge of that......georgia

tamilarry wrote:

It sounds as though you have been through an awful experience too. My husband and I had a great relationship until 1998 when his twin brother died suddenly. He slipped into a deep depression and he just seemed to build a wall up around himself emotionally. About 6 mos. before my bc diagnosis I started to suspect that he was having an affair. I didn't want to accept it or believe it because I loved him so much and I really believed that he loved me too. He would have never left me if I hadn't made him move out and he says he still loves me but he would not stop seeing her so..... I am trying to move on and, like you, I have just started to do weight watchers. I think if I can try to build my self-confidence up a little it will help. Also I know that God will see me through

this. I know that without his help I wouldn't have gotten this far. I am so sorry for your loss. It is also hard to bear the pain for your children. Are you cancer-free now?? I am sure they probably worry about you too. The people that I work with have been so wonderful to me. They are like family to me. My daughter 1s 14 and she misses her dad so much. My son is 19 and he is a very sensitive kid. He feels like his dad has just totally abandoned him. My ex lives close by and could see them every day if he wanted to but he hardly ever comes around. He calls to tell them good night sometimes and takes them out to a movie maybe once every couple of months. That is the extent of his involvement with them. They don't want to visit him because they really resent the woman he is living with. They feel like she took their dad away and they know all

the pain it has caused me and even them. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.breastcancer2 , Marco or Georgia Mannino <georgia_marco@y...> wrote:> I don't know what kind of relationship you and your husband had before your cancer, but as you said the divorce was more traumatic than the cancer. Continue to respect yourself and your decisions for preventing recurrence. Realize that whatever problems he is having are not a reflection of your worth. Take some time for your recovery both physically and emotionally. My husband and I had cancer back to back and simultaneosly. His was much harder to treat (multiple myeloma) and he died this past June. > I have a teaching job that I never left during the whole ordeal because the people I work with are and have been so very supportive, and since I teach music

I get to enjoy the finished product of our combined efforts. It serves as a great distraction. All of my children are involved in music as well, and I think it is important for their stability that I just keep on keeping on. I have three children, one a freshman in college, one a junior in high school, and one in 7th grade. I know that they need some time also to recover from the trauma. I still get together sometimes with my friends, but mainly I'm trying to make sure I'm there for my kids.> At the beginning of this school year I did join weight watchers and curves to work toward better health. Sometimes I make it to meetings and workouts, and sometimes I don't. But I know I can go and meet with people and take care of myself at the same time.> I'm so sorry for your situation. It is a shame that people do what they do without regard for how their actions affect others, but you

will get through this with the Lord's help. Fortunately He has promised never to leave us or forsake us, and nothing can seperate us from His love....georgia> > > arry <tam_lar@h...> wrote:> > > Hi> I just discovered this group and I hope I will find the advice and > support I desperately need. This past year has really been a tough > one for me. Last April I had both of my breasts removed. I had DCIS > (a non-invasive cancer) but it required a mastectomy on my right > breast and I had abnormal calcifications in my left breast so I chose > to have both breasts removed. I am still in the reconstruction > process but it is almost complete. I did not have to have chemo or > radiation and for that I am very thankful. In July my husband left > me (and our 2 children) for a 28 year old woman. I am 44

and he is > 46. We were married for 20 years and together for 26. Needless to > say, I was devastated. In October on our 20th wedding anniversary I > had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I almost bled to death. When > I finally accepted the fact that my husband was not coming back to > me, I filed for divorce. It was final Feb. 28, 2005. The cancer was > easy, the divorce has almost destroyed me. I am so scared of what > the future holds for me. I wonder if another man will ever want to > have a relationship with me because of what I have been through. I > am so scared of being alone. I am so thankful that the cancer had > not spread to any of my lymph nodes and that I did not have cancer > when they did the hyst. God has blessed me in that way. Thanks for > listening.> > > >

> > > > > --------------------------------->

[Guest guest]

I was DCIS also and had a mastectomy on right side. I think if your

husband left you; it was not because of the mastectomy but because he

is immature and looking for a little excitement and perhaps he as do a

lot of men, is going through the change that is quite frequently only

for women according to what you hear. They do go through the change

too and I understand that when a man does, he wants to feel his youth

again (Don't we all?) and a younger woman would make him think (for a

while at least) that he is suddenly younger (he's not). In my

opinion, a man who leaves his wife after that long a time has a

problem and also in my opinion, he is not worth your tears. Be happy

with your children and consider them at least a gift from him. Let

him be happy with his young chick and hope it lasts; if it does not,

he may come crying back to you and you probably don't really want

that. Now that that has been said, on to the important part...

My life changed for the better with my b.c. and mastectomy. I am more

aware of myself and the world around me. I think I have become a

different person too and I think you are probably the same. If there

are any decent men in your vicinity, your bout with cancer shouldn't

bother them; if it does, you wouldn't want them either. Remember, you

are still a beautiful woman inside and out; losing your breasts and

getting new ones did not change who you are. I wish you good luck and

much happiness. Doris

>

>

> Hi

> I just discovered this group and I hope I will find the advice and

> support I desperately need. This past year has really been a tough

> one for me. Last April I had both of my breasts removed. I had DCIS

> (a non-invasive cancer) but it required a mastectomy on my right

> breast and I had abnormal calcifications in my left breast so I chose

> to have both breasts removed. I am still in the reconstruction

> process but it is almost complete. I did not have to have chemo or

> radiation and for that I am very thankful. In July my husband left

> me (and our 2 children) for a 28 year old woman. I am 44 and he is

> 46. We were married for 20 years and together for 26. Needless to

> say, I was devastated. In October on our 20th wedding anniversary I

> had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I almost bled to death. When

> I finally accepted the fact that my husband was not coming back to

> me, I filed for divorce. It was final Feb. 28, 2005. The cancer was

> easy, the divorce has almost destroyed me. I am so scared of what

> the future holds for me. I wonder if another man will ever want to

> have a relationship with me because of what I have been through. I

> am so scared of being alone. I am so thankful that the cancer had

> not spread to any of my lymph nodes and that I did not have cancer

> when they did the hyst. God has blessed me in that way. Thanks for

> listening.