Guest guest Posted June 20, 2002 Report Share Posted June 20, 2002 I believe I'd have a chat -- first with her, and then with the personnel director, or, if it IS the personnel director, with her superior. To her, I would say I appreciate that you are so very concerned for my welfare and about my recent medical experiences. But I really do not believe that the workplace is an appropriate arena for conversation about what should be private business. Perhaps you're contemplating surgery for orthognathic difficulties yourself -- if that is the case and I have misunderstood you, I will be happy to answer any questions I can, or refer you to my doctors. Otherwise, please do not engage in any further discussion of my private business here. And frankly, I think some of your remarks have bordered on the slanderous. I am suggesting to our supervisor, Miz Doe (or Sandy) that I find your comments inappropriate and intrusive, and request that you stop. And believe me, I would be icy. To the supervisor, I would say, " Look Miz Doe, " or " Sandy, " I think I've handled this. I've spoken with , and I don't expect to have any more trouble about it. But I'd like for you to recognize that her chatter about a serious medical matter is intrusive, offensive and perhaps actionable, and that I take it very seriously as a breach of workplace ethics. And I might even follow up with a letter in writing, to each, if you think it's likely to continue. It is a serious matter; she's no friend, and if she's gossipping about you, she's doubtless causing trouble for other victims, too. I'd put a swift stop to it. Or if it's easier, tell 'em you told a friend who's also a working woman, and that she is appalled (you may quote me) that such banter would be permitted in a workplace, and distressed at the thought that her pharmacy, which she relies upon as a serious and professional part of her medical care team, is the arena for such improprieties. Is that enuf big words to throw at 'em, or you want I should come up with more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2002 Report Share Posted June 20, 2002 Cammie! I'm glad to have you on my side! Whew! That was intense! I'd love to be able to spout out words like that, but, unfortunately, I get my feelings hurt and hold it all in. Yes, then it festers! and festers! and festers! I didn't mention that this person has been a close friend, but things like this are weakening our friendship. She's also the manager! That's what makes situations like these difficult. She probably thought she was being comical, but I didn't find a lot of humor in it! Marsha > I believe I'd have a chat -- first with her, and then with the > personnel director, or, if it IS the personnel director, with her > superior. > > To her, I would say I appreciate that you are so very concerned for > my welfare and about my recent medical experiences. But I really do > not believe that the workplace is an appropriate arena for > conversation about what should be private business. > > Perhaps you're contemplating surgery for orthognathic difficulties > yourself -- if that is the case and I have misunderstood you, I will > be happy to answer any questions I can, or refer you to my doctors. > Otherwise, please do not engage in any further discussion of my > private business here. And frankly, I think some of your remarks have > bordered on the slanderous. I am suggesting to our supervisor, Miz > Doe (or Sandy) that I find your comments inappropriate and intrusive, > and request that you stop. > > And believe me, I would be icy. > > To the supervisor, I would say, " Look Miz Doe, " or " Sandy, " I think > I've handled this. I've spoken with , and I don't expect to have > any more trouble about it. But I'd like for you to recognize that her > chatter about a serious medical matter is intrusive, offensive and > perhaps actionable, and that I take it very seriously as a breach of > workplace ethics. > > And I might even follow up with a letter in writing, to each, if you > think it's likely to continue. > > It is a serious matter; she's no friend, and if she's gossipping > about you, she's doubtless causing trouble for other victims, too. > I'd put a swift stop to it. > > Or if it's easier, tell 'em you told a friend who's also a working > woman, and that she is appalled (you may quote me) that such banter > would be permitted in a workplace, and distressed at the thought that > her pharmacy, which she relies upon as a serious and professional > part of her medical care team, is the arena for such improprieties. > > Is that enuf big words to throw at 'em, or you want I should come up > with more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2002 Report Share Posted June 20, 2002 Go straight to her at once, with that dialogue, and speak to her boss as well, and let her know that you are speaking to her boss. I urge you, marsha. It will be unpleasant, but that's the only way to nip this kind of crap in the bud. And I have seen such people cause really unpleasant effects. Don't mean to scare you, but you should not have to tolerate such. ly the one about the " mental " stuff crawls all over me even more than the " face lift " one -- because everybody who has seen you would know that you had no need for a face lift to begin with. But if she's harboring such an attitude, how must she treat the REAL mental patients who come into the store with prescriptions for the sometimes heavy chemicals used to treat them. I, for one, would NOT want to be buying my Effexor at a place where the manager felt free to voice such comments. And I do not take them lightly. I have minor troubles, but I am really sensitive to the ones people with serious illness have. I went one time to our local mental health facility to do an interview with a doc. The whole staff treated me shamefully when they thought I was a patient, but things shaped up in a hurry once I said I was a reporter. I told the doc, but doubt that it helped. It was a real " learning experience. " She ain't no friend, friend. She's scary, for real. Cammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2002 Report Share Posted June 20, 2002 Speaking of personnel directors, when I returned to work, a lady from personnel called, and asked why I hadn't sumbitted my FMLA paperwork prior to my leave (my supervisor and I had discussed this several times and decided that it was not necessary since I had plenty of sick leave to cover my time off). She insisted that I submit this paperwork ASAP and informed me that " it was just elective surgery, anyway. " (I had upper/lower for an open bite). I'd never personally spoken to her about it (my supervisor took care of that), and I couldn't figure out how she could have the nerve to make such a comment. And what was just as bad, if not worse, was when she insisted that once I returned to work, I needed to be working full- time. It didn't seem to matter to her that the note from my doc said that I could return part-time. I guess personnel directors have some sort of a higher degree than our docs. Who would have known? Sandy -- In orthognathicsurgerysupport@y..., ceast36532 <no_reply@y...> wrote: > I believe I'd have a chat -- first with her, and then with the > personnel director, or, if it IS the personnel director, with her > superior. > > To her, I would say I appreciate that you are so very concerned for > my welfare and about my recent medical experiences. But I really do > not believe that the workplace is an appropriate arena for > conversation about what should be private business. > > Perhaps you're contemplating surgery for orthognathic difficulties > yourself -- if that is the case and I have misunderstood you, I will > be happy to answer any questions I can, or refer you to my doctors. > Otherwise, please do not engage in any further discussion of my > private business here. And frankly, I think some of your remarks have > bordered on the slanderous. I am suggesting to our supervisor, Miz > Doe (or Sandy) that I find your comments inappropriate and intrusive, > and request that you stop. > > And believe me, I would be icy. > > To the supervisor, I would say, " Look Miz Doe, " or " Sandy, " I think > I've handled this. I've spoken with , and I don't expect to have > any more trouble about it. But I'd like for you to recognize that her > chatter about a serious medical matter is intrusive, offensive and > perhaps actionable, and that I take it very seriously as a breach of > workplace ethics. > > And I might even follow up with a letter in writing, to each, if you > think it's likely to continue. > > It is a serious matter; she's no friend, and if she's gossipping > about you, she's doubtless causing trouble for other victims, too. > I'd put a swift stop to it. > > Or if it's easier, tell 'em you told a friend who's also a working > woman, and that she is appalled (you may quote me) that such banter > would be permitted in a workplace, and distressed at the thought that > her pharmacy, which she relies upon as a serious and professional > part of her medical care team, is the arena for such improprieties. > > Is that enuf big words to throw at 'em, or you want I should come up > with more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2002 Report Share Posted June 20, 2002 -Marsha, I think that stinks. I agree so much with what Cammie wrote. I honestly don't know what I would have done. Certainly, she has no business telling customers anything personal about anyone. Good luck and I certainly hope you can get this resolved. I don't think you should " let it go " . If she did it once, she's apt to do it again. Donna -- In orthognathicsurgerysupport@y..., mla72653 <no_reply@y...> wrote: > At work the other day, one of my co-workers announced to some > customers that I had had a facelift! She got a nose job and a chin > job! Of course, I immediately wanted to launch into my whole story > explaining why I did this, but then I thought, it really doesn't > matter what those people think of me! It's none of their business and > I decided to bubble it up and let it go. Yeh, I had my first facelift > at 33 years old! > > Also, this same person shared with another co-worker when I was off > work for a followup doctor's appointment, that all of my pain and > discomfort is all psychological! Go figure! Someone needs to take a > reciprocating saw to her cranium! > Marsha > > > > > > > > After I ahd my palatal expansion and had a huge gap between my > teeth > > I was prone to being questioned about " what the hell " I was doing > to > > my poor face. Usually, people would approach my husband with their > > question because they were afraid to ask me themselves. Then once > > the my upper arch was done (it looks great btw)everyone was asking > my > > husband, " why are her upper teeth so perfect and her lower is so > > small and set back? " ... > > > > For the most part at work my friends have encouraged me to go > through > > with the surgery, they see the problems I am talking about. They > are > > unbiased I think; I mean they haven't known me my whole life. My > > friends I have known since I was 5 are of the opninion that, " I > > always thought you were beautiful the way you were.. " They are > more > > discouraging; they are mroe anti surgery for some strange > reason... > > My gram came to visit for a few days and we haven't really seen > > eachother in two years so she had remembered the way I looked in a > > certain way. She was one to say, " do you really think you need this > > surgery? " Well, after seeing me for an hour she said, " Now I see > it, > > boy your mouth is bad isn't it? " Now she can see why I need this. > > > > It'll all be ov Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2002 Report Share Posted June 25, 2002 What your co-worker said was thoughtless, rude and insensitive, innappropriate and maybe even illegal. At least it opens grounds for a law suit against the company. Might want to mention that to her or her supervisor. I know all this cause everyone at my company had to take " sensitivity training " . > > After I ahd my palatal expansion and had a huge gap between my > teeth > > I was prone to being questioned about " what the hell " I was doing > to > > my poor face. Usually, people would approach my husband with their > > question because they were afraid to ask me themselves. Then once > > the my upper arch was done (it looks great btw)everyone was asking > my > > husband, " why are her upper teeth so perfect and her lower is so > > small and set back? " ... > > > > For the most part at work my friends have encouraged me to go > through > > with the surgery, they see the problems I am talking about. They > are > > unbiased I think; I mean they haven't known me my whole life. My > > friends I have known since I was 5 are of the opninion that, " I > > always thought you were beautiful the way you were.. " They are > more > > discouraging; they are mroe anti surgery for some strange > reason... > > My gram came to visit for a few days and we haven't really seen > > eachother in two years so she had remembered the way I looked in a > > certain way. She was one to say, " do you really think you need this > > surgery? " Well, after seeing me for an hour she said, " Now I see > it, > > boy your mouth is bad isn't it? " Now she can see why I need this. > > > > It'll all be over soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2002 Report Share Posted June 25, 2002 That was very thoughtless and sounds like she's jealous. Ignore her. She's not worth the effort!!! Re: thoughtless comments What your co-worker said was thoughtless, rude and insensitive, innappropriate and maybe even illegal. At least it opens grounds for a law suit against the company. Might want to mention that to her or her supervisor. I know all this cause everyone at my company had to take " sensitivity training " . > > After I ahd my palatal expansion and had a huge gap between my > teeth > > I was prone to being questioned about " what the hell " I was doing > to > > my poor face. Usually, people would approach my husband with their > > question because they were afraid to ask me themselves. Then once > > the my upper arch was done (it looks great btw)everyone was asking > my > > husband, " why are her upper teeth so perfect and her lower is so > > small and set back? " ... > > > > For the most part at work my friends have encouraged me to go > through > > with the surgery, they see the problems I am talking about. They > are > > unbiased I think; I mean they haven't known me my whole life. My > > friends I have known since I was 5 are of the opninion that, " I > > always thought you were beautiful the way you were.. " They are > more > > discouraging; they are mroe anti surgery for some strange > reason... > > My gram came to visit for a few days and we haven't really seen > > eachother in two years so she had remembered the way I looked in a > > certain way. She was one to say, " do you really think you need this > > surgery? " Well, after seeing me for an hour she said, " Now I see > it, > > boy your mouth is bad isn't it? " Now she can see why I need this. > > > > It'll all be over soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2002 Report Share Posted June 25, 2002 Sounds very much like jealousy to me too. It's the sort of thing some nasty woman would say because she realises everyone is thinking how wonderful you look and she wants to tell them you didn't always look this good. Pure jealousy. Can't think of any other reason for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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