Fern

[Guest guest]

They put me on a new med called Protonex that made my stomach worse. It got rid of the heartburn, but it caused severe diarrhea and no appetite. Then they gave me Prilosec, but since my stomach was already messed up, it caused the same problem just not quite as bad. I am now taking the prescription strength of Pepcid and it is doing great. I also take Bentyl for cramps and gas. It works wonders.

Gentle hugs,

Fern

[Guest guest]

Hi Fern,

Your post sure makes me feel less alone, too! Even my own sister,

father and stepmother don't have a clue as to why we are so pressured

financially- they tend to think we must be spendthrifts or something,

which is the farthest thing from the truth. We discovered we do own

taxes,amazingly, and we have no way to pay them unless we take the

money from my husband's small 401K. He has enough taken from his

paychecks, but he gets a " bonus " check every now and then from the

car manufacturer, and no taxes are taken out. Very difficult to plan

for. Next month we should be more on track- it's just that I don't

know how to get us through this crunch now and there is nowhere to

turn. You can bet I'm praying hard, and for you too. I worry so about

the stress on my husband's heart and feel pretty helpless. Yes, we

could sell our house and uproot our kids again, but that's not as

easy as my sister seems to think it would be. This morning i feel

angry at the world and that does me no good whatsoever. I'm scared, I

really am. I've earned some pocket change doing some pet-sitting and

am still trying to figure out what I can do from home. It does semm

true, for all of us with these diseases, that unless you've walked in

our shoes, you just don't know.

I hope you and I can eventually find doctors who are willing to look

for what is there ( " bug-wise " )and don't dismiss us as being paranoid.

It certainly makes so much sense that something " invades " our bodies

to cause all these reactions. The more I've been reading up on this,

in bits and pieces, the more convinced I become. It also seems to be

a very complicated field of research and slow-going. whatever I come

across that seems possibly relevant, I'll post it. Love, J.

[Guest guest]

Please forgive me if I've already commented on this...I'm having a lot

of trouble with my emails. Not receiving what I've sent out also not

receiving some of the emails on the list.

Hi Fern.... I also sympathize with you. I've lost three friends whom I

had known for well over 20 yrs. In all that time I never asked anything

of them but was always there to take care of there homes while they went

on vacation ( I could never go on vacation because no one wanted to help

me) and took care of their animals and their yards.... which was not

easy since I had over 35 head of horses, 6 dogs, 10 cats, 1 great kid, 1

lousy husband to care for by myself. Looking back, this didn't seem to

bother my so called friends who would call and ask me to do things for

them. I even went so far as to baby sit one gal every night while her

husband went to work on swing shift...she was scared to be alone. I've

thought of all the hauling around I did for these people whether it be

there horses or them in general... When I moved further away I was still

expected to drive the 50 miles to take care of them. I was a chump!

The tell tale sign of a good friend came when I got sick. Not one of my

20 plus year old friends gave a hoot but I did get an occasional " Take

care of your self " from them. A total stranger would have treated me

much better. Fern, I have to say it was the best thing that had ever

happened to me. I felt " REBORN " ... Once I got back on my feet and able

to do a little more driving... I was asked why I didn't drive to their

homes to visit.... HA! Last time I looked the road moves in both

directions. Now I don't talk nor visit any of them and I feel good

about that.... years ago I wouldn't have. My friends who stuck it out

with me get all my attention now and I know that they will always be

there for me. I say dump those that don't have the time for you or at

the very least, tell them how you feel.

The old Christmas present dilemma... The same thing happened in our

family as well. It seemed I had to save more and more money each year

because another baby was born. By the time we bought for all the aunts,

uncles, all their kids...etc,etc.. it got to be very expensive. One

year we were hit with every medical and vet bill known to man. Our

whole herd of horses became very ill with dryland distemper. Nasty

business that is only suppose to hit the young ones under two. That

year it hit all of them... we were in quarantine for over a year. Ok,

back to the story..... that year I had already bought all the gift for

everyone else...and my family had to suffer with nothing at all. We

couldn't even afford a nice dinner. Not one person came to help. After

that year.... my family not only came first...it was the only gifts I

would buy. I saved thousands of dollars. My daughter would hand make

items for her grandparents and special friends. And if anyone in the

family wanted to come over for dinner they had to bring a dish...I

wasn't supplying food for all the family any longer. Send each family

a nice note expressing the change you're going to make. Christmas isn't

for how many gifts a person gets....it's to celebrate Christ and be with

family members. Americans have truly forgotten the true meaning of

Christmas.

.... when ever I received a bonus from the company I worked for

..... they would automatically take out 35% saying that the IRS demands

it. I thought it was that way throughout the US. You might want to

have the dealership take the taxes out in the beginning so you don't get

caught with your pants down...<smile>

It's just the pits owing the IRS. Would setting up payments to the IRS

help in the short run?

Regarding doctors... Once you get an appt with one of the doctors

Connie has suggested you'll get the antibiotics you need to take. Were

any of them close to you? How about taking care of a child during the

day...small baby or a school age child after school? It would bring in

a little more money for you.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Take care,

Vicki

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

Your story broke my heart, but I am glad that your true friends stood by

you. That's what really matters in the end. My best friends Jen and Donna

are always there for me. They cried with me over 's new Dx with the

hip joint and they don't hesitate to invite over to play at their

homes even when we were having to curtail his activity. which was quite a

full time job! Donna has two boys about 's age of her own. When they

three get together...watch out! Good friends are hard to come by. It

sounds like you were the best kind of friend and it is a shame that your

friendship was so taken advantage of.

Christmas time used to be a major expense in our family too. About 10 years

ago my sister and I suggested that we only buy for our parents and the

neices and nephews and that us siblings draw names. We did that for two

years then when more neices and nephews were added to the family we cut out

buying for siblings altogether. We now purchase for our parents and the

kids, not each other. A few years ago we even suggested that the neices and

nephews draw names too but that was voted down. We tried. I agree with

Vicki, the meaning of Christmas seems lost when all I see on Christmas

morning is a big pile of " stuff " under the tree. It has helped us out

financially at Christmas ALOT! We do not buy for our aunts and uncles

etc.... A card with sincere X-mas wishes has to be and should be enough. No

one has stopped talking to us yet...although I wish some would LOL!!

Hugs,

Cari

>From: anzavic@...

>Reply-To: OurMyositis

>To: OurMyositis

>Subject: Re: Fern

>Date: Sat, 24 Mar 2001 11:54:28 -0800 (PST)

>

>

>Please forgive me if I've already commented on this...I'm having a lot

>of trouble with my emails. Not receiving what I've sent out also not

>receiving some of the emails on the list.

>

>Hi Fern.... I also sympathize with you. I've lost three friends whom I

>had known for well over 20 yrs. In all that time I never asked anything

>of them but was always there to take care of there homes while they went

>on vacation ( I could never go on vacation because no one wanted to help

>me) and took care of their animals and their yards.... which was not

>easy since I had over 35 head of horses, 6 dogs, 10 cats, 1 great kid, 1

>lousy husband to care for by myself. Looking back, this didn't seem to

>bother my so called friends who would call and ask me to do things for

>them. I even went so far as to baby sit one gal every night while her

>husband went to work on swing shift...she was scared to be alone. I've

>thought of all the hauling around I did for these people whether it be

>there horses or them in general... When I moved further away I was still

>expected to drive the 50 miles to take care of them. I was a chump!

>The tell tale sign of a good friend came when I got sick. Not one of my

>20 plus year old friends gave a hoot but I did get an occasional " Take

>care of your self " from them. A total stranger would have treated me

>much better. Fern, I have to say it was the best thing that had ever

>happened to me. I felt " REBORN " ... Once I got back on my feet and able

>to do a little more driving... I was asked why I didn't drive to their

>homes to visit.... HA! Last time I looked the road moves in both

>directions. Now I don't talk nor visit any of them and I feel good

>about that.... years ago I wouldn't have. My friends who stuck it out

>with me get all my attention now and I know that they will always be

>there for me. I say dump those that don't have the time for you or at

>the very least, tell them how you feel.

>

>The old Christmas present dilemma... The same thing happened in our

>family as well. It seemed I had to save more and more money each year

>because another baby was born. By the time we bought for all the aunts,

>uncles, all their kids...etc,etc.. it got to be very expensive. One

>year we were hit with every medical and vet bill known to man. Our

>whole herd of horses became very ill with dryland distemper. Nasty

>business that is only suppose to hit the young ones under two. That

>year it hit all of them... we were in quarantine for over a year. Ok,

>back to the story..... that year I had already bought all the gift for

>everyone else...and my family had to suffer with nothing at all. We

>couldn't even afford a nice dinner. Not one person came to help. After

>that year.... my family not only came first...it was the only gifts I

>would buy. I saved thousands of dollars. My daughter would hand make

>items for her grandparents and special friends. And if anyone in the

>family wanted to come over for dinner they had to bring a dish...I

>wasn't supplying food for all the family any longer. Send each family

>a nice note expressing the change you're going to make. Christmas isn't

>for how many gifts a person gets....it's to celebrate Christ and be with

>family members. Americans have truly forgotten the true meaning of

>Christmas.

>

>.... when ever I received a bonus from the company I worked for

>.... they would automatically take out 35% saying that the IRS demands

>it. I thought it was that way throughout the US. You might want to

>have the dealership take the taxes out in the beginning so you don't get

>caught with your pants down...<smile>

>It's just the pits owing the IRS. Would setting up payments to the IRS

>help in the short run?

>

>Regarding doctors... Once you get an appt with one of the doctors

>Connie has suggested you'll get the antibiotics you need to take. Were

>any of them close to you? How about taking care of a child during the

>day...small baby or a school age child after school? It would bring in

>a little more money for you.

>

>Hope everyone else is doing well.

>Take care,

>Vicki

>

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Vicki,

I did a lot of changing my life after my diagnosis with fibro. I realized

that I didn't have energy for people who drained the energy out of me and

didn't seem to care what was happening to me. The thing is that the two

friends that I was referring to are two that I thought understood my

situation and cared about what I go through. I don't understand why a

friend that was so supportive and caring would suddenly change. If I have

done something to offend them, then if we are friends, the person should be

able to come to me and tell me what the problem is. If it their life that

is interfering in our friendship, then I also feel that the person should

have the decency to say that they are having a hard time right now and they

don't have the energy to put into our friendship. At least then I would

understand and know what was going on. I feel hurt because I have just been

brushed off for no apparent reason with no explanation. It isn't right and

it isn't fair. If it were the other way around, I would at least offer my

friend an explanation as to why I cannot be a good friend right now.

I had a friend a few years ago that started having severe mental problems

due to sexual abuse she suffered as a child. The perpetrator was her father

and her mother knew. She started having terrible flash backs and lots of

anxiety attacks, etc. I was there for her and she told me many times how

much she appreciated my support, but she finally got so bad that she had to

concentrate on only herself. She came to me and said she couldn't be

friends for awhile until she got better. I respected her decision to focus

on herself to take care of her emotional needs. We still are not in touch

and the last I heard, she still was suffering terribly. I have sent her

notes from time to time to let her know that I am still here, that I care,

and that she can contact me anytime. I just want her to know that I care

about her and when she is ready she can come to me.

I just don't understand why other people cannot communicate that way and

respect another person enough to be honest instead of brushing someone off

with no explanation. I would certainly understand and I would rather know

the truth about why our friendship is ending, instead of having all these

terrible thoughts go through my head about what I might have done to cause

this.

I too have gotten rid of friends that did nothing but take from our

relationship and were never willing to give anything in return. I had a

friend when I first got married that never called me unless she was selling

something or having a party. We always had a great time when we were

together and we talked about everything, but that was the only time. She

never called me and when I called her, she was always too busy to talk. I

finally told her we couldn't be friends any more because the only time I

ever heard from her was when she wanted something. It was a very good thing

to get rid of people like this. I just wanted to keep a few friends that I

thought were give and take relationships and people that I could trust. Now

I find that I can't trust even the friends that I thought were true friends.

I guess that is why it hurts and why I can't seem to get it off my mind.

One of my husband's family members told me when I was 7 months pregnant with

our first child that we should not buy the house we had a contract on so

that we could afford to give Christmas gifts. I told her that Christmas is

meant for showing our loved ones how much we love them and that doesn't

necessarily have to be done with a gift. She thought I was crazy. I

couldn't believe she would have the audacity to suggest that we not buy a

house with a baby on the way. We were living in a trailer that my father

loaned us, but it was an agreement that when it sold, we had to move. He

did us a wonderful favor. The first year of our marriage we only had to pay

lot rent and insurance on the trailer. He didn't charge us any rent. He

just wanted us to take care of the trailer until he decided what to do with

it. He was getting married and they hadn't decided where they were going to

live. So if we hadn't bought a house, we wouldn't have had a home to bring

our baby to when he was born. So I informed Bobby's family that we were not

giving gifts and we certainly didn't expect any either, but we had to put

everything into making a wonderful home for our precious new addition to the

family.

Thanks for letting me get this out of my system. It really helps to talk

about how frustrating and hurtful this has been.

Gentle hugs,

Fern

[Guest guest]

Fern,

I am so sorry about your cousin. My heart and thoughts are with you and

your aunt at this time. Listen to Annette and don't forget to take care of

yourself while you are taking care of your aunt. Let us know how you are

doing.

Think of you,

Cari

>From: anzavic@...

>Reply-To: OurMyositis

>To: OurMyositis

>Subject: Fern

>Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2001 09:39:52 -0700 (PDT)

>

>

>

>Hello Fern.... I'm so sorry about the death in your family. Your Aunt

>has been through so much over the years and I'm glad you're able to be

>with her. In Calif. it's mandatory for autopsies to take place if you

>pass away without a doctor being present, unless you're in end stage of

>a terminal disease and in a facility. I do hope there was no foul play.

>You're in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you and your Aunt can get

>through this terrible time.

>

>God bless you...

>Gentle hugs

>Vicki

>

_________________________________________________________________

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