Old Tapes

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

So, about a month ago I posted that I was finishing up my PhD...and I have.

Since that time I've been examining all the doors I could potentially walk

through next trying to determine which door is right for me...what I want, what

I need, etc. No small task for anyone, much less a KO. I have spent a lot of

time trying to refine what my needs and wants are and yesterday I think I

figured out what I want and how to get it.

This sent me into an uncontrollable crying fit. Like my heart was going to break

and I couldn't understand why...when it finally felt like the clouds of doubt

had cleared could I feel so totally despondent.

And then I realized that my problem was the clearing of the clouds allowed all

the old Tapes to start playing:

- you don't deserve that

- you're not qualified

- you're not good enough

- No one is going to take you seriously

- Why bother reaching since you'll probably fail anyway

Etc. etc. etc. I'm sure many of these are familiar to a lot of you. And what I

was thinking about this morning is how many people go through the kind of

uncertainty that I'm going through right now...for a variety of reasons. That

this crossroads I'm navigating right now is part of the " normal human

experience " . What sucks as a KO is that in addition to navigating this normal

emotionally challenging experience I have to hit " stop, rewind, re-record " and

replace the old tapes with new ones in order to actually move forward with my

plans.

Anyone relate?

Jen