Re: home, safer and content...

[Guest guest]

Dear Kate, Welcome back home...The kids were mostly delighted to see you home, weren't they? They must of crawled under your arm saying mommy, mommy... Ýsn't that worth everything?? Forget about all others and just think about that. What a lucky lady you are.. I was delighted to hear your voice. You just dial a few more numbers when dialing from Turkey and there it is, Kate is online talking to you.. I know that when I'm in need, you'll do the same for me. Don't forget, if you're out of turkish coffee, I'll send you some immediately. Bipolar is something I went through 4 years ago and I'm still taking my pills for that. I'm using 'Depakin' and 'Cipralex'. Sometimes your mood is up and sometimes down. Its nice to live with the up mood but its harder to live with the down mood when you are depressed. This is

something you get used to if you are an ms'er. I believe that bipolar is caused by ms. I don't know what to say concerning Lloyd. I hope he realizes what he's doing to the family. I'll pray for you dear. I'm doing fine, I'm not thinking too much about what I went through in such a hurry. Life goes on and we pass through... Lots of love, Nukhet Rothschild wrote: To my awesome, loving MSers Family, I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'. Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY!! One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was in the

hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only 2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet, my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I love you very much. Sharon also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand she had to hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through. I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and now

20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most, 2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational' as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton. My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as

meds for 'bipolar': Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a very bad way. Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint

for drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2 falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either, as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex, I alternate with as well. I am over due for my Tysabri infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that 'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!--meaning, maybe it will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing, and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just

saying that I really could 'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids. I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom, case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child abuser

(well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my only 2 choices at this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's the best part! I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and devotion to you all. Always, Kate We can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

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[Guest guest]

Kate I am glad you are home and feeling better. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and also that things get straightened out in regards to Lloyd.

Hugs

nne

To my awesome, loving MSers Family,

I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'. Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY!!

One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was in the hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only 2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet, my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I love you very much. Sharon also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand she had to hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through.

I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and now 20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most, 2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational' as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton.

My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as meds for 'bipolar': Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a very bad way.

Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint for drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2 falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either, as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex, I alternate with as well. I am over due for my Tysabri infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that 'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!--meaning, maybe it will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing, and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just saying that I really could 'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids.

I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom, case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child abuser (well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my only 2 choices at this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's the best part!

I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and devotion to you all. Always, Kate

We can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

-- Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.htmlAnxiety Depression and Breast Cancer

http://health.group.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comCheck out my other ornaments at

www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlThe Cancer Clubwww.cancerclub.com

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kate:

Wonderful news that you are home and recovering from the stress and side effects of medication. Been praying for you and thinking of you.

It's very possible all the recent stress is causing your MS to flare up. And, Lloyd doesn't seem to be helping things. It may take some tough love on your part before he sees that he needs to get some help for himself.

I've been out of it much of the week with a horrendous cold. It's been very entrenched. I was very tired on Friday night. Although I did manage to get up the (artificial) Christmas tree and decorate it a little. This year I'm going with a smaller tree for a few reasons: less work decorating, the cat, and I don't want it taking up so much space.

--Mr. Dana F. Utz utzdana@... https://home.comcast.net/~utzdana/

[Guest guest]

Sister! It is good to hear from you! I have missed you, lit candles and prayed for you every day! And worried about you! I hoped that the Hospital Dr's were the right ones for you and would be able to help you. I'm sorry your MS is bad, I hope it's "just" a flare and passes soon. I understand Lloyd is angry...well, maybe the CPS "scare" will help him to realize the error of his ways, sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case so far, if he is still in denial. Can they mandate AA meetings for him? I didn't know they could do that, it would help him, maybe save your marriage...and his life. I bet it's nice to sleep in your own bed again, eh? Take care of YOURSELF... Hugs Akiba -- home, safer and content... To my awesome, loving MSers Family, I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'. Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY!! One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was in the hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only 2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet, my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I love you very much. Sharon also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand she had to hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through. I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and now 20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most, 2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational' as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton. My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as meds for 'bipolar': Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a very bad way. Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint for drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2 falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either, as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex, I alternate with as well. I am over due for my Tysabri infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that 'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!--meaning, maybe it will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing, and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just saying that I really could 'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids. I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom, case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child abuser (well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my only 2 choices at this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's the best part! I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and devotion to you all. Always, Kate We can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

[Guest guest]

Kate, it is so good to " hear " from you. I tried emailing, but they kept coming back to me. Am I the only one that happened to? I thought maybe your box was full. Still lifting you in prayer. (((hug)))---- Kate Rothschild wrote:>Clear DayTo my awesome, loving MSers Family,>I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'. Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY!!>One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was in the hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only 2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet, my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I love you very much. Sharon also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand she had to hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through.>I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and now 20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most, 2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational' as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton.>My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as meds for 'bipolar': Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a very bad way.>Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint for drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2 falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either, as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex, I alternate with as well. I am over due for my Tysabri infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that 'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!--meaning, maybe it will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing, and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just saying that I really could 'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids.>I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom, case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child abuser (well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my only 2 choices at this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's the best part!>I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and devotion to you all. Always, Kate>>>We can only be said to be alive in those moments>when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

>~Thornton Wilder>>>>

[Guest guest]

Dana, You sure have a special way of making someone

feel--do you know you do that? You really do! :oD

The prayers and thoughts were really palpable.

It is true the stress is causing a flare up. My neuro

was kind enough, as per psych's request anyway, to

come to the hospital while I was there. I was tongue

tied to ask whether or not he thought I was progressing;

and a bit scared to know what he thought--if he thought

it true. His main concern was that I get my Tysabri

infusion, and fast, but the problem with Tysabri is that

the hospital special orders it; it is not a med 'hanging out'

that can't afford to happen for many reasons. Anyway,

I had hoped to call and make arrangements, although

I do think the docs on the floor I was on made it loud and

clear I needed them (infusion unit) to order it ASAP. I do

need to call first thing Monday am and make sure it is

happening. Hopefully Wed or Thursday I'll be able to go

in. With any luck that will cease this MS spiraling.

I am so sorry to ready of your cold. How are you

now? Has it resolved? Did you get a flu shot this

year?We usually try to keep the tree on the small size,

both on our pocket books as well as for having the 3

cats and the dog. Our house would look stunning with

a big one, but we can't afford it this yr.

Another bad aspect of when I was in the hospital--Lloyd

took over paying the bills, and snapped at me when I

came home, demanding to know: how could we have

spent $30K more than he made last year? I am frozen

as usual with fear (of him); wondering the same, and

yet realizing that in my manic episodes, which I am

now aware of, I probably did not curb expenses like

acupuncture and massages--2 of my stress relievers.

But it is also as if he might be forgetting he doesn't

have one or 2 children, but 5. They are growing--eating,

clothes, school supplies, etc. all cost $$$.

Take care Dana. I sure hope you are all better now my

friend. I love you. Kate

Re: home, safer and content...

Hi, Kate:

Wonderful news that you are home and recovering from the stress and side effects of medication. Been praying for you and thinking of you.

It's very possible all the recent stress is causing your MS to flare up. And, Lloyd doesn't seem to be helping things. It may take some tough love on your part before he sees that he needs to get some help for himself.

I've been out of it much of the week with a horrendous cold. It's been very entrenched. I was very tired on Friday night. Although I did manage to get up the (artificial) Christmas tree and decorate it a little. This year I'm going with a smaller tree for a few reasons: less work decorating, the cat, and I don't want it taking up so much space.

--Mr. Dana F. Utz utzdanacomcast (DOT) net https://home.comcast.net/~utzdana/

[Guest guest]

I am SO glad to see you back here, Kate. I like that you are feeling strong and able to do what needs to be done for your own survival and future. Great!You sounded so good today on the phone. Your strong voice, cheerful attitude and laughter sounded wonderful to my ears. I think it's clear that Cymbalta is not the drug of choice for you. I'm so glad you went to the ER to get help. What would we do here without you? loveSharon This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or

defects. home, safer and content...

To my awesome, loving MSers Family,

I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'. Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY!!

One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was in the hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only 2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet, my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I love you very much. Sharon also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand she had to hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through.

I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and now 20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most, 2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational' as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton.

My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as meds for 'bipolar': Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a very bad way.

Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint for drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2 falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either, as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex , I alternate with as well. I am over due for my Tysabri infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that 'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!- -meaning, maybe it will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing, and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just saying that I really could 'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids.

I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom, case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child abuser (well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my only 2 choices at this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's the best part!

I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and devotion to you all. Always, Kate

We can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Kate! Oh how good to see you! You sound wonderful. Definitely with high spirits and I'm so glad to see that. )

I haven't heard much about, Lamictal, but Abilify I'm hearing more and more of. I know it's used as a med for those with Autism, apparently TS, and I can't remember what else. So, if it helps at all, think of being on a Tourette med? LOL

I am so sorry you've fallen and that your MS seems to be progressing. I hope this flare is short-lived and the effects are temporary.

HUGS and continued prayers,

Challis

home, safer and content...

To my awesome, loving MSers Family,

I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'. Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY!!

One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was in the hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only 2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet, my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I love you very much. Sharon also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand

she had to hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through.

I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and now 20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most, 2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational' as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton.

My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as meds for 'bipolar': Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a very bad way.

Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint for drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2 falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either, as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex , I alternate with as well. I am over due for my Tysabri

infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that 'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!- -meaning, maybe it will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing, and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just saying that I really could 'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids.

I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom, case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child abuser (well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my only 2 choices at

this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's the best part!

I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and devotion to you all. Always, Kate

We can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

Kate,

So glad you are home. I will keep you in

my prayers as you continue to wean off the Cymbalta. This has been a rough few

months for you. I am glad you found the help you needed in the hospital.

Connie

From: MSersLife [mailto:MSersLife ] On Behalf Of Kate Rothschild

Sent: Saturday, December 15, 2007

4:12 AM

To: MSersLife

Subject: home, safer and

content...

To my awesome, loving MSers Family,

I came home yesterday, but felt compelled to reconnect

with my kids prior to writing you all. I hope you understand. I cannot tell you

each and all enough how I felt carried by your prayers. I have waded through

a-many emails, however, did a fairly large, 'mass delete' however, I do it by

scrolling down holding the shift key which highlights, so I can go down and

read through a bit, then hit delete and wipe out many at a single 'swipe'.

Anyway, didn't want to get into tech stuff right now.. First of all: I MISSED

YOU ALL TERRIBLY!!

One of the things that is 'blowing me away', is the fact that

Nukhet, all the way from Turkey, not only called me once, by twice while I was

in the hospital. It is very difficult to get through on a psych unit with only

2 pay phones, when there is 15 or 16 residents there, and many 'group' times

the phones must remain off the hooks. So, on top of that, I had NO IDEA of

Nukhet's most upsetting and life changing event of not only having a tumor, but

having her entire breast removed! In Nukhet's sheer love and beauty, she did

not mention this AT ALL to me on our brief, but uplifting phone calls! Nukhet,

my heart aches for you. But in your voice when you called, I heard the voice of

a woman very much in control, loving, kind and very, very strong. I am here for

you should you need to write, or have ME call this time! Please let me know. I

love you very much. Sharon

also blessed my heart by getting through on the phone;I understand she had to

hit the redial button endless times before she was able to get through.

I am still tapering off the Cymbalta; from 60 to 40 and

now 20--which I will stay on for a bit more time, as I am still experiencing

horrible panic attack sensations that take my breath away--for that reason, the

psychiatrist there said to remain on the 20 for a bit more time. I am positive

that for me, Cymbalta was NOT the drug of choice. I read Dana's post about his

coming off very quickly as he determined right away it was not right for him. I

was on 20, then 40, but the 60 mgs I had really only been on for at most,

2 months, and that is when my downward spiral began. Yes, it is 'situational'

as well, but Cymbalta was making that spiral that much worse... I was

incredible blessed to have the most awesome, insightful and wise psychiatrist

on the unit-Dr. Howell Schrage. I was additionally blessed to be assigned a

very sweet and efficient Social Worker, Walton.

My mood has stabilized. I feel much clearer. I am not

thrilled to admit that I am on what is referred to as meds for 'bipolar':

Abilify and Lamictal, but hey, they seem to be even-ning me out, and lifting

that 'black cloud' experience, so, be it. I saw my SW therapist yesterday--it

seemed like forever since I'd seen him, and it was wonderful to be able to

smile, thank him for his help. He, on Fri. the 30th of Nov. said in the most

stern and kind of scary way: You must go to the ER-NOW!. Now, of course, me

being Kate, and knowing my sweet Lia's 16th birthday was the next day, put it

off til the Monday after he made this directive to me. It was time. I was in a

very bad way.

Now, not to be all negative now, because I do feel much

better, but my MS seems to if not progressed, certainly have flared. One night

I had insomnia, like most nights there, and tonight now as well...when I tried

to get up, both my feet and lower legs were virtually 'not there', like not

part of my body feeling. Since then, I've been given a leg /foot splint for

drop foot on my left side, and had to use a rollator type walker for the rest

of the time I was there. My balance is the worst it has ever been; I took 2

falls while there, both fairly benign, but one, when I felt into the shower ( I

wasn't even taking one!) I hit my head and cut my arm a bit. Standing or

walking is a chore, and boy, it is tiring. Sitting isn't the greatest either,

as spasms in my back are making me take my baclofen much more often--I had only

used it as a prn, and the tizanidine/zanaflex, I alternate with as well. I

am over due for my Tysabri infusion, and I can only hope that once I get that

'in me' I will be done with all this MS 'nonsense'!--meaning, maybe it

will improve all these problems. It does feel to me that my MS is progressing,

and I am feeling prompted to see an MS specialist. My neuro is great and

thorough, but he is not purely an 'MS guy', so I feel not his expertise. I am

sorry this is so long-winded. I will sum up just saying that I really could

'feel' all your prayers and well-wishes and thoughts--prayer IS a powerful

thing, and you each, in your own special and unique way, not only helped me to

go and get the help I needed to get, but carried me through a difficult time

and ,for me, a guilty time, being away from my family, esp., my kids.

I do need a special prayer request now...Lloyd is, as soon as I

came home, stressing me out. I cannot 'go' there again. I need to get well. He

seems to be immediately sabotaging, or at least trying to, that for me. He is

angry that a CPS case was opened--that due to me telling my concerns in the

hospital about Lloyd's drinking, rage, and recent hitting our youngest--boom,

case opened--he is incredibly stressed out about it. I finally 'fessed up', and

told him it was ME, and not 'a friend of mine'--which CPS stupidly told him--so

I still felt the pressure was on me. I said I don't think you are a child

abuser (well, not so much physically as mentally, but I didn't go there), but I

told him, I think you have a drinking problem. He immediately went into

nasty mode, denying that he has a problem....I think the next step is either I

ask CPS to mandate he attend AA, or a legal separation. I think those are my

only 2 choices at this point, and....I now feel stronger to go forward! That's

the best part!

I love you each and all..it is hard to convey my gratitude, love and

devotion to you all. Always, Kate

We can only be said to be alive in those moments

when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

~Thornton

Wilder