Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 So, she did discipline you? How do you feel about her now that you're an adult? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 Kelley I just read my post to you where I said my daughter felt people looked down on her for waitressing. The thought that JUMPED into my head was then doesn't she think people are looking down on her for being married to and supporting a CONVICT ??????? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 Kelley That part about thinking you were always right. Is that a BP trait, because my daughter has that one bigtime. And that's why she and my son don't get along, because he logically explains to her why she is NOT right and she hates it. When she was younger, before Greg " got smart " , she was considered the brain, then she lost that position. So, we think that's another reason she hangs out with dopes, she seems to be an Einstein in their eyes. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 Kelley My son wouldn't be condescending to until she got in his face with her " rightness " . Well, at least he didn't before she started with the dirtbags. When she started with dirtbag #1, my son stopped talking to her at all. Then he and she started getting along well since the boys were born and she got rid of the dirtbag. Then for the past yr, he had nothing to do with her---wouldn't even buy her a birthday or Christmas present and told her he wanted nothing from her. He would not stand with her and ddirtbag at the kids' soccer games last year. Said he could not be seen in the company of a felon because of his job. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 Jean i was the first grandchild and both my grandparents spoiled me unmercifully. It became an issue later because they treated me differenly than my sister and brotehr. When I was older my grandmother would tear my Moms head off for saying anything bad about me, but in private she would let me have it! Hugs Kelley Re: Kelley Kelley My grandmother was never judgemental with me, and she was the best part of my childhood. She was a strong woman and disciplined me bigtime, but she was never judgemental. I knew she loved me and I adored her and respected her till the day she died at 84. Actually my mother was never judgemental either, she never disciplined me at all. I always felt like I was her mother. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 Jean probably doesnt even occur to her. Kelley Re: Kelley Kelley I just read my post to you where I said my daughter felt people looked down on her for waitressing. The thought that JUMPED into my head was then doesn't she think people are looking down on her for being married to and supporting a CONVICT ??????? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 My grandmother? I miss her tremendously. My mother, I miss her tremendously as well. They were the two factors in my life that I look back on and know I was raised properly! I know how to do so many things I see others do not know how to do such as simple things like how to answer the telephone! How to take a message! Common sense things, and I learned how to cook from my grandmother, cajun style! Hugs kelley Re: Kelley So, she did discipline you? How do you feel about her now that you're an adult? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 Jean Many people have BP traits, they are also traits of other mental problems, and they are also just part of life! I was never diagnosed with any psychological problems I was just a wild teenager LOL. My sister was progressively worse than I was and my brother turned out to be a nightmare but hey he got away with more because he was a boy. My mother always said in hindsight I really wasnt all that bad! As for your son and daughter sounds like normal sibling rivalry gone bad. Sounds maybe like your son had to be right too often and never let win. Perhaps it contributed to her low self esteem. yes BP's must be right at the cost of rewriting history even. They justify and blame until they cannot possible be wrong. Being wrong is a terrible thing. Even something simple wrong can throw some of them into a rage. My BPH goes into rages over the simplest thing such as me saying the light bulb is the wrong watt for a particular lamp! Hugs Kelley Re: Kelley Kelley That part about thinking you were always right. Is that a BP trait, because my daughter has that one bigtime. And that's why she and my son don't get along, because he logically explains to her why she is NOT right and she hates it. When she was younger, before Greg " got smart " , she was considered the brain, then she lost that position. So, we think that's another reason she hangs out with dopes, she seems to be an Einstein in their eyes. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 I was the bad one, my brother was perfect...he still to this day is perfect...good job (even though he dabbled in drugs for a while and has been married and divorced twice and fixing to get married again) he is ex army...to my mom he is the perfect child.... Kelley wrote: Jean Many people have BP traits, they are also traits of other mental problems, and they are also just part of life! I was never diagnosed with any psychological problems I was just a wild teenager LOL. My sister was progressively worse than I was and my brother turned out to be a nightmare but hey he got away with more because he was a boy. My mother always said in hindsight I really wasnt all that bad! As for your son and daughter sounds like normal sibling rivalry gone bad. Sounds maybe like your son had to be right too often and never let win. Perhaps it contributed to her low self esteem. yes BP's must be right at the cost of rewriting history even. They justify and blame until they cannot possible be wrong. Being wrong is a terrible thing. Even something simple wrong can throw some of them into a rage. My BPH goes into rages over the simplest thing such as me saying the light bulb is the wrong watt for a particular lamp! Hugs Kelley Re: Kelley Kelley That part about thinking you were always right. Is that a BP trait, because my daughter has that one bigtime. And that's why she and my son don't get along, because he logically explains to her why she is NOT right and she hates it. When she was younger, before Greg " got smart " , she was considered the brain, then she lost that position. So, we think that's another reason she hangs out with dopes, she seems to be an Einstein in their eyes. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2005 Report Share Posted April 29, 2005 Kelley You, too, are having problems with grass seed taking? My son seeded 2 weeks ago and not a blade of grass to be seen. I'll be doing it this time---my way--- and see if it works. And what kind of puppies??? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2005 Report Share Posted April 30, 2005 My mom only thought i was bad till my sister and brother hit teenagerdom! then she could not sing my praises high enough lol! The really bad thing is my brother was not perfect and did bad in school, and the teachers liked him so much cause he was so sweet and cute and funny they passed him, unfortunatley my mom did not find this out till he was almost finished with 11th grade and a new dean brought to her attention that he would finish school but would not get a diploma . Hugs kelley Re: Kelley Kelley That part about thinking you were always right. Is that a BP trait, because my daughter has that one bigtime. And that's why she and my son don't get along, because he logically explains to her why she is NOT right and she hates it. When she was younger, before Greg " got smart " , she was considered the brain, then she lost that position. So, we think that's another reason she hangs out with dopes, she seems to be an Einstein in their eyes. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 23, 2005 Report Share Posted May 23, 2005 YOU did not cause BPD, YOU cannot control BPD, YOU cannot cure BPD, you can only CURE YOU! Hugs Kelley Re: Kelley I think you're going to have to try and find a way to quit obsessing about why your dtr does things. The " average " person does not understanding why a bp acts the way they do, becasue the bps thinking is so foreign to them. The bottom line is, it doesn't matter WHY she does something as far as you're concerned. See, it sounds like you're still convinced that if you just understood why she does things, then you can fix it, but you can't. You need to somehow grab ahold of that realization, and accept that things are the way they are, and move on from there. > Kelley > > How long do you think my daughter's anger at me will last since I am sure > this is the reason she is not letting me see the boys? I know no one can predict > for sure, but do borderlines hold grudges forever? Do you think she is doing > this as a punishment, because I certainly do. Is there any way to take the > wind out of sails? > > Jean > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2005 Report Share Posted May 24, 2005 Good morning Jean Actually I slept in a bit this morning! tired from all the gardening last week! Your daughters behavior could have been enabled by you, but not caused! Unless there is some emotional abuse or sexual or physical abuse that caused a trauma and a dissociative split of good and bad. Most likely she never learned these things as a baby and you didnt know it. Regardless the cuase, look only at why you do things and why you are hurt by things, and learn to be stronger. Start off by forgiving yourself for anything you might have done to contribute to her behavior, and then working on not ever enabling it again with her or anyone else in your life! BP's dont admit wrong, so how could they admit wrong to a psychologist? Did that psychologist give her any of the standard tests such as the MMPI? Something would have been amiss on that because the harder you try to appear normal the worse your score on that! same with a parenting skills eval. If all the tests present soemthing different, then the psychologist knows more testing is necessary or therapy to see if they can get to the real diagnosis. BP's need to be liked, so they would be whatever they needed to be for whoever is around! Remember its like changing masks for a BP. It is not a conscious thing for most of them, you might call them chamelions! Like the lizard they change to suit thier situation. Again, not consciously on a level you and I would understand, not as in acting, but in lack of thier own identity, they just pickup on the identity of who they are with. Hugs Kelley Re: Kelley Kelley From the rest of my post, do you think I contributed to my daughter's problem by not making her take responsibility jor her problems as a child? What do you think of the psychologists assessment? Did she just con him? And , " Good Morning " . You're also an early riser!!!!! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2005 Report Share Posted May 24, 2005 Jean There is a book for BPD's that explains in detail how a child progresses from birth, and where things go wrong. It is actually a workbook for overcoming BPD and other addictive disorders called The Angry Heart, you might find it extremely insightful for your questions about your daughter and the workbook extremely helpful for yourself as well! Also the Stop Walking on Eggshells workbook is great! There are 8 stages affecting the grwoing child and future adult. 1. Basic Trust versus Basic Mistrust (zero to 1.5 yrs) 2. Autonomy vx. shame and doubt ( 1-3 yrs) 3. Initiative vs. Guilt (3-6) 4. Industry vs Inferiority (6-12) 5. Identity vx Role Diffusion (12-20) 6. Intimacy vs Isolation (young adult) 7. Generativity vs stagnation (middle age dult) 8. integrity vs despair (sr adult) The degrees of success we have in passing through each of Dr. son's stages dertermines our level of adult maturity. Get The Angry Heart and you will find more about this. Also when a baby is born they dont have it all together and they compartmentalize good and bad until they are able to see both. You are the bad parent when you dont come when they cry, at which point they learn to self soothe, and the good parent when you pick them up when they cry or are hungry. a child that does not learn to self soothe, doesnt get to the point where mom can be good even though she did not come when baby cried. The child that doesnt learn this keeps good in pne file in the brain and bad in another. Do get The Angry Heart and Stop Walking on Eggshells, and the SWOE workbook, you will find a world of understanding in the two of them. The angry heart helps you understand where you are responsible for some things but not to blame! Hugs Kelley Re: Kelley Kelley What things was she supposed to have learned as a baby? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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