Re: self esteem

[Guest guest]

Terrill,

Sounds like you are a busy woman!!!

anyway.....sometimes it is hard to be outgoing....some days are

better than others....but you have to move yourself to a mindset

where you love yourself and are happy with yourself....that doesn't

mean you might not want to improve your health by losing weight...but

in general, you need to be comfortable with yourself....

loved ones sometimes do make it more difficult...i'm sure you're

husband in some way thinks he's 'encouraging' you by saying those

things...but he's not.....

of course there is no one more in tune with our weight problems than

ourselves.....the 'peanut gallery' just aggrevates what we already

know....

you need to lose weight for yourself....ultimately you will be a

better mother for your 5 kids....you'll live longer and be healthier

to care for them....but the decision has to be yours.......

hope we can offer the support you need to get you going in the right

direction!!

Caroline

> Iv been reading all your input on self esteem issues.Some of you

said that you remained out going even during your heaviest.I'm just

the opposite.I keep myself separated from people even those that I

live with.I go to work and then I stay at home.I have 5 kids 4 at

home and I am the only one with a weight problem.My husband is

beautiful and has kept himself up real well.After my twins were born

I lost myself and I know that I disappoint the rest of my family.My

husband once told me he didn't marry a fat woman and although I know

he wouldn't deliberately hurt me I can see it in his face.We have

been married 25yrs.I lose 20 pounds and then gain it right back then

I give up.I do love hearing how normal your lives seem to be.Terrill

>

>

[Guest guest]

Terril,

I seem to have missed your entrance to the group? I'm sorry. Yahoo has been

giving me a hard time, saying I'm bouncing, I unbounce and a few days later

they say I'm doing it again. Grrrr! When this happens I miss some posts.

Anyway, welcome! I'm Gena, 37, married for 19 yrs, have 2 girls 18 and 12,

live in Alaska. My 18 yr old Niki, left for the Army in june, is in Texas now.

When I met my hubby, Mike, I was 128. At my heaviest I got up to 284. I am

very lucky that Mike has never judged me about my weight. He says I never

looked bad to him. I had a hard time believing it until a friend pointed out to

me that when Mike was a bit chunky that I didn't see it either. I finally

believe

he loves me for who I am.

I am a very outgoing person, very talkative, but I understand what you mean.

At my heaviest I didn't want to see anyone. I felt so gross and wanted to just

hide. But..... when out and about I am talkative and wind up having a good

time. I had to tell myself that my weight is not who I am. That I am a good

person. It is all in how you look at things. Attitude is everything! Sometimes I

have to make myself put a smile on my face even when I don't feel like it and

know what? It makes me feel better.

How much weight do you think you want to lose? I have at least 40 more, I

think. Just take it one day at a time. Get away from the short term " diet "

mentality. Make changes in attitude, habits and lifestyle. Take babt steps, one

day at a time. Get more active, watch portions, take small bites, chew slowly,

little changes add up. You can do this!

Gena

>

> > Iv been reading all your input on self esteem issues.Some of you

> said that you remained out going even during your heaviest.I'm just

> the opposite.I keep myself separated from people even those that I

> live with.I go to work and then I stay at home.I have 5 kids 4 at

> home and I am the only one with a weight problem.My husband is

> beautiful and has kept himself up real well.After my twins were born

> I lost myself and I know that I disappoint the rest of my family.My

> husband once told me he didn't marry a fat woman and although I know

> he wouldn't deliberately hurt me I can see it in his face.We have

> been married 25yrs.I lose 20 pounds and then gain it right back then

> I give up.I do love hearing how normal your lives seem to be.Terrill

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Terrill

One of the most important things are to love yourself and ignore

everyone else. Your husband is a jerk for saying that. I think he

may have said that deliberately to try to get you to lose weight.

You have to want to do it for yourself. Ignore everyones remarks and

start out slowly.

Start by drinking more water. Go for a walk everyday. Take smaller

portions, but only one portion and put the rest of it away. Try to

eat every couple of hours when you are awake. Eat a good breakfast

(bowl of oatmeal, fruit, milk), have a snack a couple of hours later

(a fruit is good), lunch, another snack, then dinner. This is how I

handled mine and have lost 27 lbs. I have also been exercising.

You didn't put the weight on overnight, so don't expect it disappear

overnight. Take it one day at a time, one meal at a time. You can

do it and we will support you.

Arlene

198/171/150

> Iv been reading all your input on self esteem issues.Some of you

said that you remained out going even during your heaviest.I'm just

the opposite.I keep myself separated from people even those that I

live with.I go to work and then I stay at home.I have 5 kids 4 at

home and I am the only one with a weight problem.My husband is

beautiful and has kept himself up real well.After my twins were born

I lost myself and I know that I disappoint the rest of my family.My

husband once told me he didn't marry a fat woman and although I know

he wouldn't deliberately hurt me I can see it in his face.We have

been married 25yrs.I lose 20 pounds and then gain it right back then

I give up.I do love hearing how normal your lives seem to be.Terrill

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Terrill,

I am sure this post hits home with alot of people. Self esteem is so

important for any individual when it comes to personal happiness.

Just in reading your post though I see things you should be thankful

for. #1-- the family you have to help you and be there for you. I

realize that weight and possibly other things can make us feel bad

about ourselves and perhaps want to withdraw from society, but until

we begin to be happy about the little things and be thankful for them

can we start to begin to work on the larger things in life. It

usually starts with baby steps. Actually, when I look back when I

was the most unhappy in my life I felt I was not very attractive and

quite honestly, I think my weight was about the same it is right

now. Even though I work out now and watch what I eat, and..

honestly.. the pounds are not rolling off now.. must be due to age..

I am 45 now, but, I feel very attractive alot of times now.

I started a new job recently, not my most ideal job but something I

wanted to take until I did find the ideal job but I wanted to say

that currently I am working for a somewhat small company, maybe about

20 employees total and the girl who runs the office (the company is

family owned) she is very heavy. She mentioned she weighs 419 lbs.

Her weight though is all in her hips and butt. She is quite

attractive in the face and she has such a positive and outgoing

spirit I seem to overlook her weight issues so often. I can see that

she handles her weight issue very well. She does not let it interfer

with how she deals with her life is at least what I see in her. We

were talking one time about weight in the break room and she

mentioned she is built just like her grandmother. So see, sometimes

we have no control over whether we are thin or heavy we can just work

on changing that if we would like.

I too hope you will find encouragement and support in this group.

As for lives being normal, this is a weight loss group only. I am

sure there are many of us with other personal struggles. Weight loss

may only be one of them. If it is your only cross in life to bear,

you just might be luckier than some others in here. Something else

to think of eh?

Dianne

-- In weightlossbuddies2 , " Terrill "

<lmartinez41@c...> wrote:

> Iv been reading all your input on self esteem issues.Some of you

said that you remained out going even during your heaviest.I'm just

the opposite.I keep myself separated from people even those that I

live with.I go to work and then I stay at home.I have 5 kids 4 at

home and I am the only one with a weight problem.My husband is

beautiful and has kept himself up real well.After my twins were born

I lost myself and I know that I disappoint the rest of my family.My

husband once told me he didn't marry a fat woman and although I know

he wouldn't deliberately hurt me I can see it in his face.We have

been married 25yrs.I lose 20 pounds and then gain it right back then

I give up.I do love hearing how normal your lives seem to be.Terrill

>

>

[Guest guest]

Very well said Dianne. I feel the same way. I am not happy yet with my

physical part but am very happy in my marriage, emotionally,

financially. The weight is just something I have to deal with. I have a

lot to be thankful for and am very happy. The weight is not " who " I am.

Gena

On Saturday, December 7, 2002, at 09:44 AM, Dianne

wrote:

> Hi Terrill,

>

> I am sure this post hits home with alot of people.  Self esteem is so

> important for any individual when it comes to personal happiness. 

> Just in reading your post though I see things you should be thankful

> for.  #1-- the family you have to help you and be there for you.  I

> realize that weight and possibly other things can make us feel bad

> about ourselves and perhaps want to withdraw from society, but until

> we begin to be happy about the little things and be thankful for them

> can we start to begin to work on the larger things in life.  It

> usually starts with baby steps.  Actually, when I look back when I

> was the most unhappy in my life I felt I was not very attractive and

> quite honestly, I think my weight was about the same it is right

> now.  Even though I work out now and watch what I eat, and..

> honestly.. the pounds are not rolling off now.. must be due to age..

> I am 45 now, but, I feel very attractive alot of times now. 

>

> I started a new job recently, not my most ideal job but something I

> wanted to take until I did find the ideal job but I wanted to say

> that currently I am working for a somewhat small company, maybe about

> 20 employees total and the girl who runs the office (the company is

> family owned) she is very heavy.  She mentioned she weighs 419 lbs. 

> Her weight though is all in her hips and butt.  She is quite

> attractive in the face and she has such a positive and outgoing

> spirit I seem to overlook her weight issues so often.  I can see that

> she handles her weight issue very well.  She does not let it interfer

> with how she deals with her life is at least what I see in her.  We

> were talking one time about weight in the break room and she

> mentioned she is built just like her grandmother.  So see, sometimes

> we have no control over whether we are thin or heavy we can just work

> on changing that if we would like. 

>

> I too hope you will find encouragement and support in this group.

>

> As for lives being normal, this is a weight loss group only.  I am

> sure there are many of us with other personal struggles.  Weight loss

> may only be one of them.  If it is your only cross in life to bear,

> you just might be luckier than some others in here.  Something else

> to think of eh?

>

> Dianne   

>

> -- In weightlossbuddies2 , " Terrill "

> <lmartinez41@c...> wrote:

> > Iv been reading all your input on self esteem issues.Some of you

> said that you remained out going even during your heaviest.I'm just

> the opposite.I keep myself separated from people even those that I

> live with.I go to work and then I stay at home.I have 5 kids 4 at

> home and I am the only one with a weight problem.My husband is

> beautiful and has kept himself up real well.After my twins were born

> I lost myself and I know that I disappoint the rest of my family.My

> husband once told me he didn't marry a fat woman and although I know

> he wouldn't deliberately hurt me I can see it in his face.We have

> been married 25yrs.I lose 20 pounds and then gain it right back then

> I give up.I do love hearing how normal your lives seem to be.Terrill

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

try to get positive because you can do it and being here says so.

don't give up. just keep going. i have given up so many times and

have been trying so hard since september. when i come here i vent

when i'm feeling down and everyone else picks me back up. i had went

from a 36 since september to a 35.5 inch waist and constantly bounced

then a little while ago i measured and was at 37 and was so feeling

bad. because my goal is a 30 i was devastated to go back up but now

i am back down to the 35.75. iw illd o this and even if i only get

to a 34 i know i'm progressing, iw ill make it and we are all here to

help each other. i don't know what your goals are but do what i did

if it helps. i have a bulletein board in my room that i hung two

motivating pictures up, one of my mid goal but would be happy with

even if that's all i made it to and that's a size 12/14. and then i

have my ultimate goal of a 10. i also have chart that i weight and

measure weekly on and i can compare my progress. i also have my

goals written out and when i want to achieve them by and what i will

do to make them. yes i slip but if i slip i feel bad and within at

least a min of a week i am back on and working even harder. i also

have my wedding dress to look at and a pair of jeans i try on to see

how much closer i am to wearing them. i have many things by my

ultimate goal is this group seeing all the positive faces and knowing

they go through the same struggles and emotions id o in this journey

but that we all help each other out and seeing the success really

motivates me. we are all here to lose and you will lose with us, if

not for anything but because i said so. lol.

> Iv been reading all your input on self esteem issues.Some of you

said that you remained out going even during your heaviest.I'm just

the opposite.I keep myself separated from people even those that I

live with.I go to work and then I stay at home.I have 5 kids 4 at

home and I am the only one with a weight problem.My husband is

beautiful and has kept himself up real well.After my twins were born

I lost myself and I know that I disappoint the rest of my family.My

husband once told me he didn't marry a fat woman and although I know

he wouldn't deliberately hurt me I can see it in his face.We have

been married 25yrs.I lose 20 pounds and then gain it right back then

I give up.I do love hearing how normal your lives seem to be.Terrill

>

>

[Guest guest]

i dont' run on run/walks but love to do them and walk. every year i

do the breast cancer walk, the highest is 3 miles, so i do that one,

my fiance and my sister do it with me and so do his daughters,

sometimes we take our little cousins so our family can get a break

and have fun while the kids have fun, and then we take them to chuck

e cheese and run around with them and do the tunnels and we only

order a large pizza between the three of us adults, the two pre teen

girls and the two little cousins and theres' usually leftovers so it

tells you that we can limit this but we do so good. i can't wait for

the next one. this past year we also did a walk for ms and next year

we are goign to do the ms walk as well as the ms walk down here and

then the ones up by him as well. so a total of at least four walks

and it will be so much fun. speaking of walking i just had my first

break of the night at work and walked outside for a total of ten

minutes. i plan to do this on my next two breaks as well which will

total out to be around 30 minutes for the day. i am so excited to be

able to say that i did somethign even though i didn't before work,

because i did during work. i also have been doing some leg raises

and calf raises at my desk now. i have not yet gotten the courage to

do any weights at my desk, but myabe some day i will. who knows,

done great with eating. got in my water. i even started taking

vitamins last week so i am proud of myself for this as well. i just

wish that less people smoked because i smell it all the time at work,

they have to smoke outside but they reak and still carry the smoke

when they come inside.

>

> >

[Guest guest]

We only have one employee at my office who smokes. Boy are you

right, he reeks.

Arlene

> >

> > >

[Guest guest]

do you walk when you are stressed? when i am stressed with my family

i go for a walk with the dog. when i am stressed at work i walk

around outside and come back in. today i walked on my breaks again.

i am so proud of myself for adding this in on top of what i already

do. no one in my family except my fiance says anything,or my dad,

because he goes to the gym with me sometimes, but other than that my

mother and my sister don't say anythign and when id o something

around the house out of the ordinary no thank you, instead somethign

somehow doing this id id it wrong or i didn't do enough, i'd like to

see them do somethign when they get home from work, i get up go to

the gym go to the post office get the mail from my box and theirs, do

the grocery shopping, do cleaning in the house, go to work come home

and go to bed. when they get up the go to school or work and get

home and watch tv. wish i was that privelaged. a few chores are not

that hard to do. you can use me as an example to cassie about this

if you'd like. i am 20 i do all the housework and my mom sits around

and when she does something grumbles so the fact that you are a great

mom and do a lot and make dinner and work on things in your life and

that she only has so many chores she is very lucky kid. but anyways

goodluck and let me know how you get them to appreciate it more ifyou

figure out a trick that i haven't yet. thanks.

> ,

> Was it something in the air or what? You would think Mike would be

> excited that his wife has worked so hard and gone from 284 to 200

but I

> feel like he doesn't even care! We had the discussion about this

AGAIN

> last night. I wore a new red shirt ( I get red because he said at

one

> time he liked it) and black pants. I got a ton of compliments on my

> outfit. He was right there and never said a thing! I finally said

after

> another person said something " Gee somebody notices! " . Back when I

was

> feeling so huge, gross and so bad about myself I used to say I

don't

> know how you can stand me! He would get mad and say do you think my

> love is that shallow? He says I have always looked fine, that he

didn't

> " see' how big I was. He loves me for who I am not what I look like.

> Sometimes I think that is sweet but alot of the time it bugs me

quite

> honestly. He seems to think that saying I look better is admitting

I

> looked bad and that is a reflection of his love. Grrrrr! It has

really

> hurt my feelings. Except for this group I have felt very alone in

my

> weight loss. Neither he or the girls have ever said anything unless

I

> bring it up. I told him I have worked hard dammit and a little bit

of

> excitement, pride for me would go a long way.

> This is further complicated because he has crohn's. After our

heated

> discussion last night he got a stomach ache. Now he is home sick

today.

> It didn't help that we also had a bit of a thing with Cassie our 12

yr

> old. She is starting to act like a typical teen. My life is so bad

crap

> every time we say anything to her. Once a week I make a nice

breakfast,

> usually Sunday. Well I make it, they woof it down, I say " well?????

and

> then they say oh yeah it's good, thanks. :-( all I did was say a

little

> appreciation would be nice. Why do I do it every week if it is not

> appreciated?! She acts like I totally chewed her ass. A friend

calls

> and I can hear her up in her room just going on and on about it so

we

> told her to get off the phone and talked to her about why are you

mad?

> I'm the one who felt unappreciated! Then she did the cat box, goes

to

> put the bag in the garage. Mike looks out there and sees her

grumbling

> to herself, opens the garage door but not enough and throws the bag

at

> the door really hard soooo Mike chews her out for throwing a fit.

> Sorry I was quiet yesterday. Was just trying to deal with all

this.

> Now I have Mike home sick because any time he gets stressed his

crohn's

> acts up. I'm going to take Misty for a walk. Have to get out of

here

> for a bit. You all have a good day.

>

> Gena

[Guest guest]

Thanks again Jen,

You are so sweet! If I figure out the secret I'll be sure to let you

know. LOL Cassie really is a good girl. Just teenage attitude creeping

in. That and she PMS's really bad! She is very sensitive and Mike

really laid into her yesterday then I laid into him about being too

hard on her and he said I'm too easy. She wanted to go to a dance after

school on Thurs and he told me under no circumstances to give in. It is

breaking my heart! I know how it is upsetting her. Oh and when I'm

stressed yes I'll walk or clean.

Gena

On Monday, December 9, 2002, at 08:58 PM, jennifer

wrote:

> do you walk when you are stressed?  when i am stressed with my family

> i go for a walk with the dog.  when i am stressed at work i walk

> around outside and come back in.  today i walked on my breaks again. 

> i am so proud of myself for adding this in on top of what i already

> do.  no one in my family except my fiance says anything,or my dad,

> because he goes to the gym with me sometimes, but other than that my

> mother and my sister don't say anythign and when id o something

> around the house out of the ordinary no thank you, instead somethign

> somehow doing this id id it wrong or i didn't do enough, i'd like to

> see them do somethign when they get home from work, i get up go to

> the gym go to the post office get the mail from my box and theirs, do

> the grocery shopping, do cleaning in the house, go to work come home

> and go to bed.  when they get up the go to school or work and get

> home and watch tv.  wish i was that privelaged.  a few chores are not

> that hard to do.  you can use me as an example to cassie about this

> if you'd like.  i am 20 i do all the housework and my mom sits around

> and when she does something grumbles so the fact that you are a great

> mom and do a lot and make dinner and work on things in your life and

> that she only has so many chores she is very lucky kid.  but anyways

> goodluck and let me know how you get them to appreciate it more ifyou

> figure out a trick that i haven't yet.  thanks.

>

>

> > ,

> > Was it something in the air or what? You would think Mike would be

> > excited that his wife has worked so hard and gone from 284 to 200

> but I

> > feel like he doesn't even care! We had the discussion about this

> AGAIN

> > last night. I wore a new red shirt ( I get red because he said at

> one

> > time he liked it) and black pants. I got a ton of compliments on my

> > outfit. He was right there and never said a thing! I finally said

> after

> > another person said something " Gee somebody notices! " . Back when I

> was

> > feeling so huge, gross and so bad about myself I used to say I

> don't

> > know how you can stand me! He would get mad and say do you think my

> > love is that shallow? He says I have always looked fine, that he

> didn't

> > " see' how big I was. He loves me for who I am not what I look like.

> > Sometimes I think that is sweet but alot of the time it bugs me

> quite

> > honestly. He seems to think that saying I look better is admitting

> I

> > looked bad and that is a reflection of his love. Grrrrr! It has

> really

> > hurt my feelings. Except for this group I have felt very alone in

> my

> > weight loss. Neither he or the girls have ever said anything unless

> I

> > bring it up. I told him I have worked hard dammit and a little bit

> of

> > excitement, pride for me would go a long way.

> >   This is further complicated because he has crohn's. After our

> heated

> > discussion last night he got a stomach ache. Now he is home sick

> today.

> > It didn't help that we also had a bit of a thing with Cassie our 12

> yr

> > old. She is starting to act like a typical teen. My life is so bad

> crap

> > every time we say anything to her. Once a week I make a nice

> breakfast,

> > usually Sunday. Well I make it, they woof it down, I say " well?????

> and

> > then they say oh yeah it's good, thanks. :-( all I did was say a

> little

> > appreciation would be nice. Why do I do it every week if it is not

> > appreciated?! She acts like I totally chewed her ass. A friend

> calls

> > and I can hear her up in her room just going on and on about it so

> we

> > told her to get off the phone and talked to her about why are you

> mad?

> > I'm the one who felt unappreciated! Then she did the cat box, goes

> to

> > put the bag in the garage. Mike looks out there and sees her

> grumbling

> > to herself, opens the garage door but not enough and throws the bag

> at

> > the door really hard soooo Mike chews her out for throwing a fit.

> >   Sorry I was quiet yesterday. Was just trying to deal with all

> this.

> > Now I have Mike home sick because any time he gets stressed his

> crohn's

> > acts up. I'm going to take Misty for a walk. Have to get out of

> here

> > for a bit. You all have a good day.

> >

> > Gena

>

>

>

>