Re: How did you know?

[Guest guest]

Years ago I was seeing a therapist who every time I'd describe something my nada

had done would suggest that maybe nada was borderline. I had friends in the

mental health profession and asked them to explain what it meant, and I still

wasn't quite convinced. Finally I picked up the book " I Hate You, Don't Leave

Me " and immediately recognized my nada in many of its pages.

Shortly after that, nada dragged my brother and I to yet-another-therapist for a

" family session " . Usually the therapists would sit all of us down, and as soon

as they'd point out that maybe nada needed to take responsibility for her

behavior, or point out something hurtful she had done, that therapist was " no

good " and we would never return.

One of these therapists (my nada had been seeing him and swore up and down he

was " the best in his field " ) actually took my brother and I aside before our

session. I told him I thought my nada had BPD. He said (and I will never

forget this because it was a huge turning point for me) " your mother has told me

that you are very smart and perceptive, and I would agree with her " . For

whatever confidentiality reasons, he could not come out with his diagnosis since

she was his patient, but he indirectly confirmed it for me.

Needless to say, after one or two family sessions with him, he was " no good " and

we never saw him again.

Over the past 10 years or so, I've watched my nada do many borderline things.

This summer she pulled a real doozy which was hurtful to my daughter, and when I

told the women in my cancer support group about it, 4 of them work in the mental

health field or have a borderline family member, and they all said " she sounds

borderline " . One suggested I read " Understanding the borderline mother " , so I

did. It was like watching my life flash across 300 pages. Then I found this

group, and some validation for going NC. There is no doubt in my mind that she

has BPD.

On the other hand, my brother is not convinced. His wife (my SIL) IS convinced.

I sent them the book. They were NC for a while because nada thought my SIL was

evil after she had a baby and set some boundaries with nada. My brother still

lives with FOG and it is hard to watch. He is also not very good at looking at

his feelings - kind of like my dad. But that's a whole other story.

-

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> How did you find out/discover/whatever that your parent has BPD? A friend of

mine suggested it to me about my mom and then I picked up the book about BPD

mothers (which I'm currently reading) so it's just my best guess. I just wonder

how everyone else came to this conclusion - was there a diagnosis or is it a

best guess? How did you arrive at it?

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> a in WA

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