Parenting when you had a BPD parent

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I think having a borderline mother made me a better mother. I'm

trying to look on the bright side of this. Mostly because I think I know

what NOT to do. I've made my share of mistakes like any parent, but I really

feel good in knowing that I have broken the cycle of abuse (and so has my

sister for the most part) in my family.

With that said, having a girl has been tough for me sometimes. I have 3

wonderful children who are 11 (son), 9 (daughter), and 7 (son). My oldest is

special needs...he's in a wheelchair (cognitively normal) and requires a lot

of attention because there's not a lot he can do by himself. We've been

through countless therapies, surgeries, procedures, and tests. My two

youngest are adopted from foster care. My daughter was 2 when she came to live

with us....she was almost 4 before she was legally my daughter and my baby was

10 weeks.

I wanted to touch on being a mom to a girl, though....I'd be lying if I

said it was super easy to bond with my daughter because I went through my

fair share of moments....but it's nice to know now that she is a healthy 9

year old and she's my daughter. Very much an individual...remembers a good bit

about her birth mother. I get the feeling that one day she'll look for her

birth mother and I've already told her if that's something she wants to do

one day (when she is mature enough to make the decision), I will stand by

her no matter what. I am secure in the fact that *I* am her mother, but

also recognize that she has roots she may want to one day investigate. Maybe

not...but maybe she will.

I've worked in therapy a lot on being a good mother. My therapist has

always said to me that she thinks it's amazing that I am the mother I am and

that I have the thoughts and opinions on parenting that I have considering

how I was raised and how I had to go the OPPOSITE of what was done to me.

And that's just it. It's not that hard for me. I just do the OPPOSITE. I

went the no-spanking route with my kids because I was abused. It wasn't

because I feared I'd be an abuser, but because I know how it feels to be hit

and I NEVER want my children to feel like I did as a child. I hug them, I

tell them as often as I can how much I love them and how special and UNIQUE

they are. I take the time to talk to my daughter about cooking and makeup and

clothes...we have a girls day out once in while. I make sure their opinions

matter on whatever decisions are being made (within obvious reason) from

what they want to do as extra curricular to what they want to wear to what

we're having for dinner. I want them to know they are individuals and it's

okay to have opinions and likes and dislikes different from everyone else.

Now, before you picture me as a super-hip-wonder-mom, just know that 10

minutes ago, I was about 2 clicks away from selling my youngest child on ebay.

Just being real.

But there is nothing in this world I feel like I am doing a good job at,

than being a mother.

I wonder how you feel as a parent?