Re: Someone, please help ...

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group. You didn't say why you are living so far apart. Is there any way one of you could move to the others location?

Your finace is going through a very hard time and these types of feelings sometime surface. Its possible she is trying to see if you are going to stay with her. If that is your plan do your best to reassure her. There have been many men who have ditched their finaces/wives after diagnosis.

Why don't you suggest she join the group. She could ask questions, vent, share etc. We would love to have her. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Hugs

nne

Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html

Check out my breast cancer ornaments at:http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlalso check out my other ornaments and lots of nice gifts at:http://www.cancerclub.com

Someone, please help ...

Long story short ...My Fiancee' was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in February and - needless to say - has had a rough time delaing with all that comes with fighting this terrible disease - hair loss, chemo, awaiting the double mastectomy. To make matters worse, I can't be with her every day because I live in Washington, DC and she in Florida.By and large she has been fabulous and resillient in her battle. I am so very proud of her and can't wait to take her to paris when she is well to celebrate.My problem is, my sweetheart has been increasingly hostile and abusive toward me - saying really nasty, personal things. While I mostly take it and try dismissing it as her unbridled frustration, it still hurts. And I can't help thinking this is something she can control because I seem to be the only one having to deal with this type of behavior.Last night she pushed me over the edge and I hung up on her. Today I texed her apologizing and told her I loved her very much. Her response was a simple "ok."Is she testing me to see I will leave her. The reason I ask this is she keeps asking me, "is there something you want to tell me?"Can anyone tell me what's going on and how I should proceed with this?Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

I know what she is doing, I did the same thing to my guy. After my diagnosis I started pushing people out of my life, and the goal was to push them out before they pushed me out of their lives. When you loose the hair, the battle with treatment, the loss of your breasts, well I felt like I had nothing to offer him. I could not stand the thought of being with him when I was at my lowest, how could he care about me like this, how could he be attracted to me like this? It's her battle, she is having a battle with herself, just keep hanging on if you love her, but she has to process every step of this. Keep reinforcing your love for her, just hang in there. Her femininity has been attacked, you can't fix it, she will come through it just be there when she does.

Ren

[Guest guest]

Who is helping her as she goes through treatments? It could just be anger that she would like for it to be you, but due to the distance it can't be. If you have been focusing more on the trip to Paris than you have been in showing concern for her situation she may feel that you are only interested in her wellness. I'm sure it is hard for both of you for you not to be there for the nitty gritty of treatments etc......She is going through alot right now and may have doubts about her own femininity as she deals with hair loss and side effects of chemo. Maybe you could simply ask if you have done anything to offend her and let her know that even though you are not with her all of the time you still feel affected by the situation and are very concerned about her recovery. Sending cards of encouragment and or flowers could be a nice touch. Thanks for hanging in there with her even though sometimes it is not very

pleasant...georgialeontucker777 wrote: Long story short ...My Fiancee' was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in February and - needless to say - has had a rough time delaing with all that comes with fighting this terrible disease - hair loss, chemo, awaiting the double mastectomy. To make matters worse, I can't be with her every day because I live in Washington, DC and she in Florida.By and large she has been fabulous and resillient in her battle. I am so very proud of her and can't wait to take her to paris when she is well to celebrate.My problem is, my sweetheart has been increasingly hostile and abusive toward me - saying really nasty, personal things. While I mostly take it and try dismissing it as her unbridled frustration, it still hurts. And I can't help thinking this is something she can control because I seem to be the only one having to deal with this

type of behavior.Last night she pushed me over the edge and I hung up on her. Today I texed her apologizing and told her I loved her very much. Her response was a simple "ok."Is she testing me to see I will leave her. The reason I ask this is she keeps asking me, "is there something you want to tell me?"Can anyone tell me what's going on and how I should proceed with this?Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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[Guest guest]

The only thing I can think of is to simply ask her. What does she mean when she asks that question? Only she can answer.

Patty

Someone, please help ...

Long story short ...My Fiancee' was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in February and - needless to say - has had a rough time delaing with all that comes with fighting this terrible disease - hair loss, chemo, awaiting the double mastectomy. To make matters worse, I can't be with her every day because I live in Washington, DC and she in Florida.By and large she has been fabulous and resillient in her battle. I am so very proud of her and can't wait to take her to paris when she is well to celebrate.My problem is, my sweetheart has been increasingly hostile and abusive toward me - saying really nasty, personal things. While I mostly take it and try dismissing it as her unbridled frustration, it still hurts. And I can't help thinking this is something she can control because I seem to be the only one having to deal with this type of behavior.Last night she pushed me over the edge and I hung up on her. Today I texed her apologizing and told her I loved her very much. Her response was a simple "ok."Is she testing me to see I will leave her. The reason I ask this is she keeps asking me, "is there something you want to tell me?"Can anyone tell me what's going on and how I should proceed with this?Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

How informative. It is interesting the way different people respond to each situation. I hope this helps him...georgiarendurall@... wrote:

I know what she is doing, I did the same thing to my guy. After my diagnosis I started pushing people out of my life, and the goal was to push them out before they pushed me out of their lives. When you loose the hair, the battle with treatment, the loss of your breasts, well I felt like I had nothing to offer him. I could not stand the thought of being with him when I was at my lowest, how could he care about me like this, how could he be attracted to me like this? It's her battle, she is having a battle with herself, just keep hanging on if you love her, but she has to process every step of this. Keep reinforcing your love for her, just hang in there. Her femininity has been attacked, you can't fix it, she will come through it just be there when she does. Ren

[Guest guest]

Thank you for those words of wisdom. I have taken your

advice and and gained tremendous clarity.

- LT

--- Marco or Georgia Mannino

wrote:

> Who is helping her as she goes through treatments?

> It could just be anger that she would like for it to

> be you, but due to the distance it can't be. If you

> have been focusing more on the trip to Paris than

> you have been in showing concern for her situation

> she may feel that you are only interested in her

> wellness. I'm sure it is hard for both of you for

> you not to be there for the nitty gritty of

> treatments etc......She is going through alot right

> now and may have doubts about her own femininity as

> she deals with hair loss and side effects of chemo.

> Maybe you could simply ask if you have done anything

> to offend her and let her know that even though you

> are not with her all of the time you still feel

> affected by the situation and are very concerned

> about her recovery. Sending cards of encouragment

> and or flowers could be a nice touch. Thanks for

> hanging in there with her even though sometimes it

> is not very pleasant...georgia

>

> leontucker777 wrote: Long

> story short ...

>

> My Fiancee' was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer

> in February and - needless to say -

> has had a rough time delaing with all that comes

> with fighting this terrible disease - hair

> loss, chemo, awaiting the double mastectomy. To make

> matters worse, I can't be with her

> every day because I live in Washington, DC and she

> in Florida.

>

> By and large she has been fabulous and resillient in

> her battle. I am so very proud of her

> and can't wait to take her to paris when she is well

> to celebrate.

>

> My problem is, my sweetheart has been increasingly

> hostile and abusive toward me -

> saying really nasty, personal things. While I mostly

> take it and try dismissing it as her

> unbridled frustration, it still hurts. And I can't

> help thinking this is something she can

> control because I seem to be the only one having to

> deal with this type of behavior.

>

> Last night she pushed me over the edge and I hung up

> on her. Today I texed her

> apologizing and told her I loved her very much. Her

> response was a simple " ok. "

>

> Is she testing me to see I will leave her. The

> reason I ask this is she keeps asking me, " is

> there something you want to tell me? "

>

> Can anyone tell me what's going on and how I should

> proceed with this?

>

> Any help would be greatly appreciated.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, so much!

- LT

--- Marco or Georgia Mannino

wrote:

> How informative. It is interesting the way

> different people respond to each situation. I hope

> this helps him...georgia

>

> rendurall@... wrote:I know what she is

> doing, I did the same thing to my guy. After my

> diagnosis I started pushing people out of my life,

> and the goal was to push them out before they pushed

> me out of their lives. When you loose the hair, the

> battle with treatment, the loss of your breasts,

> well I felt like I had nothing to offer him. I

> could not stand the thought of being with him when I

> was at my lowest, how could he care about me like

> this, how could he be attracted to me like this?

> It's her battle, she is having a battle with

> herself, just keep hanging on if you love her, but

> she has to process every step of this. Keep

> reinforcing your love for her, just hang in there.

> Her femininity has been attacked, you can't fix it,

> she will come through it just be there when she

> does.

>

> Ren

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Leon she may be thinking she is giving you an easy way out....she feels unattractive after the double masty and may think you will not want her afterwads.....I know it is hard on you and she says things that she really doesn't mean....I did and I was so tender that even a touch hurt....my friend stuck by me till the doc said it could return so when he went back home I just never heard from him again....we had been together for five years.....just be patient with her as much as possible....prayers that things will work out and you wont lose her....or she wont lose you....so many of the men will leave because of the mastectomy leon tucker wrote:

Thank you for those words of wisdom. I have taken youradvice and and gained tremendous clarity.- LT --- Marco or Georgia Mannino wrote:> Who is helping her as she goes through treatments? > It could just be anger that she would like for it to> be you, but due to the distance it can't be. If you> have been focusing more on the trip to Paris than> you have been in showing concern for her situation> she may feel that you are only interested in her> wellness. I'm sure it is hard for both of you for> you not to be there for the nitty gritty of> treatments etc......She is going through alot right> now and may have doubts about her own femininity as> she deals with hair loss and side effects of chemo. > Maybe you could simply ask

if you have done anything> to offend her and let her know that even though you> are not with her all of the time you still feel> affected by the situation and are very concerned> about her recovery. Sending cards of encouragment> and or flowers could be a nice touch. Thanks for> hanging in there with her even though sometimes it> is not very pleasant...georgia> > leontucker777 wrote: Long> story short ...> > My Fiancee' was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer> in February and - needless to say - > has had a rough time delaing with all that comes> with fighting this terrible disease - hair > loss, chemo, awaiting the double mastectomy. To make> matters worse, I can't be with her > every day because I live in Washington, DC and she> in Florida.> > By and large she has been fabulous and resillient

in> her battle. I am so very proud of her > and can't wait to take her to paris when she is well> to celebrate.> > My problem is, my sweetheart has been increasingly> hostile and abusive toward me - > saying really nasty, personal things. While I mostly> take it and try dismissing it as her > unbridled frustration, it still hurts. And I can't> help thinking this is something she can > control because I seem to be the only one having to> deal with this type of behavior.> > Last night she pushed me over the edge and I hung up> on her. Today I texed her > apologizing and told her I loved her very much. Her> response was a simple "ok."> > Is she testing me to see I will leave her. The> reason I ask this is she keeps asking me, "is > there something you want to tell me?"> > Can anyone tell me what's going on and how I

should> proceed with this?> > Any help would be greatly appreciated.> > > > > > > --------------------------------->

[Guest guest]

Ren you have said what I was trying to say....SO VERY WELL PUT....leon tucker wrote:

Thank you, so much! - LT--- Marco or Georgia Mannino wrote:> How informative. It is interesting the way> different people respond to each situation. I hope> this helps him...georgia> > rendurall@... wrote:I know what she is> doing, I did the same thing to my guy. After my> diagnosis I started pushing people out of my life,> and the goal was to push them out before they pushed> me out of their lives. When you loose the hair, the> battle with treatment, the loss of your breasts,> well I felt like I had nothing to offer him. I> could not stand the thought of being with him when I> was at my lowest, how could he care about me like> this, how could he be attracted to me like this? > It's her battle,

she is having a battle with> herself, just keep hanging on if you love her, but> she has to process every step of this. Keep> reinforcing your love for her, just hang in there. > Her femininity has been attacked, you can't fix it,> she will come through it just be there when she> does. > > Ren > > --------------------------------->