A Very Interesting Night

[Guest guest]

Things have been pretty calm around here for the last six months.

Our bp daughter, who is 18 and attending community college, lives at

home now.

We have a rule " no smoking in the house " , which she is constantly

breaking. This results in the loss of her cell phone. She loses it

about 60% of the time. She has accepted that the phone is gone but

still breaks the rule.

On Friday, I found an empty bottle of wine under her bed, and a full

bottle of beer in her bedside table. There was also some evidence

that she had smoked marijuana in her room. Her cell phone was

already confiscated from previous smoking. Consequently, I took the

keys to the car which we provide her, and she threw a tantrum,

telling me that I would have to drive her around everywhere she

wanted to go, as if this was MY punishment.

Yesterday, after calling in sick to work for some reason, she slept

most of the day and got up, and was pleasant. It was our wedding

anniversary and my husband and I had reservations at a nice

restaurant. I took a nap in the afternoon, and awoke to find that

our daughter had taken my car. I was furious, and called her

boyfriend in an effort to locate her. She called me immediately, and

we had a fairly long conversation during which I explained that she

needed to return in my car NOW or would lose her car for an even

longer period. She refused, and went through a litany of how we

don't care about her, and she would not address drinking or drug

use. I'm thinking, " Great, this is such textbook behavior, the black

and white thing, I guess I'm the bad mom. " I assured her we loved

her, but that consequences would ensue for misbehavior. She hung up.

My husband and I decided to go out to dinner anyway. In my mind I

was thinking that we can not having her living here breaking rules

and abusing substances. I envisioned this " war " escalating, and I

have to take responsibility for getting carried away thinking how

bad things could get. My cell phone rang, it was our daughter. She

was home. She said " I've returned with the car. I'm sorry for taking

it, and I'm sorry for ruining your anniversary. " My jaw dropped. I

told her this was very responsible of her, and it meant a lot to me

that she apologized.

We got home late and have not yet had a chance to talk to her again.

I am amazed to think that she could possibly be learning something

here. Whether her boyfriend stepped in and calmed her down (I think

so) or she just realized this was a bad idea, I don't know. Either

way, it gives me hope that she is starting to make decisions which

are more rational. She has not had DBT, but I am wondering if there

is a chance that just maturity could play a role. It was an

interesting night, though.

Carolyn