Nada and sexual inappropriateness

[Guest guest]

This topic was brought up in another thread, and got an immediate, oh

yea, me too, ( as we do so often) hit. So I thought it would be worth

pursuing.

My first indication nada had no sense of bounderies about sexual matters

was when I was ten and asked innocently, regarding an electron

microscope picture of a fertilized ovum, so where does the sperm come

from. To my horror, I got a very detailed explaination of human

sexuality, on my lunch hour, and then had to go back to a 5th grade

classroom. I was mortified.

After my parents divorced, nada started with a series of bf s, some ok

guys, some drunks, some assholes. It didnt really matter, except when

she would drag me , at 15 or 16, to spend the night on the couch of a

total stranger s house while she shared the bed with him. Then of

course, neither would want to get up to drive me to school next morning.

2 of the " men " she had relationships with during my junior and senior

years of HS were 19 and 20, respectively, and I , of course, was 15 and

16. One of them, a real dirtbag, was brought to us by a friend, just

asking if he could spend the night for a few nights because his father

had kicked him out and he was sick. In retrospect, his father was wise,

and she should have let him die of pneumonia. She first adopted him (

another subject, how many had nada " adopt " kids or grandkids like they

were the golden child while neglecting the real ones?), and expected me

to treat him like a brother, and she gave him money, and let him drive

the car, and this went of for months. But it got wierd after a while,

and she d tell me how he was like the big brother i never had, then sit

on the couch in the dark whispering and holding hands and who knows what

else. Fortunately for my therapy bill, I didnt see " what else. " This

one only left when me and a car full of friends dragged him in a car and

let him no that he would either leave within 3 days, or we would find

him again and beat him senseless. She would NEVER have made him leave.

After that, she got into her real hobby, PRISONERS! She started writing

to a guy in prison for armed robbery, then dragged me to a family

visitation day, where she took him a picnic, and then was hanging all

over him, kissing and rubbing like teenagers, and crying as if he were

the love of her life when we left.

She wrote to them for most of her life, and was romantically involved

with at least 3 that I know of, including 2 to whom she was " engaged " ,

until thier parole was turned down, and it became apparent what the game

was. She would send them money, go and visit, visit their families and

get close as if she were the wife. In one case , she had stopped writing

to one, moved 2 times since, to a different town , and 2 years had

passed, and he showed up on her doorstep one evening. That scared her.

But not enough to stop.

She remarried while I was in the Navy, and first brought me to a dance

at Parents without Partners, where she met this sleazeball, to meet him.

Both of them had kids who were not with them, in her case I was grown,

but just used it as a social network. It was for parents who were

raising kids alone. At the time, I was 20, he was 29, she was 39. She

wanted my permission or approval as if I were the adult and she the

child, which, of course she always tried to do. I had enough sense to

say it s your decision, you are a grown woman, do NOT put me in the

place of saying no and having you blame me for being alone, or saying

yes and having you blame me when the marriage fails. ( It did, 7 years

later.)

One of her hot buttons to push with me, to push me into a rage, after

which she would say, dramatically, Oh I m just so scared of my sons

temper. was to tell me inappropriate details about her gynocological

problems, and or about her sexual relationships with my dad, or about

his sexual preferences and philandering. Only after years, when I set a

boundery that if you bring any of that up, the conversation ends at

once, I ll hang up, or walk away, did she finally stop. And then only

after I enforced that boundery several times.

I found out from high school friends years later, when we were grown

men, that she would have totally inappropriate converstions with them,

telling them things they had no desire to know, until they finally chose

not to ever come around her.

And oddly, she would regularly condemn her sister, who had a child

unmarried and raised her as a single mom, for " not keeping her skirts

clean " Some how my Aunt was a slut for getting pregnant, but all of

nadas activities were covered under the topic of ( ready for this?)

well, you know a woman has needs, just like a man.

And I would be screaming MOM, not only do I not want to KNOW, I dont

want you to justify it to me!

Why can t you do like all me and all the teenagers do, sneak around and

do it in and Oldsmobile and lie about it.

So, anyone find anything inappropriate in my nadas sexual choices?

And, anyone else experience similar inappropriateness? This seems to be

a fairly common thread in BP s and Bi Polars. And one more wound for us

KO. s

Doug