Re: To Group/Daughter New Update

[Guest guest]

Well group,

The day has come. Daughter has just called from her field trip asking

if she could please move back in on Sunday. UGH!!!!!!!!!! Said I have to

talk to her first. She says about what? I said I am not going to reiterate

what took place this week, she says, oh my god, I only missed Monday cause I

didn't feel good. I've gone everyday this week.

I said, you don't feel good at least one day every week. There are other

issues, too.

Like staying out all wknd. then giving me shit on mondays. She still has

her job, just wasn't put on schedule for this wknd. because she didn't show up

last wknd. I still got an attitude from her on the phone. When I said we

have to sit down and talk, she said who's we? Cause I know she won't sit if my

hubby is there. She feels it's between me and her only. Doesn't realize

how much it affects everyone in the home, including my elderly father. I guess

she thinks she will do whatever she wants all wknd. then show up Sunday to

start all over. Just when things were looking up.............

Thanks for letting me vent.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

,

Right now she is out, she's 18, and goes when she feels like it. The rate

she's going, if she misses anymore, she won't finish. I gave her the choice

monday, when she wasn't getting up, to get up for school or get up and pack.

She chose the latter. today she called and wants to come back. She made it

to school each day the rest of this week.

I do have a list going, and really more like a contract and making her sign

it. So it goes.

I will let her back in but the rules will stick or the consequences will.

thanks.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Debbie

Sorry things weren't what they had seemed to be. It seems like our lives are

perpetual yoyos ! I hope she agrees to the contract and you make it a GOOD

one for her.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Sorry she called with the bad news. I bet she think you were worried about her!

So is the talking to be with the whole family? Perhaps it should be, maybe she

thinks she can snow you better than your father or husband around? maybe its

time for the whole family to tell her one by one how her behavior affects each

of them?Hugs

kelley

Re: Re: To Group/Daughter New Update

Well group,

The day has come. Daughter has just called from her field trip asking

if she could please move back in on Sunday. UGH!!!!!!!!!! Said I have to

talk to her first. She says about what? I said I am not going to reiterate

what took place this week, she says, oh my god, I only missed Monday cause I

didn't feel good. I've gone everyday this week.

I said, you don't feel good at least one day every week. There are other

issues, too.

Like staying out all wknd. then giving me shit on mondays. She still has

her job, just wasn't put on schedule for this wknd. because she didn't show

up

last wknd. I still got an attitude from her on the phone. When I said we

have to sit down and talk, she said who's we? Cause I know she won't sit if

my

hubby is there. She feels it's between me and her only. Doesn't realize

how much it affects everyone in the home, including my elderly father. I

guess

she thinks she will do whatever she wants all wknd. then show up Sunday to

start all over. Just when things were looking up.............

Thanks for letting me vent.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Debbie--

I'm not sure I'm keeping very good track of whose kid is doing

what.

See if I've got this straight--your bp dtr is " trying " to finish

high school, but living with her dad? or somewhere else?

Is she of age? Can you simply refuse to let her move back in? If

not, why not?

I had that missing school kind of crap from my bp dtr, too. Not

much fun. Caused a lot of conflict, so I do understand.

Oh, well, whatever the details, I'm pulling for you. If she does

move back in, insist on certain rules or let her know what the

consequences will be . . . then be sure to follow through.

Best to you,

[Guest guest]

Debbie --

Good job sticking with your guns and putting together a contract. I

love contracts, because then the bp child can't come back and try to

mess with your head about what she/you/he said.

God Bless,

> ,

> Right now she is out, she's 18, and goes when she feels like it.

The rate

> she's going, if she misses anymore, she won't finish. I gave her

the choice

> monday, when she wasn't getting up, to get up for school or get up

and pack.

> She chose the latter. today she called and wants to come back.

She made it

> to school each day the rest of this week.

> I do have a list going, and really more like a contract and making

her sign

> it. So it goes.

> I will let her back in but the rules will stick or the

consequences will.

> thanks.

> Debbie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Debbie--

Thanks for updating me. I wasn't sure of the details.

I like the contract idea; we did that with great success with our

dtr before she moved out. She hated it, but couldn't say we hadn't

told her what was expected. She tried, a couple of times, but we

just pointed to the contract. It was like a buffer between us.

Where has she been staying? If it is a family member, would they be

willing to continue to house her until after school is out?

No matter what, you can make her going to school a condition of her

moving back in. BUT, and it is a big but, you can drop her off at

school, but you can't make her go to class, or even if she does go

to class, she might leave after being there for five minutes and

hang out with all the others cutting class.

Stick to your guns, re: consequences.

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

She's not staying w/family, she is staying with a friend that she works

with. I'm sure she doesnt like it there, and more sure she misses being here

more. But she wants to come home. School is the main condition, among other

things. And she knows this. We will see, I'm sure she will not take to the

contract to well, but too bad. She's caused too much turmoil here for me not to

make one up. And we will see how she reacts to me not tolerating any more of

it any more. Maybe she will see me in a different light. Hope it works, wish

us well.

Hugs, Debbie

Re: To Group/Daughter New Update

Debbie--

Thanks for updating me. I wasn't sure of the details.

I like the contract idea; we did that with great success with our

dtr before she moved out. She hated it, but couldn't say we hadn't

told her what was expected. She tried, a couple of times, but we

just pointed to the contract. It was like a buffer between us.

Where has she been staying? If it is a family member, would they be

willing to continue to house her until after school is out?

No matter what, you can make her going to school a condition of her

moving back in. BUT, and it is a big but, you can drop her off at

school, but you can't make her go to class, or even if she does go

to class, she might leave after being there for five minutes and

hang out with all the others cutting class.

Stick to your guns, re: consequences.

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Debbie--

As I said before, a contract helped us out tremendously.

She did what she had to around the house, but only what was

absolutely necessary to fulfill the requirements of the contract--so

make sure it's really, really specific!!!

I'm firmly convinced that having the contract and enforcing

consequences is what motivated our bp dtr to move out of our home as

soon as possible.

Perhaps it will be the same in your situation.

Good luck,

> Thanks ,

> She's not staying w/family, she is staying with a friend that

she works with. I'm sure she doesnt like it there, and more sure

she misses being here more. But she wants to come home. School is

the main condition, among other things. And she knows this. We

will see, I'm sure she will not take to the contract to well, but

too bad. She's caused too much turmoil here for me not to make one

up. And we will see how she reacts to me not tolerating any more

of it any more. Maybe she will see me in a different light. Hope

it works, wish us well.

> Hugs, Debbie

>

> Re: To Group/Daughter New Update

>

>

>

>

> Debbie--

>

> Thanks for updating me. I wasn't sure of the details.

>

> I like the contract idea; we did that with great success with our

> dtr before she moved out. She hated it, but couldn't say we

hadn't

> told her what was expected. She tried, a couple of times, but we

> just pointed to the contract. It was like a buffer between us.

>

> Where has she been staying? If it is a family member, would they

be

> willing to continue to house her until after school is out?

>

> No matter what, you can make her going to school a condition of

her

> moving back in. BUT, and it is a big but, you can drop her off at

> school, but you can't make her go to class, or even if she does go

> to class, she might leave after being there for five minutes and

> hang out with all the others cutting class.

>

> Stick to your guns, re: consequences.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-

owner " Stop

> Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-

888-35-SHELL

> (). For the table of contents, see

http://www.BPDCentral.com

>