Re: Relationship with siblings

[Guest guest]

cool--ACA is a good place to meet people too, my4fireflies. I have met many

wonderful people there who are intent on healing. I also know many people from

my major. Many like minded people like myself. I considered my college my " home

away from home " I got so close to everyone I worked with. I still keep in touch

and we are like bros and sisters. Also, I have 2 mentors that have been

helping me out so its like a parental vibe a little bit. I have also made a

friend at my current job.

-Joy

> > > >

> > > > Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

> > > >

> > > > I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve

years of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a

very high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible

with an advanced degree.

> > > >

> > > > One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like

nor approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill

after this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no

longer has any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year

old son when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they

come to visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah.

This brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days.

Nada has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

> > > >

> > > > One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children

have encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year

(1000 miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This

distance does present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada

does not care at all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is

a bonus in handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada,

much of the conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family

are in every way.

> > > >

> > > > I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

> > > >

> > > > I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

> > > >

> > > > Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC

with her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

> > > >

> > > > May we all heal

> > > >

> > >

> >

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