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Re: Terrible Hanger Doc (LONG- sorry)

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Posted
Posted

OMG!!!! This type of behavior from ANYONE is totally unacceptable!

I am pissed off for you! My daughter indured way less than your son

and I walked out of Hanger, Inc and never looked back! This is

awful! I wouldn't blame you if you never ever put anything on his

head again! OMG! I'm to the point of directing you to an

attorney.

The only advice I can give you is if the band is causing your son

pain in anyway, don't put it on him. Go the the dr that prescribed

the band and demand a different type/brand. This is obviously not

going to work out and at your son's age, he is very short on time to

correct his plagio! I'm just sick by this treatment. I'm sorry

that you and your son has had to endure this type of treatment.

It's not normal, it's not ok and you have every right to terminate

the treatment. If insurance has paid for this band, I'm pretty sure

after hearing your story, they would be more than happy to pay for a

different brand/type.

Dustie

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

(Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So

I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when

my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed

my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching

my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now

in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

OMG I am sooo sooo very sorry that you have to deal with a monster

like this. I'm sorry to say this, but this guy should not be alowed

to practice medicine on anyone.

Where is the closest Hanger facility to you (besides this one?)

Maybe you could go see someone else. Report him / report him

again / and after that do it again. Please do not let him treat you

this way, and I do not care how old you are.

If your son is crying like this from the band/helmet maybe there is

something more to it than what he calls parenting. Do trust your

Mom instincts on this. I wasn't even there and I am mad at this guy.

Also call your insurance and see what can be done about this. If

you had to go somewhere else for a band would this be possible? How

far would the closest CT be from you?

Again I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. You have enough

to deal with.

Sandy WIllow's Mom

Torticollis resolved

Cranio Germany Grad 02/04

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

(Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So

I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when

my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed

my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching

my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now

in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

That sounds just terrible. Ugh. Very unprofessional. Might i ask

where you live? We go to a Hanger facility and I would hate to think

it was where we go! I am having some issues with the fit and your

story is just awful on top of the whole fit issue you have. I hope

it is fitting better and if not that you can find a better orthotist

to help you. mish

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him (Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor, and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

Hi,

I am so, so, so sorry you and your son had to go through that. That

doctor's behavior is inexcusable. He sounds more like an @#!$%#@ than

a doctor. Do you have any other options for treatment? You should be

SO proud of yourself for standing up to this jerk and NOT backing

down. I'm sitting here in shock at the way you and your son were

treated. What do you plan on doing?

Please keep us posted.

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him (Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor, and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

I am so so so sorry that you had to go through that awful ordeal. I

am so angry for you and your son that you were treated with such

disrespect. I hope that you find another doctor/facility to deal

with. Your son should not be so upset wearing the helmet (most kids

adjust quite well to it and it doesn't bother them at all) - you

were so right to trust your mommy instincts and stand up to this

jerk. I hope for all the best for you and your son.

Good Luck!

, mom to Ethan, Vancouver BC

Helmet grad December 2003

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

(Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So

I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when

my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed

my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching

my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now

in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

Hi,

Since you mentioned that your son is 18 months old - time is of the

essence if you are going to get a different helmet. You will want to

seek an " active band " - that is one designed to hold the prominent

areas with a light pressure such as the DOC made by Cranial

Technologies, or the STAR made by Orthomerica. Check out the Links

section of this group for more info.

My daughter was treated for plagiocephaly last year. We had a

false start with an ill fitting local helmet and an orthotist who I'm

sure didn't know what he was doing. Your description of all that

making marks - running in and out of the back room and cramming the

changed helmet on your crying child's head badly is SO familiar to me.

There never seemed to be a plan for the adjustments - just random

changes. We were in and out for adjustments every other day - too

loose, too tight, pressure on the wrong spots. After 2 weeks, we

dropped it and almost literally ran to the nearest Cranial Tech clinic

although it was a long distance commitment. They made a helmet that

fit well and did the job. When it fits well - you don't face the kinds

of problems you describe. We found the " good helmet " very easy to use

and seemed not even to notice it - whereas she reacted like

your son to the first " bad helmet " . If I were you I would immediately

take action to get a different helmet and orthotist.

Best Wishes,

--- In Plagiocephaly , " tonysmama1202 " <Pearl1983@a...>

wrote:

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him (Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent " it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor, and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

Dear Tonismama,

I wish I could find the words to make you feel better. Your story is

horrifing for the careless and ignorance of a doctor who does not

deserve to be called that way. The arrogance of this man has no

limit, his ignorance will always be on his way to good medicine.

With this said, I hope the helmet will fit Toni better when he wakes

up. If that's the case, please don't give up. If you can find a way

to have the helmet fit nicely, no matter what it takes, go ahead and

complete the treatment. It can not get any worse than this after

all. If your son's head shape can be fixed in the end, then

everything is worth it. Even dealing with arrogance, ignorance

rudeness, and plain old stupidity. You are a strong woman and a good

mother. Don't let anyone get in your way. You have been fighting

ever since your son was born to get him the best care you can

afford. No one can ever make you feel small or inadequate. When

someone is not nice to me, I get offended only if I respect that

person. If I don't, I could never be offended. Please give your baby

a hug from me too when he wakes up.

Valeria (Lucia, 8 mo., DOC band 5/12/04)

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

(Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So

I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when

my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed

my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching

my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now

in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

i just wanted to say i am so sorry you had to deal with such a

terrible ortho... i would definitly report him. i am not sure how you

could go about it but i am sure you could call hanger orthotics and

ask to speak to the head orthrotist and maybe even find out who their

orthos are licensed thru so you could report it to them also.

i also wanted to give you a huge pat on the back. my sister was a

teenage parent also and i have seen her struggle with the stereotypes

and labels that are put on young parents, so i know you have had it

hard. good for you for sticking to your guns!! it is a shame that

with everything else going on in our lives we have to put up with

people who only want to force their views and ways on us. good luck

and i hope you get to see a different ortho next time.

(mom to kathryn,plagio/brachy/tort,banded 5/03,texas)

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him (Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

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Posted
Posted

Hi there,

This story just made me cry. There is absolutely no excuse for the

way you were treated. I would report this doctor to the board in your

state and to your pediatrician. He has no business treating a child

OR a parent that way. I see you have already received a lot of

responses that basically say the same thing so I won't go on and on,

but I wanted to send *hugs* and say you are a great parent for being

so in tune with your son's emotions and to be so concerned and

attentive.

Mia

09/22/03 - Brachy, tort - DOC band 05/27/04

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him (Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor, and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

This is to respond to your message. I think that some of what you said was fair comment and advice, but other things you've said were unfounded and sounded hostile. I wrote the email I did in order to get support from other parents, and I've been pleased to get a lot of good advice as a result. What bothers me about your email was the strength of your attack on me. The email that I wrote was in response to the experience that I had that day at the Hanger facility. I DID try to talk to him about what has happening. If I had gotten a helpful response from him, I wouldn't have made the posting in the first place.

Initially, I wrote out a very detailed response to your posting. I decided not to send it. I do not think it would be helpful to this Orthotist, to you, to the others on the forum, or to my son and me to engage in a long "I said, s/he said" battle. Remember, I wrote the email that I did to get advice and help from others. I feel that I accomplished my purpose.

Sincerely,

Margy

mom to Tony

In a message dated 6/23/2004 8:25:59 PM Pacific Daylight Time, trishlps@... writes:

I normally don't take the time to respond to letters I read on this

forum since I am a busy mother and health care worker, but I felt

very strongly that I could add some prespective to the concerns you

have expressed. I hope you can listen to what I have to say with an

open, fair mind.

Your letter caught my eye because I have had a very positive

experience with the Hanger person you have chosen to slander so

viciously.

I was shocked that you basically plan a major linchmob attack on

someone who I found to be very professional, highly skilled and well

experienced with the plagiocephalic patients.

Because I am in health care I checked the person out thoroughly

before entrusting my child to his care. My child is older now, but

still has disabilities including blindness.

There are no complaints filed against this person. In all fairness,

have you tried to solve the problem and speak to this person? You

have written awfully strong words that could be very damaging. Please

be careful about how you choose to deal with this situation. In my

experience there are always 2 sides to a story. I experienced none of

what you have mentioned with this person.

I sense that you have some fairly significant stressors in your life

and yes, raising a disabled child as a single, young parent is a

phenomenal challenge. I've been there. It's tempting to take out all

of your emotions, whether it's guilt, anger, helplessness,

frustration, etc on someone who is truly trying to help. I've done

that many many times myself.

This person you have slandered sees more children in the practice

than any others that I know of--remember, I did my research. And yes,

many of us parents have tried to educate ourselves to the best of our

ability about what we can do to help our children. Many times my

emotions took over when my logic should've been working. I've found I

always have a better outcome when I work towards a solution. Venting

is useful, but only when it leads to a positive outcome.

The person who offered to help you and suggested he/she would have a

better "personality fit" wants you to be satisfied, but may not have

the expertise and experience that he/she should have in order to

remedy your child's problem. I think it's good that you feel better,

but remember to keep prespective and check it out.

Ask yourself, what do you want to have happen? Contrary to some of

the replies you have received, correcting a deformity may involve

some discomfort. As a health care provider myself, I know that

improvement often comes with some discomfort. Skin breakdown, obvious

bruising and redness are telltale signs of a poor fit, but you

describe none of those. Giving shots causes discomfort and pain.

Drawing blood causes pain. Physical therapy following injury causes

pain. Wearing orthodontia/braces causes alot of pain (I have personal

experience with that as well!), but the outcome is worth it.

I would strongly suggest you communicate with the person you have

verbally attacked, who, in my experience and opinion, is really

trying to help your child. Express your concerns, fears, emotions and

feelings. You're much more likely to get the results you are looking

for. There are no miracle cures for kids with disabilities, but there

are concerned professionals out there who deserve to know what you

are saying.

Does this person you have maligned know what you have said to so many

other people on this forum? It seems only fair that something be said

to the person involved first. If you were the health care provider,

wouldn't you want to know about your patient's concerns? Then, if you

don't get some resolution, write a letter. I hope that you have done

that. I would want you to do that for me if I was the person trying

to help your child.

Again, I speak as a mother well acquainted with disabilities. Trust

your motherly instincts, but try not to react strictly with emotions

that may not all be related to that particular incident. You alluded

to that fact in some of your e-mails already. Talk to the physician

who referred you to this person and ask questions about how the

correction process works. That physician surely would not refer you

to a person without the experience, expertise and trustworthiness to

take care of the problem. I have worked with many physicians, who, in

my experience are quite particular about who they refer their

patients to.

There are plenty of questionable healthcare professionals out there.

I've worked with them! In this case, however, I don't agree that

he/she is a "jerk" and all the other derogatory names that have been

used.

Because I feel strongly opposed to all the negativity you have

expressed towards this person, I plan to let Hanger know that my

child had a good experience and positive outcome with this person. I

also intend on letting the accrediting body know about the positive

outcome as well.

In closing, please give some thought to what I've said because I too

want the best for your child as many other mothers have expressed as

well. The support you receive is valuable, but make sure it is

focused towards resolution and not purely on vindication and

venting.

Sincerely,

a fellow caring, concerned mom with many hard knocks added to my belt!

Margy

mommy to my little firecracker

12.8.02

eBay.com Seller List: flowerpower83

-Praying for Baby Levi-

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Posted
Posted

I normally don't take the time to respond to letters I read on this

forum since I am a busy mother and health care worker, but I felt

very strongly that I could add some prespective to the concerns you

have expressed. I hope you can listen to what I have to say with an

open, fair mind.

Your letter caught my eye because I have had a very positive

experience with the Hanger person you have chosen to slander so

viciously.

I was shocked that you basically plan a major linchmob attack on

someone who I found to be very professional, highly skilled and well

experienced with the plagiocephalic patients.

Because I am in health care I checked the person out thoroughly

before entrusting my child to his care. My child is older now, but

still has disabilities including blindness.

There are no complaints filed against this person. In all fairness,

have you tried to solve the problem and speak to this person? You

have written awfully strong words that could be very damaging. Please

be careful about how you choose to deal with this situation. In my

experience there are always 2 sides to a story. I experienced none of

what you have mentioned with this person.

I sense that you have some fairly significant stressors in your life

and yes, raising a disabled child as a single, young parent is a

phenomenal challenge. I've been there. It's tempting to take out all

of your emotions, whether it's guilt, anger, helplessness,

frustration, etc on someone who is truly trying to help. I've done

that many many times myself.

This person you have slandered sees more children in the practice

than any others that I know of--remember, I did my research. And yes,

many of us parents have tried to educate ourselves to the best of our

ability about what we can do to help our children. Many times my

emotions took over when my logic should've been working. I've found I

always have a better outcome when I work towards a solution. Venting

is useful, but only when it leads to a positive outcome.

The person who offered to help you and suggested he/she would have a

better " personality fit " wants you to be satisfied, but may not have

the expertise and experience that he/she should have in order to

remedy your child's problem. I think it's good that you feel better,

but remember to keep prespective and check it out.

Ask yourself, what do you want to have happen? Contrary to some of

the replies you have received, correcting a deformity may involve

some discomfort. As a health care provider myself, I know that

improvement often comes with some discomfort. Skin breakdown, obvious

bruising and redness are telltale signs of a poor fit, but you

describe none of those. Giving shots causes discomfort and pain.

Drawing blood causes pain. Physical therapy following injury causes

pain. Wearing orthodontia/braces causes alot of pain (I have personal

experience with that as well!), but the outcome is worth it.

I would strongly suggest you communicate with the person you have

verbally attacked, who, in my experience and opinion, is really

trying to help your child. Express your concerns, fears, emotions and

feelings. You're much more likely to get the results you are looking

for. There are no miracle cures for kids with disabilities, but there

are concerned professionals out there who deserve to know what you

are saying.

Does this person you have maligned know what you have said to so many

other people on this forum? It seems only fair that something be said

to the person involved first. If you were the health care provider,

wouldn't you want to know about your patient's concerns? Then, if you

don't get some resolution, write a letter. I hope that you have done

that. I would want you to do that for me if I was the person trying

to help your child.

Again, I speak as a mother well acquainted with disabilities. Trust

your motherly instincts, but try not to react strictly with emotions

that may not all be related to that particular incident. You alluded

to that fact in some of your e-mails already. Talk to the physician

who referred you to this person and ask questions about how the

correction process works. That physician surely would not refer you

to a person without the experience, expertise and trustworthiness to

take care of the problem. I have worked with many physicians, who, in

my experience are quite particular about who they refer their

patients to.

There are plenty of questionable healthcare professionals out there.

I've worked with them! In this case, however, I don't agree that

he/she is a " jerk " and all the other derogatory names that have been

used.

Because I feel strongly opposed to all the negativity you have

expressed towards this person, I plan to let Hanger know that my

child had a good experience and positive outcome with this person. I

also intend on letting the accrediting body know about the positive

outcome as well.

In closing, please give some thought to what I've said because I too

want the best for your child as many other mothers have expressed as

well. The support you receive is valuable, but make sure it is

focused towards resolution and not purely on vindication and

venting.

Sincerely,

a fellow caring, concerned mom with many hard knocks added to my belt!

> Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not very

> regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was not

> right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him (Hanger

> Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying. So I

> kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him when

> he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

would

> cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

strangely

> in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I finally

> made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it because

> of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just deal

> with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

but

> it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of immediately

> addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

the

> problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

just

> things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

was,

> as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told him

> very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18 months

at

> home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

has

> cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because of

> this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm sure

> you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to our

> children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to relating

to

> them.

> After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

shop

> and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing, he

did

> this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it with

a

> pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten minutes

> later.

> I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what he

> was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

a " I'll

> be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is more

> important than your time so you should hang on whenever they want

to

> go do something else.

> Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

edge

> was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very gently,

> pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

fit,

> making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when my

> son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

pointed

> out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked up,

> and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let him

> cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

that

> was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was NOT

> asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for advice

on

> what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in fact,

> his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him that

my

> son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for the

> purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

not

> because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

that

> area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

forth,

> and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting, or

> education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

Though

> would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

was

> from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my sons

> disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

his " parenting "

> ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see the

> problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have helped

me

> solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if he

> had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

hope

> you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding his

> hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

hiccuping

> and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have never

> seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so upset

> that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore, and

> was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from exhaustion.

> This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to him

> again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me about

> what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he wouldn't

> have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We talked

a

> bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

getting

> anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed my

> keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said to

> wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching my

> son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet into

the

> back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

changed

> the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet to " vent "

it

> for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have noticed

> that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

spent

> that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

talking

> to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the helmet

on

> for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

fitting

> him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate his

> lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

helmet.

> He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

for

> more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

parents

> and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them, my

son

> is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I don't

see

> him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but I

> don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being twice

> as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you guys

> about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone undermine

my

> parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

it,

> I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt strongly

> from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these doctors

> are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still very

> aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it seems

as

> though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

adult

> conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor, and

> he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

some

> sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

doctor,

> I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

when

> the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to me

> when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had to

> pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

rear-

> facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him cry-

it-

> out all the way home without me being able to see him and comfort

him

> on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now in

> his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

Hi,

Your letter caught my eye since you are a brand new group member who

just joined. I don't know if you meant to email to just the

original poster, but since your post appeared on the general group

forum, I would like to offer a " Welcome to the Group! " and some

feedback as well.

We especially like to hear from helmet and band graduates; how is

your son doing? Did your son use the Hanger Cranial Band, or maybe

Orthomerica's Starband for his plagiocephaly? Did he receive

complete correction of his plagiocephaly, or have you seen any

additional post-grad rounding (always an interest to group

members!)? How old is your son?

I'm sorry that you were so shocked and opposed to this mom's

description of what occurred to her and her son during this fitting

visit. It can be disturbing to read such a diametrically opposed

account of what you know of this ortho, but, since you are a new

group member and may not be aware, this parents group message board

is a safe place for parents to express their experience, their point

of view, their impressions, etc. of their plagio journey.

Statistically, you must know, that if this ortho has treated such a

high number of babies with plagiocephaly, it is not outside of the

realm of possibility that one patient's parent could be a

dissatisfied customer. It is comforting to hear that you hold this

ortho is such high regard, and are communicating your own positive

experience, but surely you know that your experience plainly can not

be hers.

Regarding filing complaints, I can only give you my personal point

of view on them. Although the vast majority do, not everyone gives

a business person a second chance, nor or they required to. I have

read in occasional previous posts that an experience can be so

offensive to the parent that continuing to deal with that specific

ortho or medical professional, and sometimes even the company is

completely out of the question for them. Without communication

continuing, the chances of reaching a consensus point of view with

that specific person will diminish to nil, unfortunately. Filing a

formal complaint can certainly be detrimental to the professional

involved, but is one very serious recourse available to the patient

and is encouraged by the ABC itself. The ABC specifically states

and requests that the patient police its profession by

reporting " unfortunate experiences " with orthos - its understandable

that the threshhold for " unfortunate experiences " will vary from

person to person. The ABC doesn't have a conflict resolution policy

requiring the patient to exhaust all means of mediating a problem

with an ortho before pursuing this option.

I am not legally savvy, but I do not see how writing about one's

point of view of how a fitting visit went on a parents' support

board, referring to someone as " Mr. Holier than thou, " and

considering pursuing a complaint avenue encouraged by the ABC itself

constitutes vicious slander, planning a lynchmob attack, maligning,

or verbally attacking someone.

Take care,

Christie (Repositioning Moderator)

> > Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not

very

> > regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

not

> > right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

(Hanger

> > Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying.

So I

> > kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

when

> > he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

> would

> > cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

> strangely

> > in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I

finally

> > made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

because

> > of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just

deal

> > with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> > understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

> but

> > it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of

immediately

> > addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

> the

> > problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

> just

> > things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

> was,

> > as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told

him

> > very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18

months

> at

> > home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> > disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

> has

> > cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because

of

> > this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm

sure

> > you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to

our

> > children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to

relating

> to

> > them.

> > After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> > not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

> shop

> > and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing,

he

> did

> > this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it

with

> a

> > pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

minutes

> > later.

> > I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what

he

> > was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

> a " I'll

> > be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> > this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is

more

> > important than your time so you should hang on whenever they

want

> to

> > go do something else.

> > Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

> edge

> > was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very

gently,

> > pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

> fit,

> > making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when

my

> > son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

> pointed

> > out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked

up,

> > and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let

him

> > cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> > said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> > said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

> that

> > was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was

NOT

> > asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for

advice

> on

> > what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in

fact,

> > his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him

that

> my

> > son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for

the

> > purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

> not

> > because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

> that

> > area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

> forth,

> > and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting,

or

> > education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

> Though

> > would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

> was

> > from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> > disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my

sons

> > disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> > lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

> his " parenting "

> > ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see

the

> > problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have

helped

> me

> > solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if

he

> > had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

> hope

> > you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> > there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> > conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> > ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> > there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding

his

> > hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

> hiccuping

> > and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have

never

> > seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so

upset

> > that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore,

and

> > was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from

exhaustion.

> > This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to

him

> > again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me

about

> > what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he

wouldn't

> > have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We

talked

> a

> > bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

> getting

> > anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed

my

> > keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said

to

> > wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching

my

> > son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet

into

> the

> > back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

> changed

> > the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet

to " vent "

> it

> > for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have

noticed

> > that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

> spent

> > that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

> talking

> > to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the

helmet

> on

> > for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

> fitting

> > him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

his

> > lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

> helmet.

> > He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

> for

> > more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

> parents

> > and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them,

my

> son

> > is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I

don't

> see

> > him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> > confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> > There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but

I

> > don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

twice

> > as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you

guys

> > about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone

undermine

> my

> > parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

> it,

> > I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt

strongly

> > from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

doctors

> > are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

very

> > aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it

seems

> as

> > though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

> adult

> > conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

and

> > he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

> some

> > sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

> doctor,

> > I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> > insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

> when

> > the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to

me

> > when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> > minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had

to

> > pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

> rear-

> > facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him

cry-

> it-

> > out all the way home without me being able to see him and

comfort

> him

> > on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now

in

> > his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

I agree with you Mish. My son has had a brain injury and is extremely sensitive to things touching his head. I would be too if I had the brain injuries he endured! However, this sensitivity has diminished over his year and a half of life. He can wear hats now, which he couldn't as an infant, and he can let people touch his hair and even cut it sometimes without acting afraid. It took me months and months to get him to that point. We started out slow like playing games such as "patty cake" and patting him on the head, and he has progressively gotten more used to, and unafraid, of his head being touched. I just hope the helmet didn't squash all of the progress we have made in that department. I DID mention this to the orthotist, and I will not go into it again because it will be pointless, but nothing did come of it, that is the end result.

Margy

mom to Tony

In a message dated 6/24/2004 6:58:56 AM Pacific Daylight Time, michele_walsh@... writes:

The only thing I can think of is if the child has sensory

integrative "issues" and is very freaked out because of the general

nature of a band being on the head. But then, a properly fitting

band would actually have good contacts and potentially feel

comfortable, once in place. Just some thoughts, and welcome. mish

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Posted
Posted

New Member,

Hello and welcome to the group. I wanted to 2nd everything Christie

has said. Could you share more of your son's story with the group?

I wanted to address the statement you made that treatment comes with

some discomfort. Ma'am, NO it does not!! When my daughter FINALLY

received a correct fitting band, she did not experience ANY

discomfort what-so-ever! Not a whimper came from her because of her

band!

Dustie

> > Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not

very

> > regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

not

> > right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

(Hanger

> > Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying.

So I

> > kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

when

> > he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

> would

> > cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

> strangely

> > in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I

finally

> > made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

because

> > of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just

deal

> > with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> > understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few times

> but

> > it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of

immediately

> > addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as though

> the

> > problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all and

> just

> > things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the problem

> was,

> > as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told

him

> > very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18

months

> at

> > home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> > disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He also

> has

> > cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because

of

> > this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm

sure

> > you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to

our

> > children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to

relating

> to

> > them.

> > After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> > not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of the

> shop

> > and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing,

he

> did

> > this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it

with

> a

> > pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

minutes

> > later.

> > I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what

he

> > was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

> a " I'll

> > be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who do

> > this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is

more

> > important than your time so you should hang on whenever they

want

> to

> > go do something else.

> > Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

> edge

> > was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very

gently,

> > pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it to

> fit,

> > making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and when

my

> > son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

> pointed

> > out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked

up,

> > and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let

him

> > cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing, I

> > said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! " He

> > said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very obvious

> that

> > was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was

NOT

> > asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for

advice

> on

> > what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in

fact,

> > his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him

that

> my

> > son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for

the

> > purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain, and

> not

> > because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and in

> that

> > area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

> forth,

> > and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting,

or

> > education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

> Though

> > would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my son

> was

> > from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> > disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my

sons

> > disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> > lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

> his " parenting "

> > ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see

the

> > problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have

helped

> me

> > solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if

he

> > had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

> hope

> > you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> > there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> > conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> > ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was sitting

> > there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding

his

> > hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

> hiccuping

> > and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have

never

> > seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so

upset

> > that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore,

and

> > was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from

exhaustion.

> > This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to

him

> > again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me

about

> > what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he

wouldn't

> > have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We

talked

> a

> > bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

> getting

> > anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I grabbed

my

> > keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said

to

> > wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was touching

my

> > son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet

into

> the

> > back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

> changed

> > the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet

to " vent "

> it

> > for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have

noticed

> > that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

> spent

> > that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

> talking

> > to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the

helmet

> on

> > for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

> fitting

> > him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

his

> > lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

> helmet.

> > He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is on

> for

> > more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

> parents

> > and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them,

my

> son

> > is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I

don't

> see

> > him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> > confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> > There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but

I

> > don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

twice

> > as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you

guys

> > about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone

undermine

> my

> > parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add to

> it,

> > I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt

strongly

> > from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

doctors

> > are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

very

> > aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it

seems

> as

> > though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

> adult

> > conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

and

> > he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to hear

> some

> > sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

> doctor,

> > I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> > insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to do

> when

> > the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to

me

> > when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> > minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had

to

> > pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He is

> rear-

> > facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him

cry-

> it-

> > out all the way home without me being able to see him and

comfort

> him

> > on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is now

in

> > his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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Posted
Posted

I would have to second this with Dustie. As she knows, I am having

some fit issues, yet, even so, my son has never cried or expressed

any signs of pain, *even in a tight fitting band*. And he hated hats

prior to this! It should not be painful. All he does is scratch his

ear alot after it comes off.

The only thing I can think of is if the child has sensory

integrative " issues " and is very freaked out because of the general

nature of a band being on the head. But then, a properly fitting

band would actually have good contacts and potentially feel

comfortable, once in place. Just some thoughts, and welcome. mish

> > > Hi everyone, I know I've posted on this group before but not

> very

> > > regularly. My son was banded about a month ago but the fit was

> not

> > > right - we went back a week later and the ortho who fit him

> (Hanger

> > > Orthotics) said that it was fitting right and to keep trying.

> So I

> > > kept trying but it was obvious to me and to others who saw him

> when

> > > he had it on (my parents) that it wasn't fitting him right. He

> > would

> > > cry and cry till he fell asleep from exhaustion, and acted

> > strangely

> > > in a way that made me fear he would have a seizure. So I

> finally

> > > made a return appt, although I wasn't looking forward to it

> because

> > > of the way the doctor acted, saying it was " fine " and to just

> deal

> > > with it. We went in today and the doctor was not very

> > > understanding. He re-fit it around my son's glasses a few

times

> > but

> > > it took a long while to get to that point. Instead of

> immediately

> > > addressing the problem areas he spent more time acting as

though

> > the

> > > problems I was pointing out were not in fact problems at all

and

> > just

> > > things I had to get used to. He kept asking me what the

problem

> > was,

> > > as though my previous explanations were not adequate. I told

> him

> > > very clearly that I KNOW my child, I have spent the last 18

> months

> > at

> > > home with him, he is very close to my heart. My son has severe

> > > disabilities, and he cannot communicate through speech. He

also

> > has

> > > cerebral palsy, is legally blind, and other problems. Because

> of

> > > this I am very in tune with his body and the way he acts, I'm

> sure

> > > you moms can relate to what I am saying, we all feel close to

> our

> > > children and have a certain sixth sense when it comes to

> relating

> > to

> > > them.

> > > After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth and him just

> > > not " getting it " he finally took the helmet into the back of

the

> > shop

> > > and fiddled with it. Instead of telling me what he was doing,

> he

> > did

> > > this without a word: put the helmet on, made some marks on it

> with

> > a

> > > pen, took it off, walked out of the room and reappeared ten

> minutes

> > > later.

> > > I thought that was in very bad form for him to not tell me what

> he

> > > was doing as he went along. It would have been nice to hear

> > a " I'll

> > > be back in a few minutes " at the very least. I hate docs who

do

> > > this, acting as though what they are doing with their time is

> more

> > > important than your time so you should hang on whenever they

> want

> > to

> > > go do something else.

> > > Anyways, I will get to the point. What really sent me over the

> > edge

> > > was when he brought it back, placed it on my son (not very

> gently,

> > > pushed his glasses onto the edge of his nose trying to get it

to

> > fit,

> > > making them hurt him by pinching his nose and he cried) and

when

> my

> > > son began to cry a minute later when the helmet was on, and I

> > pointed

> > > out his behavior, he said that my son just wanted to be picked

> up,

> > > and it was psychological, not physical, and I should just let

> him

> > > cry. I was so surprised to hear a grown man say such a thing,

I

> > > said " Are you trying to tell me to let my son cry it out?!! "

He

> > > said " no that's not what I said... " although it was very

obvious

> > that

> > > was PRECISELY what he meant. I told him very icily that I was

> NOT

> > > asking for advice on how to parent my son, I was asking for

> advice

> > on

> > > what was wrong with the helmet placement, since this was, in

> fact,

> > > his area of specialty. I did take the time to explain to him

> that

> > my

> > > son was not at that point developmentally where he can cry for

> the

> > > purpose of being picked up. He cries because he is in pain,

and

> > not

> > > because he wants attention, he is developmentally delayed and

in

> > that

> > > area is at the level of a 3-4 month old. We bantered back and

> > forth,

> > > and a few minutes later he said " whether you call it parenting,

> or

> > > education " well that just made me so mad that Mr. Holier-Than-

> > Though

> > > would have the nerve to insinuate that the way I parented my

son

> > was

> > > from a lack of education. As I said before my son has serious

> > > disabilities, I have probably spent more time researching my

> sons

> > > disabilities in the last 18 months than most parents spend in a

> > > lifetime. I was so angry that he couldn't look past

> > his " parenting "

> > > ideals he seemed to believe were in some way superior, and see

> the

> > > problem in terms of the helmet fit. I'm sure he could have

> helped

> > me

> > > solve this problem a lot more productively and a lot quicker if

> he

> > > had left his views on crying-it-out out of the conversation. I

> > hope

> > > you don't think I got very angry from just a few words he said -

> > > there was more to it, I am too upset to remember the whole

> > > conversation, trust me he said more than what I am typing. The

> > > ENTIRE TIME we were bantering back and forth, my son was

sitting

> > > there sobbing so bad he couldn't cry anymore. I I was holding

> his

> > > hand and comforting him) He finally started whimpering and

> > hiccuping

> > > and the guy said " see, he's calmed down " this guy must have

> never

> > > seen a baby cry before. I politely explained that he was so

> upset

> > > that he cried as much as he could, couldn't handle it anymore,

> and

> > > was crying silently. He would soon fall asleep from

> exhaustion.

> > > This was obvious to ME, since I am his mom, and I explained to

> him

> > > again that I know my son VERY well, and if he had trusted me

> about

> > > what I was saying about the way the helmet fit my son, he

> wouldn't

> > > have had to spend so much time talking about parenting. We

> talked

> > a

> > > bit more, then I finally said that it was obvious we weren't

> > getting

> > > anywhere, and I didn't think he could help me anymore. I

grabbed

> my

> > > keys and my son, and was walking towards the door when he said

> to

> > > wait, and quickly figured out that maybe the helmet was

touching

> my

> > > son's ear and that was bothering him. So he took the helmet

> into

> > the

> > > back room, " fixed " it some more, and brought it out. He had

> > changed

> > > the ear fitting and added holes in the top of the helmet

> to " vent "

> > it

> > > for the summer weather. I asked him why he couldn't have

> noticed

> > > that problem earlier in the conversation, why couldn't he have

> > spent

> > > that time looking at the way the helmet fit my son instead of

> > talking

> > > to me? He said that he had to wait and watch, leaving the

> helmet

> > on

> > > for about ten minutes to wait and see how it developed after

> > fitting

> > > him. I can definitely understand that, but I didn't appreciate

> his

> > > lack of openness to me explaining my son's problem with the

> > helmet.

> > > He kept saying that MOST kids don't have a problem when it is

on

> > for

> > > more than a few minutes, in fact some even walk over to their

> > parents

> > > and try to get them to put it on. Well that's great for them,

> my

> > son

> > > is not MOST kids, he may never walk, he is legally blind, I

> don't

> > see

> > > him handing the helmet to me. When I told him this he seemed

> > > confused that my son didn't fit the mold.

> > > There was so much more that went on in these conversations, but

> I

> > > don't want to bore you, this email has already ended up being

> twice

> > > as long as I intended. I guess I just wanted to vent to you

> guys

> > > about the situation for a bit. I have never had anyone

> undermine

> > my

> > > parenting abilities in such a way as this doctor did. To add

to

> > it,

> > > I was a teenage parent when my son was born and have felt

> strongly

> > > from some doctors that they look down on me. Luckily these

> doctors

> > > are in the minority of the doctors I have met. But I am still

> very

> > > aware of it and with each new doctor that my son acquires it

> seems

> > as

> > > though I have to " prove " to them that I am capable of having an

> > adult

> > > conversation. This was the fourth time I had seen this doctor,

> and

> > > he was still treating me like this. I guess I just want to

hear

> > some

> > > sympathy. :-( I was so angry I couldn't say anymore to that

> > doctor,

> > > I made a follow up appt but I don't even want to go back. My

> > > insurance paid for 80% of the helmet but I don't know what to

do

> > when

> > > the orthopedist won't cooperate, or at the very least listen to

> me

> > > when I tell him it's not fitting correctly. Oh, and within two

> > > minutes of driving away my son was screaming so bad that I had

> to

> > > pull into the nearest parking lot and take it off of him. He

is

> > rear-

> > > facing in his carseat and I don't feel comfortable letting him

> cry-

> > it-

> > > out all the way home without me being able to see him and

> comfort

> > him

> > > on the half hour ride back home. He was so tired out, he is

now

> in

> > > his crib sleeping without the helmet on.

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