Re: Daughter didn't get up

[Guest guest]

La Nell,

Thank you so much for your post. You've written all that has

happened and all I can relate to. This morning was the last straw. It is her

choice, I told her after an hour and a half of trying to get her to school, she

could either get up and go to school, or get up an pack. She didn't go to

school. Said she would be out by the time I got home from work. God, she only

has like 55 days of school left. I'm tired of being the only one who cares.

I'm frustrated that I give her to God to handle, and still get nowhere with

her.

I told her how disappointed I am in her but I cant be the only one who cares

for her anymore. If she doesn't care, then why should I? I'm so sad for

the loss of the sweet, funny, talented, artistic little girl I once knew. I

know she's in there somewhere, I just can't find her. I keep thinking maybe if

I let her stay, keep this fiasco up, knowing tomorrow is just another day

she won't get up, why should I keep doing this to myself. My eczema is out of

control and I want the black circles around my eyes to go away. The month

she was out at her father's, my skin cleared up and the circles were gone.

Amazing what stress can do to you. She also lied this weekend about her job.

I found out while she was out all wknd, she didn't go to work, and apparently

quit. I asked her last nite what was up with it, she said she didn't tell

them that she quit, I said what, you just don't show up? I told her to get

over there and get it straightened out. She lied to me Saturday about it, then

yesterday. My mother kicked me out at 17, but I had already graduated, and

it wasn't because I wasn't abiding by rules, I worked and paid to live there.

Mine does nothing, I require no money from her job, just ask that she go to

school and work for the money for her extras. Yet always complains when

she's asked to do chores and such. I'm so tired. We will see what later on

today brings. I guess we will be changing the locks when we get home,

again.......... and of course, I'm sure I will hear from her father at some

point,

altho I can't see her calling him to tell him that I " kicked " her out. I gave

her a choice. She is more than welcome to stay, just do what she is supposed

to do. She blames me that she doesn't have a car, blah blah blah. Thanx

again for your understanding and support. When do I breakdown? I'm at work

trying not to think about it. It's hard.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Thanx Kelley,

I did the " Let Go, Let God " thing a long time ago. Didn't change a

thing.

I'll be alright, and of course, always in my heart and head that my daughter

does the same.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Debbie,

I feel for you today, perhaps with the stand you have taken you will not break

down, but if and when you do it is the way your body says enough is enough!

You have done all you can, and now that you have let go of her and given her

over to God, you must let God deal with her! That is what the phrase Let go and

Let God means.....

Hugs

Kelley

Re: Daughter didn't get up

La Nell,

Thank you so much for your post. You've written all that has

happened and all I can relate to. This morning was the last straw. It is

her

choice, I told her after an hour and a half of trying to get her to school,

she

could either get up and go to school, or get up an pack. She didn't go to

school. Said she would be out by the time I got home from work. God, she

only

has like 55 days of school left. I'm tired of being the only one who cares.

I'm frustrated that I give her to God to handle, and still get nowhere with

her.

I told her how disappointed I am in her but I cant be the only one who cares

for her anymore. If she doesn't care, then why should I? I'm so sad for

the loss of the sweet, funny, talented, artistic little girl I once knew. I

know she's in there somewhere, I just can't find her. I keep thinking maybe

if

I let her stay, keep this fiasco up, knowing tomorrow is just another day

she won't get up, why should I keep doing this to myself. My eczema is out

of

control and I want the black circles around my eyes to go away. The month

she was out at her father's, my skin cleared up and the circles were gone.

Amazing what stress can do to you. She also lied this weekend about her job.

I found out while she was out all wknd, she didn't go to work, and apparently

quit. I asked her last nite what was up with it, she said she didn't tell

them that she quit, I said what, you just don't show up? I told her to get

over there and get it straightened out. She lied to me Saturday about it,

then

yesterday. My mother kicked me out at 17, but I had already graduated, and

it wasn't because I wasn't abiding by rules, I worked and paid to live there.

Mine does nothing, I require no money from her job, just ask that she go to

school and work for the money for her extras. Yet always complains when

she's asked to do chores and such. I'm so tired. We will see what later on

today brings. I guess we will be changing the locks when we get home,

again.......... and of course, I'm sure I will hear from her father at some

point,

altho I can't see her calling him to tell him that I " kicked " her out. I

gave

her a choice. She is more than welcome to stay, just do what she is supposed

to do. She blames me that she doesn't have a car, blah blah blah. Thanx

again for your understanding and support. When do I breakdown? I'm at work

trying not to think about it. It's hard.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

PSSSST Debbie, you said it but you didnt let go

Hugs

kelley

Re: Daughter didn't get up

Thanx Kelley,

I did the " Let Go, Let God " thing a long time ago. Didn't change a

thing.

I'll be alright, and of course, always in my heart and head that my daughter

does the same.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Debbie--

Sounds like things are really rough for you right now. Sorry that

there is so much stress . . .

Please don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you've been

praying, bringing your bp kiddo up to God, but you are forgetting to

leave her there!

Your bp dtr is fortunate to have a mom who loves her so much, and

who will pray. Allow her to stay in His arms, that He can work and

cuddle and comfort and guide her--and you can get some rest!

[Guest guest]

Debbie,

>...but I cant be the only one who cares for her anymore. If she doesn't care,

then why should I?...>

This is so true! There were so many times I ran myself ragged trying to do for

my daughter becaused I cared so much about what would happen to her. Only to

realize that SHE didn't give a hoot! Yet, we still try! Because we love them

so much and want the best for them and what's right for them.

<...I'm so sad for the loss of the sweet, funny, talented, artistic little girl

I once knew. I know she's in there somewhere, I just can't find her.>

I think it was for this reason that I stayed so enmeshed with my daughter for so

long! I kept thinking with each consequence she suffered, that I would see

" that little girl " return. As the consequences became those given out by the

law, I had hope again. Surely, she'd " see the light " and I'd have her back! I

wanted that close loving relationship that my friends have with their daughters.

It was a horribly painful experience that finally made me realize that the

beautiful, loving, cheerful, thoughtful daughter I had once known was possibly

gone forever. It was a freeing experience for me AND AT THE SAME TIME terribly

painful. How I grieved! I still do (it's only been 6 weeks since I cut off my

relationship with her)! Some days are very difficult for me. I actually have

to remind myself of the bad times, or I start to have those thoughts again, that

maybe if I tried " one more thing " she'd be civil to me. The bad times were so

bad, that just thinking about them, help me to stay away from her. Maybe

someday I will learn enough from this site and books, that I will be able to be

around her and have my boundaries. But I'm certainly not at that point right

now.

I know that you are probably very scared and anxious about what will transpire

when you get home today. One of the things my therapist really helped me with,

was believing that my daughter would find a way to survive, if I didn't help

her. They always have friends that they end up mooching off of. It's really

hard to know your daughter is out on the streets. I've had to live with that

fear many times. It hurts to the core.

I have to say, though, that these 6 weeks have been the most calm and peace

times I've had in years!! You deserve to have peace! I've had those dark

circles...and a myriad of other ailments related to the stress. You deserve to

be able to live your life without going through what you are each day.

About breaking down...my therapist really encouraged it. When the tears came, I

cried buckets. I've cried from days at a time. I do feel better after I

release. Is it possible to take a " mental health day " ? Go be alone and grieve?

It sure helped me! The grieving won't happend just once, but I don't think

there is any way to get better with out going through the grieving process.

Losing our precious child to this mental illness, is like a living death. And

there is no " closer " .

Know I am thinking about you!

La Nell

[Guest guest]

La Nell,

Thank you so much for your post. I had my bowling night last night with

my girls,

almost made it through the night without one of them asking me how

was. It was then I broke down...... I came home from work yesterday only to

find she had taken the " essentials " ........ a few clothes, her brush and

hairspray, makeup and some illicit videos.

VERY important. Not the school books, or pics. She had someone in the

house all day, my father said. I thought it was her forever friend, my " other

son " I call him. That would have been okay. Called him this am and found out

it wasn't him. So, Now have to change all the locks, find out who it was.

Left her a note to remind her for the millionth time that NO ONE is allowed in

my home when I am not there. How many times do they have to be told this?

I've been telling her all her life. I find out he's in my house again, I am

calling the police. She spent the entire day in her room w/him. Didn't

leave the house until about 330, an hour before I arrive home. Well, her

father

also called and left a message, I haven't called him and told him. I'm sure

she didn't make it a point to go to school today, who knows, maybe under

someone else's wing she may. She left me no message, no notes.

Thanks again for all the support.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Great post, LaNell, I've been there, too,

> Debbie,

>

> >...but I cant be the only one who cares for her anymore. If she

doesn't care, then why should I?...>

> This is so true! There were so many times I ran myself ragged

trying to do for my daughter becaused I cared so much about what

would happen to her. Only to realize that SHE didn't give a hoot!

Yet, we still try! Because we love them so much and want the best

for them and what's right for them.

>

> <...I'm so sad for the loss of the sweet, funny, talented,

artistic little girl I once knew. I know she's in there somewhere,

I just can't find her.>

> I think it was for this reason that I stayed so enmeshed with my

daughter for so long! I kept thinking with each consequence she

suffered, that I would see " that little girl " return. As the

consequences became those given out by the law, I had hope again.

Surely, she'd " see the light " and I'd have her back! I wanted that

close loving relationship that my friends have with their

daughters. It was a horribly painful experience that finally made

me realize that the beautiful, loving, cheerful, thoughtful daughter

I had once known was possibly gone forever. It was a freeing

experience for me AND AT THE SAME TIME terribly painful. How I

grieved! I still do (it's only been 6 weeks since I cut off my

relationship with her)! Some days are very difficult for me. I

actually have to remind myself of the bad times, or I start to have

those thoughts again, that maybe if I tried " one more thing " she'd

be civil to me. The bad times were so bad, that just thinking about

them, help me to stay away from her. Maybe someday I will learn

enough from this site and books, that I will be able to be around

her and have my boundaries. But I'm certainly not at that point

right now.

>

> I know that you are probably very scared and anxious about what

will transpire when you get home today. One of the things my

therapist really helped me with, was believing that my daughter

would find a way to survive, if I didn't help her. They always have

friends that they end up mooching off of. It's really hard to know

your daughter is out on the streets. I've had to live with that

fear many times. It hurts to the core.

>

> I have to say, though, that these 6 weeks have been the most calm

and peace times I've had in years!! You deserve to have peace!

I've had those dark circles...and a myriad of other ailments related

to the stress. You deserve to be able to live your life without

going through what you are each day.

>

> About breaking down...my therapist really encouraged it. When the

tears came, I cried buckets. I've cried from days at a time. I do

feel better after I release. Is it possible to take a " mental

health day " ? Go be alone and grieve? It sure helped me! The

grieving won't happend just once, but I don't think there is any way

to get better with out going through the grieving process. Losing

our precious child to this mental illness, is like a living death.

And there is no " closer " .

>

> Know I am thinking about you!

> La Nell

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Debbie,

Yes, mine too...when she leaves she grabs the very most important

things...makeup, etc.

The day her dad drove her to rehab, he picked her up from jail and would be

driving two hours to the treatment center. She wanted him to first take her 40

miles in the other direction (which would have added an additional 80 miles to

an already two hour trip) - just so she could get her makeup that she'd left at

a frieds house before she'd gone to jail. I was glad to hear him say he didn't

take her to get the makeup! Like as if she'd need it in rehab anyway.

I had the same rule - no one in the house when I'm not home...right! She began

breaking that rule when she was 12. I was a single working mom and there were

times she had to be alone, but I didn't dare because she'd have someone over.

And yes...then you have to shell out money to have the locks changed! Even

though I quit giving my daugther money some years ago, she has cost me money in

so many other ways.

I hope that now she's out of the house, you will begin to find some peace.

Thinking of you...

La Nell