Re: Re: I need to vent

[Guest guest]

Hi

Full custody is the only answer yet my ex would battle me in court until the

ends of time. He has the $$ I have nothing but debt. It was just an idea I

had come up with and just shot it out to see what others thought. Obviously,

my son's best interests must come first but when you are fighting the

medical establishment and then the child's own father.....it can be

overwhelming.

Debby

wrote:

>

> WOW! Isn't there anyway you can get the right to decide treatment?

> Having to play to relatives to get endorsement is absurd? Would full

> custody give you the latitude?

>

>

> > Hi one and all.......I need to vent.

> > Some of you may know from my past messages that things are not going

> > well for me but tonight?????ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG

> >

> > Getting Adam back into the school routine has been tough. Grade 3

> has

> > lots of homework!!!! Plus my 11 year old (who has been use to me

> helping

> > endlessly with my full attention) plus dinner, dishes, neighbours

> > dropping by!! But things seemed to be going well tonight. Adam ate

> an

> > amazingly large amount of dinner (he should I found his lunch bag

> almost

> > untouched!!), went outside to watch Adam ride the bike and just

> came in

> > to do the homework and dishes when........the phone.

> >

> >

> > It's the ex husband. I should have (how I wish I HAD) said " not a

> good

> > time " . But I am afraid of him.So he has called to inform me of a

> bunch

> > of " new " doctor appointments he has set up for Adam with his

> homeopath,

> > natural path etc. etc. etc.

> >

> > Now when the issue of growth hormone came up in July, dad said no

> until

> > we try the " natural " way. For 3 months was the agreement. The

> agreement

> > was also that he foot the bills for this as my health plan does not

> > cover it.....I don't believe in it but I told him if he wanted to

> pursue

> > it, he must make the appointments, take Adam and pay the bills.

> Fine. He

> > showed for one appointment with each doctor and I did all the

> follow ups

> > alone the rest of the summer.

> >

> > So now that I'm back at work he decides he now (actually demands) I

> pay

> > half the bills!!!!! I'm sure its close to 600.00!! Now this is the

> guy

> > that I remortgaged my house last fall to pay him 30,000 dollars for

> his

> > " half " of my pension!!!!! I have no money!!!!!!!!!!!

> >

> > That's number one. He's demanding I pay.

> >

> > Two....I said if you can't go to doctors neither do I, neither does

> > Adam. They do nothing....believe it or not no doctor has even

> measured

> > or weighed Adam...yet we are there for growth!!!!!

> >

> > So he's furious. Yelled and screamed. Then I tried to pin him down

> to a

> > date to begin growth hormone. He said 3 months of this and then we

> could

> > go for it. Well now he's decided to " not " agree indefinitely!!!!

> Maybe

> > February he said and I quote " if I feel like agreeing!!!!!!!! "

> >

> > OK NOW I HAVE LOST IT!!!!!! He got blasted with.... " you want to wait

> > longer?? go slow?? where have you been for 8 years while I take

> Adam to

> > doctor after doctor...?? I have been " slow " for 8 years....nothing

> works

> > and now the docs have a 6 month trial of growth hormone and how

> can you

> > deny your son that?? "

> >

> > He says he doesn't care.....he will think about when he " wants " to

> give

> > me his permission. (total control freak). Then he says... " let's let

> Adam

> > adjust to his new diet " . I explained that was for the hypo-g and at

> the

> > very least behaviour issues NOT GROWTH!! Eating whole wheat bread

> > instead of white bread is NOT going to cure him. He is totally

> adamant.

> >

> > Then he says Adam's eating habits need attention. Well this is

> news. In

> > what way I ask?? Well he picks at his meals at my place, he says.

> (Well

> > wouldn't you if your dad was forcing you to eat things you didn't

> like

> > and harping on you through dinner??)

> >

> > I told him about Adam's amazing meal tonight and said it was

> because I

> > gave him time. He had no reason to " rush " . I didn't have the " if you

> > don't finish you don't get dessert " hanging over his head (I've

> never

> > done that...his dad ALWAYS does....now any kid is going to rush and

> > bargin...I can't finish this to get to the ice cream). I, very

> gently

> > explained this (aware of his ego) and he still started to yell

> again.

> > " Adam's eating habits are horrible....that's the problem "

> >

> > I asked for clarification.. " are you saying he has no appetite? " Dad

> says

> > " well when he wants to eat he does " . OK dad....you give him meals 4

> days

> > out of a typical month. Who knows his overall habits better?? Adam

> has

> > always, even at birth, been a small but frequent meal eater. As

> long as

> > he eats does it matter that its not at 9 am 12 noon and 5 pm????

> This

> > man is so rigid I think he has a pole up his you know what!! (sorry

> if I

> > offend)

> >

> > I can't take it anymore. I had such dread yesterday that something

> would

> > happen. He started a bit last night when he returned the kids (then

> > phoned much much later last night to say " oh I forgot to tell you

> Adam

> > vomited today_------like HELLO???????) But today beats the cake.

> >

> > So how did the phone call end? He said if I was going to get

> emotional

> > (excuse me you are telling me I don't know my son!!) then he'd hang

> up,

> > which he promptly did and slammed it in my ear.

> >

> > Now what???? Now I know, my chances at growth hormone have been

> moved to

> > probably never because he has something I want. His permission.

> >

> > Why can't he see what he is doing to his son?? I, once, shortly

> after

> > the divorce contacted his sister to " intervene " for me when he was

> > demanding swimming lessons for the kids in the middle of winter

> (like

> > can we say " constant infections?? " which did happen last year when

> he

> > went a head with it anyway--idiot is asking again for that this

> winter

> > too!!!!) But I am reluctant to appeal to her now because 1) I found

> out

> > she is battling cancer and 2) we haven't kept in touch and 3) I

> have no

> > idea what " spins " my ex is putting on these stories to his " gang of

> > thinkers " . He only does what others tell him....no original

> thoughts.

> > Never commits to a decision on the spot....says he'll think about

> > it....which means he has to consult his " gaggle " of opinionated

> SOB'S

> > who have no real concept of the day to day dealings of my son's

> life.

> >

> > Oh I 'm so sorry everyone to vent. There is absolutely NO ONE I can

> talk

> > to about it. I have tried and most just get angry and say " what

> a...###

> > (fill in your own word) " but that doesn't help me out.

> >

> > Legally he must consent to treatment.....I may have to phone my

> lawyer

> > tomorrow (he's such a snake though) and ask him to

> define " treatment " .

> > Would a 6 month trial be " treatment " ? And what if it worked and at

> the 6

> > month part when we decide to commit to " years " his dad then

> continues to

> > say no.

> >

> > Also, legally I have no more money to do these battles. If I went

> ahead

> > with it, without his permission, it would be his responsibility to

> take

> > me to court. Initially it would be his costs....I think even if I

> > represented myself....with all my letters and assessments from

> doctors

> > over the years I can't imagine a judge granting him the right to

> refuse.

> > But then I run the risk (a good risk) that if the judge found in

> favour

> > of him (and with my 30,000 he could get a good lawyer) I would have

> to

> > pay all court costs and then I would loose my house.

> >

> > All I have ever wanted was to help my son. This is total power play

> for

> > him. It's a mess.

> >

> > Now I suppose....I do have one slim option. His brother lives a

> couple

> > of hours drive from here. But I could take the weekend and go out

> and

> > face to face explain my dilemma and maybe he could talk some sense

> into

> > him.

> >

> > Have any of you been " stuck in the middle " by a family member like

> this?

> > I wonder if I am asking too much of his brother? Basically I would

> be

> > asking him to take Adam's side--but it would be perceived as taking

> MY

> > side and I don't know if I have a right to put him in the middle.

> He is

> > Adam's godfather, by the way, and they did come to MY house for a

> > celebration this past May for Adam's first communion--which I

> thought

> > was very " big " of them because I didn't invite the father

> > (obviously--nor my ex mother in law who always hated me).

> >

> > Oh I'm sorry to vent......but please......my life has been dangling

> from

> > a string now and I think this is the final straw for me.

> >

> > Help anyone?????

> >

> > Signed desperately seeking relief

> > Debby